heh.

on page two of the report, the cop asked him how many drinks the driver had. guess the answer. (it's how many they all say they had)

And you know... you just *KNOW* that Princess Wal-Mart has at least one idiot-spawn at home.

While this is only tangentially related to the story in question it brings up an issue that has been vexing me for some time.

Why the hell don't urban centers in the States have an adequate supply of reasonably priced love motels? I've thought of opening them up myself but imagine keeping good housekeeping help would be an issue.

I'd drive it.

["Pole Position" joke goes here]

Boy, he's screwed.

Well, they were not practicing safe sex.

no seat belt.

Ooo... bad linebreak...

Who among us has never had sex in a car in a public place?

Wait, what?

/obligatory.

I'll sponsor them both for a month of TF if they out themselves.

That's a rough looking 21 year old.

TheOther: I'll sponsor them both for a month of TF if they out themselves.

She does have a certain Farkette look to her I suppose.

That's photo "goodness"?

///runs away

"We're all going to Dallas! We're all going to Dallas!"

Dear Hustler, you're never going to believe this...

I'm amazed the guy didn't get crushed to death.

I hate how you can't block TSG's ads on the right without blocking the whole site practically.

I think the question we're all dying to ask is: manual or automatic?

I always wondered if dudes with fetal alcohol syndrome ever get lucky. Now I know.

It's nice when you don't have to drive to the police station to have a mugshot taken.

I bet he got some Otter Tail

albo: on page two of the report, the cop asked him how many drinks the driver had. guess the answer. (it's how many they all say they had)

Damn. My guess was "just one beer..."

Where's that famous Myspace photo of the REALLY fat girl with the small head wearing those same sunglasses. GIS failed me..

MaxxLarge: ["Pole Position" joke goes here]

Prepare to Qualify.

I'd hit but I'd hit that dwarf woman from Silverado.

That guy's beard is great for scrubbing pots and pans.

photo goodness

"Johnson's photo, snapped in a car, is from an online profile in which her interests are said to include, "Having good times!!PartyIN-Dancing-& just loVin liFe**:)."

Read the capitalized letters; I think it's a code. Either that or she's stupid.

I would rather remove my left nut with safety scissors than hit that.

she looks like she could suck a golf ball thru a 50 ft garden hose

That would be a fun story to explain to the kids.

"Mommy, how was I made?"

"Well, uh you were made in the driver's seat of a moving car."

"The car you're giving me on my 16th birthday?"

"Yes."

FTFA:
Transported Matthew to the Otter Tail County Detention Facility


Enough said, right there.

I've never been caught (knock on wood...), but I've taken down a university parking lot and a scenic riverwalk across from downtown already. The act was good, but i was nervous most of the time about 5-0 catching us while I was balls deep.

The Drunk IT Guy: Where's that famous Myspace photo of the REALLY fat girl with the small head wearing those same sunglasses. GIS failed me..

She looks like Melissa Joan Hart.

Johnson's photo, snapped in a car, is from an online profile in which her interests are said to include, "Having good times!!PartyIN-Dancing-& just loVin liFe**:)."

Oh ouch. If they don't get your hideous mug shot (which may or may not be recognizable as you) SG is gonna find your facebook/myspace/whatever and slap up a picture that all your friends know/immediately recognize

Nice.

Do you know how to drive a stick shift? I don't think you bounce up and down vigorously to change gears--do you?

Maybe he was to cheap to put in some hydraulics and she was helping him bounce the car, you know to impress people.

Driving While farking.

What a title.

Well, he's the man. But she's a slut.

I'd say he was double-clutching.

I like the part of the police report where they make him say the alphabet.

Isn't fergus falls rocky and bullwinkles home town?

Badgers: That's a rough looking 21 year old.

Yes it is. Cocaine and meth are some crazy drugs.

/maybe not meth, she looks kinda curvy

vertiaset: Badgers

The Drunk IT Guy: Where's that famous Myspace photo of the REALLY fat girl with the small head wearing those same sunglasses. GIS failed me..


I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 140 lbs or so?

FTFY

beerrun

She does have a certain Farkette look to her I suppose.

It was the double chin that gave it away.

vertiaset: I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 40 lbs or so?

Look again, it would have to be closer to 100.

vertiaset: Badgers

The Drunk IT Guy: Where's that famous Myspace photo of the REALLY fat girl with the small head wearing those same sunglasses. GIS failed me..


I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 400 lbs or so?

FTFY

Hooray for meth!

Drakin020: I hate how you can't block TSG's ads on the right without blocking the whole site practically.

