That's my favorite band.

um... music? yeah. not so much.

Not too sure that pandas are "ultra-rare".

I liked him before he sold out to the big corporations. No one with ANY artistic integrity gets born, man.

You are an MTV shill, baby panda, and you just lost a fan.

they better keep it the hell away from its momma till it stops crying or she'll eat it. PANDAS HAVE FAILED EVOLUTION. BTW, they used to think the baby eating thing only happened in captivity, but with tracking of wild Pandas they now know ITS JUST SOMETHING THEY DO! So they generally only breed ONCE a lifetime, only produce ONE offspring, and alot of the time, they eat it because its too noisy. DIE they must DIE the pandas must DIE (cue the Juice Pigs)

Of course not. This is a farking panda.

http://www.thepandaband.com/ (new window)

In all fairness, it is Thailand. It's a panda-boy.

This is twice now. I think the mods are mixing up "Music" and "Main"

PersistantRash: they better keep it the hell away from its momma till it stops crying or she'll eat it. PANDAS HAVE FAILED EVOLUTION. BTW, they used to think the baby eating thing only happened in captivity, but with tracking of wild Pandas they now know ITS JUST SOMETHING THEY DO! So they generally only breed ONCE a lifetime, only produce ONE offspring, and alot of the time, they eat it because its too noisy. DIE they must DIE the pandas must DIE (cue the Juice Pigs)

Actually, they generally breed once every two years. Infanticide generally happens when a male kills an unrelated infant to bring the female into heat, or when a female kills another female's infant. It's a common trait in bears, but as for confamilial infanticide, I can't find a single record of it in the literature. There have been a number of cases of accidental infanticide, but that is not unique to pandas.

There's a lot of undeserved panda hate from special snowflakes who can't stand that people like an animal that looks cuddly and adorable. They tend to make up shiat to make themselves feel better about being outside of the mainstream.

Eats shoots and leaves

relaxitsjustme: Eats shoots and leaves

I love that song.

captainktainer: There's a lot of undeserved panda hate from special snowflakes who can't stand that people like an animal that looks cuddly and adorable. They tend to make up shiat to make themselves feel better about being outside of the mainstream.


That makes sad panda sad.

GungFu: captainktainer: There's a lot of undeserved panda hate from special snowflakes who can't stand that people like an animal that looks cuddly and adorable. They tend to make up shiat to make themselves feel better about being outside of the mainstream.


That makes sad panda sad.


Do some research. out of 10 monitored wild births 5 of the young were eaten by their mothers. I dont support keeping any species alive artificially. The Panda is a dead end, it doesnt breed fast enough.

LOL, I went to google to get some links. Theres a vid up on utube right now of a mother panda eating her kid. Theres another video up near the top results of a mother attacking her cub. Thats after 10seconds of searching. Other animals have this issue as well btw, but usually only in captivity or under some kind of stress. The research paper I read mentioned that in the cases of of baby eating the monitoring teams noted the young cried out for long periods of time, vs short bouts of wailing from the non-eaten cubs. I had this debate with a biatch at the Calgary Zoo a while ago, its aparenty one of those "dirty secrets" they don't like to talk bout or explain away as "unatural stress behaviour". She eventuall admited to knowing of several instances where Panda mothers ate their young before observer teams even knew the had given birth.

PersistantRash: ...several instances where Panda mothers ate their young before observer teams even knew the had given birth.

I thought they only ate bamboo.

