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(Gainesville Sun) Unlikely Father of toddler crushed to death by his eight-foot Burmese python described as "a great dad"   (gainesville.com) divider line 370
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DogS laughter [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 10:00:32 AM  
FTFA: Then they took it to an undisclosed wildlife facility, where they planned to have a veterinarian examine it to determine whether it could be saved from its stab wounds.

I thought they always euthanize an animal when a human fatality happens.

 
Beatle_Matt [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 10:02:23 AM  
You know who else was a great dad, was Joe Jackson.

I heard he formed a new record company.

 
ThatWomanFromMassachusetts [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 10:05:01 AM  
According to the 2008 edition of "Florida Captive Wildlife Regulations," a python must be kept in a cage or glass case made of at least quarter-inch break-resistant glass. The enclosure must be secured by a lock.

Investigators say the aquarium taken from the child's home was about six feet long and three feet deep and open at the top, but it wasn't immediately clear to them whether the case had a lid.


Idiot.

I'd say worse things about him, but he's got to live with himself for the rest of his life, and that's probably punishment enough, so I'll stop at "idiot".

 
DogS laughter [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 10:08:27 AM  
At least he found it before it had time to eat the poor kid.

 
Tresser [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 10:36:50 AM  
florida tag

 
sigdiamond2000 [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 10:45:08 AM  
I've never met anyone who owned a large snake that didn't have some sort of major personality disorder.

 
R.A.Danny [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 10:51:24 AM  
How is this for freedom- Everyone can have all the snakes, baboons, and pit bulls they want, but they need to cut off the little pricks they are compensating for so they can't procreate.

 
Calmamity [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 10:55:58 AM  
sigdiamond2000: I've never met anyone who owned a large snake that didn't have some sort of major personality disorder.

Like the desire to keep a large snake in one's home?

 
Sybarite [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 11:01:42 AM  
I don't even consider snakes as "pets". A pet has to be able to form some kind of reciprocal relationship with its owner. Snakes have no idea who you are.

 
DogS laughter [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 11:19:03 AM  
Sybarite: I don't even consider snakes as "pets". A pet has to be able to form some kind of reciprocal relationship with its owner. Snakes have no idea who you are.

I don't think any cold blooded animal can really be called a pet. I've had tropical fish that would take food from my fingers, but I never thought of them as pets.

 
notmtwain [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 11:22:41 AM  
I heard some python guys used to nail their pets to their perch. That might have helped in this case.

 
DogS laughter [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 11:49:46 AM  
notmtwain: I heard some python guys used to nail their pets to their perch. That might have helped in this case.

Never heard of that. Makes me think you could give a snake a regular piercing and then stake it to whatever you felt like. I suppose you could even run a string through it and tie it up.

 
rcain [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 12:26:56 PM  
He might have been a great dad, but he was a real shiatty pet owner

 
Boritom [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 12:49:46 PM  
Sybarite: I don't even consider snakes as "pets". A pet has to be able to form some kind of reciprocal relationship with its owner. Snakes have no idea who you are.

Oh, they do... mark my words, Son... They know exactly who you are... and they're watching... they just watch... waiting... always waiting... and then, when you least expect it... POW! They hit you with a Ponzi Scheme!

 
Rose Red 2009-07-02 12:55:12 PM  
Mommy needs the kawk so it doesn't matter what's wrong with the owner of said kawk. Happens every day.

 
vol1805 2009-07-02 12:55:48 PM  
a snake is not a pet

 
J. Frank Parnell 2009-07-02 12:56:11 PM  
Nowadays it seems you just have to feed your kids regularly and not beat them to get the 'great dad' title.

 
reillan 2009-07-02 12:56:14 PM  
Wait, I'm confused. Who died?

 
asmodeus224 2009-07-02 12:57:15 PM  
Silly white people

 
headcrack 2009-07-02 12:59:31 PM  
asmodeus224: Silly white people

Indeed. Why have pets if you can't force them to fight each other to the death?

 
zerolous 2009-07-02 12:59:39 PM  
Tresser: florida tag

This

 
wyrlss 2009-07-02 12:59:49 PM  
reillan: Wait, I'm confused. Who died?

The man whose snake owned a toddler?

 
fernanernie 2009-07-02 12:59:56 PM  
DogS laughter
At least he found it before it had time to eat the poor kid.

This

 
DeathByGrace 2009-07-02 01:00:22 PM  
the little girl was adorable too. If it was an ugly kid, i wouldnt care.
/you know they're out there.

 
Molavian 2009-07-02 01:00:38 PM  
How terrible. Hopefully the parents are charged and imprisoned without being let off by the whole "they've been punished enough" bullshiat.

 
Englebert Slaptyback 2009-07-02 01:00:45 PM  

notmtwain


I heard some python guys used to nail their pets to their perch. That might have helped in this case.


Otherwise... VOOM!

 
theorellior 2009-07-02 01:01:02 PM  
I'm glad the python was a great Dad, what about the asshat who owned it?

 
EggFool [TotalFark] 2009-07-02 01:01:04 PM  
It's not even his kid, the mom is his girlfriend. "Great step-dad" doesn't have quite the same believability though.

 
New Moon Rabbit 2009-07-02 01:01:20 PM  
FTFA: Geoghegan said Shaiunna played with the python all the time and the snake had never been aggressive toward her.

Darnell reportedly also owns a boa constrictor that was in a different container. The reptiles were considered family pets


What the holy Hell?

/nothing else comes to mind
//extra slashies for the sheer stupidity

 
flashfry 2009-07-02 01:01:20 PM  
If they use taxpayer dollars trying and incarcerating a guy who has now wasted 2 years of his emotion, love, money, and energy and has learned the gravest lesson one possibly could about the dangers of his ways.... well, just glad I don't live in Florida.