No problems here. ABP, with EasyPrivacy and EasyList

docbenspock: vertiaset: Badgers

The Drunk IT Guy: Where's that famous Myspace photo of the REALLY fat girl with the small head wearing those same sunglasses. GIS failed me..


I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 400 lbs or so?

FTFY


FTFEveryone!

radioman_: I'd hit but I'd hit that dwarf woman from Silverado.

You mean the Shadout Mapes from the Lynch Dune movie?

vertiaset

I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 40 lbs or so?


More like 100lbs, and you'd have to pin all the loose skin back.

Just one second. We should be commending this gentleman!

While drunk sex driving he only crossed the lines a few times. Whilst I've never attempted that trifecta, i'm certain that I would wrap my car around a tree. I can do two of those things at once, but not that full three.

Drakin020: I hate how you can't block TSG's ads on the right without blocking the whole site practically.

I just have it come up in a small window on a wide display. What ads?

kumanoki: I always wondered if dudes with fetal alcohol syndrome ever get lucky. Now I know.

Sloth, love, sex!

vertiaset:
I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 40 lbs or so?

I think she's have to lose a bit more than that. Her leg is the size of my body.

Intrigued.
/obscure?

melaniethepanda: vertiaset:
I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 40 lbs or so?

I think she's have to lose a bit more than that. Her leg is the size of my body.

She has to lose however much Rhode Island weighs.

Drivers seat?

albo: on page two of the report, the cop asked him how many drinks the driver had. guess the answer. (it's how many they all say they had)

Short of refusing to answer and demanding a lawyer, that's the logical answer. Not enough to be auto-DUI, but enough to explain the breathalyzer result and to avoid being considered lying to a cop. Natural selection in action.

Sniff'n'The tears? What do I win?

Elmo Jones: Intrigued.
/obscure?

Drivers seat.

Doing alright
A little jiving on a Saturday night
And come what may
Gonna dance the day away

Jenny was sweet
Show a smile for the people she needs
I'm trouble, let's drive,
I don't know the way you came alive

News is blue (the news is blue)
Has its own way to get to you
What can I do (what can I do)
When I remember my time with you

Pick up your feet
Got to move to the trick of the beat
There is no lead
Just take your place in the driver's seat

Driver's seat, oohoo, driver's seat, yeah

Doing alright
A little jiving on a Saturday night
And come what may
Gonna dance the day away

Driver's seat, oohoo, driver's seat, yeah

Jenny was sweet
There is no lead
Pick up your feet, pick up, pick up
Pick up your feet, gonna dance the day away

Driver's seat, oohoo, driver's seat, yeah
Driver's seat, oohoo, driver's seat, yeah
Driver's seat...

21 and 22? They look like they're in their early 30s.

he must have went to Jared's

Denial_of_Death: Natural selection in action.

Natural selection would preclude either of these huffalumps from breeding.

A DWF; what is this world coming to? What ever happened to just discretely getting head while driving?

Babies with Rabies: "We're all going to Dallas! We're all going to Dallas!"

I haven't heard that one in a LONG TIME! Thanks for taking me back.

/lost my virginity in the back seat of a car
//like a Real American™

maxthepolarbear: "Johnson's photo, snapped in a car, is from an online profile in which her interests are said to include, "Having good times!!PartyIN-Dancing-& just loVin liFe**:)."

Read the capitalized letters; I think it's a code. Either that or she's stupid.

my cryptoanalyst abilities fail me. HPINDVF?

Drakin020: I hate how you can't block TSG's ads on the right without blocking the whole site practically.

Uh - what ads?

Link (new window)

Firefox FTW

Yeah but who's going to drive her home, tonight?

redmond24: 21 and 22? They look like they're in their early 30s.

uhhh, I thought she was at least 45

Pay the Man: Denial_of_Death: Natural selection in action.

Natural selection would preclude either of these huffalumps from breeding.

True to a point, but it also explains why they're still around (instead of being weeded out generations ago). It ain't perfect - good enough is good enough.

I've been waiting for my home town to show up on Fark...

supershaft: Isn't fergus falls rocky and bullwinkles home town?

I think that was Frostbite Falls. But these two clowns are certainly cartoonish enough to be from there, too.

I just want to throw in there that I am getting really tired of the kissy face thing.

vertiaset: Badgers

The Drunk IT Guy: Where's that famous Myspace photo of the REALLY fat girl with the small head wearing those same sunglasses. GIS failed me..


I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 40 lbs or so?

