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(WTOP) Dumbass Having solved all violent crime, corruption, and incompetence in the city, the D.C. city council moves to tackle its biggest foe: single slices of pizza   (wtopnews.com) divider line 92
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2813 clicks; posted to Politics » on 23 May 2009 at 11:06 PM   |  Make this a Fark FavoriteFavorite    |   share: Share on OMGTWITTER WEB2.0share on StumbleUponshare on Facebook  more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!

92 Comments   (+0 »)


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Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener [TotalFark] 2009-05-23 09:46:15 PM  
From the article: "... a recent spout of violence, including a shootout that killed a man, and injured two police officers.

D.C. Councilman Jim Graham (D-Ward 1), who represents the neighborhood, tells WJLA-TV that the 'Jumbo Slice" pizza joints that populate the strip are part of the problem."


Well, I can clearly see how single slices of pizza have driven these men to committing such atrocious acts of viol- ... THE HELL?!

 
strangeguitar 2009-05-23 10:21:17 PM  
i573.photobucket.com
i304.photobucket.com
You bastard!!

 
thenateman 2009-05-23 11:11:33 PM  
This is the single dumbest idea I've heard today, and it's from a Democrat. What were the odds?

 
bobbette [TotalFark] 2009-05-23 11:14:01 PM  
What the f*ck!?

It's like prohibition... but instead of prohibiting the actual substance making people aggressive and uninhibited... they're prohibiting another, completely unrelated thing.

Good luck with curbing your late-night crime problem that way, guys!

/tomorrow, instead of blaming myself for drinking beer and commenting on Fark, I will blame my shoes. I'm wearing my shoes while commenting on Fark, so correlation is causation, right? SHOES! THIS IS ALL YOUR ADORABLE, STYLISH FAULT!

 
Terrified Asexual Forcemeat 2009-05-23 11:17:34 PM  
thenateman: This is the single dumbest idea I've heard today, and it's from a Democrat. What were the odds?

Roughly 10,000,000 to 1!

 
Argh2 2009-05-23 11:17:35 PM  
Why does everyone feel that they have a right to weigh in on DC city politics? You don't live there.

And BTW, put any other city under the same scrutiny and they look just as stupid. City politics are city politics.

 
bobbette [TotalFark] 2009-05-23 11:20:08 PM  
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: From the article: "... a recent spout of violence, including a shootout that killed a man, and injured two police officers.

D.C. Councilman Jim Graham (D-Ward 1), who represents the neighborhood, tells WJLA-TV that the 'Jumbo Slice" pizza joints that populate the strip are part of the problem."

Well, I can clearly see how single slices of pizza have driven these men to committing such atrocious acts of viol- ... THE HELL?!


Now having read TMLO's post, I do see a possible rationale for this pizza prohibition.

The only way this makes sense is if this pizza is so good, grown men will kill for it.

Is it possible that one slice of pizza could be so exquisitely perfect that it would drive men to madness and desperation? Attacking each other - and the law - just for a single slice?

 
Phil Herup 2009-05-23 11:20:57 PM  
Pizza slices are not the problem.


It is the people.



wants pizza now

 
bobbette [TotalFark] 2009-05-23 11:28:23 PM  
Argh2: Why does everyone feel that they have a right to weigh in on DC city politics? You don't live there.

And BTW, put any other city under the same scrutiny and they look just as stupid. City politics are city politics.


Why does everyone feel they have a right to judge the citizens of sunny Florida or annual Darwin award recipients? It isn't about geography or the arcane lore of city politics, it's mocking extraordinary stupidity. The kind of stupidity that transcends borders, and the barriers of race, class, language, or religion. Everyone can look at it and say, "Wow, that is f*cking idiotic."

Now, my city is sometimes stupid, but when we do stupid things, it's stuff like putting a tacky sports event countdown clock on the property of the art gallery, or having 80000 different regulations that prevent people from keeping bars open and playing live music. But that's because Vancouver's entertainment laws were apparently written by John Lithgow's character from Footloose. Please go ahead and mock my city for it, maybe international lobbying will force a change.

 
attackingpencil 2009-05-23 11:32:24 PM  
I don't often advocate violent rebellion, but banning pizza is surely just cause.

 
Britney Spear's Speculum 2009-05-23 11:34:40 PM  
Phil Herup: Pizza slices are not the problem.

