The count didn't go "Ah, Ah, Ah."

He said,"Nyah,ha,ha,ha".

I'll be sure to keep an eye out for them on my tortillas.

Check out this appearance from 1972 : The Count Meets Cookie Monster

Don't you need a confirmed miracle to become a Saint? Wonder what they're criteria is.

The Catholic Hall of Fame gets a little bigger...

Ten tiny turtles on the telephone, talkin' to the grocery man?

ninjakirby: Don't you need a confirmed miracle to become a Saint? Wonder what they're criteria is.

Two miracles, actually.

pzippy:

Two miracles, actually.

Twice, each of them abstained from UFIAs?

pzippy: Two miracles, actually.

In case one was wind assisted?

ninjakirby: Don't you need a confirmed miracle to become a Saint? Wonder what they're criteria is.

Check One:

[ ] Heal the sick (Restore sight to the blind, cure paralysis, cure cancer, etc.)

[ ] Care for the needy (feed two thousand with a loaf of bread, etc.)

[ ] Defy laws of nature (Walking on water, splitting the moon...)

[x] Other (Please Explain): _ found the remote. it was in the couch. _____


Their standards have fallen somewhat, as of late. Why, in my day, you had to make one thousand acres of pagan land go farrow and even then you were lucky if they didn't burn you for witchcraft.

MasterThief: Here's just one of them. Sainthood well deserved!

Nice -- Father Damien is getting his well-deserved props, finally!

I vote for Sister Mary Painintheass from Our Lady of Perpetual Aggrevation

Came looking for a pic of the Pope being fired out of a cannon....

This goes for everyone posting.

Hooray, Father Damien

/not Catholic
//not a leper
///just from Hawaii

ninjakirby

"Don't you need a confirmed miracle to become a Saint? Wonder what they're criteria is."


Here to answer ninjakirby's question, Fark special corespondent Father Guido Sarduchi:






To be made a saint in-a the catholic church, you have to have-a four miracles. That's-a the rules, you know. It's-a always been that-a. Four miracles, and-a to prove it. Well, this-a Mother Seton-now they could only prove-a three miracles. But the Pope-he just waved the fourth one. He just waved it! And do you know why? It's-a because she was American. It's all-a politics. We got-a some Italian-a people, they got-a forty, fifty, sixty miracles to their name. They can't-a get in just cause they say there's already too many Italian saints, and this woman comes along with-a three lousy miracles.


I understand that-a two of them was-a card tricks.

Italians do make the best Saints, don't you think?

To get something established as a confirmed miracle, someone first has to pray to some dead non-saint, right? Then, if the miracle happens as prayed for, and the Church authorities confirm it, then it gets considered a confirmed miracle, two of which can get you named a saint. Isn't that a little risky, though? If I were very sick and needed a miracle to survive, I wouldn't want to risk wasting my time praying to some dead person who hasn't had any confirmed miracles yet. I'd focus my praying at the established saints who have been know to answer prayers with miracle cures and such. For instance, why would someone have bothered praying to Carmelite monk Nuno de Santa Maria Alvares Pereira (1360-1431) and ask his help if he doesn't have a confirmed track record as a performer of miracles? Are there lists of potential saints that are standing by and just waiting to spring into action?

ninjakirby: Don't you need a confirmed miracle to become a Saint? Wonder what they're criteria is.

Well, the current ones are conservative to ultra-conservative and the ability to raise alot of money for the Church if you want to get fast-tracked. Otherwise you languish for centuries before the title of Saint is confirmed.

/Catholic

10...9...8...7...6...5...,4,3,2,1 (new window)

LET ER RIP!

/wait...wha?

ninjakirby: Don't you need a confirmed miracle to become a Saint? Wonder what they're criteria is.

That is exactly what I was thinking. They could have claimed the JREF 1 million dollar prize!

You haters are real disorganized today. What gives?

/just kidding: stay confused and STFU

Unfortunately... if you ask how many saints it takes, the answer's eleven.

Oh-oh, oh, oh oh, it's gonna take eleven.

dholway: To get something established as a confirmed miracle, someone first has to pray to some dead non-saint, right?

No, not necessarily. It could be something like someone got healed at their gravesite or by touching a relic or something.

Saint Astley, patron saint of annoying the everloving sh*t out of people?

FTFA: POPE Benedict XVI has announced the creation evolution of 10 new saints in the coming year, the Vatican said.

TEACH THE CONTROVERSY!!!


/[romero]The Vatican recognizes evolution[/romero]

I dunno, I thought the headline was funny. +1 subby.

planes: (new window)

No patron saint for homosexuals though. Probably why I stopped being a Catholic and started being a rabid atheist.

IF THERE WAS A HELL... if any of this nonsense you morans believed in was true... I'd rather go HERE... Link (new window)
NSFW imagery of hell dancer: Link (new window)

Possible sequel?

LordJiro: Saint Astley, patron saint of annoying the everloving sh*t out of people?