Wait, I was already glad I don't live in Florida.

 
FreeMedical 2009-07-02 01:01:37 PM  
J. Frank Parnell: Nowadays it seems you just have to feed your kids regularly and not beat them to get the 'great dad' title.

You don't even need to do that in order to purchase a t-shirt which affirms it.

 
TallyGirl 2009-07-02 01:02:04 PM  
He isn't actually the father of the toddler who was killed...his other baby mama was the one who said he was a great dad. He's the boyfriend of the little girl's mother.

I'm adding "does not own any stupid, dangerous pets" to my list of criteria in choosing a boyfriend. (That's now number three behind 1)has a job and 2) is not a child molester)

 
Glacier123 2009-07-02 01:02:17 PM  
DogS laughter: notmtwain: I heard some python guys used to nail their pets to their perch. That might have helped in this case.

Never heard of that. Makes me think you could give a snake a regular piercing and then stake it to whatever you felt like. I suppose you could even run a string through it and tie it up.


I think someone missed the reference

 
Porsche914 2009-07-02 01:02:36 PM  
Sybarite: I don't even consider snakes as "pets". A pet has to be able to form some kind of reciprocal relationship with its owner. Snakes have no idea who you are.

Apparently, you're a late night snack...

 
gorgor 2009-07-02 01:03:21 PM  
It was doing gods work.
http://tinyurl.com/laxo4j
(copy and paste)

 
MrBurns 2009-07-02 01:03:35 PM  
DogS laughter: notmtwain: I heard some python guys used to nail their pets to their perch. That might have helped in this case.

Never heard of that. Makes me think you could give a snake a regular piercing and then stake it to whatever you felt like. I suppose you could even run a string through it and tie it up.


Ummmm....
headsdownthumbsup.files.wordpress.com

//hottie

 
New Moon Rabbit 2009-07-02 01:03:40 PM  
Glacier123: DogS laughter: notmtwain: I heard some python guys used to nail their pets to their perch. That might have helped in this case.

Never heard of that. Makes me think you could give a snake a regular piercing and then stake it to whatever you felt like. I suppose you could even run a string through it and tie it up.

I think someone missed the reference


Maybe he's too busy pining for the fjords to get the reference....

 
syntaxic 2009-07-02 01:03:53 PM  
:\ That sucks.

I'm not going to make judgments about what kind of pets people should be allowed to keep (I had a pitbull growing up that was the best dog anyone could have hoped for... I know, not a snake, but still...) but it doesn't sound like this guy bothered to take the necessary precautions of owning a large snake.

Maybe if the guy had bothered to put a lock on the cage this wouldn't have happened.

Still, sucks.

 
theorellior 2009-07-02 01:04:19 PM  
FTFA: Geoghegan said Shaiunna played with the python all the time and the snake had never been aggressive toward her.

The snake wasn't hungry at the time. Seriously, small children look just like large rats, medium dogs, or small pigs to a snake. Every one of them a mobile chunk of easily-swallowed mammal meat. All of them will do in a pinch.

 
schadenfreudian 2009-07-02 01:04:26 PM  
asmodeus224: Silly white people

Nice.

/kid's name was Shaiunna.

 
maxspeed 2009-07-02 01:04:32 PM  
Should I not have kept an 8 1/2 foot snake where toddlers are present? Was that wrong? Because if somebody had told me...

 
dittybopper [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-07-02 01:05:19 PM  
DogS laughter: notmtwain: I heard some python guys used to nail their pets to their perch. That might have helped in this case.

Never heard of that. Makes me think you could give a snake a regular piercing and then stake it to whatever you felt like. I suppose you could even run a string through it and tie it up.


That whooshing sound was the joke doing a high speed low altitude flyby right above your head.

Pet Shop Sketch.

 
Saul Good 2009-07-02 01:05:25 PM  
Idiots who keep these kinds of animals bring this shiat on themselves. Darwin approves.

/I feel sorry for the kid.

 
wyrlss 2009-07-02 01:05:33 PM  
theorellior: small children look just like large rats, medium dogs, or small pigs

That is so true.

 
Lloyd Braun 2009-07-02 01:05:43 PM  
I'll show you a 8 foot snake (if you know what I mean)...

/i meant my penis

 
Nightsweat 2009-07-02 01:05:56 PM  
J. Frank Parnell: Nowadays it seems you just have to feed your kids regularly and not beat them to get the 'great dad' title.

Define regularly. I may be in the running for the title!

 
PeterPipersPickledPecker 2009-07-02 01:07:25 PM  
disney.go.com

"I tried to tell you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen."

 
zabadu 2009-07-02 01:07:28 PM  
TallyGirl: He isn't actually the father of the toddler who was killed...his other baby mama was the one who said he was a great dad. He's the boyfriend of the little girl's mother.

I'm adding "does not own any stupid, dangerous pets" to my list of criteria in choosing a boyfriend. (That's now number three behind 1)has a job and 2) is not a child molester)


Thank you. Link is farked. I swore I read earlier that this wasn't her father.

 
canadianloon 2009-07-02 01:08:33 PM  
Lloyd Braun: I'll show you a 8 foot snake (if you know what I mean)...

/i meant my penis


Your profile is hilarious. Get to the gym!

 
TheKingOfMexico 2009-07-02 01:08:46 PM  
ThatWomanFromMassachusetts: I'd say worse things about him, but he's got to live with himself for the rest of his life, and that's probably punishment enough, so I'll stop at "idiot".

Anyone who thinks that absolutely everyone in the world "lives with" guilt for their actions has never spent time with actual criminals.

 
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