I would've been more impressed if he had rummaged through the septic tank after her rings...

The couple met on a cruise in the Carribean.

"It was love at first sight," Aimee said. "He was dancing by himself on the dance floor and kept asking me if I wanted to dance. Then he asked me if I wanted a drink. So I said OK, and that was that."

Ah, romance.

Going into a dumpster for a ring is bush league. If you want to play in the big leagues, you have to do the extraordinary. So I give you the story of a friend of mine who gave his wife a real Valentines gift (as told by columnist Ken Hoffman and published in the Houston Chronicle)

Keep in mind this is a BBQ cook off to get the true horror of this..



Proving your true love can be disgusting experience

By KEN HOFFMAN
Staff

FOR Valentine's Day, here is a love story.

The most disgusting, smelliest love story you've ever heard.

It happened last Saturday night at the big Barbecue Cook-off in the Astrodome parking lot. Investor banker Kelly Covington and wife Kelly (yes, they have the same name) were in the middle of dinner when Mrs. Kelly, a sales rep at Channel 20, decided to use the Port-a-Potty.

If you remember, Saturday night was very chilly. She was wearing gloves.

Inside the Port-a-Potty, when she pulled off her left glove, her diamond wedding ring came flying off, too.

Like they say, it happens.

"My ring!" she screamed, and bolted from the Port-a-Potty like a bullrider coming out of Chute 5. The ring is a family heirloom. By the time she reached the dinner tent, tears were rolling down her cheeks and she was shaking uncontrollably.

"I thought my ring was gone forever, you know, halfway to China," she said.

"Then I realized that Port-a-Potties aren't like real toilets. They have a tank down there that holds everything until someone takes it away. My ring wasn't lost, it was just trapped in a very unpleasant place."

Husband Kelly saw his wife bawling and asked what happened. When she told him, he wondered, "What should we do?"

It was one of those questions where you already know the answer.

"You've got to go in there and get it back!" she cried.

This sounds like an episode of I Love Lucy, if they still made I Love Lucy and showed it on late-night cable. Turns out this Port-a-Potty mishap wasn't all that uncommon. Two nights earlier, another husband was called upon to retrieve a sunken diamond bracelet.

Husband Kelly found a pair of those heavy-duty rubber gloves that go up to your elbow. They use them at rodeo time for cooking massive amounts of barbecue and diving into icy barrels of beer.

"Then I wrapped a big Hefty garbage bag around my arm and went in. It was the single worst thing I've ever done," he said. "There I was, elbow deep, fishing around in a public toilet while my wife was holding a flashlight, crying her eyes out. Yeah, this was everything I thought married life would be."

He figures the tank holds about 30 gallons and it was half-filled. He dredged every ounce of it for 20 minutes and came up empty.

That's when wife Kelly leaned on the side wall of the Port-a-Potty and spotted the ring wedged in a crack in the floor. It never was down the toilet. She was elated, but now she had a new problem: How do you tell your husband he's been letting his fingers do the walking in a public toilet for 20 minutes for nothing?

Guess what, though. He was so happy to escape the toilet that he didn't mind. He didn't even yell or anything.

"It was a disgusting, retching experience. But I really don't think I did it for nothing. I was doing something for my wife," he said.

I told you it was a love story.

sullyman: Going into a dumpster for a ring is bush league. If you want to play in the big leagues, you have to do the extraordinary. So I give you the story of a friend of mine who gave his wife a real Valentines gift (as told by columnist Ken Hoffman and published in the Houston Chronicle)

Keep in mind this is a BBQ cook off to get the true horror of this..



Proving your true love can be disgusting experience

By KEN HOFFMAN
Staff

FOR Valentine's Day, here is a love story.

The most disgusting, smelliest love story you've ever heard.

It happened last Saturday night at the big Barbecue Cook-off in the Astrodome parking lot. Investor banker Kelly Covington and wife Kelly (yes, they have the same name) were in the middle of dinner when Mrs. Kelly, a sales rep at Channel 20, decided to use the Port-a-Potty.

If you remember, Saturday night was very chilly. She was wearing gloves.

Inside the Port-a-Potty, when she pulled off her left glove, her diamond wedding ring came flying off, too.

Like they say, it happens.

"My ring!" she screamed, and bolted from the Port-a-Potty like a bullrider coming out of Chute 5. The ring is a family heirloom. By the time she reached the dinner tent, tears were rolling down her cheeks and she was shaking uncontrollably.

"I thought my ring was gone forever, you know, halfway to China," she said.

"Then I realized that Port-a-Potties aren't like real toilets. They have a tank down there that holds everything until someone takes it away. My ring wasn't lost, it was just trapped in a very unpleasant place."

Husband Kelly saw his wife bawling and asked what happened. When she told him, he wondered, "What should we do?"

It was one of those questions where you already know the answer.

