Gotta love how the article specifies "a poisonous rattlesnake." As opposed to?

Paris1127: Gotta love how the article specifies "a poisonous rattlesnake." As opposed to?

Oh for God's sake. I'll bet you about 20-1 odds that it was a pygmy rattler. Unless you're allergic to the venom, AND it gives you every bit of venom in both glands, you're not gonna die. Even if it does, you aren't gonna die. It'll hurt like hell for weeks, and if the 1/4 inch fangs on the thing get massively lucky and pierce muscle, you could have a little bit of permanent muscle loss in the calf.

There's really only 3 kinds of rattlesnakes in FL, and you only see two of them regularly. Pygmys are most common because they will hang out in flowerbeds and such, and bites are more common (but still rare) because people step on the things in bare feet. The rattle sounds like an insect buzzing, so people don't notice. The other type is the Eastern Diamondback. Those MFs can kill your ass, but they're pretty much forest snakes. The only one I've seen, in 30+ years of living in FL, was crossing the road in a wildlife refuge. Bastard was at least 7 feet long, as thick as my forearm, and absolutely beautiful. I stopped my car and scared him into the woods so that another car wouldn't squish him.

/third type is the timber/canebrake
//never seen one

dahmers love zombie: Paris1127: Gotta love how the article specifies "a poisonous rattlesnake." As opposed to?

Oh for God's sake. I'll bet you about 20-1 odds that it was a pygmy rattler. Unless you're allergic to the venom, AND it gives you every bit of venom in both glands, you're not gonna die. Even if it does, you aren't gonna die. It'll hurt like hell for weeks, and if the 1/4 inch fangs on the thing get massively lucky and pierce muscle, you could have a little bit of permanent muscle loss in the calf.

There's really only 3 kinds of rattlesnakes in FL, and you only see two of them regularly. Pygmys are most common because they will hang out in flowerbeds and such, and bites are more common (but still rare) because people step on the things in bare feet. The rattle sounds like an insect buzzing, so people don't notice. The other type is the Eastern Diamondback. Those MFs can kill your ass, but they're pretty much forest snakes. The only one I've seen, in 30+ years of living in FL, was crossing the road in a wildlife refuge. Bastard was at least 7 feet long, as thick as my forearm, and absolutely beautiful. I stopped my car and scared him into the woods so that another car wouldn't squish him.

/third type is the timber/canebrake
//never seen one

Even if it doesn't kill you, it'll inject venom and make your life VERY uncomfortable for a short time. It's gonna hurt either way. I was just saying that there's no need to use "poisonous" (it should be venomous, First Coast News, unless he was bitten by a mushroom) and "rattlesnake" in the same sentence.

dahmers love zombie: Oh for God's sake. I'll bet you about 20-1 odds that it was a pygmy rattler. Unless you're allergic to the venom, AND it gives you every bit of venom in both glands, you're not gonna die. Even if it does, you aren't gonna die. It'll hurt like hell for weeks, and if the 1/4 inch fangs on the thing get massively lucky and pierce muscle, you could have a little bit of permanent muscle loss in the calf.

Yeah, newsflash...substances that disrupt the natural bodily functions of a living being are considered poisonous. Some things that humans take voluntarily for fun are also poisonous.

Stop biting youself. Why are you biting yourself?

- Thanks subby for the childhood backseat viper-pit flashbacks.

Paris1127: Gotta love how the article specifies "a poisonous rattlesnake."

The article's chief sponsor was the Department of Redundancy Department, who was the article's chief sponsor. Penis.

moar funny pictures

I guess no one submitted the other Florida snake story today where a pet python killed a 2 year old.

/Florida Tag

Paris1127: timber

Those are pretty evil, at least in the Mid West. Everything's relative. Florida also has massasaugas, which are also pretty mean.

WienerButt: I guess no one submitted the other Florida snake story today where a pet python killed a 2 year old.

/Florida Tag

Party pooper

UsikFark: Paris1127: timber

Those are pretty evil, at least in the Mid West. Everything's relative. Florida also has massasaugas, which are also pretty mean.