If you want to go fact hunting I suggest you take this funny fact with you, "there are throngs of people who think Cheetahs cannot climb trees". Except I've SEEEEN them climb trees. Go tell some African game warden that Cheetah's can't climb trees. There was a coont at the Royal Tyrell aspousing this total bullshiat, she even pulled out a massive encylocpedia to prove me wrong. But in that time I managed to boot up my brother's laptop and FIND SEVERAL PICTURES of Cheetahs' up in trees they could not have leapt into. But its an established fact that cheetah's cannot climb trees, maybe it makes them sound more pityable. But teh cheetah is another species that needs to die out, for different reasons than the Panda, but both are evolutionary dead ends. Hell the Cheetah is like Feline 1.0 Beta edition for farks sake. That coont at the Royal Tyrell, just kept saying that the cheetah must've jumped into the tree or been put there for the picture. I wish an African had been there backup my eyewitness account. If you can't find the links talking about Panda's eating their own young, you're not really looking. Keep in mind that with most animals that eat their young they have litters of several young and are frequently animals that have yearly breeding cycles. Panda's have a major issue with breeding, out of several monitored females in the wild most of them reproduced only once and several would refuse to mate under any circumstances and died virgins. Again if you can't find this info your self on google, you're not looking. IT was thought up until late last year that the child eating was a rare thing and perhaps a stress reaction. This is no longer considered to be the case.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infanticide_(zoology)


http://www.kepu.net.cn/english/giantpanda/giantpanda_kin/200506030004.html

old link that mentions a observation of a wild Panda, again with animals in captivity or under stress this behaviour has been observed several more times, but it is generally considered to be a captivity reaction, like increased infanticide in other captive animals. But this is not the case with Pandas, scince that article was written there have been several infanticides in monitored wild Pandas. Oh and I'll stress again, they do NOT breed well or often, so infanticide is a problem for them in a way it is not a problem for other season breeding and litter bearing animals.

PersistantRash: If you want to go fact hunting I suggest you take this funny fact with you, "there are throngs of people who think Cheetahs cannot climb trees". Except I've SEEEEN them climb trees. Go tell some African game warden that Cheetah's can't climb trees. There was a coont at the Royal Tyrell aspousing this total bullshiat, she even pulled out a massive encylocpedia to prove me wrong. But in that time I managed to boot up my brother's laptop and FIND SEVERAL PICTURES of Cheetahs' up in trees they could not have leapt into. But its an established fact that cheetah's cannot climb trees, maybe it makes them sound more pityable. But teh cheetah is another species that needs to die out, for different reasons than the Panda, but both are evolutionary dead ends. Hell the Cheetah is like Feline 1.0 Beta edition for farks sake. That coont at the Royal Tyrell, just kept saying that the cheetah must've jumped into the tree or been put there for the picture. I wish an African had been there backup my eyewitness account. If you can't find the links talking about Panda's eating their own young, you're not really looking. Keep in mind that with most animals that eat their young they have litters of several young and are frequently animals that have yearly breeding cycles. Panda's have a major issue with breeding, out of several monitored females in the wild most of them reproduced only once and several would refuse to mate under any circumstances and died virgins. Again if you can't find this info your self on google, you're not looking. IT was thought up until late last year that the child eating was a rare thing and perhaps a stress reaction. This is no longer considered to be the case.


Proof of cheetah being able to tree:

Does any other mammal have a smaller newborn-to-adult size ratio? The thing looks like an aborted first-trimester fetus.

Yankees Team Gynecologist: Does any other mammal have a smaller newborn-to-adult size ratio? The thing looks like an aborted first-trimester fetus.

LOL, I just watched those utube vids I mentioned, Mislabeled. Mein Gott I hate Utube. If you still want to argue, allow me to make my point ULTRA clear, I do not contend that the vast majority or even the majority of female Panda's eat their young. But I do contend that any ammount of infanticide in a species with such total and profound breeding problems is a tremendously dammaging "tendency". Take a look at the est Panda population in the 1980s. How many babys can a species THAT in danger afford TO EAT? NONE. Keep in mind that many of females WILL never mate, and those who do, generally only do it ONCE. Thats why any instinct to infanticide in Panda's is an indication of a profoundly mis-evolved species. Without habitat they cannot survive, their habitat is out of fashon. Good by Panda bears. Oh and its not that people find them cute that pisses me off, its species like the wooley Marmet that NEEEEED our help and can provide an essential prey item to other endagered species in our own countries are totally ignored over this flavor of the decade bullshiat. Whats next we save the three armed pymgy shouting fish, known for its tendancy to tuant fishermen with crys of "betcha can't catch me!"??? How useless and bizzare does a speicies have to be before it's cuteness lets it get media attention? Y'know we lost an ENTIRE colony of Marmots to a SINGLE mountian lion a few years ago? Oh you didnt know that? Perhaps its because I subscribe to tree and pulp publications you've never even HEARD of. PROTECT THE ENDAGERED SPECIES IN YOUR OWN BACKYARD AND LET THROWBACKS LIKE THE PANDA SHUFFLE OFF INTO THE MIST AS NATURE INTENDED.

