I've had the misfortune of meeting him...he wouldn't say a word to anyone, just nodded or shook his head when asked a question. If the question couldn't be answered with a simple yes or no, he would just stare at you.


Oh yeah, and he "signed" everything put in front of him with a question mark. What a dickhole.

Really? Something involving Tool and douchebaggery? I'm shocked!

Interview with Patton Oswalt I thought was funny. (new window)

This guy claims to be a massive Tool fan and doesn't know this? Seriously, some of my favorite musicians are people I would take pains to avoid in reality.

What a... well you know.

Bek: This guy claims to be a massive Tool fan and doesn't know this? Seriously, some of my favorite musicians are people I would take pains to avoid in reality.

Exactly, I used to like Tool a lot way back when, before Lateralus and all that crap came out - seriously WTF happened to Tool? - but even then he was known to be an extreme asshole to the public and media (I think he's granted all of five interviews in the last 20 years)

If the fact that he wants people to line up, spend fifty to a hundred bucks on a farking bottle of wine just so he can "sign" it, isn't a dead giveaway, then I don't know what is. But hey power to him for actually getting people to line up and shell out that kind of cash for him to scribble 'M' on a bottle of vino.

Bek: This guy claims to be a massive Tool fan and doesn't know this? Seriously, some of my favorite musicians are people I would take pains to avoid in reality.

THIS

I've always heard he was a butt-nugget, but that doesn't take anything away from the (near) lifetime of enjoyment and introspection that his music has provided me.

onecanshort: Exactly, I used to like Tool a lot way back when, before Lateralus and all that crap came out - seriously WTF happened to Tool?

Lateralus is amazing. Anecdote!

A friend of mine is an orchestral musician and went to one of the top music schools for his undergrad. For one of his theory classes, the professor played Schism and asked the students to identify the key signature.

/most of them were confused, iirc

Dear Stupid Jackass,

It's entirely possible that the guy would like to be able to promote his wine with out having to be harrassed by "ZOMG MAYNARD!!11! I CAN HAZ PICTURES???" douchery. Oh, and I'm sorry that you define "I'd like to have a stake in a vinyard and personal pursuits, as stardom is only a fleeting moment" as "selling out".

God, Tool fans suck.

Bek: onecanshort: Exactly, I used to like Tool a lot way back when, before Lateralus and all that crap came out - seriously WTF happened to Tool?

Lateralus is amazing. Anecdote!

A friend of mine is an orchestral musician and went to one of the top music schools for his undergrad. For one of his theory classes, the professor played Schism and asked the students to identify the key signature.

/most of them were confused, iirc

Heh that's pretty cool.

It's not a bad album (far superior to 10,000 Days) it's just not my style, Undertow was my favorite album by them, closely followed by Aenima.

onecanshort: Bek: but even then he was known to be an extreme asshole to the public and media (I think he's granted all of five interviews in the last 20 years)



Refusing to grant interviews and shutting out the media im all for, but being like that to fans?

Lester Bangs once said the biggest sin an artist can make is show contempt for his audience... and I agree

HotLonelyTeenageGirl: Dear Stupid Jackass,

It's entirely possible that the guy would like to be able to promote his wine with out having to be harrassed by "ZOMG MAYNARD!!11! I CAN HAZ PICTURES???" douchery. Oh, and I'm sorry that you define "I'd like to have a stake in a vinyard and personal pursuits, as stardom is only a fleeting moment" as "selling out".

God, Tool fans suck.

Yeah but the guy is a columnist for the local paper. That's a bit different from some fanboy wanting a picture, getting denied and going home to cry about it.

He has a right to be pissed, he set up time for an interview with the PR folks, probably devoted a lot of time to it and had a deadline to meet and shows up to get shiat on by the guy and all his handlers.

Oh and Maynard sold out, he sold out a long time ago and has admitted as so. But this is a new level, charging your fans a shiatload of money for a signed bottle as a way to advertise your new wine? Weak.

I've watched a few of his wine-related interviews, and seriously, I f*cking love him. With a fiery passion.

What a "massive Tool fan" may look like.



Yeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

Bek: This guy claims to be a massive Tool fan...

Sounds like he is a fan of a massive tool.

