lying, cheating, and stealing with a computer or pen doesn't take any specialized skills, the skill is maintaining the appearance of honesty.

This is actually one of the better examples of "conservative satire" that I've seen...most attempts just end up being screechy and stupid with about as much relation to real satire as Mad Dog has to real wine. The comments under it, though, demonstrate that even when they're confronted with a decent example of tongue-in-cheekism, the people who seek out material like this don't get it.

Pocket Ninja: This is actually one of the better examples of "conservative satire" that I've seen

Agreed. I bet a few suckers will comment here without getting it, especially if their dumb asses don't RTFA or RTFT.

Anyone that thinks the creators of this derivative clusterfark have some kind of special skill is an idiot. What they had was access to large amounts of money, a complete lack of ethics, and the inability to perceive the massive insurmountable risk they were taking. I guess incompetence is now considered a skill these days.

Hey, I know how to pull the pigeon-drop. Does that make me a lion of capitalism?

.

pnjunction: Pocket Ninja: This is actually one of the better examples of "conservative satire" that I've seen

Agreed. I bet a few suckers will comment here without getting it, especially if their dumb asses don't RTFA or RTFT.

Dinki: Anyone that thinks the creators of this derivative clusterfark have some kind of special skill is an idiot. What they had was access to large amounts of money, a complete lack of ethics, and the inability to perceive the massive insurmountable risk they were taking. I guess incompetence is now considered a skill these days.

It took all of one post. Well played.

I have to agree with one comment: The Hollywood Exception is ridiculous. Giving movie stars a pass will, eventually, degrade the whole process. It will lead to exceptions being crafted for rock stars, shock jocks, and even Nancy Grace.

What these idiots refuse to understand is that the problem is not that these guys are making lots of money, it's that they are making lots of money despite being complete failures. On Wall Street, reward and been completely uncoupled from risk and that offends the American sense of fair play. These guys want to be left alone when times are good so that they can take all the profits, but they want us to not only cover their losses but reward them for the privilege.

This thread and the article it links to should have been aborted -- along with the people who've posted comments on the article.

that =/= they

concentrating wealth into fewer and fewer hands is what's best for all of us.

Knowledge of where the bodies are buried is now a 'specialized skill'?

James F. Campbell: This thread and the article it links to should have been aborted -- along with the people who've posted comments on the article.

Why? So the knee-jerk conservatard trolls couldn't expose their own stupidity?

Pocket Ninja: This is actually one of the better examples of "conservative satire" that I've seen...most attempts just end up being screechy and stupid with about as much relation to real satire as Mad Dog has to real wine. The comments under it, though, demonstrate that even when they're confronted with a decent example of tongue-in-cheekism, the people who seek out material like this don't get it.

Oh god, I didn't look for comments.
But yeah, most of them take it completely seriously. Even with the words "Your donation fuels family-friendly satire" at the bottom of the farking article. On a site whose "about" proclaims it to be news satire.

My head hurts.

Specialised skills?!?!?!
If only.

chipspastic: Why? So the knee-jerk conservatard trolls couldn't expose their own stupidity?

What good is it to expose their stupidity when we already knew they were stupid -- and they're too stupid to realize they're stupid?

Link (new window)

Here is a TED talk from Jared Diamond on "Why Societies Collapse". It seems really relevant to this thread and it might interest a few folks. It turns out, low and behold, by his standards we are pretty damn close to falling down as a society. If that concept doesn't scare the pants off of you, I don't know what will.

Dinki: Anyone that thinks the creators of this derivative clusterfark have some kind of special skill is an idiot. What they had was access to large amounts of money, a complete lack of ethics, and the inability to perceive the massive insurmountable risk they were taking. I guess incompetence is now considered a skill these days.

And now they're being paid off by the hundreds of billions. This was a European game out of London AIG and hundreds of billions are going overseas in secret, and I'm not talking about the bonus chump change. Not to mention 55000 tax cheating Americans on UBS's customer list..I'd love to see that list.

