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(Aint-It-Cool-News) Stupid Hollywood scrapes the bottom of the barrel and comes away with "Asteroids: The Movie." PEW, PEW, PEW   (aintitcool.com) divider line 228
More: Stupid  
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untaken_name 2009-07-02 11:49:42 AM  
I think I'd rather see a Sinistar movie, all things considered.

They could get Christopher Walken to play the big mean-face guy.

That would be cool. Huh huh uh uh huh huh.

 
xalres 2009-07-02 11:51:17 AM  
All you people who paid to see Transformers: Revenge of the TrukkNutz and all of you who will pay to see GI Joe, I place the blame for this squarely on your shoulders. This is what happens when you give moviemakers positive reinforcement for bad behavior.

I can already hear the defending arguments. "Hey, it's based on a game where a triangle breaks rocks with a gun, and that's what it had. What, were you expecting Shakespeare? I just wanted a fun movie with shiny things, I didn't expect it to have anything like acting, character, direction, cinematography, good dialogue, a plot or good special effects and I was satisfied. If you can't turn your brain off and appreciate a 2 ½ hour movie about a triangle breaking rocks then you're just an indiefag hipster douche who needs to go watch more Fellini."

 
osdrcomputers 2009-07-02 11:51:23 AM  
Shrinkwrap: dletter: and I also believe a "Monopoly" movie is in the works,

It will go on for hours and hours.


It's gonna be about 4 kids fighting over who gets to be the car.

 
theorellior 2009-07-02 11:51:56 AM  
wookiemonster: (for what reason, who knows; the game was made in 1979)

All thanks should be given to the House of Mouse, which managed to wrangle Congress to give it a license to print money from the creative work of long-dead men, I mean, keep cherished characters out of the evil clutches of public domain pirate-rapers.

 
doc_jeckyll 2009-07-02 11:52:13 AM  
ts4.images.live.com

For Assteroids

 
RamboFrog 2009-07-02 11:53:01 AM  
Personally, I think that Qix would be the lamest 'video game into a movie' idea.

On the other hand, an arcade I used to go to had this totally cool video game called 'Star Wars.' That one would make an awesome movie.

 
bigdaddyhame 2009-07-02 11:53:03 AM  
I'm looking forward to the Wachowski brothers' PunchOut!

 
theorellior 2009-07-02 11:53:10 AM  
xalres: I can already hear the defending arguments. "Hey, it's based on a game where a triangle breaks rocks with a gun, and that's what it had. What, were you expecting Shakespeare? I just wanted a fun movie with shiny things, I didn't expect it to have anything like acting, character, direction, cinematography, good dialogue, a plot or good special effects and I was satisfied. If you can't turn your brain off and appreciate a 2 ½ hour movie about a triangle breaking rocks then you're just an indiefag hipster douche who needs to go watch more Fellini."

This, this, and, oh, yes, this.

 
bilbo douchebaggins 2009-07-02 11:53:13 AM  
Throw in those evil doods from The Last Starfighter and some
of those robots from Ice Pirates and we're set....I'm buying
the big popcorn with extra butter oil.

 
chadm 2009-07-02 11:54:04 AM  
ZeroCorpse: when BURGER TIME: THE MOVIE hits

Welcome to Goodburger, home of the goodburger, can I take your awwwwrder?

 
Biv 2009-07-02 11:54:40 AM  
Impossible Mission

/Destroy him my robots

 
macadamnut 2009-07-02 11:55:27 AM  
dletter: a plausible story for a movie more than Asteroids: Dig Dug

That's a screen writer's worst nightmare.
But to borrow an idea from another thread: Micronauts?

 
CapitolG 2009-07-02 11:56:59 AM  
untaken_name: I think I'd rather see a Sinistar movie, all things considered.

They could get Christopher Walken to play the big mean-face guy.

That would be cool. Huh huh uh uh huh huh.


"I Hunger!, For More cowbell"

Perfect!

 
Ape Shiat Nuts 2009-07-02 11:57:34 AM  
And here's the theme song (new window) for the Asteroids movie.

