So, if Jesus wanted to be bigger would he take penis pills by the fistful or would Daddy just zap him a giant schlong? Bible scholars? Anybody?

jesusis so last millennium

This Jesus guy, he shows up talking this great line, making all these promises and making me believe in him. He was all like, "It will be great baby, just do this and you'll be in heaven." Then he leaves and doesn't come back! Just like every other man I've ever known!

The sex wasn't even that great, bastard!

Dead for Tax Reasons: jesusis so last millennium two millenia ago

Mythological timeline is mythological.

The whole list:

1. Barack Obama
2. Jesus Christ
3. Martin Luther King
4. Ronald Reagan
5. George W. Bush - WTF?????
6. Abraham Lincoln
7. John McCain
8. John F. Kennedy
9. Chesley Sullenberger
10. Mother Teresa.

Is this really that surprising? Based on when he lived, Jesus was likely 5'6" or less.

Jebus was a midget.

/duh

There are people who would claim that George Bush is their hero? Seriously? Wow.

This does kind of add to him being called "the Messiah" and "the One" by his detractors.

You know who else was bigger than Jesus?

Nurglitch: You know who else was bigger than Jesus?

John Holmes?

Awesome. He has nowhere to go but down.

FTFA:
The survey, conducted last month in the United States, asked Americans to name their heroes. President Obama was the clear leader, easily beating the long-dead "Jesus" of christian mythology.

ZING!
Thus far, Obama has just as much follow-through as Jesus.
In 8 years it might be fair.

Thus begins the war between the United States and Vatican City.

I personally know this Jesus Christ. And let me tell you, Mr. Obama, you are certainly no Jesus Christ.

Careful, now, that was the beginning of their end.

Jesus probably couldn't produce a valid birth certificate either.

That it. I'm not buying any more of his albums.

Funk Brothers: Thus begins the war between the United States and Vatican City.

Yeah but the Vatican thinks the pope is the sh*t. Didn't see him on the list.

Talk about pressure. He may turn out to be a great president but people may want to hold off the festivities until after we can actually judge his presidency.

attackingpencil: There are people who would claim that George Bush is their hero? Seriously? Wow.

Yes, really.

/sad

flannelled fool: Jesus probably couldn't produce a valid birth certificate either.

Who. Gives. A. fark.

It pains me that someone spent time, energy, and probably a good amount of money, to conduct a survey about which random public/historical figure, that none of them actually know, they idolize.

CrankMyBlueSax: So, if Jesus wanted to be bigger would he take penis pills by the fistful or would Daddy just zap him a giant schlong? Bible scholars? Anybody?

Well, since he technically is his own dad, he could just will it to grow an inch or two.

Anyone that names a politician as a hero is an idiot.

Smacky the Frog:

Heck, it's snark, on Fark. Lighten up.

The Beatles sucked.

so what. Jesus was 4'3"



people were smaller back then

don't blame me, I voted for the Shamwow guy.

Uh... even the most devout Christian wouldn't probably list Jesus as their hero. Mythologically (or whatever the word is), he's supposed to be the perfect human, resulting from being the biological son of god (forget god not having a biology, it's religion, it's under no obligation to make sense). Heroes are someone you aspire to be like, you can't actually aspire to one of your parents becoming God*.

Jesus being your hero would make about as much sense as a Tiger being your hero. Sure, you might admire some aspects of the creature, but you're not gonna try to grow up to be a tiger.

*yet.

The Tony Danzas: Is this really that surprising? Based on when he lived, Jesus was likely 5'6" or less.

Jesus was well-travelled, clever, forward thinking, and didn't consider women below dirt. I'd party with him.

"don't blame me, I voted for the Shamwow guy."

HIS stimulus plan would have sucked up TWENTY TIMES the unemployment as regular stimulus plans.


/headsets are sexy

godofusa.com: The Beatles sucked.

Pink Floyd is better.

Funk Brothers: godofusa.com: The Beatles sucked.

Pink Floyd is better.

Agreed.

Jim_Callahan: Uh... even the most devout Christian wouldn't probably list Jesus as their hero. Mythologically (or whatever the word is), he's supposed to be the perfect human, resulting from being the biological son of god (forget god not having a biology, it's religion, it's under no obligation to make sense). Heroes are someone you aspire to be like, you can't actually aspire to one of your parents becoming God*.

Jesus being your hero would make about as much sense as a Tiger being your hero. Sure, you might admire some aspects of the creature, but you're not gonna try to grow up to be a tiger.