Yankees Team Gynecologist: Does any other mammal have a smaller newborn-to-adult size ratio? The thing looks like an aborted first-trimester fetus.

A baby kangaroo is only a few centimeters long when it is born.

The sidebar has a slideshow of baby animals. (new window)

Some are so cute they will melt your face.

Pandas are dicks. (^)
/NSFW-Language

On the music tab?

Will Vin Diesel be teaching it to dance?

PersistantRash: LOL, I just watched those utube vids I mentioned, Mislabeled. Mein Gott I hate Utube...wharrgarbl...PROTECT THE ENDAGERED SPECIES IN YOUR OWN BACKYARD AND LET THROWBACKS LIKE THE PANDA SHUFFLE OFF INTO THE MIST AS NATURE INTENDED.

You know who else shouldn't be allowed to breed?

romanmaronie: Not too sure that pandas are "ultra-rare".

Captive-born ugly ass baby panda are tho

PersistantRash: they better keep it the hell away from its momma till it stops crying or she'll eat it. PANDAS HAVE FAILED EVOLUTION. BTW, they used to think the baby eating thing only happened in captivity, but with tracking of wild Pandas they now know ITS JUST SOMETHING THEY DO! So they generally only breed ONCE a lifetime, only produce ONE offspring, and alot of the time, they eat it because its too noisy. DIE they must DIE the pandas must DIE (cue the Juice Pigs)

http://www.winnipegsun.com/news/world/2009/05/28/9598286.html (copy and paste)

Check out the pic in this article. I considered submitting this one instead, but there's not as good a view of the ugly-ass crotchfruit. Definitely warrants a nom nom nom though

GWSuperfan: This is twice now. I think the mods are mixing up "Music" and "Main"

That explains it! definitely submitted under "news"

What a Panda Bear in the music tab should look like

Crewmannumber6: On the music tab?

The Panda is David Bowie

wild9: A baby kangaroo is only a few centimeters long when it is born.

But at least they have a pouch, so there's something to ease the transition. Baby pandas are just out there, and the adults don't even like farking. It's as if they're trying to go extinct.

wild9: Yankees Team Gynecologist: Does any other mammal have a smaller newborn-to-adult size ratio? The thing looks like an aborted first-trimester fetus.

A baby kangaroo is only a few centimeters long when it is born.



Maybe it's not fair to count marsupials though... those buns come out of the oven before they're even half baked

/now that's ugly!

I didn't think I'd ever see a Panda Bear thread on fark.

thank you mattcgn

cmn85: wild9: Yankees Team Gynecologist: Does any other mammal have a smaller newborn-to-adult size ratio? The thing looks like an aborted first-trimester fetus.

A baby kangaroo is only a few centimeters long when it is born.



Maybe it's not fair to count marsupials though... those buns come out of the oven before they're even half baked

/now that's ugly!

WTF? *Checks Wikipedia*

I could have gone my whole life without knowing that kangaroos have two vaginas, and give birth like aliens.

Bamboo You!

I saw Panda open up for Pearl Jam back in 1992. Man did they suck!

I kinda like this Panda Bear release:

Link (new window)

Pitchfork, grain of salt, etc.

Looks more like...



/GIVE ME THE CUTTLEFISH!!!

Philly: I kinda like this Panda Bear release:

Link (new window)

Pitchfork, grain of salt, etc.

Amen. Person Pitch rocks.

That's not a farking panda.

It's obviously getting a handjob.

Staff artificially inseminated Lin Hui, a 7-year-old female, on Feb. 18, but had seen no signs she was pregnant,

Lin Hui was immediately offered a reality show on MTV.

fenrael23: Pandas are dicks. (^)
/NSFW-Language

Funniest standup routine i've seen a LONG farking times.