 
Farkwaddle 2009-07-02 11:58:39 AM  
I'm still eagerly waiting on the "Oregon Trail" movie. I mean "Little House on the Prairie" was kind of a half-arsed attempt. They didn't even get past the continental divide! Lazy, wholesome family. I will not be satisfied until they lose half of their wagon from fording a deep river or little Timmy gets taken out by Malaria. And they have to subsist on squirrels since the dad can't seem to find a good hunting spot.

Apple IIe FTW!

 
Snarfangel [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 11:58:39 AM  
Pacman: The Hunger would be a scary horror flick.

/all those ghosts.

 
untaken_name 2009-07-02 11:58:53 AM  
CapitolG: "I Hunger!, For More cowbell"

Perfect!


It would be, so that's how you know it'll never happen.

 
teke184 2009-07-02 12:00:30 PM  
doc_jeckyll: For Assteroids

"You got Asteroids?"

"No, but my dad does. Can't even sit on the toilet some days."

 
teke184 2009-07-02 12:02:31 PM  
untaken_name: CapitolG: "I Hunger!, For More cowbell"

Perfect!

It would be, so that's how you know it'll never happen.


You'd think that the concept of a planet-sized ship with a face that eats ships and screams "RUN, COWARD! RUN! RUN!" would have gotten someone interested in a movie.

It's like the Death Star crossed with Unicron from the Transformers animated movie.

 
Tony Baloney 2009-07-02 12:02:49 PM  
Um... I hate to sub for Captain Obvious, but -- barring the spectacularly cheesetastic -- does anyone here really think there has ever been a video game that translated well into a movie? IIRC, Super Mario Bros was so bad that John Leguizamo had to take a drag queen role to seem more manly...

 
OnlyM3 2009-07-02 12:03:13 PM  
DarthBrooks

It's going to make 2600 its opening weekend.


I C wut u did there.

 
twotowner 2009-07-02 12:03:50 PM  
Just when I think they've scraped the bottom of the barrel, they take out a gouge and start carving on the bottom.

\putting in my request for animated Sonic and Qbert movies.

 
Ball of Confusion 2009-07-02 12:04:10 PM  
bilbo douchebaggins: glad someone else remembers this one....

Ok now Im going to have the sound repeating in my head all day - the sound from the upright quarter-eater when the landers would pick up a pod...

 
docmattic 2009-07-02 12:04:11 PM  
macadamnut: dletter: a plausible story for a movie more than Asteroids: Dig Dug

That's a screen writer's worst nightmare.
But to borrow an idea from another thread: Micronauts?


Right freakin' on. "Micronauts: Rise of Baron Karza" FTW!

 
Senordos13 [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 12:04:37 PM  
dammit. someone already mentioned a pining for a burger time movie... :(


snooze ya loose

 
Masso 2009-07-02 12:04:38 PM  
Tony Baloney: Um... I hate to sub for Captain Obvious, but -- barring the spectacularly cheesetastic -- does anyone here really think there has ever been a video game that translated well into a movie? IIRC, Super Mario Bros was so bad that John Leguizamo had to take a drag queen role to seem more manly...

I like the first Mortal Kombat. I think that's basically it.

 
Pxtl 2009-07-02 12:05:07 PM  
Tony Baloney: Um... I hate to sub for Captain Obvious, but -- barring the spectacularly cheesetastic -- does anyone here really think there has ever been a video game that translated well into a movie? IIRC, Super Mario Bros was so bad that John Leguizamo had to take a drag queen role to seem more manly...

Mortal Kombat had it's moments, and I've heard good things about the Resident Evil movies, as well as Silent Hill - haven't seen those though.

 
xnewnoisex 2009-07-02 12:05:41 PM  
bravochimp: And still no Elevator Action movie.

Wonderful.


Actually there is. It stars Ron Jermey and is technically not a movie.

 
ahnuts 2009-07-02 12:05:50 PM  
Tony Baloney: Um... I hate to sub for Captain Obvious, but -- barring the spectacularly cheesetastic -- does anyone here really think there has ever been a video game that translated well into a movie? IIRC, Super Mario Bros was so bad that John Leguizamo had to take a drag queen role to seem more manly...

There was one a few years a... no wait, that sucked. Um... what about the... no that one was horrible too... Video game movies are typically horrible but have a pre-built audience so they still manage to make money.

