"Cut off" is such a vulgar expression.

Did the hero tag fall down the stairs again?

People who think this is a bad idea are sexist. If they want equality, they need to know that it's not only women that can be abused.

What goes around comes around.

That's stupid. Like guy wants to wait tables at Hooters stupid.

Yeah, cause all men are the same and those men (all 12 of them) who were abused just can't wait to pay the abuse forward to the first women they come across.

Or maybe it's a good idea to expose abused women to non abusive men who might understand what they were going through so, you know, the abused women realize that all men aren't scum?

They call it the Bobbit Initiative.

I feel like I ought to go make some popcorn for when this thread has more comments.

Wouldn't the humanitarian thing to do be helping out anyone and everyone who's a victim of abuse?

Oh, my mistake.

I went to London and I checked myself in at the Y.W.C.A. I said: " I like here, can I stay? I like it here can I stay? Do you have a vacancy for a backscrubber?"

Ask: They call it the Bobbit Initiative.

Coincidentally, the song lyrics I used in my comment come from the Smiths' song "Half a person".

TFAWhen you have been disempowered and had no control of your life it's important for a lot of women to see that this is an organisation run by women for women.

When men do the same they're called misogynists. Equal rights, equal responsibility.

There's a reason the United States did not ratify the Equal Rights Amendment. People were worried about cases like this. And unisex bathrooms, because separate but equal bathrooms are discriminatory.

What's next? Battered fish?



Link is hot like this haddock.

approves

/hotter than the chick from the show

Speaking as a man who was in a physically abusive relationship with a much smaller woman, this happies me.

Men abuse women, and women abuse men at almost exactly the same rates. Women get help and compassion, men get told to suck it up, because they're "bigger".

I could have easily won a knock-down drag-out fight with this girl, but it's not a prize fight. It's someone you have feelings for trying to strangle you. Someone you don't want to hurt, even while keeping them from injuring you.

We have to let go of this women=victim, men=abuser crap. People are people, good and bad, and usually both. But, as we all know, there's limited government funding to go around. And many women's shelters have very cynically figured out that denying the very real problem of abused men allows them to keep more of their funding.

//Now happily married to a very non-crazy woman

Won't work those abused guys will be scared of hairy pits running some of those places anyway.

/Unless they're on the rebound
//ouch that wall hurt

Miss Smartass: People who think this is a bad idea are sexist. If they want equality, they need to know that it's not only women that can be abused.

I agree that not only women are abused, but I can also see a need for either separate or at least segregated (by gender only) facilities, as women are the more common victims. Dedicating the same resources to problems of greatly differing problems is foolish.

"Many charities have been told that they must extend their counseling and outreach services to women because of new equality laws which require local authorities to ensure that services do not discriminate on grounds of sex.

Fiona Mactaggart, the former Home Office minister, said an "unintended consequence" of the law has meant some domestic violence services have lost grants or contracts for refusing to do so.

She said: "There are some local authorities who interpret equalities to mean that a refuge has to provide for women, not only for men.

"There are some stupidnesses developing in the system that nobody intended."

Men's Aid, the domestic violence charity, believes its male-only services are necessary to give abused men the reassurance they need. Often the men and children they help will only feel comfortable without a female presence.

Nicola Harwin, chief executive of Men's Aid, which counts the Prime Minister's husband Steve Brown among its patrons, said the charity is still allowed to exclude women from refuges.

However, when council contracts came up for tender, many branches are being told that they must provide services such as advice and counseling to women or lose their funding.

Miss Harwin said: "Men do appreciate being engaged in Men-only organisations. When you have been disempowered and had no control of your life it's important for a lot of men to see that this is an organisation run by men for men."

The new Gender Equality Duty, created under The Equality Act 2006, requires that 'public bodies must promote and take action to bring about gender equality, which involves: looking at issues for men and women'.

However, a spokesman for the Government Equalities Office said some councils were being overzealous about the duty, adding: "This cannot be an excuse for cutting services. This interpretation of the duty is law." "

Now, I would love to see who would have issues with that? I'll await the, "It's not the same, men have all the power and can't be abused" people.