"You've got to go in there and get it back!" she cried.

This sounds like an episode of I Love Lucy, if they still made I Love Lucy and showed it on late-night cable. Turns out this Port-a-Potty mishap wasn't all that uncommon. Two nights earlier, another husband was called upon to retrieve a sunken diamond bracelet.

Husband Kelly found a pair of those heavy-duty rubber gloves that go up to your elbow. They use them at rodeo time for cooking massive amounts of barbecue and diving into icy barrels of beer.

"Then I wrapped a big Hefty garbage bag around my arm and went in. It was the single worst thing I've ever done," he said. "There I was, elbow deep, fishing around in a public toilet while my wife was holding a flashlight, crying her eyes out. Yeah, this was everything I thought married life would be."

He figures the tank holds about 30 gallons and it was half-filled. He dredged every ounce of it for 20 minutes and came up empty.

That's when wife Kelly leaned on the side wall of the Port-a-Potty and spotted the ring wedged in a crack in the floor. It never was down the toilet. She was elated, but now she had a new problem: How do you tell your husband he's been letting his fingers do the walking in a public toilet for 20 minutes for nothing?

Guess what, though. He was so happy to escape the toilet that he didn't mind. He didn't even yell or anything.

"It was a disgusting, retching experience. But I really don't think I did it for nothing. I was doing something for my wife," he said.

I told you it was a love story.

I'd have punched her.

Fat and stupid is no way to go through life ma'am

What is it with these stupid women who can't wear wedding rings and engagement rings that fit their fingers? Or take them off when you do the dishes, since it's supposedly one of your most valued possessions? And she lost two rings without noticing--dur. Does she lose their car keys every day too?

She looks like a hogg biatch so the rings probably don't fit. He should have sent her after the ring she could have had a fitting meal in the process.

chemical_angel: I'd have punched her.

Surprise butt sex

cryinoutloud: What is it with these stupid women who can't wear wedding rings and engagement rings that fit their fingers? Or take them off when you do the dishes, since it's supposedly one of your most valued possessions? And she lost two rings without noticing--dur. Does she lose their car keys every day too?

Maybe she has lost weight. I currently have tape around my rings because they fit loose and I haven't had a chance to get them resized.

chemical_angel: sullyman: Going into a dumpster for a ring is bush league. If you want to play in the big leagues, you have to do the extraordinary. So I give you the story of a friend of mine who gave his wife a real Valentines gift (as told by columnist Ken Hoffman and published in the Houston Chronicle)

Keep in mind this is a BBQ cook off to get the true horror of this..



Proving your true love can be disgusting experience

By KEN HOFFMAN
Staff

FOR Valentine's Day, here is a love story.

The most disgusting, smelliest love story you've ever heard.

It happened last Saturday night at the big Barbecue Cook-off in the Astrodome parking lot. Investor banker Kelly Covington and wife Kelly (yes, they have the same name) were in the middle of dinner when Mrs. Kelly, a sales rep at Channel 20, decided to use the Port-a-Potty.

If you remember, Saturday night was very chilly. She was wearing gloves.

Inside the Port-a-Potty, when she pulled off her left glove, her diamond wedding ring came flying off, too.

Like they say, it happens.

"My ring!" she screamed, and bolted from the Port-a-Potty like a bullrider coming out of Chute 5. The ring is a family heirloom. By the time she reached the dinner tent, tears were rolling down her cheeks and she was shaking uncontrollably.

"I thought my ring was gone forever, you know, halfway to China," she said.

"Then I realized that Port-a-Potties aren't like real toilets. They have a tank down there that holds everything until someone takes it away. My ring wasn't lost, it was just trapped in a very unpleasant place."

Husband Kelly saw his wife bawling and asked what happened. When she told him, he wondered, "What should we do?"

It was one of those questions where you already know the answer.

"You've got to go in there and get it back!" she cried.

This sounds like an episode of I Love Lucy, if they still made I Love Lucy and showed it on late-night cable. Turns out this Port-a-Potty mishap wasn't all that uncommon. Two nights earlier, another husband was called upon to retrieve a sunken diamond bracelet.

Husband Kelly found a pair of those heavy-duty rubber gloves that go up to your elbow. They use them at rodeo time for cooking massive amounts of barbecue and diving into icy barrels of beer.

"Then I wrapped a big Hefty garbage bag around my arm and went in. It was the single worst thing I've ever done," he said. "There I was, elbow deep, fishing around in a public toilet while my wife was holding a flashlight, crying her eyes out. Yeah, this was everything I thought married life would be."

He figures the tank holds about 30 gallons and it was half-filled. He dredged every ounce of it for 20 minutes and came up empty.

That's when wife Kelly leaned on the side wall of the Port-a-Potty and spotted the ring wedged in a crack in the floor. It never was down the toilet. She was elated, but now she had a new problem: How do you tell your husband he's been letting his fingers do the walking in a public toilet for 20 minutes for nothing?