The bonus guys are the sacrificial lambs for the pissed off public. The real game is still being played. America is being bled out.

James F. Campbell: chipspastic: Why? So the knee-jerk conservatard trolls couldn't expose their own stupidity?

What good is it to expose their stupidity when we already knew they were stupid -- and they're too stupid to realize they're stupid?

Well I still find it amusing. :P

NYZooMan: Knowledge of where the bodies are buried is now a 'specialized skill'?

One that can be compensated for by any number of torture methods they regularly feature on the history channel.

"Hi I want you to explain to this room filled with forensic accountants how these financial instruments work, and then answer questions. To this end please ignore the water boarding getup, thumbscrews, batter charger, the drill, and this fine collection of Zwilling scalpals."

\ I am an atheist, so I don't have to worry about how my actions in the life will feature in my afterlife.

gothelder: To this end please ignore the water boarding getup, thumbscrews, batter charger, the drill, and this fine collection of Zwilling scalpals.

Bah. All you really need is a few nylon zip-ties, a bobby pin, and a crème brulée torch.

What these idiots refuse to understand is that the problem is not that these guys are making lots of money, it's that they are making lots of money despite being complete failures.

You're absolutely right.

Oh, wait, you weren't talking about Hollywood?

The people who made "The Love Guru," "Beverly Hills Chihuahua," "10,000 BC," "You Don't Mess With the Zohan," and the last Rambo movie all need punishment, too. Not to mention the fact that Uwe Boll keeps getting work.

The worst player in the NFL made more money than most of the people in the financial industry - the bottom salary is $285,000. The NBA's lowest paid player makes over $400,000.

Dughan: Link (new window)

Here is a TED talk from Jared Diamond on "Why Societies Collapse". It seems really relevant to this thread and it might interest a few folks. It turns out, low and behold, by his standards we are pretty damn close to falling down as a society. If that concept doesn't scare the pants off of you, I don't know what will.

Interesting talk, but man, that guy needs to ditch the combover. One of the worst I've ever seen. Just awful. And he'd look just fine bald on top.

Good satire.
Link (new window)
But it is too close to reality.
Obama and so many of people who don't understand the compensation packages much less how derivatives work.

If one of these execs gets compensated because the fund he/she managed lost only 5% while almost every other similar fund lost 20-40% they deserve it. They don't control the market, they ride it!
If the department one of these execs runs actually turned a profit while nearly all the other departments lost and brought down the company, but their contract says they get a bonus the dept run by them is profitable, they deserve it.

I feel that when satire like this, actually sounds reasonable and believable. There are serious problems.

Cut and paste, filter won't link.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/22/us/politics/22regulate.html?_r=1&hp

Tyee: If the department one of these execs runs actually turned a profit while nearly all the other departments lost and brought down the company, but their contract says they get a bonus the dept run by them is profitable, they deserve it.

People don't understand this. All their concerned with Class War fueled by the mutant socialist Liberals in charge.

GaryPDX: Tyee: If the department one of these execs runs actually turned a profit while nearly all the other departments lost and brought down the company, but their contract says they get a bonus the dept run by them is profitable, they deserve it.

People don't understand this. All their concerned with Class War fueled by the mutant socialist Liberals in charge.

Another 1st round pick in the NFL will get a $60-70 million contract with $30-40 million in guaranteed money. But he may entertain the mob so he is worth it. Mobs like to be entertained, not understand the details on how things work.

All this comes down to is that AIG was given a VAST sum of taxpayer money which kept them afloat. No taxpayer money = no AIG.

I think it's fair to say that the money given to them was NOT meant to go towards executive bonuses. Certainly not on the order of millions of dollars.

Put it this way: lets say you gave money to a start up company. The startup is not currently making money. The owner of the startup then decides to give a million dollar paycheck to herself. Would you feel your capital has been allocated in the most efficient manner possible.

DemonEater:

that guy needs to ditch the combover. One of the worst I've ever seen. Just awful.

Awful? Epic!

James F. Campbell
chipspastic: Why? So the knee-jerk conservatard trolls couldn't expose their own stupidity?

