Penis.

subby's all wet

Hero tag broken?

/fark the piss-collectors.
//especially if they're testing for weed
/// might as well test for coffee

tawana brawley and al sharpton unavailable for comment.

Urine trouble.

I bet the situation is fluid.

No Golden Shower for him.

mikebdoss: Penise.

FTFY

legalize it.

TFA: possible victims

Victim? Unless somebody was freed because of this guy, and that person went on to victimize somebody, I don't see who's a victim here...

Conversations about pee testing:

That guy was doing your testing?

Well, urine luck. He takes bribes.
He calls it his 'tinkle-down-economic plan'.

What was the name of that fake penis that is illegal in a lot of places?

/not dildo

Oh boy, urine trouble now.

I wonder how often this happens with DNA tests. It's bad enough with pre-employment drug tests, but how about the "100% correct" tests to determine identity in rape and murder cases?

One... Two... Three... Four! Four puns! Ah ah ah ah ah!

Trying too hard, subby. Should have just stopped at pissed

corruption in the War On Drugs?!?! No...Farking...Way! Somebody call Ric Romero!

"whizzed his life away"? I am not familiar with this expression. I recognize that in this case it's a reference to urination. But doesn't it have to also mean something else in order to qualify as a joke? Is this what they call a single entendre?

/subby just whizzed two minutes of my live away.
//now I'm whizzed off

xuanzhiyouxuan: I wonder how often this happens with DNA tests. It's bad enough with pre-employment drug tests, but how about the "100% correct" tests to determine identity in rape and murder cases?

After one rich guy who was a member of the mafia had a newspaper reporter blown up and never did time for murder and another rich guy had his step-mom murdered so he would inherit the family fortune and never did time, I have no belief whatsoever in the arrest, prosecution and sentencing of anyone in Arizona. (Both hired hitmen did serious time in prison, both swore they were hired by their prospective rich guys, and neither rich guy was ever even arrested.)

Especially nowadays when we have become the kidnapping, home invasion and smuggling capitals of the United States.

I just never want to be caught up in the system in any capacity.

Uh. . . "life". Two minutes of my "life". Not "live".

caught yellow handed

"Whizzed his life away"?

His boss informed him, "Urine trouble."

eraser8: What was the name of that fake penis that is illegal in a lot of places?

/not dildo

The Wizzinator

eraser8: What was the name of that fake penis that is illegal in a lot of places?

/not dildo

Carlos Mencia?

Subby + 9 internets
I like your work

We all knew this stuff was going on. What else explains Tokey McStoner in the cubicle next to you being able to pass pee tests while reeking of killer ganja?

/ ok they can buy dried clean urine or do a number of other things but this is obvious and probably rampant.

Know what would be funny? If someone made a joke on how "urine" sounds like "you're in."

That would be gold.

+ Number One

Prosecutors Thursday said they are seeking more possible victims after arresting a Harris County employee accused of taking bribes to provide clean urine to defendants out on bail.

WHAT farkING VICTIMS?

PhiloBeddoe: Know what would be funny? If someone made a joke on how "urine" sounds like "you're in."

That would be gold.

Urine way too late for that.

What a shiatty job.

PhiloBeddoe: Know what would be funny? If someone made a joke on how "urine" sounds like "you're in."

That would be gold.

We're all too yellow to do such a thing.

Nightjars: TFA: possible victims

Victim? Unless somebody was freed because of this guy, and that person went on to victimize somebody, I don't see who's a victim here...

The companies who paid this guy to administer the test are victims of fraud because he gave them bogus results, obv.

cowgirl toffee: PhiloBeddoe: Know what would be funny? If someone made a joke on how "urine" sounds like "you're in."

That would be gold.

We're all too yellow to do such a thing.

Well, normally you can depend on such a thing, but it appears we've been pampered in this thread.

/good thing, too...

The War on Drugs American People continues. Isn't it around 10 Billion dollars a year now, mostly to put away pot smokers? I sincerely hope you feel your tax dollars are being well spent.

I've always had a warm spot in my heart for people who piddle about making bad puns. Thanks for the delightful stream of jokes, Fark. You're number one in my book!

Ha, I tried bribing a girl at a temporary agency when I was 17-18, they make you go in the bathroom and piss in those cheap drug test kits. I only had $20, which only made her chuckle at me, her earrings looked like they were worth more than my whole outfit. I was hitting on her and keeping her smiling.

She called me the next week with a warehouse position, and I was dirtier than Paris Hilton, I'm sure more than one substance too.

/Got caught getting high with a few other guys a couple weeks later and got us all fired
//Classic

eraser8: What was the name of that fake penis that is illegal in a lot of places?

/not dildo

Is it dildo?

As a drug and alcohol tester, I am getting a kick...
Seriously, it's really funny what these clients will resort to. You wouldn't believe it. Especially the chicks.

Whew, I'm relieved they pulled that criminal out of the system!

myzdoxae: Whew, I'm relieved they pulled that criminal out of the system!

/Alleged criminal, that is.
//Wee little detail, but thought I'd add it in.

myzdoxae: myzdoxae: Whew, I'm relieved they pulled that criminal out of the system!

/Alleged criminal, that is.
//Wee little detail, but thought I'd add it in.

Are you saying that all the evidence they have against him amounts to a drop in the bucket?

cowgirl toffee: myzdoxae: myzdoxae: Whew, I'm relieved they pulled that criminal out of the system!

/Alleged criminal, that is.
//Wee little detail, but thought I'd add it in.

Are you saying that all the evidence they have against him amounts to a drop in the bucket?

They probably have a whole handful of evidence.
I just didn't want to wave around the term "criminal" because no one has been convicted yet.

That was a pun by cowgirl toffee, myzdoxae and I for one will sleep much better knowing that this person is in jail. To think, people who may may have potentially landed a job smoked cannabis, or maybe even reefer.

myzdoxae: cowgirl toffee: myzdoxae: myzdoxae: Whew, I'm relieved they pulled that criminal out of the system!

/Alleged criminal, that is.
//Wee little detail, but thought I'd add it in.

Are you saying that all the evidence they have against him amounts to a drop in the bucket?

They probably have a whole handful of evidence.
I just didn't want to wave around the term "criminal" because no one has been convicted yet.

Pee-ons always get convicted.
O-k, I'll be stopping the pee-pee references now.

D_Evans45: That was a pun by cowgirl toffee, myzdoxae and I for one will sleep much better knowing that this person is in jail. To think, people who may may have potentially landed a job smoked cannabis, or maybe even reefer.

Hence my "handful" and "wave around" wording.

Yes, there is probably enough evidence. Though there have been cases with video evidence, and the defendants still walked free!

If the glove doesn't fit...

This is just capitalism. Enough with the commie fascists. He's providing a useful value-added service. When will political correctness stop trampling our rights.

LAST

/wanted for questioning

At least he wasn't drinking on the job.