Guess what, though. He was so happy to escape the toilet that he didn't mind. He didn't even yell or anything.

"It was a disgusting, retching experience. But I really don't think I did it for nothing. I was doing something for my wife," he said.

I told you it was a love story.

I'd have punched her.

I would have punched myself.

featherspy: chemical_angel: sullyman: Going into a dumpster for a ring is bush league. If you want to play in the big leagues, you have to do the extraordinary. So I give you the story of a friend of mine who gave his wife a real Valentines gift (as told by columnist Ken Hoffman and published in the Houston Chronicle)

Keep in mind this is a BBQ cook off to get the true horror of this..



Proving your true love can be disgusting experience

By KEN HOFFMAN
Staff

FOR Valentine's Day, here is a love story.

The most disgusting, smelliest love story you've ever heard.

It happened last Saturday night at the big Barbecue Cook-off in the Astrodome parking lot. Investor banker Kelly Covington and wife Kelly (yes, they have the same name) were in the middle of dinner when Mrs. Kelly, a sales rep at Channel 20, decided to use the Port-a-Potty.

If you remember, Saturday night was very chilly. She was wearing gloves.

Inside the Port-a-Potty, when she pulled off her left glove, her diamond wedding ring came flying off, too.

Like they say, it happens.

"My ring!" she screamed, and bolted from the Port-a-Potty like a bullrider coming out of Chute 5. The ring is a family heirloom. By the time she reached the dinner tent, tears were rolling down her cheeks and she was shaking uncontrollably.

"I thought my ring was gone forever, you know, halfway to China," she said.

"Then I realized that Port-a-Potties aren't like real toilets. They have a tank down there that holds everything until someone takes it away. My ring wasn't lost, it was just trapped in a very unpleasant place."

Husband Kelly saw his wife bawling and asked what happened. When she told him, he wondered, "What should we do?"

It was one of those questions where you already know the answer.

"You've got to go in there and get it back!" she cried.

This sounds like an episode of I Love Lucy, if they still made I Love Lucy and showed it on late-night cable. Turns out this Port-a-Potty mishap wasn't all that uncommon. Two nights earlier, another husband was called upon to retrieve a sunken diamond bracelet.

Husband Kelly found a pair of those heavy-duty rubber gloves that go up to your elbow. They use them at rodeo time for cooking massive amounts of barbecue and diving into icy barrels of beer.

"Then I wrapped a big Hefty garbage bag around my arm and went in. It was the single worst thing I've ever done," he said. "There I was, elbow deep, fishing around in a public toilet while my wife was holding a flashlight, crying her eyes out. Yeah, this was everything I thought married life would be."

He figures the tank holds about 30 gallons and it was half-filled. He dredged every ounce of it for 20 minutes and came up empty.

That's when wife Kelly leaned on the side wall of the Port-a-Potty and spotted the ring wedged in a crack in the floor. It never was down the toilet. She was elated, but now she had a new problem: How do you tell your husband he's been letting his fingers do the walking in a public toilet for 20 minutes for nothing?

Guess what, though. He was so happy to escape the toilet that he didn't mind. He didn't even yell or anything.

"It was a disgusting, retching experience. But I really don't think I did it for nothing. I was doing something for my wife," he said.

I told you it was a love story.

I'd have punched her.

I would have punched myself.

I would have punched her and then myself.

I'd do anything for love but I won't do that

BiblioTech: Maybe she has lost weight. I currently have tape around my rings because they fit loose and I haven't had a chance to get them resized.

My grandfather was roughly the same height as me and was never overweight but his wedding ring is twice the size needed for my finger. The difference between growing up on a farm with 14 hours days and growing up typing on keyboards for 14 hours a day I guess.

/will mostly likely melt it down and create two rings whenever my bf and i decide to get gay married
//that sound you hear is my grandfather spinning in his grave

kirby528: I told you it was a love story.

I'd have punched her.

I would have punched myself.

I would have punched her and then myself.

I'll punch you all if you keep quoting the entire story.

I'm about to buy a ring.

After I ask her and she says yes, I'll say "now don't lose it".

/stupid rings
//awesome girl

i think there might have been two sentences in that about the actual "rummaging for the ring", the rest was bs

Fat

kirby528: featherspy: chemical_angel: sullyman: Going into a dumpster for a ring is bush league. If you want to play in the big leagues, you have to do the extraordinary. So I give you the story of a friend of mine who gave his wife a real Valentines gift (as told by columnist Ken Hoffman and published in the Houston Chronicle)

Keep in mind this is a BBQ cook off to get the true horror of this..

Proving your true love can be disgusting experience

By KEN HOFFMAN
Staff

FOR Valentine's Day, here is a love story.