P.S. Buy a new song, "Maynard." Yeesh. Your first album was enjoyable. Not so enjoyable the second/third/fourth time around.

The man owns a Yorkie. Pussy.

I, met a boy, wearing Vans, 501s, and a
Dope beastie-tee, nipple rings,
New tattoos that claim that he
Was OGT,
back in '92,
from the first EP.

And in between
Sips of Coke
He told me that
He thought
We were sellin' out,
Layin' down,
Suckin' up
To the man.

Well now I've got some
Advice for you, little buddy.
Before you point your finger
You should know that
I'm the man,

And if I'm the man,

Then you're the man, and
He's the man as well so you can
Point that farkin' finger up your ass.

All you know about me is what I've sold you,
Dumb fark.
I sold out long before you ever even heard my name.

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shiat,
And then you bought one.

I've got some
Advice for you, little buddy.
Before you point your finger
You should know that
I'm the man,

If I'm the farkin' man
Then you're the farkin' man as well
So you can
Point that farkin' finger up your ass.

All you know about me is what I've sold you,
Dumb fark.
I sold out long before you ever heard my name.

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shiat,
And you bought one.

All you read and
Wear or see and
Hear on TV
Is a product
Begging for your
Fatass dirty
Dollar

Shut up and

Buy, buy, buy, my new record
Buy, buy, buy, send more moneyfark you, buddy.fark you, buddy.fark you, buddy.fark you, buddy.

Tool - Hooker with a Penis

The dude came off as a fanboy with what he thought was a Wayne's World style back stage pass access. This isn't a concert. This is a wine centered venue, I don't imagine they bother with groupies at something like this. Biatching that he has sold out is just sandy vagina talk for I didn't get to be the fanboy I am trying really hard to appear not to be.

I met Maynard when A Perfect Circle was opening up for Nine Inch Nails back in '99 or 2000 or whenever. The guy wasn't overly douchey, just really really geeky and weird. Kept talking about video games, and refused a twizzler that someone offered him because he said they were bad for you.

He signed what I asked him to, but wouldn't take a picture with his face in it. But he said I could take a picture of me with his hand. So I still have a nice picture of me being choked by Maynard's hand.

Coolest guys I ever met? The dudes from Incubus, when they were opening up for Primus. The most laid back, down to earth, nice guys ever. Given, they were farking 23 years old a the time, and probably were just happy to be there, but still, it was fun.

But yeah, most of these guys are douchebags, and it shouldn't surprise anyone anymore. Like them for the music, I see no reason to go out of my way to meet any of these guys in person.


On another note, has anyone ever actually tried any wine from Arizona?

Here is the awesomeness that is a Maynard "Autograph":





Thanks a lot, jack off.

Otto's_Jacket: Here is the awesomeness that is a Maynard "Autograph":

Thanks a lot, jack off.

Would it be cooler if he had scribbled his name? If you dont want it I have a good home for it.

I have a flyer that was autographed by the members of Ben Folds Five as follows:

Darren Jesse
Robert Sledge
Kid Rock

Some people think they are hilarious...or something...

Gunny Highway: Would it be cooler if he had scribbled his name?

It certainly would have been less douchey.

Otto's_Jacket: Here is the awesomeness that is a Maynard "Autograph":


Thanks a lot, jack off.


No shiat he totally ruined that Bill Hick's DVD. Maynard is not worthy.

organizm: Gunny Highway: Would it be cooler if he had scribbled his name?

It certainly would have been less douchey.

You cant see why people would think autographs are stupid? And why, if you thought they would stupid, you would get tired of signing them? I guess just putting a "?" is kinda douchey but it the same thing as a signature. You still know who signed it.

eh, Maynard acting douchey? Not really news there.

good news: at least one tour date has been announced next month.

Gunny Highway: if you thought they would stupid

*if you thought they were stupid*

Kliffoth:
: Maynard is not worthy.

That's just not right, man.

/like the angry fist of God

Gunny Highway: Otto's_Jacket: Here is the awesomeness that is a Maynard "Autograph":

Thanks a lot, jack off.

Would it be cooler if he had scribbled his name? If you dont want it I have a good home for it.