Oh yeah, well, we have falling coconuts.

/got nuthin'
//'cept to say it's venemous, not poisonous, but somebody upthread covered that

How does a grown man get snake bit in his calf?

Was he lying in the dirt or did he pick up a poisonous snake?

Stupid snake handler?

WienerButt: I guess no one submitted the other Florida snake story today where a pet python killed a 2 year old.

/Florida Tag

Yeah? Yeah? And who was it telling me just the other day pythons don't kill people? So maybe it didn't manage to swallow the little anklebiter, but it KILLED him, okay?

/sad, yes, but...

You know, I've always liked that word, "gargantuan." You so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence.

Back a while ago, I had a dream that I was getting a tattoo. The idea is still weird, I don't like tattoos, but the design I dream I think it was kinda cool.

It's an Ouroboros, but, inside the circle, it had dents, like a cog, and it had three smaller cogs alignes with it.

UsikFark: Paris1127: timber

Those are pretty evil, at least in the Mid West. Everything's relative. Florida also has massasaugas, which are also pretty mean.

I wouldn't know... Chicagoland doesn't have anymore venomous snakes (that I know of) and I'm not going snake hunting.

/Oh, and I'm Subby, but my number of posts should've given it away

TheWhoppah: How does a grown man get snake bit in his calf?

Very carefully?

APPROVES
http://tinyurl.com/lffqkd
(copy and paste)

I was more impressed by the totally-disinterested news team.

Nakito: You know, I've always liked that word, "gargantuan." You so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence.

Maybe you don't ...

gorgor: APPROVES
http://tinyurl.com/lffqkd
(copy and paste)

I believe that's what's called a trouser snake...

Paris1127: UsikFark: Paris1127: timber

Those are pretty evil, at least in the Mid West. Everything's relative. Florida also has massasaugas, which are also pretty mean.

I wouldn't know... Chicagoland doesn't have anymore venomous snakes (that I know of) and I'm not going snake hunting.

/Oh, and I'm Subby, but my number of posts should've given it away

I used to live in Iowa, which had the timber, prairie, copperhead, and massasauga... No other native venomous snakes.

nicoffeine: I was more impressed by the totally-disinterested news team.

That chick looks like Michael Jackson

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKES

In before Snakes on a plane and "Nice. Good planes?"

What I meant was,

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKES!

TheWhoppah: How does a grown man get snake bit in his calf?.

Because that is the place the snake bit him? I guess I don't understand the question.

TheWhoppah: How does a grown man get snake bit in his calf?

Was he lying in the dirt or did he pick up a poisonous snake?

Stupid snake handler?

Probably by wearing shorts in the rough. (But yes this is stupid)

Paris1127: I believe that's what's called a trouser snake...

Beware of dragons
For you are crunchy and taste like chicken
http://tinyurl.com/mottw6
(copy and paste, NSFW)

UsikFark: TheWhoppah: How does a grown man get snake bit in his calf?

Was he lying in the dirt or did he pick up a poisonous snake?

Stupid snake handler?

Probably by wearing shorts in the rough. (But yes this is stupid)

My neighbor found a rattle snake in his back yard while mowing. He warned me of it and I always put on jeans when I mow now. Is that really necessary? I realize that there is more material to bite through with denim on, but is it really significant?

/It is farking HOT in Texas now. I want to wear shorts

Subby can go to farking hell - it's not just this story, but many others that are so stupid that I just gloss over most headlines.

That snake is less likely to bite its own tail than fark moderators are going to kill this site with stupid headlines like this.


Fark used to be interesting. Now it's beginning to suck.....

No, to FTFM, It already sucks...

Nakito: You know, I've always liked that word, "gargantuan." You so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence.

PickinWhiskers: UsikFark: TheWhoppah: How does a grown man get snake bit in his calf?

Was he lying in the dirt or did he pick up a poisonous snake?

Stupid snake handler?