What good is it to expose their stupidity when we already knew they were stupid -- and they're too stupid to realize they're stupid?

They? It appears you're too stupid to see who the dumbasses are on this thread. Reading the comments of those who fell for the satire it's pretty obvious that the real tards are the libtards.

cirby: What these idiots refuse to understand is that the problem is not that these guys are making lots of money, it's that they are making lots of money despite being complete failures.

You're absolutely right.

Oh, wait, you weren't talking about Hollywood?

The people who made "The Love Guru," "Beverly Hills Chihuahua," "10,000 BC," "You Don't Mess With the Zohan," and the last Rambo movie all need punishment, too. Not to mention the fact that Uwe Boll keeps getting work.

The worst player in the NFL made more money than most of the people in the financial industry - the bottom salary is $285,000. The NBA's lowest paid player makes over $400,000.

When Hollywood comes crawling to the government for a bailout to keep it operating, we'll tax their bonuses away too.

These guys wouldn't get any bonuses period, had the government not bailed out these companies. So they should feel lucky that the government is only taxing their bonuses at %90.

Came in for cat pictures, leaving disappointed.

Why do "conservatives" always defend rich douchebags? It never fails, if someone is wealthy, they must be protected. I'll be most of the commenters makes under $50k, but the idea of millionaires being inconvenienced in any way just drives them into a frenzy.

Forget the other labels, "conservative" is just another name for "peasant and proud of it"

Tyee: Good satire.
Link (new window)
But it is too close to reality.
Obama and so many of people who don't understand the compensation packages much less how derivatives work.

If one of these execs gets compensated because the fund he/she managed lost only 5% while almost every other similar fund lost 20-40% they deserve it. They don't control the market, they ride it!
If the department one of these execs runs actually turned a profit while nearly all the other departments lost and brought down the company, but their contract says they get a bonus the dept run by them is profitable, they deserve it.

My firm has cut off bonuses for everyone this year because of the economic hit, and we didn't get a dime from the government. Other businesses are laying people off. If the government hadn't stepped in, these "market riders" would be not only out of a bonus, they'd be out of a salary. Jesus Christ, you think these people could put the breaks on the greed for one year, the year their companies got bailed out by the people of the US. But no, they can't, and they have an army of Renfield's such as you making excuses for them.

Hat Madder: They? It appears you're too stupid to see who the dumbasses are on this thread. Reading the comments of those who fell for the satire it's pretty obvious that the real tards are the libtards.

Nuh-uh, I'm not stupid, you are!

Hat Madder:

It appears you're too stupid to see who the dumbasses are on this thread. Reading the comments of those who fell for the satire it's pretty obvious that the real tards are the libtards.

American Conservative ideology is often indistinguishable from its satirization for a reason: it's a joke to begin with.

GaryPDX: Tyee: If the department one of these execs runs actually turned a profit while nearly all the other departments lost and brought down the company, but their contract says they get a bonus the dept run by them is profitable, they deserve it.

People don't understand this. All their concerned with Class War fueled by the mutant socialist Liberals in charge.

the fact that Obama is seriously considering directly regulating how someone gets paid is moderately scary in and of itself. But for some reason, people are ok with this this action. Which scares me more than a populist leader who plays to the mob.

Anyone here ever had scrapple before.

Tyee:

Nice Rushbot talking point. AM radio is for bonuses while the GOP has feign outrage that they weren't stopped. Even when you think you have an advantage you don't.

SherKhan: Hat Madder:

It appears you're too stupid to see who the dumbasses are on this thread. Reading the comments of those who fell for the satire it's pretty obvious that the real tards are the libtards.

American Conservative ideology is often indistinguishable from its satirization for a reason: it's a joke to begin with.

it's been hijacked by some fairly stupid people.

You should read freeperville on this topic - it comes across as schizoid on the matter of CEO pay. half the site agrees with Obama, the other half thinks CEOs are GODS among men and should be left alone no matter what happens.

it's actually funny to watch.

spoken like a true spineless sycophant complete with the silver spoon molded to their rectal walls.