The amusing thing being plenty of men and women would have no problem with the above story, but will have an issue with the real story.

I've done volunteer work in a women's shelter, and I've also done social work in low-income housing for HIV+ individuals and families. I've known quite a few abused women, and honestly... I don't think I've ever come across one who really *needs* a space to be completely men-free. In fact, most would welcome this - most of the women I've known that have had a skewed view of men because of their experiences (not all do - most just need a place to get themselves together) can understand, intellectually, that all men aren't violent assholes, but just need to get over their fear.

Obviously, it's a delicate issue and I don't want to generalize too much, but I think more often then not, it would actually be beneficial to abused women to get a realistic picture of the situation and know that men can be abused too.

It's sad that they actually have to be told to help men. Where was it ever written that men can't be victims of abuse? You would think a center designed specifically to help victims of domestic violence would be the first place to realize this and not indulge in a double standard. If you have the resources to help someone, help them; fark their gender.

lewismarktwo: Yeah, cause all men are the same and those men (all 12 of them) who were abused just can't wait to pay the abuse forward to the first women they come across.

Or maybe it's a good idea to expose abused women to non abusive men who might understand what they were going through so, you know, the abused women realize that all men aren't scum?

Wow, stereotype much?

So you don't think men that are the victim of the same thing as women should not receive the same care as women? How can you reconcile that as not being blatantly sexist?

Womens shelters ordered to help male victims of domestic violence or have their funding cut off

Pffft. They were asking for it.

As a survivor of abuse, I really get POed when people have a problem with giving equal rights to all in these situations.
When my taxes protect soem others, but not myself in the same situation, it really is taxation with out representation.
Unfortunately, in the USA, not all states are treating people as equals. Oddly, enough, most states thinks animal abuse is animal abuse, regardless of teh sepcie.

IKillBugs: Miss Smartass: People who think this is a bad idea are sexist. If they want equality, they need to know that it's not only women that can be abused.

I agree that not only women are abused, but I can also see a need for either separate or at least segregated (by gender only) facilities, as women are the more common victims. Dedicating the same resources to problems of greatly differing problems is foolish.

Are they though? I seem to recall men being abused at the same rate as women but reporting it less often because there's a general tendency to think they should just toughen up and stop being such a nanvy boy. I can't seem to find the link though.

From 1993, starring Peter Strauss and Judith Light. I don't think it was supposed to be funny, but I remember laughing when she hit him on top of the head in one scene.

Men Don't Tell (new window)

My ex attacked me with a big ol' knife in the kitchen. I had said something like "Why won't you rinse the effen plates before you put them in the dishwasher that I bought you for your birthday"?

Moral: Stay out of the kitchen. It's wimmins work.....

It would be a good thing... but the nearest women's shelter to my neighbourhood is a known home to man-haters.

I happen to think that an important part of helping a woman recover from an abusive relationship does NOT include teaching her that all men are abusers. Unfortunately, that's a common opinion among the women who work in the industry.

Ask: Are they though? I seem to recall men being abused at the same rate as women but reporting it less often because there's a general tendency to think they should just toughen up and stop being such a nanvy boy. I can't seem to find the link though.

If the problem isn't reported, then how can you plan for it? If you fund for it, and no one uses it, wouldn't that be wasteful? There are real issues here, and blaming or punishing womens only facilities isn't the answer. The real issue is mens inability to let go of being "the tough guy".

aagrajag: Speaking as a man who was in a physically abusive relationship with a much smaller woman, this happies me.

Men abuse women, and women abuse men at almost exactly the same rates. Women get help and compassion, men get told to suck it up, because they're "bigger".

I could have easily won a knock-down drag-out fight with this girl, but it's not a prize fight. It's someone you have feelings for trying to strangle you. Someone you don't want to hurt, even while keeping them from injuring you.

We have to let go of this women=victim, men=abuser crap. People are people, good and bad, and usually both. But, as we all know, there's limited government funding to go around. And many women's shelters have very cynically figured out that denying the very real problem of abused men allows them to keep more of their funding.

//Now happily married to a very non-crazy woman

THANK YOU! *applause*

I'm getting really sick of all the politically-correct anti-male sexism in society.