/Clue: The Movie was awesome

 
Farkwaddle 2009-07-02 12:05:52 PM  
All your base are belong to us.

/oblig

 
Pxtl 2009-07-02 12:07:07 PM  
twotowner: Sonic

On one condition: everyone involved in it is required to be 100% unaware of the existence of the Adventure games or later cartoon shows. If they are going to use any external source beyond the original Genesis/CD/Whatever games, it must be the saturday morning cartoon set on the planet Moebius.

The little fox-thing's name is TAILS. Not Miles mutherfarking "Tails" Prower.

 
isamudyson 2009-07-02 12:08:05 PM  
I am personally waiting for them to make one of that "kill or be killed" military epic: Sea Battle! Of course in the last 15 minutes of the thing we find out the losing side mined their own harbor just as the heroes try to sail in on the last ship left.

/or I would be happy with a Mappy game.

 
Dr. Flavenglaven 2009-07-02 12:08:51 PM  
Snarfangel: Pacman: The Hunger would be a scary horror flick.

/all those ghosts.


Only if it resembles this:

img22.imageshack.us

 
itsallgeek2me 2009-07-02 12:09:35 PM  
Just two words : Custer's Revenge.

 
Harry Knutz 2009-07-02 12:10:25 PM  
True story: I'm in the office of a very well known Hollywood producer yesterday working through some story notes on a rewrite. We're twenty minutes into a conversation about the main character's thematic arc when the third executive in the room says, "Guys. Transformers 2. Now, moving on...."

And now this.

 
ZeroCorpse [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-07-02 12:11:14 PM  
Just be aware that Hollywood IS working on a movie version of THE SIMS.

No kidding.

In fact, here's a list of games that were/are optioned for movies:

# Army of Two
# Army of Two Test
# American McGee's Alice
# Area 51
# BioShock
# BloodRayne III: Warhammer
# Broken Sword: The Shadow of the Templars
# Castlevania
# Citizen Siege
# City of Heroes
# Clock Tower
# Deus Ex
# Devil May Cry
# Drift City
# Doom 2
# Driver
# Duke Nukem
# Dragon's Lair
# Earthworm Jim
# EverQuest
# Fear Effect
# Gears of War
# God of War
# Halo
# Hitman 2
# Hunter: The Reckoning
# Kane & Lynch
# Killzone
# Lost Planet
# Mass Effect
# MechWarrior
# Metal Gear Solid
# Metroid
# Medievil
# Mortal Kombat: Devastation
# The Neverhood
# Nightmare Creatures
# Onimusha
# Pac-Man
# Parasite Eve
# Resident Evil: Afterlife
# Resistance: Fall of Man
# Return to Castle Wolfenstein
# Shadow of the Colossus
# Silent Hill 2
# Spy Hunter
# The Legend of Spyro 3D
# The Elder Scrolls
# The Sims
# The Suffering
# Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell
# Uncharted: Drake's Fortune
# The Unforgettable
# World of Warcraft

 
Farkwaddle 2009-07-02 12:11:42 PM  
StarCraft? A little newer than the 80's games, but still might make a movie. Assuming that the movie wouldn't be centered around a player who turtles.

 
itsallgeek2me 2009-07-02 12:13:58 PM  
ZeroCorpse: Just be aware that Hollywood IS working on a movie version of THE SIMS.

No kidding.

In fact, here's a list of games that were/are optioned for movies:

# Army of Two
# Army of Two Test
# American McGee's Alice
# Area 51
# BioShock
# BloodRayne III: Warhammer
# Broken Sword: The Shadow of the Templars
# Castlevania
# Citizen Siege
# City of Heroes
# Clock Tower
# Deus Ex
# Devil May Cry
# Drift City
# Doom 2
# Driver
# Duke Nukem
# Dragon's Lair
# Earthworm Jim
# EverQuest
# Fear Effect
# Gears of War
# God of War
# Halo
# Hitman 2
# Hunter: The Reckoning
# Kane & Lynch
# Killzone
# Lost Planet
# Mass Effect
# MechWarrior
# Metal Gear Solid
# Metroid
# Medievil
# Mortal Kombat: Devastation
# The Neverhood
# Nightmare Creatures
# Onimusha
# Pac-Man
# Parasite Eve
# Resident Evil: Afterlife
# Resistance: Fall of Man
# Return to Castle Wolfenstein
# Shadow of the Colossus
# Silent Hill 2
# Spy Hunter
# The Legend of Spyro 3D
# The Elder Scrolls
# The Sims
# The Suffering
# Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell
# Uncharted: Drake's Fortune
# The Unforgettable
# World of Warcraft


God of War? Didn't they already make that? I think it was called "Clash of the Titans". Or are they talking about the remake?