/UP GUNTA! UP!

Darwin defeated by cuteness

Animal Planet had a special on this weekend about the birth of Butterstick, the baby panda at the National Zoo. As many of you know, the big thing about giant pandas isn't just that they're adorable, it's that they're a very, very endangered species. Well, unlike elephants and other species who are hunted by poachers and devestated by the ever-approaching acts of humans, the Animal Planet special cast a light on the true reason giant pandas are actually endangered in this world: they are, in fact, the stupidest creatures on the face of the earth.

And it's not even that they're just stupid; they're woefully inefficient as creatures in general. Combined, that they still exist is a testament not to the panda, but to us humans. Allow me to explain.

To start, the pandas have a gestation cycle of about a week every year. So there's basically a few minutes' window annually for the male and female panda to procreate and fertilize an egg. And this is where the stupidity kicks in: as you watch the special, they show video of how the pandas don't know how to mate correctly. The male keeps falling over, he goes in backwards, at one point he decides to try mounting her head. You can't even compare this to human teenagers losing their virginity; at least they're smart enough to figure out slot A goes in slot B. The pandas can't figure it out, and it would be comical if it weren't so depressing.

So, after three years of failed attempts to mate correctly, the zoo workers decide to artificially inseminate the mother panda. And a brand-new element of giant panda utter stupidity/ineffectiveness comes into play: no one actually knows if the panda is pregnant or not... including the panda. Again, unlike other large mammals that actually have somewhat large babies, the pandas pop out a baby (hence the nickname) the size of a butter stick. The zoo folk can only interpret basic changes in activity to guess if that means she's pregnant: for example, building a nest or eating even more bamboo than usual.

Oh... oh, oh... shiat. The bamboo. Let's talk about the damn bamboo. You want a perfect example of how Intelligent Design is bupkus? This is a gigantic animal "designed" to favor as a food staple a plant that has almost no nutritional value whatsoever. Bamboo has a nutrient level somewhere along the lines of celery, therefore instead of turning to meat, or other sources, pandas have to eat tons of it daily just to get enough nutrients. Remember those stupid Total cereal ads where they show the douchebag at the hotel or something the pyramid of cornflakes he'd have to eat to get all the nutrition from one bowl of Total? That's bamboo for pandas. Except they won't eat the farking Total, they get to work on their twenty-seven bowls of cornflakes. And if you try to argue with them, I'm guessing that because they're giant pandas they'll simply club you in the face until you die.

Where was I? Oh, right, the special moment. Remember how I said the mom "pops out" the baby? Usually that's hyperbole: we said Britney Spears "popped out" a baby but it wasn't actually a description of the birthing process; we were just using colorful metaphor to imply she's a dirty whore.

Well that's not the case for the pandas: by pop out, I actually mean pop out. They showed the video of Butterstick's birth; here's how it went down: momma panda started acting listless and groggy. She started rolling over in her pen and groaning. Then, and I am not making this up, she fired a baby panda out of her vagina.

Yes, fired. Ejected. Launched. There were no contractions, labor pains, pushing, grunting, nothing. I knew pandas were not actually bears, but I never realized they were actually descended from NERF guns. It shot out like it was coming from a T-shirt cannon at a NASCAR race, bounced off the pen wall, and landed next to the mother, who in what at this point we can all agree can only be an absolute miracle of instinct, decided not to eat it.

And honestly, I'm positive that this makes the very existence of giant pandas unique. In contrast to any other animal in the world, giant pandas exist solely because humans adore them, and want them to reproduce and stay alive. This doesn't demean their beauty or my respect for nature in general, but it merits saying out loud and accepting: these aren't noble, majestic creatures. And then I realized it: they're the Paris Hiltons of the animal kingdom. They exist because we lavish them with wealth, fawn over their appearance, and stare at them endlessly via night-vision cameras.

Someguywithawebsite (new window) (Some NSFW language)

First it was sour, then it was sweet.. now its gone..