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(Oregon Live) Dumbass "I don't want another (expletive) candy bar. It's like they want to make you feel like you're nobody. I'll tell you, I'm not letting this candy bar out of my sight."   (blog.oregonlive.com) divider line 92
More: Dumbass  

92 Comments   (+0 »)


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robmilmel [TotalFark] 2009-03-01 12:32:56 AM  
This has GOTTA be a Farker.

 
mason4300 2009-03-01 12:38:10 AM  
It sounds like the only reason he choked on it is because he tried to regurgitate it when he noticed the wrapper in it. If he had just swallowed it, he would have shat it out later and been fine. Also, I doubt that they'd wrap their candy bars in plastic so toxic that swallowing a shred of it could do any chemical harm to you.

 
Holden C [TotalFark] 2009-03-01 01:16:16 AM  
*rolls eyes

It's a slow news day here in OR

 
ral315 2009-03-01 03:38:13 AM  
I've been thinking about this for five minutes, and I can't figure out how part of the wrapper could possibly end up in a bar of chocolate.

 
GWSuperfan 2009-03-01 03:54:52 AM  
ral315: I've been thinking about this for five minutes, and I can't figure out how part of the wrapper could possibly end up in a bar of chocolate.

Really?
Seriously?
You can't come up with *one* possible scenario?
Do you wonder how water could possibly fall out of the sky when it rains as well?

 
ilikeracecars 2009-03-01 03:55:57 AM  
How soon after intestinal surgery should one be eating chocolate?

"He says friends and family have told him to let it go"

Just let it go man, let it go.

 
justoneznot 2009-03-01 03:58:52 AM  
A commenter from the article pretty much summed it up:

Intestinal hernia, false teeth, and lives with his mom. No wonder he can't establish any credibility with a lawyer. Take the free candy bar dude!

Dude's just trying to score big with a lawsuit.

 
Baron Von Supercock 2009-03-01 04:00:23 AM  
I'm not usually one to bag on writers and their lack of ability, but damn, TFA reads like something posted in a high school newspaper.

 
UsikFark 2009-03-01 04:02:04 AM  
img12.imageshack.us

 
FarkWhat 2009-03-01 04:02:59 AM  
i71.photobucket.com

 
UsikFark 2009-03-01 04:03:03 AM  
img12.imageshack.us

 
Control_this [TotalFark] 2009-03-01 04:03:20 AM  
"I don't want another (expletive) candy bar. It's like they want to make you feel like you're nobody. I'll tell you, 'I'm not letting this candy bar out of my sight.'¤"

I often hear that on Halloween.

farm3.static.flickr.com

 
Maudite 2009-03-01 04:08:00 AM  
Sounds like he thinks he won the farking lottery because he got a bad candy bar.

 
GizmoMkI 2009-03-01 04:09:13 AM  
I had to look twice to make sure the article wasn't from The Onion.

 
overlord 2009-03-01 04:10:42 AM  
Austin, who saved what was left of the bar and the inch-long hunk, is concerned there could be other wrapper-laced bars and that could, potentially, cause a child to choke.

The old geezer's worried he's not going to get his payoff so he's got to play the old "somebody think of the children" trump card.

 
May I spooge on your face 2009-03-01 04:11:40 AM  
3.bp.blogspot.com

 
Bob Ondeeznuts 2009-03-01 04:29:52 AM  
robmilmel: This has GOTTA be a Farker.

GaryPDX

 
hyperspacemonkey 2009-03-01 04:30:27 AM  
liberty42 has an awesome soliloquy in the comments section.

 
Sir Simon Milligan 2009-03-01 04:37:01 AM  
FTFA
He's called lawyers, who weren't interested in his case.

what now?

 
Tsar_Bomba1 2009-03-01 04:39:55 AM  
Maybe that pants judge who sued the dry cleaners can help.

 
frostus [TotalFark] 2009-03-01 04:44:45 AM  
Thanks, FarkWhat. That picture killed me with laughter.