From each limb?

melaniethepanda: She looks like Melissa Joan Hart.

plus 250lb

Babies with Rabies: "We're all going to Dallas! We're all going to Dallas!"

Win.

Shoulda drank some more Monster bro.

Biness: I would rather remove my left nut with safety scissors than hit that.

Perhaps, but after "two" drinks?

Nikie Rae Johnson

This may be one of the most bimbotastic names ever given to a child.

People I tend to avoid, volume IV:

Anyone who has a MySpace page that includes the words, "Partying and having fun" as their "Interests".

She'd always smile for the people she'd meet.

Most of the lyrics are correct tho....

pet peeve

eagles95: melaniethepanda: She looks like Melissa Joan Hart.

plus 250lb

mudpants: Sniff'n'The tears? What do I win?

My everlasting devotion.

i think gettin some niki johnson was worth all the trouble. she is smokin hot

Adman12: Ooo... bad linebreak...

Dude, you're an AdMan....the widow, kern that puppy in
/sincerely, Quality Control

Quantum Apostrophe: vertiaset: Badgers

The Drunk IT Guy: Where's that famous Myspace photo of the REALLY fat girl with the small head wearing those same sunglasses. GIS failed me..


I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 40 lbs or so?

From each limb?

And neck.

futuridz: he must have went to Jared's

You make me so happy!

/u win

You can tell he was a Cesarean Birth because of the roundness of his melon. Egg head. Not properly shaped by the squeeze of the vag.

cats4rent: i think gettin some niki johnson was worth all the trouble. she is smokin hot

I think we found her login

mmagdalene: mudpants: Sniff'n'The tears? What do I win?

My everlasting devotion.

Aw'some, what more could anyone want. Other than a years supply of Turtle wax and the homegame, but this makes my weekend.

animalmagnet: What ever happened to just discretely getting head while driving?

Well that's a good question. It's been many years since I've given a beej on I-5. Might have to bring that one back.

supershaft: Isn't fergus falls rocky and bullwinkles home town?

No, that would be Frostbite Falls.

/Rocky & Bullwinkle FTW.

melaniethepanda: She looks like she ate Melissa Joan Hart.

/not in the good way

Hm, they're not nearly as ugly as I figured they would be.

Big sunglasses are the new paper bag and way easier to convince girls to wear during sex

/stole that

So, were they driving down the old dirt road?

/ yes, i went there.

Fergus Falls, my wife works there. They might as well move away now before the pitchforks and torches come out. I can see the towns oldfolks and religious zealots curdling up at this very moment.

horonto: Elmo Jones: Intrigued.
/obscure?

Drivers seat.



Excellent.

vertiaset: Badgers

The Drunk IT Guy: Where's that famous Myspace photo of the REALLY fat girl with the small head wearing those same sunglasses. GIS failed me..


I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 40 lbs or so?

That would be awesome to have one skinny leg like that.

Her face looks like a butt complete with puckered butthole. And it looks like her unshorn muff came off on his chin.

/ok that's all i got

No more bouncing now?

"A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,U,Q,Z."

Been there, done that.

Biness: Just one second. We should be commending this gentleman!

While drunk sex driving he only crossed the lines a few times. Whilst I've never attempted that trifecta, i'm certain that I would wrap my car around a tree. I can do two of those things at once, but not that full three.

I cannot dispute what you say. My hat's off to this obviously accomplished fellow!

I like fat chicks......They are super fun to fark, and will let you do any degrading thing to them. I love them!


\Fat chicks are easy and fark like the beasts that they are.

Nutsac_Jim: vertiaset: Badgers

The Drunk IT Guy: Where's that famous Myspace photo of the REALLY fat girl with the small head wearing those same sunglasses. GIS failed me..


I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 40 lbs or so?

That would be awesome to have one skinny leg like that.

One skinny leg...Dude, that was awesome! Thx for the laugh!

HOGGIN BABY!!!!

HONDOWAYNE: HOGGIN BABY!!!!

You know what is up! I love hoggin' on a friday night!


\Also Trailer Park Patrollin'
\I just hate tripping over the kid's toys in the morning on my way out!

http://cid-8801c82078fb781a.profile.live.com/details/

melaniethepanda Quote 2009-07-02 06:08:03 PM
She looks like Melissa Joan Hart.

I cant tell. With the sunglasses on, I cant see if she has a lazy eye or not.

animalmagnet:
A DWF; what is this world coming to? What ever happened to just discretely getting head while driving?

Nikie Ray's not that kind of girl. You treat a lady like her with respect, son. You put it in her pooper, where nature intended.

Looks like she stole Jay Leno's jaw.