Probably by wearing shorts in the rough. (But yes this is stupid)

My neighbor found a rattle snake in his back yard while mowing. He warned me of it and I always put on jeans when I mow now. Is that really necessary? I realize that there is more material to bite through with denim on, but is it really significant?

/It is farking HOT in Texas now. I want to wear shorts

I've heard (perhaps questionable) stories of snake teeth going through leather. If the pants were really baggy, *maybe* it would mis-direct or mis-align the strike.

Your best defense is to keep your wits about you. Nearly all snakes in North America need to be provoked before they will strike. The buzzing rattle tells you where the snake is because it doesn't want to be stepped on/ bothered. At this point, if you back away and leave it alone it will retreat.

/this should help
//a complete guide would be tl, dr

mud_shark: Subby can go to farking hell - it's not just this story, but many others that are so stupid that I just gloss over most headlines.

That snake is less likely to bite its own tail than fark moderators are going to kill this site with stupid headlines like this.


Fark used to be interesting. Now it's beginning to suck.....

No, to FTFM, It already sucks...

You OK over there? It will be alright. Just relax.

UsikFark: PickinWhiskers: UsikFark: TheWhoppah: How does a grown man get snake bit in his calf?

Was he lying in the dirt or did he pick up a poisonous snake?

Stupid snake handler?

Probably by wearing shorts in the rough. (But yes this is stupid)

My neighbor found a rattle snake in his back yard while mowing. He warned me of it and I always put on jeans when I mow now. Is that really necessary? I realize that there is more material to bite through with denim on, but is it really significant?

/It is farking HOT in Texas now. I want to wear shorts

I've heard (perhaps questionable) stories of snake teeth going through leather. If the pants were really baggy, *maybe* it would mis-direct or mis-align the strike.

Your best defense is to keep your wits about you. Nearly all snakes in North America need to be provoked before they will strike. The buzzing rattle tells you where the snake is because it doesn't want to be stepped on/ bothered. At this point, if you back away and leave it alone it will retreat.

/this should help
//a complete guide would be tl, dr

Yeah, with the lawn mower going, I can't really hear a rattle.
I do a strange stance when I mow along the fence line. (Mower to the left, Me standing way off to the right side) Probably really strange looking.

Most snakes will move away if they hear you coming. Just don't make your first pass beside a hedge or anything else that looks snakey and they'll be long gone before you're close enough to mow one.

Jimmy John's FTW.

LordOfThePings: Jimmy John's FTW.

I am glad you enjoyed your sandwich. Now, what do you think about snakes?

/Not obscure for chem geeks.

We need to do more to eradicate snakes, especially rattlers.

spentmiles: We need to do more to eradicate snakes, especially rattlers.

How are we supposed to keep our numbers down?

Gyrfalcon: Yeah? Yeah? And who was it telling me just the other day pythons don't kill people? So maybe it didn't manage to swallow the little anklebiter, but it KILLED him, okay?

Don't believe whoever told you that bullhockey, plenty of examples of people killed by pet pythons no longer than 10' AND several documented cases of people being killed and swallowed in the wild by the really big ones (25'+). Granted, mostly kids and small people, but these animals eat boars, deer, jaguars, tapirs (of youtube fame, though mislabeled "hippo") and crocs, so humans are no problem!

Fun bonus fact: Most people cut out of snake stomachs were swallowed feet first (as opposed to all other prey which is swallowed head first) - Apparently it's easier to swallow us when our arms go up above the head!

Paris1127

I said stop

The judges would have also accepted "This is why we can't have nice things!"

He was attacked by an ouroboros?

Paris1127: Gotta love how the article specifies "a poisonous rattlesnake." As opposed to?

Strictly speaking, no rattlesnakes are poisonous. They actually make a tasty snack for humans.

Oh, the bite thing...? That makes them "venomous".

Hiro Nakamura: Paris1127

I said stop

The judges would have also accepted "This is why we can't have nice things!"



Keep the suggestions coming, let's caption this pic

PickinWhiskers: LordOfThePings: Jimmy John's FTW.

damn you! I don't have to be at work for another 8 hours, i don't need to see that!