Lumpy yawn? Good one. I thought I'd hear all the euphemisms.

/just thought I'd toss that in here.

Uh.... hear = heard. I'm sober, too, I swear.

I love that guy! I'm glad his writing is as entertaining as his t.v. personality.

But good god: Daiquiris and Pina Coladas? No wonder he's fat and pukes all the time.

Jeebus. No wonder he went from 0-60 in 45 years.

who?

"lumpy yawn" is my new favorite phrase.

glenlivid: I love that guy! I'm glad his writing is as entertaining as his t.v. personality.

But good god: Daiquiris and Pina Coladas? No wonder he's fat and pukes all the time.

Beats chugging Boone's (new window).

FarkinNortherner: Jeebus. No wonder he went from 0-60 in 45 years.

Zing!

You know why I am glad to give up drinking?

Looking at some shoes the day after at the bedside and wondering which is yours.

berylman: You know why I am glad to give up drinking?

Looking at some shoes the day after at the bedside and wondering which is yours.

Leave before the lights come on.

I gave up the sauce for 3 at the start of this year, and I have to say, you do feel better, and screwing with cops at bar closing time is really a lot of fun. Though try as I did, I did not get pulled over driving as aggressively with little regard for the speed limit. It's like they can smell the absence of fear and consequently ignore you.

/back to drinking pretty much nightly

Drinking ruined my life. I was once a Hollywood agent, but lost my job and family due to my alcoholism. I packed up everything and moved to Vegas with the intent of killing myself. Lonely and drunk, I paid a prostitute just to sit and talk with me. We formed an odd relationship based on a mutual respect for our personal miseries -- my alcoholism, and her job as a prostitute. We never had sex, though. It eventually became apparent that the core of our relationship was rotten. She tried to get me to see a doctor, and in a rage I went out and brought home another prostitute. She kicked me out. She was later raped and beaten, after which we reconciled, and had sex for the first time.

glenlivid: I love that guy! I'm glad his writing is as entertaining as his t.v. personality.

But good god: Daiquiris and Pina Coladas? No wonder he's fat and pukes all the time.



I'm sorry, is there something wrong with Daiquiris?

My drinking problem started after the war. It didn't cause me any trouble except for relationships, work, etc. Then, one day, I was on a plane and the crew got sick. It was up to me to land the airplane.

Everyone was counting on me.

thereadlines: Drinking ruined my life. I was once a Hollywood agent, but lost my job and family due to my alcoholism. I packed up everything and moved to Vegas with the intent of killing myself. Lonely and drunk, I paid a prostitute just to sit and talk with me. We formed an odd relationship based on a mutual respect for our personal miseries -- my alcoholism, and her job as a prostitute. We never had sex, though. It eventually became apparent that the core of our relationship was rotten. She tried to get me to see a doctor, and in a rage I went out and brought home another prostitute. She kicked me out. She was later raped and beaten, after which we reconciled, and had sex for the first time.

My hair is a bird. Your story is invalid.

bingethinker: Lumpy yawn? Good one. I thought I'd hear all the euphemisms.

/just thought I'd toss that in here.

Came here to say this, hilariously gross euphemism...

Harry Freakstorm

My drinking problem started when I became a burnout in the NYPD. It also caused problems with my relationships and work. Then one day I had to escort a witness sixteen blocks...

I spent about 30 sec on that article until I realized it wasn't written in English. What language is that by the way?

Drinking Problem (n.): When all the wine is gone.

My drinking problem starts when I run out.

Gahh, teach me not to refresh before posting danwiseman

I have a drinking problem: If you've had three beers by 9pm, and your buddies insist on doing tequila shooters until midnight, and you all decide to sober up with vodak until last call, at what time the next morning will that she-troll you went home with stop looking like Selma Hayek to your beer-goggled drunk ass?

I love Jeremy Clarkson so much. I know nothing about cars... hell, I've never even had a driver's license. Yet Top Gear is at the top of my DVR list. I just love that dry British wit, and Clarkson's got it in spades.

The problem is that all these quitters have a drinking problem. To me, drinking is a solution.

jso2897: thereadlines: Drinking ruined my life. I was once a Hollywood agent, but lost my job and family due to my alcoholism. I packed up everything and moved to Vegas with the intent of killing myself. Lonely and drunk, I paid a prostitute just to sit and talk with me. We formed an odd relationship based on a mutual respect for our personal miseries -- my alcoholism, and her job as a prostitute. We never had sex, though. It eventually became apparent that the core of our relationship was rotten. She tried to get me to see a doctor, and in a rage I went out and brought home another prostitute. She kicked me out. She was later raped and beaten, after which we reconciled, and had sex for the first time.