And no, I have NO idea why I posted that. Sometimes, weird ideas just pop into your head, y'know?

/I need a friggin' life.

ASlyLittleFox: ninjakirby: Don't you need a confirmed miracle to become a Saint? Wonder what they're criteria is.

Check One:

[ ] Heal the sick (Restore sight to the blind, cure paralysis, cure cancer, etc.)

[ ] Care for the needy (feed two thousand with a loaf of bread, etc.)

[ ] Defy laws of nature (Walking on water, splitting the moon...)

[x] Other (Please Explain): _ found the remote. it was in the couch. _____


[x] MAY NOT HAVE touched a parishoner inappropriately.

LordJiro

LordJiro: Saint Astley, patron saint of annoying the everloving sh*t out of people?

And no, I have NO idea why I posted that. Sometimes, weird ideas just pop into your head, y'know?


Welcome to my world, friend.


Go with it, it can be fun as hell. At least for you.

Johnny Chicago: IF THERE WAS A HELL... if any of this nonsense you morans believed in was true... I'd rather go HERE... Link (new window)
NSFW imagery of hell dancer: Link (new window)

Possible sequel?

Not sure if you really need NSFW for that, took me a few minutes to notice the boobies (or lack there of), a male body builder has a bigger chest.

For subby: +1 for headline -1 for use of silly tag. So it's a wash.

LordJiro: Saint Astley, patron saint of annoying the everloving sh*t out of people?

At least he will never Give you up, let you down, etc.

Ratslingers hoping to become a saint himself
From Nazi youth

To Pope


....To saint
Come on Catholics lets vote for our leaders because "WE ALL KNOW" Christ would have wanted his so called leaders to be chosen by popularity contest.

Looks like they'll have to update his statue:

I wonder if I could cannonize a child?

ASlyLittleFox: Check One:

[ ] Heal the sick (Restore sight to the blind, cure paralysis, cure cancer, etc.)

[ ] Care for the needy (feed two thousand with a loaf of bread, etc.)

[ ] Defy laws of nature (Walking on water, splitting the moon...)

St.Neil, St.Buzz, St.Sting...

kd1s: No patron saint for homosexuals though. Probably why I stopped being a Catholic and started being a rabid atheist.

I'd go with St Sebastian for that one:





The patron saint of tasty twinks playing hard-to-get.

Johnny Chicago: NSFW imagery of hell dancer: Link (new window)

Why do the dancers in hell look like little boys with estrogen excess syndrome?

MasterThief: Here's just one of them. Sainthood well deserved!

I have to agree on this particular bit of sainthood, but I have to ask is how many cases of Leprosy are reported every year?

Where is the Patron Saint of The Economy?

The patron saint of Michigan is Our Lady, Gate of Heaven. I'm thinking the last bit is her address.


And back when I was a Catholic, St. Rose of LimaLink (new window)was the reason that started me down the path towards not beleiving. Nowadays, she'd be medicated.

ASlyLittleFox: ninjakirby: Don't you need a confirmed miracle to become a Saint? Wonder what they're criteria is.

Check One:

[ ] Heal the sick (Restore sight to the blind, cure paralysis, cure cancer, etc.)

[ ] Care for the needy (feed two thousand with a loaf of bread, etc.)

[ ] Defy laws of nature (Walking on water, splitting the moon...)

[x] Other (Please Explain): _ found the remote. it was in the couch. _____




There is ( or use to be) a Catholic magazine called Leaves. It was smaller in size than a regular magazine and bigger than a reader's digest. Not sold in stores anywhere. Probably at religious places or by subscription.

I never read the articles, because they did not appeal to my black, black heart. But, along the bottom and at the end of every article/story, there would be people's remarks about what saint helped them with what.

"St. Mark the Deranged, thank you for helping me through the car accident." from B.W, Chicago.

"St. Mungo cured my gout!" EZ, Bismark, ND. Etc.

As a kid, I loved these. I wanted personal intercession for the hard times in life and if I PRAYED enough ( especially to some obscure saint who was probably hiding in Heavenly Cubicleville playing solitare.) my prayers would be answered.

Then one day I was reading an entire page of thank you Saint X for helping Whatever and one thank just stuck out and has been with me forever.

"Thank you to St. Whatever for helping me find my other shoe."

I threw the magazine across the room in disgust. THE REASON MY PRAYERS were not getting answered was because of morons who are asking the saints to help them find their other shoe.

Good... but 2 more and they would have got a free order of hot wings.

Catholicism is a polytheistic religion with The Trinity and Mary as the main gods and the Saints as lesser/Demi-gods.


Discuss.

FarkinHostile: Catholicism is a polytheistic religion with The Trinity and Mary as the main gods and the Saints as lesser/Demi-gods.

Catholicism is a thin skin of Christianity applied over the old Roman polytheism/nature worship.

Or, as a professor of mine used to say, it's "New wine in old bottles."