Chi-chi Nwanoku, a bass player with the Orchestra of the Age of Enlightenment, remembered performing at Glyndebourne, at a time when a colleague, a recovering alcoholic, started drinking at a period of great emotional strain. "He was drinking and eating extra strong mints, but it didn't hide the smell. His playing got worse and worse and worse.

Life imitates art:

Did you hear about the bass player who was so bad his own section noticed?

I'm a drunk ass musician so I'm getting a kick
/srsly
//rly

Woo, I played a brass instrument in band.

Also, this is not news:



/give the movie a pass unless you're interested in the history of the Hays code or are obsessed with jazz and/or Bix Beiderbecke, srsly
//one of Kirk Douglas's worst performances

"....it was the bottom of the Ninth, the score was tied, and the basses were loaded!"

I play Irish trad so I'm getting a kick out of these comments.

GIS for "drunk musician":

Hidden?

Not bloody likely. My wife's choir often sings with an accompanying orchestra. The local pubs are usally short on Rickard's and Sleemans for about a week afterwards.

I can't play blues without booze.

And then there are the after parties. And the pre-performance parties. And those coolers that hold the beer at the perfect temperature under your chair for those 86 bar rests during some shiatty flute solo.

Good... it's the clarinet medley... hand me a beer.

Considering the number of brass musicians I know, I find this to be exceptionally accurate.

and let me guess..........


they write/play better music when they're drunk......


.....r r r right.


drink up, america. its your pickled liver and brain.

I play the trumpet and baritone. I never even thought to try it drunk.

Ah...the Obvious tag used correctly! Brass players are just a touch more sober than the percussionists, though, most of whom closely resemble Peter Griffin in their ability to play correctly only while loaded.

/former trumpet player

Oh, don't even get me started. This one time? At orchestra camp? ...

Linux_Yes: and let me guess..........


they write/play better music when they're drunk......


.....r r r right.


drink up, america. its your pickled liver and brain.


Actually, I find when I have a few beers I relax a bit and play better. The music is easier. This goes for other things as well, like when i play pool or when i'm writing.

This is news? This is a hidden secret?

Yes, we drank. A lot. Usually AFTER the concert (the local brewery was a sponsor and gave us a LOT of beer for receptions). It was tempting, though, to hit the bar in the lobby during the 1st half of concerts when we were not playing anything. Whoever programmed our music didn't seem to like us brass players all that much.

I remember that as being one of the best times of my life :)

/There was a reason they called us the "sympathy orchestra"
//Principal (and only) Tuba. Only player in town :)

Chariset: "....it was the bottom of the Ninth, the score was tied, and the basses were loaded!"

Go sit in the corner.

AAaaah the orchestra nerds come out.

What do you call a violist with half a brain?

Rumour has it that the French horns are the best kissers. I don't know about that as I've never kissed a French horn.

brantgoose: Rumour has it that the French horns are the best kissers. I don't know about that as I've never kissed a French horn.

Naw, the players have callouses on their lips, and the horns are twisted and hard to play.

Tuba players are a lot better.

brantgoose: Rumour has it that the French horns are the best kissers. I don't know about that as I've never kissed a French horn.

It's all in how they hold you.

Evil Canadian: This is news? This is a hidden secret?

Shhh... we want them to think that alcohol is the "hidden secret" so they stop looking for the real hidden secret.

I thought the "secret" musicians' drug of choice was beta blockers.

Trumpet player here. I try not to be too loaded while actually playing, as beer filled trumpet interiors taste really nasty the next day. I'm learning violin now, I wonder if that will sober me up some.

QingdaoBeerIsGood: AAaaah the orchestra nerds come out.

What do you call a violist with half a brain?

A cellist?

thereadlines: Evil Canadian: This is news? This is a hidden secret?

Shhh... we want them to think that alcohol is the "hidden secret" so they stop looking for the real hidden secret.

That's the percussion section you're thinking about.

They always had the best weed.

And brass players have always been the best kissers, their lip muscles are firmer.

/former brass player (trombone/baritone/tuba)
//article on drinking is no surprise
///kiss me, I play a trombone

Linux_Yes: and let me guess..........


they write/play better music when they're drunk......


.....r r r right.


drink up, america. its your pickled liver and brain.


Well, I dunno.