Yes, it would have been much cooler if he would have scribbled his name. Of course I still know who signed it, but it was basically a big "fark you" to me and the others that I took backstage to meet him (I was an assistant program director at a rock station at the time).

Otto's_Jacket: Yes, it would have been much cooler if he would have scribbled his name. Of course I still know who signed it, but it was basically a big "fark you" to me and the others that I took backstage to meet him (I was an assistant program director at a rock station at the time).

I guess. Still pretty cool though. I just not an autograph person so I dont really get it I guess.

Ive met a few famous people and while I enjoyed meeting them, I never asked for an autograph. I felt stupid even thinking about asking for one. I would rather talk with them a few minutes and have that to remember them by. Im also pretty sure they get sick of signing things and having their picture taken by "fans".

/Derek Trucks and his band are the nicest guys in the world.

Gunny Highway: Otto's_Jacket: Yes, it would have been much cooler if he would have scribbled his name. Of course I still know who signed it, but it was basically a big "fark you" to me and the others that I took backstage to meet him (I was an assistant program director at a rock station at the time).

I guess. Still pretty cool though. I just not an autograph person so I dont really get it I guess.


I see from your profile you like a lot of the same music I do...if you met one of your music idols and he/she was a total ass almost to the point of embarrassment (we were in a tiny room backstage at the Pepsi center - even the other members of A.P.C. were uncomfortable with the silence after someone would ask him a question), wouldn't you be a little bit bummed out, autograph or not? Being in radio for almost 20 years now I'm used to artists being uncool, but not the contest winners. They were obviously extremely excited to meet him and then were incredibly disappointed afterward. Hell, I've been backstage when artists do beer bongs with contest winners and just generally enjoy meeting the people that pay them to make music (note what organizm said about Incubus - I've met them too and they were just as cool as mentioned).

When you go out of your way to make someone uncomfortable that really loves what you do is, in my mind, an incredibly dickish thing to do.

personally, Suicidal Tendencies resonates much deeper with me than any Maynard album.

/have seriously tried to listen to his albums, especially a perfect circle. F*ck, talk about pretentious sh*t.

Gunny Highway: I, met a boy, wearing Vans, 501s, and a
Dope beastie-tee, nipple rings,
New tattoos that claim that he
Was OGT,
back in '92,
from the first EP.

And in between
Sips of Coke
He told me that
He thought
We were sellin' out,
Layin' down,
Suckin' up
To the man.

Well now I've got some
Advice for you, little buddy.
Before you point your finger
You should know that
I'm the man,

And if I'm the man,

Then you're the man, and
He's the man as well so you can
Point that farkin' finger up your ass.

All you know about me is what I've sold you,
Dumb fark.
I sold out long before you ever even heard my name.

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shiat,
And then you bought one.

I've got some
Advice for you, little buddy.
Before you point your finger
You should know that
I'm the man,

If I'm the farkin' man
Then you're the farkin' man as well
So you can
Point that farkin' finger up your ass.

All you know about me is what I've sold you,
Dumb fark.
I sold out long before you ever heard my name.

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shiat,
And you bought one.

All you read and
Wear or see and
Hear on TV
Is a product
Begging for your
Fatass dirty
Dollar

Shut up and

Buy, buy, buy, my new record
Buy, buy, buy, send more moneyfark you, buddy.fark you, buddy.fark you, buddy.fark you, buddy.

Tool - Hooker with a Penis

Frankly dude, I own this album and its the first time i actually read the lyrics. I like Tool and all, but those lyrics comes off awfully smug and bitter

"I sold my soul to make a record,Dip shiat"

is he serious? Jeez, man. Its only rock n roll, have a Twizzler

Otto's_Jacket: When you go out of your way to make someone uncomfortable that really loves what you do is, in my mind, an incredibly dickish thing to do.

My bad. I didnt piece together that the boobies and the post with the Hick's image were both you. In that case I totally agree that it was a dick move. I can understand not signing autographs but being an asshole to you fans is inexcusable. That's too bad. Still love the guys music though.

