This has GOTTA be a Farker.

It sounds like the only reason he choked on it is because he tried to regurgitate it when he noticed the wrapper in it. If he had just swallowed it, he would have shat it out later and been fine. Also, I doubt that they'd wrap their candy bars in plastic so toxic that swallowing a shred of it could do any chemical harm to you.

*rolls eyes

It's a slow news day here in OR

I've been thinking about this for five minutes, and I can't figure out how part of the wrapper could possibly end up in a bar of chocolate.

ral315: I've been thinking about this for five minutes, and I can't figure out how part of the wrapper could possibly end up in a bar of chocolate.

Really?
Seriously?
You can't come up with *one* possible scenario?
Do you wonder how water could possibly fall out of the sky when it rains as well?

How soon after intestinal surgery should one be eating chocolate?

"He says friends and family have told him to let it go"

Just let it go man, let it go.

A commenter from the article pretty much summed it up:

Intestinal hernia, false teeth, and lives with his mom. No wonder he can't establish any credibility with a lawyer. Take the free candy bar dude!

Dude's just trying to score big with a lawsuit.

I'm not usually one to bag on writers and their lack of ability, but damn, TFA reads like something posted in a high school newspaper.

"I don't want another (expletive) candy bar. It's like they want to make you feel like you're nobody. I'll tell you, 'I'm not letting this candy bar out of my sight.'¤"

I often hear that on Halloween.

Sounds like he thinks he won the farking lottery because he got a bad candy bar.

I had to look twice to make sure the article wasn't from The Onion.

Austin, who saved what was left of the bar and the inch-long hunk, is concerned there could be other wrapper-laced bars and that could, potentially, cause a child to choke.

The old geezer's worried he's not going to get his payoff so he's got to play the old "somebody think of the children" trump card.

robmilmel: This has GOTTA be a Farker.

GaryPDX

liberty42 has an awesome soliloquy in the comments section.

FTFA
He's called lawyers, who weren't interested in his case.

what now?

Maybe that pants judge who sued the dry cleaners can help.

Thanks, FarkWhat. That picture killed me with laughter.

/like my officemate didn't already think I was odd

Why are ya'll being so mean to this guy. With all the BS lawsuits people come up with this guy might deserve a piece of the pie. He also came up with a comment that seems completely irrational until you read the article.

/I do think him winning money in a lawsuit would be retarded, but a guy with false teeth and a hernia could benifit
//also, how old is this guy? If he's a kid his life if shiat

If he was so concerned, he'd send it in so they could figure out what went wrong. No, he'd rather hold on to his evidence that he thinks entitles him to compensation. There could be a serious manufacturing problem and children choking right now, this guy doesn't give a f*ck.

Here's some news: This guy is nobody. He wants to be somebody (ie. get money) because he happened to get a bad chocolate bar and apparently doesn't chew his food. What a loser.

I don't want another [expletive] candy bar. I'm the baddest [expletive] son-of-a-[expletive] that ever lived! Now Austin 3:16 says I just *choke* *cough* whi-*hurk*whi-*bleh* whipped your [expletive]

Bob Ondeeznuts: robmilmel: This has GOTTA be a Farker.

GaryPDX

I live in Portland and that made me laugh, it does sound like GaryPDX. :)

"I don't want another (expletive) candy bar," he said. "It's like they want to make you feel like you're nobody. I'll tell you, I'm not letting this candy bar out of my sight. Hershey and Obama will be here any minute to take my guns away."

There. NOW it sounds like GaryPDX.

robmilmel: This has GOTTA be a Farker.

I thought the same when they said he lived at home.

CHOCOLATE!!!!

Maybe if he would have laid off the Hershey bars in the first place, he might still have his teeth.

As someone who actually does product retrievals and quality assessments for a living I have found most companies take any product contamination quite seriously. Hershey must not take this man seriously; any other company would send someone such as myself out to retrieve the candy bar, package it and ship it back to their QA department so they could discover how the alleged wrapper got in there.

This country produces thousands of tons of food each year and accidents happen. Bolts loosen and fall off of packaging machinery, product inspectors get bored and not as attentive and pissed employees sometimes toss stuff into the manufacturing process. The peanut butter situation is an extreme example of this.

/My favorite retrieval involved a bag of premixed salad and dead, dried mouse....

zez: Maybe if he would have laid off the Hershey bars in the first place, he might still have his teeth.

Meth is a hell of a drug.

Let it go man, before the authorities decide you have committed a hoax.

"He's called lawyers, who weren't interested in his case. "

Who told you to take the wrapper off?

"I don't want another (expletive) candy bar of cheese flavoured crap. It's like they want to make you feel like you're nobody. I'll tell you, I'm not letting this candy bar of cheese flavoured crap out of my sight."

FTFE

The moral of the story: Stop eating that brown vaguely chocolate-flavored wax that Hershey calls "chocolate". Seriously. That stuff is about as close to chocolate as the wrapper he found inside.

I can see where someone could choke on a Hershey...


/the link, she's hot

lawyers won't take the case? maybe there's hope for them yet. who eats a candy bar while they're recuperating from surgery anyway?

overlord: Austin...is concerned...a child [could] choke.

The old geezer's worried he's not going to get his payoff so he's got to play the old "somebody think of the children" trump card.

I figured the thinking of the children was coming. It's waaaaay too predictable.

Always wondered why people chew up Hershey bars when they could let them melt in their mouth. Much longer period of enjoyment. Now I have a good reason for how I eat them.

GizmoMkI: I had to look twice to make sure the article wasn't from The Onion.

Look a third time. The entire story is a fabrication.

Scutter: The moral of the story: Stop eating that brown vaguely chocolate-flavored wax that Hershey calls "chocolate". Seriously. That stuff is about as close to chocolate as the wrapper he found inside.

Are you serious? Beer snobs, food snobs, music snobs, movie snobs, now we got chocolate snobs?

I hate people.

I was up, all alone - my mom was asleep - so it was pretty scary," said Austin

I knew it!
basement dweller.

Dirtball: Scutter: The moral of the story: Stop eating that brown vaguely chocolate-flavored wax that Hershey calls "chocolate". Seriously. That stuff is about as close to chocolate as the wrapper he found inside.

Are you serious? Beer snobs, food snobs, music snobs, movie snobs, now we got chocolate snobs?

I hate people.


What are all the ingredients in a hershey's bar?

Actually, the answer should be "Chocolate: Hardly any." An actual Hershey's chocolate bar only contains between 4% and 10 % chocolate. The rest of it is sugars, emulsifiers, milk solids, and other fillers.

From the label: Ingredients: SUGAR, CHOCOLATE, COCOA BUTTER, COCOA PROCESSED WITH ALKALI, MILK FAT, LACTOSE, SOY LECITHIN, PGPR, VANILLIN, ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR, AND MILK

Check out this link to learn more: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A24276-2004Jun8.html

You go ahead and eat your "chocolate". I'm ok with that.

I've never had an expletive candy bar. Are they any good?

Steve Austin was watching television as he champed down on a Hershey's candy bar around 2 a.m.

should that maybe read...chomped???

This could be the start of an exciting new trend: Lawyers refusing to indulge the 'get-rich-quick' crowd.

Scutter: You go ahead and eat your "chocolate". I'm ok with that.

THANKS I WILL MMMMMMM DELICIOUS

you ree-ree

Did he eat the chocolate in slow motion with *whang-ang-ang-ang* sound effects?

Mr. Austin, you get nothing! You lose!


Good day, sir!

/hot-chocolate link