ninjakirby
Insta-Win.

reminds me of buddhist prayer wheels, except lazier

polishhottie69: reminds me of buddhist prayer wheels, except lazier

Buddhist prayer wheels work. Look what they did for Conan. A few years on the wheel and he looked just like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

You're doing it wrong.

So...you think God maybe doesn't NOTICE you're not doing the hard work yourself? Or doesn't care?

If you believe in God, then you know he doesn't let you take shortcuts to heaven. You can't send your representative to Mecca for the haj, and you can't put your Rosary on a tape loop.

I'm not a believer myself, but I know enough about religion to know the term for people like that, and it's a dirty one: Hypocrites.

I wish I had thought of this first. I'm sure there are idiots out there that actually pay these guys.

I think everyone who thinks prayer is important will see this as garbage, and anyone who doesnt think prayer is important won't have any reason to buy this.

ninjakirby: That's why I invented the PrayerMAX 5000TM

That's damn funny

Kinda reminds me of The Nine Billion Names of God

polishhottie69: reminds me of buddhist prayer wheels, except lazier

should run this on Roadrunner at LANL:

while (1)
{
printf("om mani padme hum\n")
}

I'm so lazy, I bought my fleshlight a vibrator!

SPAM THY LORD

The 9 billion names of God.

Gyrfalcon:
If you believe in God, then you know he doesn't let you take shortcuts to heaven.

Of course, he wants to keep all the virgins to himself.

Couple it up with the electric monk and all your spiritual dreams will come true!

/Really? I'm the first with a DNA reference?

call me when a computer can fly this plane into a building for me.

skunkmasher: The 9 billion names of God.

He prefers "Steve".

Gyrfalcon: So...you think God maybe doesn't NOTICE you're not doing the hard work yourself? Or doesn't care?

If you believe in God, then you know he doesn't let you take shortcuts to heaven. You can't send your representative to Mecca for the haj, and you can't put your Rosary on a tape loop.

I'm not a believer myself, but I know enough about religion to know the term for people like that, and it's a dirty one: Hypocrites.

i love that word! its the one word that even the worst of people(not calling you one) hate to be called.

i myself am one.

/Christian
// thinks the reciting prayers program is dumb

Personally, I try to pray (if that's what you call it, I guess that's what I call it) while I'm brushing my teeth in the morning. It's two minutes without any other mental requirements, so it works for me.

I also have a 'prayers' playlist on my ipod. It has: Beastie Boys Bodhisattva vow, Madonna Shanti/Ashtangi, Matisyahu Heights, Funkadelic Good Thoughts, Bad Thoughts, Bob Marley Forever Loving Jah and then some. Whenever I need to dig deep, I get this one out.

I was hoping for a stupid tag than a sad tag.

sleep lack: Kinda reminds me of The Nine Billion Names of God

Thank you. I was ransacking my aging mind for that. Great, great storey.

There is a reflective activity that can be called "prayer" (among other things), but "saying a prayer" makes no more sense than "reciting a meditation".

I used to have a lot of admiration for the piety of muslims. I still do but unfortunately it's been diminished.

I mean, praying 5 times a day? I sometimes struggle with three times a day... Don't get me wrong, I love to daven, but this often puts me in awkward situations. I have to plan my days around them. I don't struggle in the sense of "Man, I don't feel like it", I struggle in a "Hmm, how am I going to make it on time to X" kind of way.

Not only that, but they used to wake us up because it was so early, and we would rise up to pray at dawn... So, yeah, I was really impressed.

Then I realized that yes, they pray 5 times a day... but it only lasts about 5 minutes. Their longest prayer is on Friday, and it lasts about 20 minutes.

When we wake up, we say blessings, that's not even formal prayer, that's just regular blessings, and it takes me about 15 minutes to say those. Then it's between 1h30/2h00 of prayer for Shacharis, then it's 40 minutes Mincha, 30 minutes for Maariv, then about 20 minutes before going to bed. On a regular day, that's about 3 hours of regular prayer alone, that's not counting Tehillim or Hisbodedus. Or Torah study.

Oh, and that's just a regular day. On Shabbos, if you add the reading of the Torah, that's 6/7 hours in a single day. Again without Tehillim, Hisbodedus or Torah study.

I mean, good on them, keep on praying 5 times a day, but yeah, how lazy do you have to be not to even take 5 minutes of your day to pray and have your computer pray for you instead? The grace after meal we recite after eating bread is longer than that.

Could God create spam that even he couldn't block?

barefoot in the head: There is a reflective activity that can be called "prayer" (among other things), but "saying a prayer" makes no more sense than "reciting a meditation".

Uh, you would be wrong there. There is informal prayer, there is formal prayer, just like there is formal meditation and informal meditation.

In fact, it's pretty much impossible to pray without formulating it with words, whether aloud or not.

Serena Butler would be pissed

Tatsuma: On a regular day, that's about 3 hours of regular prayer alone, that's not counting Tehillim or Hisbodedus.

I hate it when you don't count Tehillim or Hisbodedus. How will we all know how pious you are?

0Icky0: I hate it when you don't count Tehillim or Hisbodedus. How will we all know how pious you are?

Between the crude jokes and time wasted on Fark, I think it's quite obvious that I'm not, or at least don't consider myself like that.

Also, that's not what I do personally, that's what all religious Jews out there do.

As long as you remember to say, "This" after the computer is done, it's all good.

Figures that Skynet is a jihadist.

MagusAzod: Could God create spam that even he couldn't block?

No, he couldn't. There are, surprisingly, some really weird limits to omnipotence.