Rock on Otto. Sorry for the confusion

HappyHarryHardOn: Frankly dude, I own this album and its the first time i actually read the lyrics. I like Tool and all, but those lyrics comes off awfully smug and bitter

"I sold my soul to make a record,Dip shiat"

is he serious? Jeez, man. Its only rock n roll, have a Twizzler

Agreed. I was just pointing out that the guy doesnt give a shiat if he is called a sell out. Unfortunately that song rocks incredibly hard. I would love for all the musicians I enjoy to be cool guys but a lot of the time artists are self absorbed dicks.

On a somewhat related note, I was backstage after one of Keith Richards' solo shows. An absolutely HUGE man came in moments before Keith and stated that he would not be signing any autographs. Keith comes in and of course the ten or so people there started handing him pens, begging him to sign something. He politely said no, and then someone said it was time to gather around for a picture. Keith looked at me and said, "You didn't ask for my autograph, did you?" I said no, and then he grabbed me around the neck and said "Thanks a lot bloke", and everyone came in close for the photograph. He and I are arm and arm while everyone else is just standing there.



/greatest rock moment of my life

Gunny Highway: Otto's_Jacket: When you go out of your way to make someone uncomfortable that really loves what you do is, in my mind, an incredibly dickish thing to do.

My bad. I didnt piece together that the boobies and the post with the Hick's image were both you. In that case I totally agree that it was a dick move. I can understand not signing autographs but being an asshole to you fans is inexcusable. That's too bad. Still love the guys music though.

Rock on Otto. Sorry for the confusion


No problem at all man - I still love his music as well. Rock on yourself!!

I actually met Handsome Dick Manatoba at his bar this weekend and he was a really cool guy. My girl friend lives a few blocks away, so we go all the time, but this was the first time we have been able to go on the weekend when his is there. Nice guy, good bar, great tunes.

/besides the bartender burning me for $10 which sucked

Gunny Highway: I actually met Handsome Dick Manatoba at his bar this weekend and he was a really cool guy. My girl friend lives a few blocks away, so we go all the time, but this was the first time we have been able to go on the weekend when his is there. Nice guy, good bar, great tunes.

/besides the bartender burning me for $10 which suckedshiat I would've burned you for free!

Wow that was...interesting.

Way to make a lame joke even lamer.

/Try the veal

I met Maynard at his music. After that, I don't care if he sells girl scout cookies in Russia. More power to him.

Kliffoth: Way to make a lame joke even lamer.

I would have much rather you had my $10. The bartender was a 40 year old who dressed like a 20 year old. Plus when I tried to go up to explain what happened he said "No I gave you the right change" and didnt even say sorry. We have decided to go back every weekend order a few drinks and not tip.

Weekday bartenders are awesome though.

Gunny Highway: Kliffoth: Way to make a lame joke even lamer.

I would have much rather you had my $10. The bartender was a 40 year old who dressed like a 20 year old. Plus when I tried to go up to explain what happened he said "No I gave you the right change" and didnt even say sorry. We have decided to go back every weekend order a few drinks and not tip.

Weekday bartenders are awesome though.


That bartender sounds like he was a real Maynard.

BTW Gunny Highway, the .gif in your profile cracks me up...I really hated that guy because the "band" he was in was doing a cover of "I still Believe" by The Call which I found blasphemous at the time.



/still loves The Lost Boys and still loves The Call

Kliffoth: That bartender sounds like he was a real Maynard.

The Wentz's more talented and bald cousin

Otto's_Jacket: /still loves The Lost Boys and still loves The Call

Amen Brother. Amen.

I've got a couple of bottles of Chupacabra in the garage.

I can't stand this talentless charlatan or his shiatty, shiatty band. The whole thing is like a prank on the audience.

I used to love listening to Tool fans preach about how hardcore Maynard was, how totally intelligent he was, how utterly metal everything he did was. So I'd ask them if they'd heard his duet with Tori Amos.

Bek: onecanshort: Exactly, I used to like Tool a lot way back when, before Lateralus and all that crap came out - seriously WTF happened to Tool?

Lateralus is amazing. Anecdote!

A friend of mine is an orchestral musician and went to one of the top music schools for his undergrad. For one of his theory classes, the professor played Schism and asked the students to identify the key signature.

/most of them were confused, iirc

12/8.
I hope none of those dickbags graduated. Jesus.