/like my officemate didn't already think I was odd

 
voty2000 2009-03-01 04:47:24 AM  
Why are ya'll being so mean to this guy. With all the BS lawsuits people come up with this guy might deserve a piece of the pie. He also came up with a comment that seems completely irrational until you read the article.

/I do think him winning money in a lawsuit would be retarded, but a guy with false teeth and a hernia could benifit
//also, how old is this guy? If he's a kid his life if shiat

 
pnjunction [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-03-01 04:51:58 AM  
If he was so concerned, he'd send it in so they could figure out what went wrong. No, he'd rather hold on to his evidence that he thinks entitles him to compensation. There could be a serious manufacturing problem and children choking right now, this guy doesn't give a f*ck.

Here's some news: This guy is nobody. He wants to be somebody (ie. get money) because he happened to get a bad chocolate bar and apparently doesn't chew his food. What a loser.

 
NYMoogle 2009-03-01 05:21:53 AM  
I don't want another [expletive] candy bar. I'm the baddest [expletive] son-of-a-[expletive] that ever lived! Now Austin 3:16 says I just *choke* *cough* whi-*hurk*whi-*bleh* whipped your [expletive]

 
Slug2468 [TotalFark] 2009-03-01 05:28:55 AM  
Bob Ondeeznuts: robmilmel: This has GOTTA be a Farker.

GaryPDX


I live in Portland and that made me laugh, it does sound like GaryPDX. :)

 
DrForrester 2009-03-01 06:49:23 AM  
"I don't want another (expletive) candy bar," he said. "It's like they want to make you feel like you're nobody. I'll tell you, I'm not letting this candy bar out of my sight. Hershey and Obama will be here any minute to take my guns away."

There. NOW it sounds like GaryPDX.

 
castufari 2009-03-01 07:14:50 AM  
robmilmel: This has GOTTA be a Farker.

I thought the same when they said he lived at home.

 
marcand 2009-03-01 07:35:42 AM  
CHOCOLATE!!!!

 
zez 2009-03-01 07:56:05 AM  
Maybe if he would have laid off the Hershey bars in the first place, he might still have his teeth.

 
Lee451 2009-03-01 08:04:51 AM  
As someone who actually does product retrievals and quality assessments for a living I have found most companies take any product contamination quite seriously. Hershey must not take this man seriously; any other company would send someone such as myself out to retrieve the candy bar, package it and ship it back to their QA department so they could discover how the alleged wrapper got in there.

This country produces thousands of tons of food each year and accidents happen. Bolts loosen and fall off of packaging machinery, product inspectors get bored and not as attentive and pissed employees sometimes toss stuff into the manufacturing process. The peanut butter situation is an extreme example of this.

/My favorite retrieval involved a bag of premixed salad and dead, dried mouse....

 
eas81 2009-03-01 08:13:52 AM  
zez: Maybe if he would have laid off the Hershey bars in the first place, he might still have his teeth.

Meth is a hell of a drug.

images.usatoday.com

 
oryx 2009-03-01 08:19:13 AM  
Let it go man, before the authorities decide you have committed a hoax.

 
austin_millbarge 2009-03-01 08:33:40 AM  
"He's called lawyers, who weren't interested in his case. "

i235.photobucket.com Who told you to take the wrapper off?

 
wsommerv 2009-03-01 08:44:21 AM  
"I don't want another (expletive) candy bar of cheese flavoured crap. It's like they want to make you feel like you're nobody. I'll tell you, I'm not letting this candy bar of cheese flavoured crap out of my sight."

FTFE

 
Scutter 2009-03-01 08:47:05 AM  
The moral of the story: Stop eating that brown vaguely chocolate-flavored wax that Hershey calls "chocolate". Seriously. That stuff is about as close to chocolate as the wrapper he found inside.