Abox: Her face looks like a butt complete with puckered butthole. And it looks like her unshorn muff came off on his chin.

/ok that's all i got

I'm thinking that if you shaved the chin-shag and put her sunglasses and hair on him, you'd have a picture of her, but it will take someone with more shop skilz than me.

Ignominiousbob: animalmagnet:
A DWF; what is this world coming to? What ever happened to just discretely getting head while driving?

Nikie Ray's not that kind of girl. You treat a lady like her with respect, son. You put it in her pooper, where nature intended.

lol You have to read this in the "Earlie Cuyler" from "Squidbillies" or "Unknown Hinson" voice.

/"Let's have us some safe sex, RAIGHT NOW WOMERN!"

Seriously, though - who hasn't had sex (with another person) while driving a car?

/ insert joke about limited access highways and/or tolls

vertiaset:

I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 40 lbs or so?


Wants to know "How YOU doin'?"

nakedthursday: Seriously, though - who hasn't had sex (with another person) while driving a car?

/ insert joke about limited access highways and/or tolls

I did it with my wife, going from vineyard to vineyard in the Napa Valley......but she needed those tasteless little crackers to cleanse her palette.

playdate: vertiaset:

I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 40 lbs or so?


Wants to know "How YOU doin'?"

HEY! Where are our BIE's? Don't think we forgot, we demand BIE!

_{And by we, I mean that lawyer guy and the other dudes that read your post in the thread earlier.}

playdate: vertiaset:

I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 40 lbs or so?


Wants to know "How YOU doin'?"

Uh, 40 pounds wouldn't make a dent. It's the other side of 80 with that land manatee.

Big gals and roadside lovin'?

Sounds like a good day to me, just don't drive a small car.

We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety.

RadicalMiddle: Biness: I would rather remove my left nut with safety scissors than hit that.

Perhaps, but after "two" drinks?

Let's see if I can fix that.

nakedthursday: Seriously, though - who hasn't had sex (with another person) while driving a car?

Well, not that kind of sex.

/Smiles

iamrex: It's been many years since I've given a beej on I-5. Might have to bring that one back.

What do you say you and I hit the HOV lane?

Me and my man...just so glad we never got caught getting busy in my car in public parking lots during the daytime.

PfizerX: HEY! Where are our BIE's? Don't think we forgot, we demand BIE!

You didn't get yours? Bummer.

Hey Playdate, why does the female appear to be wearing jeans? Have we been lied to?

Looking at her live.com profile, it says her hometown is 'Moorhead, MN'.

Guess she forgot that little detail while she was boinking our friend Milligan.

/Otter Tail FTW

That's about right.

KingGeegers: Big sunglasses are the new paper bag and way easier to convince girls to wear during sex

/stole that

Indeed.

iamrex: animalmagnet: What ever happened to just discretely getting head while driving?

Well that's a good question. It's been many years since I've given a beej on I-5. Might have to bring that one back.

*starts checking Mapquest for I-5 directions*

Hey, I've got a van ...

/Creepy old dude in a van FTW

playdate: vertiaset:

I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 40 lbs or so?


Wants to know "How YOU doin'?"

Well shiat. I guess I'll just keep drinking because there's no way I'm sleeping tonight.

Laugh while you can, monkey boys. This couple is getting it on. You're sitting here Farking.

ttc2301: Laugh while you can, monkey boys. This couple is getting it on. You're sitting here Farking.

If you call that "getting it on" I wanna get off.

Although after enough lead chips and gold paint "Choad Boy's" cranium would look would look girthy enough to mount.

ttc2301: Laugh while you can, monkey boys. This couple is getting it on. You're sitting here Farking.

Are you Matthew or Nikie?

ttc2301: Laugh while you can, monkey boys. This couple is getting it on. You're sitting here Farking.


I prefer to go for Quality over Quantity.

They should let the dude go free. Having to f*ck that nasty skank is punishment enough.

fast_eddie2000: YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUK

Soulja Boy up in it oh!

well, in the picture she does not appear to be wearing a seatbelt either. Maybe they don't fit around her?

Personally I prefer the enzo for cars I will never be able to afford


/hot like the car

PfizerX: playdate: vertiaset:

I always thought that girl was pretty. Can you imagine how awesome she would be if she lost 40 lbs or so?


Wants to know "How YOU doin'?"

HEY! Where are our BIE's? Don't think we forgot, we demand BIE!

And by we, I mean that lawyer guy and the other dudes that read your post in the thread earlier.

As one of the aforementioned "dudes",

THIS