And thus the rise of the robot devil began

barefoot in the head: There is a reflective activity that can be called "prayer" (among other things), but "saying a prayer" makes no more sense than "reciting a meditation".

This is good news... for Obama!

Playinodds: I think everyone who thinks prayer is important will see this as garbage, and anyone who doesnt think prayer is important won't have any reason to buy this.

Exactly.

I loved the interplay when I worked with two very different Muslims. Both very nice guys. But, one was Saudi. Not just five prayers Muslim. No... washing his feet in the bathroom, eight children, and damned-near jumping out the window when our client with a friendly service dog came by. The other was a Tunisian with a wife from Iowa. The Tunisian confided that he wouldn't even bother fasting for Ramadan, except for the having to work around the Saudi. He kinda resented it.

Tatsuma: barefoot in the head: There is a reflective activity that can be called "prayer" (among other things), but "saying a prayer" makes no more sense than "reciting a meditation".

Uh, you would be wrong there. There is informal prayer, there is formal prayer, just like there is formal meditation and informal meditation.

In fact, it's pretty much impossible to pray without formulating it with words, whether aloud or not.

Nope. The nameless is also the wordless. Prayer has nothing to do with intellect and everything to do with feeling. It's a frame of mind, not an utterance of devotion. This puts it entirely outside the purview of organised religion and squarely in the mind of everyone who can be silent and listen to the still, soft voice within, that has no words.

barefoot in the head: Nope. The nameless is also the wordless. Prayer has nothing to do with intellect and everything to do with feeling. It's a frame of mind, not an utterance of devotion. This puts it entirely outside the purview of organised religion and squarely in the mind of everyone who can be silent and listen to the still, soft voice within, that has no words.

Well, that's not what we consider prayer. We consider prayer to be communication. You cannot have communication without words.

I'm not saying that feelings play no part in it, far from it, but to say that you can't pray using words is ridiculous. Prayer certainly has something to do with the intellect.

call me when a computer can fly this plane into a building for me.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cruise_missile Clicky-pops.

Check your phone...there may be a message for you... :)

Tatsuma: I used to have a lot of admiration for the piety of muslims. I still do but unfortunately it's been diminished.

I mean, praying 5 times a day? I sometimes struggle with three times a day... Don't get me wrong, I love to daven, but this often puts me in awkward situations. I have to plan my days around them. I don't struggle in the sense of "Man, I don't feel like it", I struggle in a "Hmm, how am I going to make it on time to X" kind of way.

Not only that, but they used to wake us up because it was so early, and we would rise up to pray at dawn... So, yeah, I was really impressed.

Then I realized that yes, they pray 5 times a day... but it only lasts about 5 minutes. Their longest prayer is on Friday, and it lasts about 20 minutes.

When we wake up, we say blessings, that's not even formal prayer, that's just regular blessings, and it takes me about 15 minutes to say those. Then it's between 1h30/2h00 of prayer for Shacharis, then it's 40 minutes Mincha, 30 minutes for Maariv, then about 20 minutes before going to bed. On a regular day, that's about 3 hours of regular prayer alone, that's not counting Tehillim or Hisbodedus. Or Torah study.

Oh, and that's just a regular day. On Shabbos, if you add the reading of the Torah, that's 6/7 hours in a single day. Again without Tehillim, Hisbodedus or Torah study.

I mean, good on them, keep on praying 5 times a day, but yeah, how lazy do you have to be not to even take 5 minutes of your day to pray and have your computer pray for you instead? The grace after meal we recite after eating bread is longer than that.
Walter Sobchak: I told those farks down at the league office a thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
Donny: What's Shabbos?
Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't farking ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shiat
[shouts]
Walter Sobchak: don't farking roll! Shomer shabbos!
The Dude: Walter...
Walter Sobchak: Shomer farking shabbos.
The Dude: Oh fark it. I'm out of here.

barefoot in the head: There is a reflective activity that can be called "prayer" (among other things), but "saying a prayer" makes no more sense than "reciting a meditation".


Frown on your shenanigans.

/I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

eqtworld: If: "Priest says" sinvalue = unforgiven Then:

Shouldn't that be a loop?

If I create a software agent that executes structured behaviors in semi-random ways, can it sin? Say it blasphemes, for example. I didn't program in that behavior- it learned it by using Fark as a knowledge base for natural text processing.

FTA: For Muslims, the site specifies that the computer speakers are turned towards Mecca.

LOL. You just can't make this shiat up.

/Comedy gold.

0Icky0: Tatsuma: On a regular day, that's about 3 hours of regular prayer alone, that's not counting Tehillim or Hisbodedus.

I hate it when you don't count Tehillim or Hisbodedus. How will we all know how pious you are?

And there you have it. Praying, ultimately, in hopes that mere human beings will admire your virtue. Good luck with that.

sseye: And there you have it. Praying, ultimately, in hopes that mere human beings will admire your virtue. Good luck with that.

Indeed, when seeking admiration for my religious devotion, the first place I think of talking about it is on Fark, where it surely will not bring derision or people will think I'm either weird or a fanatic. Nope.

And, as I mentioned, that's not just what I personally do, that's what all religious Jews do.

Gah! Image fail. One sec...

signaljammer: I'm so lazy, I bought my fleshlight a vibrator!

fap

barefoot in the head: It's a frame of mind, not an utterance of devotion. ...in the mind of everyone who can be silent and listen to the still(ness) that has no words.

That's meditation.

Prayer is asking for something. Ex. "Thor, lord of thunder, aid me that I might smite our foes another day." And Oath is an expression of startlement. Ex "By Odin's beard!" or "Freya's rockin' tits!"

Does it do prayers from the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred's Necronomicon?