Weaver95: GaryPDX: Tyee: If the department one of these execs runs actually turned a profit while nearly all the other departments lost and brought down the company, but their contract says they get a bonus the dept run by them is profitable, they deserve it.

People don't understand this. All their concerned with Class War fueled by the mutant socialist Liberals in charge.

the fact that Obama is seriously considering directly regulating how someone gets paid is moderately scary in and of itself. But for some reason, people are ok with this this action. Which scares me more than a populist leader who plays to the mob.

Oh give me a break. Unilaterally declaring a right to wiretap innocent Americans with no Congressional or judicial oversight whatsoever is scary. Declaring a unilateral power to make military raids on targets within the United States, capture suspects, not torture them until they admit that they're terrorists (because the United States doesn't torture, heh heh heh), then hold them without trial for the duration of the war on terror is scary.

Wage controls enacted through a lawful, democratic process may or may not be good policy. But it's not "scary."

Get a grip.

Noirceuil: I feel that when satire like this, actually sounds reasonable and believable. There are serious problems.

It's only satire to those who've never read any of the actual arguments supporting the bonuses.

Something else to remember is that the people who REALLY created the current derivatives situation are mostly gone, or are in dead-end jobs (or are in Congress). Most of the ones they had to bribe with bonuses are the ones who came in much later to try and clean things up.

Try to get someone with any sort of high-end financial qualifications to work in a job they know is going to make them toxic on the job market without paying them a bunch of money. These aren't accountants from the local junior college - they're folks with degrees from expensive schools, who spent several years learning the non-trivial aspects of how currency flows, and what's legal to make that money go where you want it. Yeah, some people screwed up a lot, but that means someone really smart has to come in and help untangle the mess.

The majority of the financial industry didn't have much to do with the derivatives crash. That situation was mostly brought on by less than a thousand people worldwide, and AIG's problems were almost completely from one group of 300 people - out of a company with over 100,000 employees.

Weaver95: the fact that Obama is seriously considering directly regulating how someone gets paid is moderately scary in and of itself. But for some reason, people are ok with this this action. Which scares me more than a populist leader who plays to the mob.

How someone gets paid with government money.

Don't want the regulations? Don't come crawling to the government to bail your sorry ass out when you gamble everything and lose.

Any one of us could be an exec at a financial institution. It does not require particular acumen. Give me a semester of business and I could do a better job than most bank execs. Don't delude yourself into thinking that these jobs are competitively posted and bid on in a meritocratic field of applicants; it's all about what fraternity you went to and whose fat daughter you married.

I think the author actually wants the AIG executives to get bonuses.

The sports star analogy is actually what conservatives believe. It's plays into their submission to leadership worship. They actually believe that wealth confers inhuman abilities and wisdom, that these bankers truly are a class above the merely educated and intelligent. It does not matter that they were promised wealth derived from the bubble, they deserve the real wealth of our taxes.

They are the royalists of the modern age, and they don't like the hoi polloi getting these uncomfortable ideas one bit. There are more bubbles in our economy than the housing bubble, and those are the ones they are deathly afraid of popping.

Weaver95: the fact that Obama is seriously considering directly regulating how someone gets paid is moderately scary in and of itself. But for some reason, people are ok with this this action. Which scares me more than a populist leader who plays to the mob.

Outrage at the AIG bonuses is the shiny thing to take the attention away from the fact that that Congress didn't read what they were passing. And a number posters had been defending what was being passed at the time. Egg on their face, so in their embarrassment, they start with the name-calling.

Weaver95:

it's been hijacked by some fairly stupid people.

As Liberalism has been infiltrated by collectivists.

You should read freeperville on this topic - it comes across as schizoid on the matter of CEO pay. half the site agrees with Obama, the other half thinks CEOs are GODS among men and should be left alone no matter what happens.

it's actually funny to watch.

My greatest failing as a FARKer is my underdeveloped schadenfreude gland.