It is the people.

wants pizza now


Yet when it comes to drug violence, it's the consumer's fault right? That's what Hilldawg wants us to believe.

 
Cowl Hire 2009-05-23 11:34:46 PM  
The entirety of that section of 18th is not exactly the greatest of places to hang out late into the night (it's busy. Things happen, always have, always will). I'd be willing to bet it's, you know, the bars and such, rather than the pizza that's nearer to the root of this problem though.

For a start, that pizza always used to be better described as grease in a bread bowl. I don't think it's possible to do anything energetic within a couple of hours of a slice.

 
helix400 2009-05-23 11:35:17 PM  
If single jumbo slices of pizza are banned to fight crime, then only criminals will have single jumbo slices of pizza.

 
captainktainer 2009-05-23 11:35:41 PM  
This (new window) is a better explanation of the problem. Basically, the owners and managers of these late-night pizza restaurants are being irresponsible, and bad behavior has congregated near them. They're becoming a public nuisance and a public hazard, so I kind of get what he's doing.

Basically, TFA doesn't seem to actually get what's going on. He's not interested in banning jumbo pizza; he's interested in solving a problem that's leading to violence and deaths.

I'm really skeptical about it, but there's a big difference between "These businesses are causing a hazard and aren't regulating themselves" and "LOL LET'S BAN PIZZA." We should at least find out what the councilman is proposing before raging against the evil machine, ya know?

 
wildcardjack 2009-05-23 11:36:39 PM  
So, after banning jumbo pizza slices, and the joints become all night burger bars, they'll have to ban hamburgers. Almost looks like PETA is behind the violence.

 
Phil Herup 2009-05-23 11:36:58 PM  
Britney Spear's Speculum: Yet when it comes to drug violence, it's the consumer's fault right? That's what Hilldawg wants us to believe.


Drug violence can be blamed on the War on Drugs too.

Get rid of that, and then see what happens.


But it is not the pizza.

 
Kumana Wanalaia [TotalFark] 2009-05-23 11:37:19 PM  
Man, now I need to go get a slice of pizza.

And maybe shoot up the place a little.

 
Gyrfalcon [TotalFark] 2009-05-23 11:37:22 PM  
Jumbo pizza doesn't kill people!
Drunks crazy for jumbo pizza kill people!

 
factoryconnection 2009-05-23 11:39:19 PM  
Argh2: Why does everyone feel that they have a right to weigh in on DC city politics? You don't live there.

And BTW, put any other city under the same scrutiny and they look just as stupid. City politics are city politics.


Could you then, o anointed one, enlighten us as to just what the f*ck is the deal there? How in the world are they blaming pizza joints for a crime wave? I'm really missing the connection. It can't be just that they're open late: the Diner is open late to service drunken disorderlies (been there) at that time in that neighborhood.

What gives?

 
Britney Spear's Speculum 2009-05-23 11:40:40 PM  
Phil Herup:
Drug violence can be blamed on the War on Drugs too.

Get rid of that, and then see what happens.


But it is not the pizza.


Actually, you bring up a good point/connection. The violence at the pizza places more than likely related to drug sales/turf wars also.

 
jack21221 2009-05-23 11:42:24 PM  
strangeguitar: *pic of pizza

I came!

 
TheGreatGazoo 2009-05-23 11:44:18 PM  
Are they going to ban KFC as well?

/It doesn't matter the country. But if you want the best fried chicken, go to the hood

 
Wolf Blitzer is a Substitute Teacher 2009-05-23 11:44:52 PM  
bobbette: Is it possible that one slice of pizza could be so exquisitely perfect that it would drive men to madness and desperation? Attacking each other - and the law - just for a single slice?

Adams Morgan Jumbo Slices are pretty damn good.

 
Phil Herup 2009-05-23 11:45:15 PM  
Britney Spear's Speculum: Actually, you bring up a good point/connection. The violence at the pizza places more than likely related to drug sales/turf wars also.



End the War on Drugs.


It will help.


But not right away. The war on drugs has ben a terrible mess. So many lives ruined.

 
Gyrfalcon [TotalFark] 2009-05-23 11:47:12 PM  
TheGreatGazoo: Are they going to ban KFC as well?

/It doesn't matter the country. But if you want the best fried chicken, go to the hood


If they banned food altogether, crime might well slow down somewhat...hm.