The latest BS I saw was a Facebook "Cause" called "real men never hit a woman" or something like that. Well guess who the beneficiary group for donations was? A lesbian-oriented LGBT charity! Guess what? There are similar rates of domestic violence among lesbian couples. So shouldn't their group be called "a real woman never hits a woman" or something? Don't they care about lesbians, being a lesbian group, or do they care more about spreading the sexist man-hate?

Unsung_Hero: I happen to think that an important part of helping a woman recover from an abusive relationship does NOT include teaching her that all men are abusers.

I agree.

disestablishmenator: The latest BS I saw was a Facebook "Cause" called "real men never hit a woman" or something like that. Well guess who the beneficiary group for donations was? A lesbian-oriented LGBT charity! Guess what? There are similar rates of domestic violence among lesbian couples. So shouldn't their group be called "a real woman never hits a woman" or something? Don't they care about lesbians, being a lesbian group, or do they care more about spreading the sexist man-hate?

My father once saw a poster at work, something along the lines of 'half of women are abused by their spouse'. Not one to put up with bullshiat, he went to HR and issued a demand - citation or GTFO.

The poster was gone more or less immediately.

IKillBugs: Unsung_Hero: I happen to think that an important part of helping a woman recover from an abusive relationship does NOT include teaching her that all men are abusers.

I agree.

I also happen to think that it might be good for abused women to see abused men. Maybe they don't belong in the same therapy groups due to psychological differences between the sexes, but still, it'd be a good counter to the 'all men are abusers' shiat they're being exposed to that must damage all future relationships if they buy into it.

My mother used to get extremely angry whenever one of those "Stop Violence Against Women" commercials was on TV. Her opinion was that we should stop violence, period, and not put any qualifiers on it.

The DV organizations with which I've worked in CO & WY all have some sort of services for men. Generally that means an emergency hotel fund and individual counseling. The power and control aspects of family violence aren't specific to women as victims only.

That being said, when I did DV stats for Boulder County, most of the arrests were men (roughly 80+%), but obviously that doesn't take non-reporting into account. I wouldn't go as far as to say men and women abuse each other equally, but male victims do tend to not report in far greater numbers.

It's not unreasonable to ask an organization that gets funding from the government to provide for some sort of contingency for victims who are men.

OregonVet: That's stupid. Like guy wants to wait tables at Hooters stupid.

Do I have your permission to use that line?

I grew up in rural Pennsylvania. One of our local womens' shelters (this was before they were more properly referred to as "domestic shelters") got a lot of attention for refusing to help a man who had spent years being badly beaten by his wife. This particular shelter was either in Bloomsburg or Berwick, I can't remember. The local newspaper ran a front-page story covering the issue and confirming that yes, the shelter thought the idea of a man being beaten was pretty funny. One shelter volunteer was quoted as saying "he probably deserved it".

A few days after the article, the paper published a letter from the head of the shelter. She stated that she felt the article was unfair and inappropriate because it made light of a very serious situation -- spousal abuse. She went on to say that "no real man" would ever allow his wife to hit him repeatedly like that. Her long-winded letter also went on to adamantly insist that men should NEVER be allowed into a womens' shelter, asking "what kind of message would that send".

The story was a double-tragedy, because most of the donors and volunteers to that shelter backed out almost immediately. A flood of letters to the editor followed, accusing the woman of being an ignorant sexist. If this were a business like Wal-Mart, I'd say they got what they deserved. But the sad reality is that the ignorant filth coming from this woman's mouth took away support from the victims who needed it most.

IKillBugs: Dedicating the same resources to problems of greatly differing problems is foolish.

I've never abused a woman, but I've been smacked around by one or two.

Admittedly, the smacking obeyed the laws of physics and I am an SCA rattan junkie who likes bruises, but I've still experienced a mathematically infinite amount more abuse than I've given.

I doubt so few men have been abused that they don't need a shelter for some, but I'm willing to bet that most are like myself and only use the term "victim" grudgingly after looking "victim" up in the dictionary.

That being the case, it makes good financial sense to treat the men at the women's center. Many men are being abused every day, but only a small percentage would even think of seeking more help than a cold beer and talkin' with their buddies. There's no need to make a dedicated facility if you already have experts gathered full time in one place.