 
Tony Baloney 2009-07-02 12:14:00 PM  
ahnuts: There was one a few years a... no wait, that sucked. Um... what about the... no that one was horrible too... Video game movies are typically horrible but have a pre-built audience so they still manage to make money.

/Clue: The Movie was awesome

Clue: The Movie
is awesome, but there you're talking bored games, not video games. MK produced a good soundtrack, but what else was there? And was there anything worse than Street Fighter?

\my heart still bleeds for Raul Julia

 
LouDobbsAwaaaay 2009-07-02 12:14:56 PM  
Please America, I'm begging you.

Don't go to this movie. Please. Stop being an enabler.

 
teke184 2009-07-02 12:15:16 PM  
I think we're going to see American McGee's Alice in one way or another... Tim Burton's version of Alice In Wonderland sure seems like it's in the same vein as the American McGee game.

 
xalres 2009-07-02 12:15:44 PM  
Tony Baloney: Um... I hate to sub for Captain Obvious, but -- barring the spectacularly cheesetastic -- does anyone here really think there has ever been a video game that translated well into a movie? IIRC, Super Mario Bros was so bad that John Leguizamo had to take a drag queen role to seem more manly...

I sw your question and thought: I'm POSITIVE there was at least one. But nope (new window), not a single one. Some I consider "drunken rental" watchable but none that I would consider good.

 
teke184 2009-07-02 12:16:40 PM  
Tony Baloney: ahnuts: There was one a few years a... no wait, that sucked. Um... what about the... no that one was horrible too... Video game movies are typically horrible but have a pre-built audience so they still manage to make money.

/Clue: The Movie was awesome

Clue: The Movie is awesome, but there you're talking bored games, not video games. MK produced a good soundtrack, but what else was there? And was there anything worse than Street Fighter?

\my heart still bleeds for Raul Julia


Street Fighter had at least one classic moment thanks to Raul Julia... the scene where he, as Bison, declares that "The day the great Bison entered your village was a day that changed your life forever. For me, it was Tuesday."

 
Pxtl 2009-07-02 12:18:49 PM  
teke184: I think we're going to see American McGee's Alice in one way or another... Tim Burton's version of Alice In Wonderland sure seems like it's in the same vein as the American McGee game.

Too bad the original movie never happened. Sarah Michelle Gellar fell in love with the game and wanted to make a movie adaptation, but she never got it off the ground.

 
XMark 2009-07-02 12:19:15 PM  
I, for one, like the idea of an asteroids movie. The problem I have with a lot of video game movies is that they make needless changes to the story that ruin its video game ties (and usually those changes are stupid and don't work well in movie form anyways).

With asteroids you can't go wrong as long as there's more than one asteroid and a spaceship shoots them at some point.

 
kungfu jesus with a side of lime 2009-07-02 12:19:25 PM  
It could have Bay as the director and things could blow up... I think that would ROCK...

/i dont like his work

 
TheShavingofOccam123 [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 12:21:07 PM  
Jessica Alba is slated to play the buttons with Liev Schreiber playing the joystick. Rumor has it Sean Penn will play the little screaming ship that comes in and ruins everything.

 
OnmyojiOmn 2009-07-02 12:22:25 PM  
The Mario movie was farking great in every way. That is all.

 
Krymson Tyde 2009-07-02 12:22:37 PM  
Maybe one day the powers that be will get off their lazy asses and make an Axis and Allies movie.

How about it, Hollywood?

 
Death_Poot 2009-07-02 12:22:51 PM  
They havent made a move based on this either:

www.knowledgerush.com


/hot!

 
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