 
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener [TotalFark] 2009-05-23 11:48:05 PM  
bobbette: Now having read TMLO's post, I do see a possible rationale for this pizza prohibition.

The only way this makes sense is if this pizza is so good, grown men will kill for it.

Is it possible that one slice of pizza could be so exquisitely perfect that it would drive men to madness and desperation? Attacking each other - and the law - just for a single slice?



... you know, I really should thank you for allowing me to see the issue from a different perspective.

If they *are* rumbling over pizza, I can only hope that they're doing so in a coliseum while crazed onlookers chant "PIZZA PIZZA!"

 
Mayhem of the Black Underclass 2009-05-23 11:56:46 PM  
I actually like the idea of banning jumbo slices, because I
A) am Lactose intolerant
B) hate all my fat black "friends"
C) can't stand lemon-lime soda
D) will be glad to see the violence move to White Castle?

/none of the above are true.

 
Jeeb 2009-05-24 12:00:19 AM  
getting a kick out of these replies having actually gotten my ass beat in the vicinity of said establishments.

I'm sure those criminals were all hopped up on the pizza, I sure know I was.

 
Farker T 2009-05-24 12:00:26 AM  
bobbette: What the f*ck!?

It's like prohibition... but instead of prohibiting the actual substance making people aggressive and uninhibited... they're prohibiting another, completely unrelated thing.

Good luck with curbing your late-night crime problem that way, guys!

/tomorrow, instead of blaming myself for drinking beer and commenting on Fark, I will blame my shoes. I'm wearing my shoes while commenting on Fark, so correlation is causation, right? SHOES! THIS IS ALL YOUR ADORABLE, STYLISH FAULT!


I support a woman's right to shoes.

 
sacrileg 2009-05-24 12:03:08 AM  
freedom isn't free. you have to give up pizza first.

 
gave up 2009-05-24 12:03:20 AM  
In other news: Motels will be banned to end adultry.

 
gave up 2009-05-24 12:06:21 AM  
And by the way, I'd like a slice of Pepperoni with extra bullets..

 
justoneznot 2009-05-24 12:07:52 AM  
Argh2: Why does everyone feel that they have a right to weigh in on DC city politics? You don't live there.

And BTW, put any other city under the same scrutiny and they look just as stupid. City politics are city politics.


I think Fark would be pretty boring if people only commented about events that occurred where they lived. Most people here don't live in Florida for example but it even gets its own tag. So what? If you're not interested in it, don't click the link.

 
RsquaredW 2009-05-24 12:11:19 AM  
Wolf Blitzer is a Substitute Teacher: bobbette: Is it possible that one slice of pizza could be so exquisitely perfect that it would drive men to madness and desperation? Attacking each other - and the law - just for a single slice?

Adams Morgan Jumbo Slices are pretty damn good.


No, they're not. Try one when you're sober...it's like nostalgia except with alcohol rather than time.

Granted, they ARE the greatest thing in the world when you're drunk. If they ban jumbo slice, the dry cleaners of DC will take a serious revenue hit.

// I blame the 92F bus
// it goes directly from the heart of the ghetto to AdMo and back
// yeah, I said it

 
Brainsick 2009-05-24 12:12:34 AM  
captainktainer: I'm really skeptical about it, but there's a big difference between "These businesses are causing a hazard and aren't regulating themselves" and "LOL LET'S BAN PIZZA." We should at least find out what the councilman is proposing before raging against the evil machine, ya know?

If only there were some organization that could POLICE the streets in these areas...

 
justoneznot 2009-05-24 12:18:50 AM  
This reminds me of when they (I forget where it was) were trying to ban small baggies because drug dealers use them for their drugs. Why not just go after drug dealers? And in this case, if there's a lot of violence, how about going tougher on criminals? How about patrolling these areas better at night? Yeah I'm sure if it weren't for these pizza places, violent crime would be virtually nonexistent.

 
jake3988 2009-05-24 12:20:49 AM  
helix400 2009-05-23 11:35:17 PM If single jumbo slices of pizza are banned to fight crime, then only criminals will have single jumbo slices of pizza.
=================================================================
bobbette: The only way this makes sense is if this pizza is so good, grown men will kill for it. Is it possible that one slice of pizza could be so exquisitely perfect that it would drive men to madness and desperation? Attacking each other - and the law - just for a single slice?
====================================================

You guys are cowinnars. Congrats. I'm still laughing.

