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(Houston Chronicle) Amusing Urine tester caught taking bribes. Authorities are pissed, say he's whizzed his life away. Suspect unsure how news of his corruption leaked   (chron.com) divider line 51
More: Amusing  
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1746 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jul 2009 at 8:19 PM   |  Make this a Fark FavoriteFavorite    |   share: Share on OMGTWITTER WEB2.0share on StumbleUponshare on Facebook  more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!

51 Comments   (+0 »)


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mikebdoss [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 08:20:35 PM  
Penis.

 
medius [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 08:21:02 PM  
subby's all wet

 
PhiloBeddoe 2009-07-02 08:22:22 PM  
Hero tag broken?

/fark the piss-collectors.
//especially if they're testing for weed
/// might as well test for coffee

 
OnlyM3 2009-07-02 08:24:17 PM  
tawana brawley and al sharpton unavailable for comment.

 
santadog [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 08:24:57 PM  
Urine trouble.

 
TheShavingofOccam123 [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 08:28:07 PM  
I bet the situation is fluid.

 
Mongo cut wood 2009-07-02 08:28:57 PM  
No Golden Shower for him.

 
Rhaab 2009-07-02 08:29:20 PM  
mikebdoss: Penise.

FTFY

 
kona [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 08:29:59 PM  
legalize it.

 
Nightjars 2009-07-02 08:31:08 PM  
TFA: possible victims

Victim? Unless somebody was freed because of this guy, and that person went on to victimize somebody, I don't see who's a victim here...

 
cowgirl toffee [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 08:34:47 PM  
Conversations about pee testing:

That guy was doing your testing?

Well, urine luck. He takes bribes.
He calls it his 'tinkle-down-economic plan'.

 
eraser8 2009-07-02 08:35:15 PM  
What was the name of that fake penis that is illegal in a lot of places?

/not dildo

 
unfarkingbelievable 2009-07-02 08:35:17 PM  
Oh boy, urine trouble now.

 
xuanzhiyouxuan 2009-07-02 08:35:22 PM  
I wonder how often this happens with DNA tests. It's bad enough with pre-employment drug tests, but how about the "100% correct" tests to determine identity in rape and murder cases?

 
Drain 2009-07-02 08:37:12 PM  
One... Two... Three... Four! Four puns! Ah ah ah ah ah!

 
StrangeQ 2009-07-02 08:40:36 PM  
Trying too hard, subby. Should have just stopped at pissed

 
Ow! That was my feelings! 2009-07-02 08:40:36 PM  
corruption in the War On Drugs?!?! No...Farking...Way! Somebody call Ric Romero!

 
Captain Horatio Mindblower 2009-07-02 08:40:50 PM  
"whizzed his life away"? I am not familiar with this expression. I recognize that in this case it's a reference to urination. But doesn't it have to also mean something else in order to qualify as a joke? Is this what they call a single entendre?

/subby just whizzed two minutes of my live away.
//now I'm whizzed off

 
TheShavingofOccam123 [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 08:41:48 PM  
xuanzhiyouxuan: I wonder how often this happens with DNA tests. It's bad enough with pre-employment drug tests, but how about the "100% correct" tests to determine identity in rape and murder cases?

After one rich guy who was a member of the mafia had a newspaper reporter blown up and never did time for murder and another rich guy had his step-mom murdered so he would inherit the family fortune and never did time, I have no belief whatsoever in the arrest, prosecution and sentencing of anyone in Arizona. (Both hired hitmen did serious time in prison, both swore they were hired by their prospective rich guys, and neither rich guy was ever even arrested.)

Especially nowadays when we have become the kidnapping, home invasion and smuggling capitals of the United States.

I just never want to be caught up in the system in any capacity.

 
Captain Horatio Mindblower 2009-07-02 08:41:53 PM  
Uh. . . "life". Two minutes of my "life". Not "live".

 
medius [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 08:44:34 PM  
caught yellow handed

 
blazemongr 2009-07-02 08:45:28 PM  
"Whizzed his life away"?

 
Omnivorous 2009-07-02 08:46:01 PM  
His boss informed him, "Urine trouble."

 
TenderNob 2009-07-02 08:50:12 PM  
eraser8: What was the name of that fake penis that is illegal in a lot of places?

/not dildo


The Wizzinator

 
TheShavingofOccam123 [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 08:51:19 PM  
eraser8: What was the name of that fake penis that is illegal in a lot of places?

/not dildo


Carlos Mencia?

 
walnuts55 [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 08:53:56 PM  
Subby + 9 internets
I like your work

 
CrazyCurt 2009-07-02 08:56:21 PM  
We all knew this stuff was going on. What else explains Tokey McStoner in the cubicle next to you being able to pass pee tests while reeking of killer ganja?

/ ok they can buy dried clean urine or do a number of other things but this is obvious and probably rampant.

 
PhiloBeddoe 2009-07-02 08:57:00 PM  
Know what would be funny? If someone made a joke on how "urine" sounds like "you're in."

That would be gold.

 
whatshisname 2009-07-02 08:59:35 PM  
+ Number One

 
davynelson 2009-07-02 09:00:44 PM  
Prosecutors Thursday said they are seeking more possible victims after arresting a Harris County employee accused of taking bribes to provide clean urine to defendants out on bail.

