#1 -- identical twin defense. We had one of those south of Boston. It took three trials to get a conviction. (Thread 1975302)

#3 -- Lorena Bobbit. Massachusetts courts have formally recognized "battered woman syndrome," which allows a woman to get off any charges by convincing a jury that her boyfriend hit her.

#6 -- Sleep crime. I just wanted to say I like the pic of Pajama Girl.

#7 -- Matrix defense. Execute her, but keep telling her death is only a simulation.

And they left out the "Twinkie" defense...

not much to say, but "Homicidal Sleepwalkers" or "Homicidal Somnambulists" would make great band names.

All of the defenses scare the living fark out of me.

List is useless without Sammy Sosa's "Me no habla English".

New Mexico has had a few legendary defense cases...the state senator arrested buying heroin who said it was "research into the illegal drug trade". The "human brewery" defense of a drunk driving charge in which another elected official claimed that his bocy turned enchiladas into alcohol thereby causing him to fail the blood alcohol test.

baka-san: And they left out the "Twinkie" defense...

That was my first thought too. What the hell?

baka-san: And they left out the "Twinkie" defense...

I clicked the link, expecting it to be #1.

Congratulations, Cracked. You have failed in the most spectacular way.

#2: Black Rage

Never ask about the nubian

Tim Meadows playing Colin Ferguson on SNL was farking priceless

these people were all found "Not Guilty" but it doesn't mean they got off scott-free (some did) it just means instead of PMITA Prison they go to Flushing Meadows Insanatarium for a bit.

/Nubian, huh?

The only way you can tell me and my evil mirror twin apart is that he's left-handed...

Nah, this list fails because it doesn't have "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit" on it.

Rob

baka-san: And they left out the "Twinkie" defense...

Probably because the person who tried to use that defense was convicted.

baka-san: And they left out the "Twinkie" defense...

They always get it wrong anyway, so it was probably for the best.

/If you think the "Twinkie Defense" is "Twinkies made me do it", you're wrong.

Maybe the reason the Twinkie defense is missing is that it wasn't all that bad and has been misrepresented?

I believe the actual argument for that was:
My client committed the crime because he was depressed. You know he was depressed because he withdrew from contact with his friends, and ate a bunch of junk food, which was different from his normal routine.

They never claimed "Twinkies made him CRAZY"

eraser8: baka-san: And they left out the "Twinkie" defense...

Probably because the person who tried to use that defense was convicted.

He was most certainly not (new window)

Young Rory Calhoun: these people were all found "Not Guilty" but it doesn't mean they got off scott-free (some did) it just means instead of PMITA Prison they go to Flushing Meadows Insanatarium for a bit.

Pound me in the mental divergence?

JrBobDobbs: eraser8: baka-san: And they left out the "Twinkie" defense...

Probably because the person who tried to use that defense was convicted.

He was most certainly not (new window)

He most certainly was, but not of murder. He was convicted of manslaughter and served a very modest sentence before committing suicide a few years after release.

/first with this?

Pluvius: Nah, this list fails because it doesn't have "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit" on it.

Rob

I was more thinking "I am a rich and famous black man and if you convict me of something I am obviously guilty of I will claim racism and millions of ignorant minorities will riot" defense.

Black people will never live down that stupidity. It is going to be in the history books hundreds of years from now as an epic failure on their part.

I am still waiting to hear what W's excuse is.
Between him, his buddies, and his wife, it seems they don't even need a defense, they just do what they want to.
Drive over people, shoot them in the fce, hang them.
Wait,.
No body cares anymore?
Shucks.
Maybe I should just marry into the family.
/or is there a curse, like the kennedys?

Die Polizei: /first with this?

Yeayh, what took you so long?

Pluvius 2009-06-21 01:44:36 PM Nah, this list fails because it doesn't have "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit" on it.
========================================

THIS

Nothing beats the Caveman defense.

vudukungfu: I am still waiting to hear what W's excuse is.
Between him, his buddies, and his wife, it seems they don't even need a defense, they just do what they want to.
Drive over people, shoot them in the fce, hang them.
Wait,.
No body cares anymore?
Shucks.
Maybe I should just marry into the family.
/or is there a curse, like the kennedys?

what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Nah, this list fails because it doesn't have "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit" on it.

That was a good defense, not a baffling one. A key part of the prosecution's evidence was "OJ's" bloody glove. Showing that it was not OJ's glove would hurt the prosecution's case.

Let's not forget these guys ^{(^)}, who hung the first jury with their "waaaa have mercy! We're orphans!" defense.

IrateShadow: baka-san: And they left out the "Twinkie" defense...

I clicked the link, expecting it to be #1.

Congratulations, Cracked. You have failed in the most spectacular way.

The "Twinkie Defense" neither involved twinkie specifically, nor used the consumption of junk food as a reason for "diminished capacity", which was what affected the outcome of that trial.

It's a commonly held misconception.