My hair is a bird. Your story is invalid.

Nice and smooth. Much like this glass of Shiraz.

chef_riggy: CygnusDarius: Beats chugging Boone's (new window).

That's nothing! Nasty, yes, but I dare you to beat this! (new window)

Well, if you have to repeat that Thunderbird Wine has an unusual flavor (new window), there's something suspicious about it.

glenlivid: I love that guy! I'm glad his writing is as entertaining as his t.v. personality.

But good god: Daiquiris and Pina Coladas? No wonder he's fat and pukes all the time.

I would never suspect him to be a girl drink drunk!



That must be how they got him to do all that crazy shiat on the show. What will they do now he's sober?

Given his tendency to ramble on unrelated subjects before getting to the topic at hand, I was expecting there to be a paragraph about the new VW GTI stuck on the end.

The worst part about being sober all the time is waking up in the morning and realizing that this is as good as you are going to feel all day.

I'm reminded of seeing Russell Crowe on Craig Ferguson one night discussing alcohol:

Crowe: So how old were you when you stopped drinking?

Ferguson: About 35.

Crowe: You gave up too early.

nicksteel: The worst part about being sober all the time is waking up in the morning and realizing that this is as good as you are going to feel all day.

That's what coffee is for.

I used to be a fall down drunk, worked a good job, and had the admiration of thousands.
I had a good boss, too. He didn't really care that I was plastered most of the time as long as I brought in the crowds.
Then I hurt my knee.
The boss bumped me up to management, but I farked the San Antonio job up.
Being the desperate man that the boss was, he gave me another chance. Manage another team, he says, wave your cap around, give the people a thrill.
So I did what he asked (because he was paying me for it and I couldn't afford booze anymore).

I always thought it was the Technicolor yawn. You know, talking to Ralph on the big white phone.

I always liked "driving the porcelain bus." "Lumpy yawn" is darn good though.

He's amusing and interesting due to his outspokenness about a variety of issues. But the guy sometimes talks about stuff that he knows nothing about.

Most amusing was when he published his bank account info in the paper, thinking no one would be able to get money out of his account. Stick to reviewing cars.

Tweeker & Texastag

I had a famous friend (female) who used to bang that guy.

I mention this because I just spent the last 2 hours listening to her music...and I haven't seen him in a long while.

/wasn't Bea Arthur.
//too soon?

mreuther: I always thought it was the Technicolor yawn. You know, talking to Ralph on the big white phone.

Or I've also experienced Yawning in Disney or Calling Europe.

I always called it a "technicolor yawn"

And Christopher Hitchens drinks on...

/yay, entertaining alcoholic Brits!

Selling a Buick...

flaminglip: Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.

This! In these trying times we really shouldn't be thinking of only ourselves.

Harry Freakstorm: My drinking problem started after the war. It didn't cause me any trouble except for relationships, work, etc. Then, one day, I was on a plane and the crew got sick. It was up to me to land the airplane.

Everyone was counting on me.

I just want to tell you good luck, we're all counting on you.

Praying to the porcelain god.

My problem with drinking is I am allergic to straight shots.

/I break out in a drunk

BoronCarbon: Harry Freakstorm: My drinking problem started after the war. It didn't cause me any trouble except for relationships, work, etc. Then, one day, I was on a plane and the crew got sick. It was up to me to land the airplane.

Everyone was counting on me.

I just want to tell you good luck, we're all counting on you.

excellent. i llol'ed

If he has a lumpy lawn, then it would probably help to rototill it. If it's really bad, maybe go for a complete re-sod.

Every time I think about quitting drinking my hands start to shake, and I sweat uncontrollably, regardless of the temperature. I like to think that this is my body confirming that quitting is a bad idea.

Not as think as you drunk I am: I used to be a fall down drunk, worked a good job, and had the admiration of thousands.
I had a good boss, too. He didn't really care that I was plastered most of the time as long as I brought in the crowds.
Then I hurt my knee.
The boss bumped me up to management, but I farked the San Antonio job up.
Being the desperate man that the boss was, he gave me another chance. Manage another team, he says, wave your cap around, give the people a thrill.
So I did what he asked (because he was paying me for it and I couldn't afford booze anymore).

Do you think if we paid you a little bit more you could be a little more disgusting?

/Avoid the clap.

Articles like this make me want to quit reading