Your plan is like telling a gynaecologist that, because they're a gynaecologist, they can't render first aid a man even if they have the training a licenses to do so.

if their living space is such that each person can feel secure every night then there's no reason not to have the same facilities service both abused men and abused women. it would help everyone if their group counseling was not exclusively women-only and hopefully after a couple of days the women there would know that the men there are not a threat, and vice versa.

if the doors don't have locks then wtf are they thinking???

Unsung_Hero: I also happen to think that it might be good for abused women to see abused men. Maybe they don't belong in the same therapy groups due to psychological differences between the sexes, but still, it'd be a good counter to the 'all men are abusers' shiat they're being exposed to that must damage all future relationships if they buy into it.

You have a good point there.

dead_dangler: My mother used to get extremely angry whenever one of those "Stop Violence Against Women" commercials was on TV. Her opinion was that we should stop violence, period, and not put any qualifiers on it.

Hero tag goes to your mom.

floor9: She went on to say that "no real man" would ever allow his wife to hit him repeatedly like that. Her long-winded letter also went on to adamantly insist that men should NEVER be allowed into a womens' shelter, asking "what kind of message would that send".

...the sad reality is that the ignorant filth coming from this woman's mouth took away support from the victims who needed it most.

In a perfect world, the support removed would be reapplied to an institution that could support the existing victims as well as the previously ignored ones... and without employing anyone from the previous shelter.

doglover: Your plan is like telling a gynaecologist that, because they're a gynaecologist, they can't render first aid a man even if they have the training a licenses to do so.

Actually I felt my plan was more like a gynaecologist not doing pelvic exams on men.

lewismarktwo: Yeah, cause all men are the same and those men (all 12 of them) who were abused just can't wait to pay the abuse forward to the first women they come across.

Or maybe it's a good idea to expose abused women to non abusive men who might understand what they were going through so, you know, the abused women realize that all men aren't scum?

And the abused men realize the same thing?

Boonlert Boonpan: What's next? Battered fish?



Link is hot like this haddock.

IKillBugs:

If the problem isn't reported, then how can you plan for it? If you fund for it, and no one uses it, wouldn't that be wasteful? There are real issues here, and blaming or punishing womens only facilities isn't the answer. The real issue is mens inability to let go of being "the tough guy".

I agree with everything you said till the last point. Seriously, you're a guy, go to your local police station, tell them you're being abused, see the response. Go to your doctor, preferable older or male, see the response.

You know, there was a time when women were afraid to report being date-raped, because it just wasn't taken seriously. Did you go around harassing them for that too?

God you disgust me.

This seems like a great way to meet women with low self-esteem and/or daddy issues.

trozman: I agree with everything you said till the last point. Seriously, you're a guy, go to your local police station, tell them you're being abused, see the response. Go to your doctor, preferable older or male, see the response.

You know, there was a time when women were afraid to report being date-raped, because it just wasn't taken seriously. Did you go around harassing them for that too?

God you disgust me.

First, I have been there.

An ex-girlfriend attacked me in my apartment with a claw hammer. After hitting me twice, I clocked her, breaking her nose. My room mates girlfriend called the cops, telling them exactly what happened, and Still I was the one in cuffs. So I've seen what happens when men report abuse. When I was uncuffed, I was told I handled it like "a real man" by the responding officer.

Once again, if men would let go of the need to be a tough guy, and report this more often, the issue would see the light of day.

trozman: You know, there was a time when women were afraid to report being date-raped, because it just wasn't taken seriously. Did you go around harassing them for that too?

God you disgust me.

Oh, one more thing.

You completely missed the point of what I was saying.

So they can't make 'men's shelters' where men don't have to worry about being constantly watched for any wrong move while they're trying to get back on their feet?

Side note : YMCA used to stand for Young Men's Christian Association -- a men's shelter for homeless or displaced young men traveling across the country looking for work. Then they made them gymnasiums and community centers, which was good, but many lost the 'shelter in the storm' aspect.

But they should think about the guys who don't want to be placed in a women's shelter - under lock and key or camera at the very least 24/7.