WHAT farkING VICTIMS?

 
whatshisname 2009-07-02 09:01:01 PM  
PhiloBeddoe: Know what would be funny? If someone made a joke on how "urine" sounds like "you're in."

That would be gold.


Urine way too late for that.

 
Nick Nostril 2009-07-02 09:03:56 PM  
What a shiatty job.

 
cowgirl toffee [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 09:04:24 PM  
PhiloBeddoe: Know what would be funny? If someone made a joke on how "urine" sounds like "you're in."

That would be gold.


We're all too yellow to do such a thing.

 
Peace we outta here 2009-07-02 09:06:06 PM  
Nightjars: TFA: possible victims

Victim? Unless somebody was freed because of this guy, and that person went on to victimize somebody, I don't see who's a victim here...


The companies who paid this guy to administer the test are victims of fraud because he gave them bogus results, obv.

 
Rohasman 2009-07-02 09:08:45 PM  
cowgirl toffee: PhiloBeddoe: Know what would be funny? If someone made a joke on how "urine" sounds like "you're in."

That would be gold.

We're all too yellow to do such a thing.


Well, normally you can depend on such a thing, but it appears we've been pampered in this thread.

/good thing, too...

 
ivars 2009-07-02 09:10:54 PM  
The War on Drugs American People continues. Isn't it around 10 Billion dollars a year now, mostly to put away pot smokers? I sincerely hope you feel your tax dollars are being well spent.

 
cc_rider 2009-07-02 09:16:55 PM  
I've always had a warm spot in my heart for people who piddle about making bad puns. Thanks for the delightful stream of jokes, Fark. You're number one in my book!

 
D_Evans45 2009-07-02 09:17:11 PM  
Ha, I tried bribing a girl at a temporary agency when I was 17-18, they make you go in the bathroom and piss in those cheap drug test kits. I only had $20, which only made her chuckle at me, her earrings looked like they were worth more than my whole outfit. I was hitting on her and keeping her smiling.

She called me the next week with a warehouse position, and I was dirtier than Paris Hilton, I'm sure more than one substance too.

/Got caught getting high with a few other guys a couple weeks later and got us all fired
//Classic

 
hershy799 2009-07-02 09:18:08 PM  
eraser8: What was the name of that fake penis that is illegal in a lot of places?

/not dildo


Is it dildo?

 
Sugarloafer 2009-07-02 09:26:33 PM  
As a drug and alcohol tester, I am getting a kick...
Seriously, it's really funny what these clients will resort to. You wouldn't believe it. Especially the chicks.

 
myzdoxae 2009-07-02 09:59:14 PM  
Whew, I'm relieved they pulled that criminal out of the system!

 
myzdoxae 2009-07-02 10:02:30 PM  
myzdoxae: Whew, I'm relieved they pulled that criminal out of the system!

/Alleged criminal, that is.
//Wee little detail, but thought I'd add it in.

 
cowgirl toffee [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 10:06:23 PM  
myzdoxae: myzdoxae: Whew, I'm relieved they pulled that criminal out of the system!

/Alleged criminal, that is.
//Wee little detail, but thought I'd add it in.


Are you saying that all the evidence they have against him amounts to a drop in the bucket?

 
myzdoxae 2009-07-02 10:19:54 PM  
cowgirl toffee: myzdoxae: myzdoxae: Whew, I'm relieved they pulled that criminal out of the system!

/Alleged criminal, that is.
//Wee little detail, but thought I'd add it in.

Are you saying that all the evidence they have against him amounts to a drop in the bucket?


They probably have a whole handful of evidence.
I just didn't want to wave around the term "criminal" because no one has been convicted yet.

 
D_Evans45 2009-07-02 10:27:24 PM  
That was a pun by cowgirl toffee, myzdoxae and I for one will sleep much better knowing that this person is in jail. To think, people who may may have potentially landed a job smoked cannabis, or maybe even reefer.

 
cowgirl toffee [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 10:29:01 PM  
myzdoxae: cowgirl toffee: myzdoxae: myzdoxae: Whew, I'm relieved they pulled that criminal out of the system!

/Alleged criminal, that is.
//Wee little detail, but thought I'd add it in.

Are you saying that all the evidence they have against him amounts to a drop in the bucket?

They probably have a whole handful of evidence.
I just didn't want to wave around the term "criminal" because no one has been convicted yet.


Pee-ons always get convicted.
O-k, I'll be stopping the pee-pee references now.

 
myzdoxae 2009-07-02 10:34:09 PM  
D_Evans45: That was a pun by cowgirl toffee, myzdoxae and I for one will sleep much better knowing that this person is in jail. To think, people who may may have potentially landed a job smoked cannabis, or maybe even reefer.

Hence my "handful" and "wave around" wording.

Yes, there is probably enough evidence. Though there have been cases with video evidence, and the defendants still walked free!

If the glove doesn't fit...

 
sseye 2009-07-03 12:16:39 AM  
This is just capitalism. Enough with the commie fascists. He's providing a useful value-added service. When will political correctness stop trampling our rights.

 
sseye 2009-07-03 12:25:45 AM  
LAST

 
Ecdysozoa 2009-07-03 01:26:42 AM  
i280.photobucket.com

/wanted for questioning

 
Psychomancer 2009-07-03 09:36:47 AM  
At least he wasn't drinking on the job.

 
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