/+1 to both of ya.

 
MacEnvy [TotalFark] 2009-05-24 12:21:45 AM  
The only halfway decent pizza I've found in DC so far is Mama Lucia's 18" New York style. And it's not great, just passable.

Can anyone point me to decent NY pizza in DC (or even better, Silver Spring)? Seriously, it's a problem.

 
brainiac-dumdum [TotalFark] 2009-05-24 12:26:58 AM  
what a bizarre connection he made there

 
Bermuda59 2009-05-24 12:29:12 AM  
I hope that the president of the NPA (National Pizza Association) does something about this to preserve the rights of citizens to buy pizza; whether it's by the slice or the whole pie.

 
mud_shark 2009-05-24 12:30:52 AM  
Argh2: Why does everyone feel that they have a right to weigh in on DC city politics? You don't live there.

And BTW, put any other city under the same scrutiny and they look just as stupid. City politics are city politics.


Argh2: Why does everyone feel that they have a right to weigh in on DC city politics? You don't live there.

And BTW, put any other city under the same scrutiny and they look just as stupid. City politics are city politics.


Hey, I don't mind if you comment on how stupid my own city is for buying up 50% as much area as the city takes up in "open space" programs, not all of it even adjacent to the city.

This pizza thing is even stupider than that.

And the movie on SciFi right now is almost as stupid as the pizza ordinance.

 
awaken101 2009-05-24 12:32:40 AM  
I've been a patron of Jumbo Slice... it's okay, but even better after you get out of one of the numerous clubs right around it. It's quite a popular spot to hit once you're done drinking for the night. It gets crowded around the joint since the line gets long and everyone tends to walk right outside to eat their purchase.

 
Farker T 2009-05-24 12:39:12 AM  
i676.photobucket.com

Another attack on our religious freedoms.

 
Phil Herup 2009-05-24 12:44:48 AM  
Farker T: Another attack on our religious freedoms.



That is a state religion we can all get behind.

 
pnjunction [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-05-24 12:44:56 AM  
In my home town of about 50k there is a pizza place right beside the bar. After closing time a crowd fills up the whole area and takes a while to dissipate. It's actually pretty fun (depending on the weather), you finally find all of the people you lost track of in the bar while you have a smoke or eat a slice before heading home. Great time to work on a last-minute hookup as well if that's your thing.

I don't think the cops mind because it keeps the riff-raff nice and concentrated. As long as you don't block the road or fight they don't give a f*ck how rowdy you are.

This is the stupidest shiat I ever heard. What happened to our rights? I'd say something like buying a slice of pizza is pretty f*cking fundamental. Once that goes, what next? First they came for...and so on.

 
Ironclad2 2009-05-24 12:52:20 AM  
D.C. City Council, Manhattan frowns upon your shenanigans.

/really wants a slice now
//Koronet at 110 & Broadway
///not bad, not good, but huge and hits the spot

 
KimJ 2009-05-24 12:55:26 AM  
They did this same thing in State College, PA when I was a grad student at PSU. They claimed that late-night pizza-by-the-slice windows were the cause of problems after closing time. They seemed to think it was successful, but I felt bad for the businesses that went out of business because of the ban.

 
Kar98 2009-05-24 12:55:52 AM  
imgs.xkcd.com

 
doctorwormwood 2009-05-24 01:02:42 AM  
morons... don't just plant a Cop unit on that corner or anything... it's obviously the businesses that happen to sell food to these poeple who are *gaasp* out late!
interesting to me the people talking about the businesses should be taking care of this.. the idiot politician attacks the businesses instead of doing his job and pushing the police to do theirs..

 
Argh2 2009-05-24 01:10:58 AM  
factoryconnection: Argh2: Why does everyone feel that they have a right to weigh in on DC city politics? You don't live there.

And BTW, put any other city under the same scrutiny and they look just as stupid. City politics are city politics.

Could you then, o anointed one, ....etc.


Annointed one? What does that even mean?

I'm not trying to defend this idiot. If anything the slice joints should be shut down because the alleged pizza is an insult to food everywhere. Just tired of DC bashing by people who can't seem to understand that the city isn't the same as the Federal government.

 
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