 
Alleyoop 2009-03-01 08:57:46 AM  
I can see where someone could choke on a Hershey...
bp0.blogger.com

/the link, she's hot

 
punto 2009-03-01 09:03:33 AM  
lawyers won't take the case? maybe there's hope for them yet. who eats a candy bar while they're recuperating from surgery anyway?

 
colatf [TotalFark] 2009-03-01 09:05:08 AM  
A friend called Hershey's, who offered to send Austin a coupon and a free candy bar.

"I don't want another (expletive) candy bar," he said. "What? It's like they want to make you feel like you're nobody. What? I'll tell you, you mealy-mouthed son of a biatch, 'I'm not letting this candy bar out of my sight, and that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold said so."

Stunner delivered to reporter.

 
Fuggin Bizzy 2009-03-01 09:17:12 AM  
overlord: Austin...is concerned...a child [could] choke.

The old geezer's worried he's not going to get his payoff so he's got to play the old "somebody think of the children" trump card.


I figured the thinking of the children was coming. It's waaaaay too predictable.

 
edmo 2009-03-01 09:24:03 AM  
Always wondered why people chew up Hershey bars when they could let them melt in their mouth. Much longer period of enjoyment. Now I have a good reason for how I eat them.

 
NathanielTaggart 2009-03-01 09:32:27 AM  
GizmoMkI: I had to look twice to make sure the article wasn't from The Onion.

Look a third time. The entire story is a fabrication.

 
Dirtball 2009-03-01 09:49:27 AM  
Scutter: The moral of the story: Stop eating that brown vaguely chocolate-flavored wax that Hershey calls "chocolate". Seriously. That stuff is about as close to chocolate as the wrapper he found inside.

Are you serious? Beer snobs, food snobs, music snobs, movie snobs, now we got chocolate snobs?

I hate people.

 
Treetop1000 2009-03-01 09:55:56 AM  
I was up, all alone - my mom was asleep - so it was pretty scary," said Austin

I knew it!
basement dweller.

 
Scutter 2009-03-01 09:56:31 AM  
Dirtball: Scutter: The moral of the story: Stop eating that brown vaguely chocolate-flavored wax that Hershey calls "chocolate". Seriously. That stuff is about as close to chocolate as the wrapper he found inside.

Are you serious? Beer snobs, food snobs, music snobs, movie snobs, now we got chocolate snobs?

I hate people.



What are all the ingredients in a hershey's bar?

Actually, the answer should be "Chocolate: Hardly any." An actual Hershey's chocolate bar only contains between 4% and 10 % chocolate. The rest of it is sugars, emulsifiers, milk solids, and other fillers.

From the label: Ingredients: SUGAR, CHOCOLATE, COCOA BUTTER, COCOA PROCESSED WITH ALKALI, MILK FAT, LACTOSE, SOY LECITHIN, PGPR, VANILLIN, ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR, AND MILK

Check out this link to learn more: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A24276-2004Jun8.html


You go ahead and eat your "chocolate". I'm ok with that.

 
piaddic120 2009-03-01 10:10:36 AM  
I've never had an expletive candy bar. Are they any good?

 
gwendolyyyn 2009-03-01 10:13:20 AM  
Steve Austin was watching television as he champed down on a Hershey's candy bar around 2 a.m.

should that maybe read...chomped???

 
ttc2301 2009-03-01 10:13:59 AM  
This could be the start of an exciting new trend: Lawyers refusing to indulge the 'get-rich-quick' crowd.

 
Dirtball 2009-03-01 10:21:00 AM  
Scutter: You go ahead and eat your "chocolate". I'm ok with that.

THANKS I WILL MMMMMMM DELICIOUS

you ree-ree

 
dstanley 2009-03-01 10:21:11 AM  
Did he eat the chocolate in slow motion with *whang-ang-ang-ang* sound effects?

 
Alleyoop 2009-03-01 10:23:02 AM  
Mr. Austin, you get nothing! You lose!
xroads.virginia.edu

Good day, sir!


/hot-chocolate link

 
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