Die Polizei: /first with this?

Not really, you were beaten by subby, unless you want to be technical about the picture.

ZAZ: That was a good defense, not a baffling one. A key part of the prosecution's evidence was "OJ's" bloody glove. Showing that it was not OJ's glove would hurt the prosecution's case.

There are a number of reasons why the fact that OJ couldn't put the glove on was totally irrelevant to whether or not it was his:

1. OJ himself was "trying" to put it on. You think he's really going to make an honest attempt at something that could convict him?
2. He had a latex glove on underneath. Latex is sticky and it's pretty hard to put anything on that isn't loosely fitting.
3. The glove could've shrunk or otherwise deformed due to being soaked in blood.

Rob

JrBobDobbs: He was most certainly not

Sorry, but he was. At his trial, he was found guilty of voluntary manslaughter. He was not acquitted.

The defenses aren't all that crazy, but the humor comes from people trying to say how crazy they are (based on a Cracked article of all things). Hilarious!

CruJones: I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Well, thenb.
My work here is done.
Good day to you, miss.

I plead the two fifths. I drank two fifths and don't remember a thing.

replaced by golf cart: I plead the two fifths. I drank two fifths and don't remember a thing.

So what if I have three wibes?
One ain't enough, and bigamy's a crime.

Pluvius

Sure, it could have been OJ's glove despite the failure to put it on. Arguing that the jury ought to acquit because OJ couldn't get the glove on was still good defense, attacking the prosecution's physical evidence, not Matrix delusion style fantasy.

Pluvius: There are a number of reasons why the fact that OJ couldn't put the glove on was totally irrelevant to whether or not it was his:

1. OJ himself was "trying" to put it on. You think he's really going to make an honest attempt at something that could convict him?
2. He had a latex glove on underneath. Latex is sticky and it's pretty hard to put anything on that isn't loosely fitting.
3. The glove could've shrunk or otherwise deformed due to being soaked in blood.

4) There a numerous drugs that will cause the extremities (read:hands) to swell. This obviously would make the glove not fit. IIRC, OJ had arthritis. If so, going off his meds would have the same effect.

vudukungfu: Die Polizei: /first with this?

Yeayh, what took you so long?

Brautwurst.

How about the king kong defense?

I was passed over in jury selection from the NYC trial of a cop whose defense (for shooting a black male father and son, at close range in broad daylight, with no threat alleged) was that he suffered from a rare form of epilepsy (so rare that he's the only known case) which caused him to draw his gun and fire it several times, then return it to the holster, then forget that this had occurred.

He got off.

I became an atheist when Satan did not burst through the floor during the testimony, and drag both the cop and his lawyer them down to Hell.

You guys are missing the key fact:

If OJ is tried in 2004 instead of 1994, he's on death row right now.

"All that DNA stuff was boring." - paraphrased from a juror

rkl307: I was passed over in jury selection from the NYC trial of a cop whose defense (for shooting a black male father and son, at close range in broad daylight, with no threat alleged) was that he suffered from a rare form of epilepsy (so rare that he's the only known case) which caused him to draw his gun and fire it several times, then return it to the holster, then forget that this had occurred.

He got off.

I became an atheist when Satan did not burst through the floor during the testimony, and drag both the cop and his lawyer them down to Hell.

You know, it's interesting - I live in the NYC area, and pay pretty close attention to the headlines, and I've never heard of this case. Got a link to share?

MattyFridays: rkl307: I was passed over in jury selection from the NYC trial of a cop whose defense (for shooting a black male father and son, at close range in broad daylight, with no threat alleged) was that he suffered from a rare form of epilepsy (so rare that he's the only known case) which caused him to draw his gun and fire it several times, then return it to the holster, then forget that this had occurred.

He got off.

I became an atheist when Satan did not burst through the floor during the testimony, and drag both the cop and his lawyer them down to Hell.

You know, it's interesting - I live in the NYC area, and pay pretty close attention to the headlines, and I've never heard of this case. Got a link to share?

I think the cop's name was George Glass

Dark and lonely on a summer's night.
Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.
Watchdog barking. Do he bite?
Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.
Slip in his window. Break his neck.
Then his house I start to wreck.
Got no reason. What the heck?
Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.
C-I-L-L my landlord

I'm calling bullshiat on the twin story. Unless the Malaysian police are just retarded.

If they actually caught the guy in the act and took his fingerprints when they booked him into jail, then there's no way to confuse the two twins.

Even identical twins have different fingerprints, so all they would have to do is print both twins and compare it the set taken when they initially arrested the guy.

And if they didn't take fingerprints during the arrest, they could have checked the drugs, money or any other evidence associated with the crime for prints.

McDonald's convincing the entire world through its media influence that the hot coffee lawsuit was just a crazy old woman who didn't realize coffee is supposed to be hot as opposed to a crappy employee who made the drink much too hot and didn't put the lid on well...that was bullshiat.