I'm a visual artist that dabbles in music, and when I was still drinking, I found that playing music while drinking made it a wonderful, flowing experience. (Though I'm sure I still suck.)

Conversely, if I try to draw a picture if I've even had a smidgen of alcohol, it's like flossing with concrete. I find it quite impossible. Alcohol is actually one of the few drugs I've found that hinders my enjoyment of drawing. Guess that's why I had to quit. Thank goodness for weed.

Having been a musician in a military band, I'm getting.....kicks.....etc

One of favorite memories was a trombonist in the front rank (right in front of me) on the parade grounds during a ceremony, turning absolutely pale, then barfing all over. Was definitely alcohol induced, and right before we had to exit the parade grounds in formation without breaking stride.

/Hard to get the puke outta my shoes and spit-shined for the next gig
//Ahhhh, the good memories of my youth (of the ones I CAN remember)

sdfQingdaoBeerIsGood: AAaaah the orchestra nerds come out.

What do you call a violist with half a brain?

I am NOT sure of that, but:

What is the difference between an orchestra and a bull?

brantgoose: Rumour has it that the French horns are the best kissers. I don't know about that as I've never kissed a French horn.

Try the base viols.

Evil Canadian: sdfQingdaoBeerIsGood: AAaaah the orchestra nerds come out.

What do you call a violist with half a brain?

I am NOT sure of that, but:

What is the difference between an orchestra and a bull?

With a bull, the horns are in the front and the ass is in the back.

Chariset: "....it was the bottom of the Ninth, the score was tied, and the basses were loaded!"

Came here for this wretched joke, and was not disappointed.

How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?

Three! One to hold the bulb and two to drink until the room spins!

This is very true. One of the musicians in my orchestra passed on recently. We're leaving a stand and seat empty in place as a memorial at our next performance.

The stand will be occupied by a glass of his favorite scotch. The rest of the bottle will be consumed promptly after the concert.

How do you get a guitarist to turn down the volume?

Put sheet music in front of him.

/Not really an orchestra joke, but you know.

How do you know when there's a singer at your front door?

She has no idea when to come in.

What do you call someone that hangs around with musicians?

A drummer.

I played tuba and bass trombone...just imagine how much I drink and what a terrific kisser I am.......

/So there's no confusion the kissing thing is only for the Farkette's imagination.
//Gotta a one way sign that says exit only

What does it mean when the bass player drools out both sides of his mouth?

The stage is level.

I read about this long ago in The Real Frank Zappa Book. Zappa hated classical musicians, saying that they had no urge to play anything new. They just wanted to drink and play the same ol' crap over and over. They had a bar at the back of the hall where they were recording. He would run them through his music, then they'd all go get drunk and completely screw it all up.

By the time I was done reading, I hated classical musicians too.

Oh, the joke is...

How can you tell when your band's lead singer is at the door?

He can't find his key and he doesn't know when to come in.

How many band members does it take to change a light bulb?

One-half. The keyboard player can do it with his left hand.

/I'm done. No, really.

I'll spare everyone the setup to the joke but the punchline is:
Bottom of the 9th, score is tied and the basses [yeah, as in bass players, get it?] are loaded.

About as funny with the whole setup.

[will all the musicians, and the drummer, please report to the manager's office]

Squidgilum: How can you tell when your band's lead singer is at the door?

He can't find his key and he doesn't know when to come in.

I beat you, but your punchline is better. Upgrading punchline....done!

Scot I know you're reading this.

I play the shoe horn. I been clean and sober for 3 months; My playing has never been better.

/rockin' the strait life

so...logically, if i drink more, i can be a better musician?

brb, going to buy some booze and a guitar.

What was the last thing the drummer says in his band?
"Hey guys, I have some ideas for some new songs."

How do you know the drum riser is level?
When the drummer drools from both sides of his mouth.

How do you know when a drummer is at the door?
When his knocking speeds up.

What does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality.

/a drummer told me these

Chariset: "....it was the bottom of the Ninth, the score was tied, and the basses were loaded!"

sorry, didn't realize that had already been mentioned.

How do you make a guitar player turn down?
Put a chart in front of him.

Ha, orchestras. Come play with the bagpipers if you want to see some drinking.

Arkanaut: QingdaoBeerIsGood: AAaaah the orchestra nerds come out.

What do you call a violist with half a brain?

A cellist?

"Conductor."