Literally none. I mean that. I have NO viable skills.

But I'm pretty fat so some people might be able to live for a while by eating me.

I can break into any house/apartment/car with a Blockbuster car & coat hanger.



/don't tell anyone

I'm very SPECIAL.

Amongst other things I know how to can/preserve food, slaughter animals & prepare them for eating, I can start a fire without matches or a lighter. I know enough basic gardening skills to get by too.

I know how to filet human.

I know my way around multiple firearms, handguns and rifles. I can handle a bow and arrow if we run out of ammo.

I can build a very acceptable shelter out of urban or wilderness materials.

I know edible plantlife in the area.

I know the basics of how to make explosives out of household materials.

I can trap small game if the firearms and archery fail.

I can kill a baar with my bare hands.

I know how to stand in the middle of the road and inform people on their inability to pass.

casey17: I can break into any house/apartment/car with a Blockbuster car & coat hanger.



/don't tell anyone

Meh...anyone can break into a building with a car. It's a lot harder to use a plastic card. ;-)

I'm very quiet.

I won't be the one tipping the zombies to our sweet hiding spot when we're cowering in terror.

A lot of skills that basically mean most people around me are screwed.

Judo.

Some wild-ass dingo tries to jump me, at least I have fighting chance of slamming him to the ground.

Of course, in a post-apocalyptic world, it's doubtful there would be any hilarious video of me being eaten by dingoes, but one can hope.

Did this seriously go green?

I can grow vegetables, but they take a little while.

I don't consider "handymen" and "cleaning ladies" and "clean towels" as necessities because believe me, that sort will be the first to succomb after the apocalypse.

Holy shiat! This went green? Are we going to see this message in a little while?

This article is no longer available. Reason: Admin had too many beers...please forgive him. This was not meant to be greenlit

I can build fire without matches.

I can build shelter.

I know many ways in which to gather water.

I can juggle.

SuperTramp: I don't consider "handymen" and "cleaning ladies" and "clean towels" as necessities because believe me, that sort will be the first to succomb after the apocalypse.

Bullshiat.

/Never leave home without your towel.

I can skin a buck, I can run a trot line.

SuperTramp: I don't consider "handymen"

Handymen are more handy than you might think.

abagdan: Did this seriously go green?

The last time a TFD thread was accidently greened we got this message: This article is no longer available. Reason: Admin had too many beers...please forgive him. This was not meant to be greenlit


Now I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop & that message to pop up.

I'm very good at living off the land used to living without most modern conveniences.

I'm also an excellent shot, so don't be approaching my harem.

Frankiesuicide Bullshiat. Never leave home without your towel.

Never underestimate what a little fungus can do.

I can light my farts.

I have huge tracks of land

I think we all know what my strong suit is.

Basic first aid, medicine, how to field strip and clean your weapons and reload ammo. A bit of chemistry would help. Basic survival knowledge. Having a few books would help.

I have the ability to greenlight articles from TFD at will.

frickinsweet: I think we all know what my strong suit is.

I don't know how anal sex will help in the apocalypse, but ok :)

BigSnatch: I have the ability to greenlight articles from TFD at will.

You should use your special powers on the next poop thread. The liters would never know what hit them.

I have the ability to suck up to those with better abilities.

Hey, the headline didn't say it had to be useful to anyone but ME...

NoseBrain: frickinsweet: I think we all know what my strong suit is.

I don't know how anal sex will help in the apocalypse, but ok :)

It won't help her, but(t) I'll have a great time.

I'm famine proof.

I can shoot.

I know a hell of a lot about the world of prescription drugs - get me into a pharmacy and I can probably find the right treatment for what ails you, but I get to keep all the good narcotics.

/famine proof = fat

i can make a shotgun out of my anus and three pine cones

im am willing and able to help re-populate the species.

I'm highly trained in the martial arts of wit and sarcasm, with biting historical references and snide innuendo.

I can seriously wound an ego at 50 yards and reduce a charging nerd to a weeping child in 30 seconds or less.

For close-in warfare, I'm quite dexterous at the delivery of semi-lethal paper-cuts.

That and I float in salt water. So I might serve as a raft.

NoseBrain: frickinsweet: I think we all know what my strong suit is.

I don't know how anal sex will help in the apocalypse, but ok :)

I was referring to my kick-ass grilled cheese sammiches, but ok

I knit. Hence, we'll all have post-apocalyptic socks. So, we've got that going for us. Which is nice.

frickinsweet: I was referring to my kick-ass grilled cheese sammiches, but ok

WELL COLOR ME EMBARRASSED.

Green? Really?

I can drive almost anything and am not a bad shot.

IronTom
Handymen are more handy than you might think.

I'm great with tools. The only "handyman" I may have need of is the kind JT sang about.

I can represent you in any litigation when whatever cunning plan you may have inevitably goes south.

/ Lawyers & cockroaches: we ain't going anywhere

frickinsweet: NoseBrain: frickinsweet: I think we all know what my strong suit is.

I don't know how anal sex will help in the apocalypse, but ok :)

I was referring to my kick-ass grilled cheese sammiches, but ok

This is important.

I sound fat.

I am an ER nurse so plenty, I would hope. I have also been told I am very funny, so if I can't fix your injury, I can maybe make you laugh while you die.

Hyperbolic Hyperbole: i can make a shotgun out of my anus and three pine cones

TTIUWP

I have a vagina.

Sadly, Admin is currently sober. Thought this had fun potential, though. Let there be fun, for great justice!

I have duct tape.

antialias: I have a vagina.

I'd protect it

antialias: I have a vagina.

Functional?

I have a really bendy thumb. oh and I can communicate with corn.