*yet.

An interesting assertion. The term Christian is Christ with the suffix ian -- which means "to be like"


Which is one reason a theology professor I had once disliked "Christian t-shirts" as he couldn't see how any article of clothing could be "Christ-like"

Without getting heavy into the text, it's pretty clear that Jesus preached a way of life thru service to God by servicing others -- an attribute he personified and encouraged others to engage in.

Anywho, I don't see how anyone could call themselves a Christian -- one who is like Christ --- and get away with him not being a hero.

bacccc: Jebus was a midget.

i thought it was god that was tiny?

Jim_Callahan: Uh... even the most devout Christian wouldn't probably list Jesus as their hero. Mythologically (or whatever the word is), he's supposed to be the perfect human, resulting from being the biological son of god (forget god not having a biology, it's religion, it's under no obligation to make sense). Heroes are someone you aspire to be like, you can't actually aspire to one of your parents becoming God*.

Jesus being your hero would make about as much sense as a Tiger being your hero. Sure, you might admire some aspects of the creature, but you're not gonna try to grow up to be a tiger.

*yet.

In Christian thought, Jesus isn't just the son of God, he IS God. So your point is even stronger.

We elected a Jewish zombie president? Then why didn't he say "Braaaaaaaains!" instead of "Chaaaaaaange!"

flannelled fool: Lighten up.

I knew there was a reason I had you Farkied as a racist assbag. From the site that picture comes from: "...the White heritage on which this nation was founded".

Another little gem: "Isn't it odd how the same accusations against the Jews keep cropping up in every era and every nation and every culture where they make their appearance? The Chinese are intelligent people capable of observing the Western world as it is, not as the Jewish media tells them it is. Perhaps the reason for their belief that Jews control Western governments stems from the fact that they don't have Jews peering over their shoulder telling them what they can and cannot believe."

"The Democrats, the swooning Valley girls and the liberal media have their Magic Negro in the Oval Office."

Nice.

DIAF, twatwaffle.

attackingpencil: In Christian thought, Jesus isn't just the son of God, he IS God.

The first schism in the church was largely over this point. So no, not all Christians claim that Jesus is God -- only those in the western tradition -- or derived from the western tradition. i.e. Catholics and Protestants believe this.

submitter: Bigger than Jesus

Like there's a difference...

The thread on RaptureReady about this topic is f*cking hilarious, was reading it earlier today at work laughing my ass off in my cube.

DarnoKonrad: attackingpencil: In Christian thought, Jesus isn't just the son of God, he IS God.

The first schism in the church was largely over this point. So no, not all Christians claim that Jesus is God -- only those in the western tradition -- or derived from the western tradition. i.e. Catholics and Protestants believe this.

Actually, you're incorrect on both points. The first schism in the Church was not over the divinity of Christ, although the Arian controversy was major, and Eastern Orthodox Churches are followers of Nicene Christianity.

ryebread: From the site that picture comes from

Google search "Obama birth certificate Kenya" - cut and paste link. Whatever nonsense is at the site I could care less about and spent not one second looking into. It's Friday night and if you want to send your blood pressure into the stratosphere and stroke out in the process, instead of laughing at the questionable humor of some Photoshop nonsense, help yourself.

attackingpencil: There are people who would claim that George Bush is their hero? Seriously? Wow.

Yep, and odds are they are the ones who scream the loudest with: 'All Obama supporters worship him like he's the Messiah!'

Action Replay Nick: The thread on RaptureReady about this topic is f*cking hilarious, was reading it earlier today at work laughing my ass off in my cube.

lol...

from Alex:

Who are they asking? I would like to question each person on this site. Did someone ask you this question and did you respond?
The site gets thousands if not more hits a day if not one person was asked this question then I would conceed the fact that if the question was true and was asked it must have been taken or given at a Obama rally. Not to the average Joe.


wow, if a random sample didn't hit one of the thousands of people on your site, it's clearly skewed!

attackingpencil: The first schism in the Church was not over the divinity of Christ

I didn't say that. Being divine and being God are not the same thing.

DarnoKonrad: attackingpencil: The first schism in the Church was not over the divinity of Christ

I didn't say that. Being divine and being God are not the same thing.

You are still incorrect.

attackingpencil: DarnoKonrad: attackingpencil: The first schism in the Church was not over the divinity of Christ

I didn't say that. Being divine and being God are not the same thing.

You are still incorrect.
No you are.

and george bush will live on in history as the most incompetent president in 100 years.

great job, republicans!