The most disgusting, smelliest love story you've ever heard.

It happened last Saturday night at the big Barbecue Cook-off in the Astrodome parking lot. Investor banker Kelly Covington and wife Kelly (yes, they have the same name) were in the middle of dinner when Mrs. Kelly, a sales rep at Channel 20, decided to use the Port-a-Potty.

If you remember, Saturday night was very chilly. She was wearing gloves.

Inside the Port-a-Potty, when she pulled off her left glove, her diamond wedding ring came flying off, too.

Like they say, it happens.

"My ring!" she screamed, and bolted from the Port-a-Potty like a bullrider coming out of Chute 5. The ring is a family heirloom. By the time she reached the dinner tent, tears were rolling down her cheeks and she was shaking uncontrollably.

"I thought my ring was gone forever, you know, halfway to China," she said.

"Then I realized that Port-a-Potties aren't like real toilets. They have a tank down there that holds everything until someone takes it away. My ring wasn't lost, it was just trapped in a very unpleasant place."

Husband Kelly saw his wife bawling and asked what happened. When she told him, he wondered, "What should we do?"

It was one of those questions where you already know the answer.

"You've got to go in there and get it back!" she cried.

This sounds like an episode of I Love Lucy, if they still made I Love Lucy and showed it on late-night cable. Turns out this Port-a-Potty mishap wasn't all that uncommon. Two nights earlier, another husband was called upon to retrieve a sunken diamond bracelet.

Husband Kelly found a pair of those heavy-duty rubber gloves that go up to your elbow. They use them at rodeo time for cooking massive amounts of barbecue and diving into icy barrels of beer.

"Then I wrapped a big Hefty garbage bag around my arm and went in. It was the single worst thing I've ever done," he said. "There I was, elbow deep, fishing around in a public toilet while my wife was holding a flashlight, crying her eyes out. Yeah, this was everything I thought married life would be."

He figures the tank holds about 30 gallons and it was half-filled. He dredged every ounce of it for 20 minutes and came up empty.

That's when wife Kelly leaned on the side wall of the Port-a-Potty and spotted the ring wedged in a crack in the floor. It never was down the toilet. She was elated, but now she had a new problem: How do you tell your husband he's been letting his fingers do the walking in a public toilet for 20 minutes for nothing?

Guess what, though. He was so happy to escape the toilet that he didn't mind. He didn't even yell or anything.

"It was a disgusting, retching experience. But I really don't think I did it for nothing. I was doing something for my wife," he said.

I told you it was a love story.

I'd have punched her.

I would have punched myself.

I would have punched her and then myself.

I need to see a picture of Mrs. Kelly before deciding who to hit. GIS not being definitive.

Stray Slacker: kirby528: I told you it was a love story.

I'd have punched her.

I would have punched myself.

I would have punched her and then myself.

I'll punch you all if you keep quoting the entire story.

Make it a donkey punch and you have yourself a deal.

Seriously though, WHY didn't the women search for the rings THEMSELVES?!

/this lady doesn't wear rings
//they get in the way of repairing, typing, videogames, guns, whatever.

Typhoid: Seriously though, WHY didn't the women search for the rings THEMSELVES?!

Someone's single.

Love had nothing to do with it. He knew he was going to have to buy new ones and that they would be much bigger and cost twice as much. I blame the economy.

Man, I'm thirsty. I could really go for a nice, cold glass of punch.

Why is everyone so punchy?

nelbuts1.... that's hilarious.

BiblioTech: cryinoutloud: What is it with these stupid women who can't wear wedding rings and engagement rings that fit their fingers? Or take them off when you do the dishes, since it's supposedly one of your most valued possessions? And she lost two rings without noticing--dur. Does she lose their car keys every day too?

Maybe she has lost weight. I currently have tape around my rings because they fit loose and I haven't had a chance to get them resized.

This could be true. I gave the gaswoman an engagement ring over the holidaze and it was fitted when her monthly bill was due. Well normally her ring size is almost a full two sizes smaller so she wraps yarn around it when she is not bloated. Thank god she hates Fark.

Why? Did he leave it on her finger?

/DRTFA

Oh great, it went green. Well that is just spiffy. I'll be sitting over there by the phone waiting for it to ring.

bonkmeist: chemical_angel: I'd have punched her.

Surprise butt sex

I would also include BJ's on demand for a year

bravian: will mostly likely melt it down and create two rings

Or you can just get it cut down to fit you.

chicagogasman: This could be true. I gave the gaswoman an engagement ring over the holidaze and it was fitted when her monthly bill was due. Well normally her ring size is almost a full two sizes smaller so she wraps yarn around it when she is not bloated. Thank god she hates Fark.

Congrats on the engagement. Living in Chicago there could be another reason for the loose ring - cold weather. My rings fit much better in the summer. When my hands get cold the rings practically fall off.

/cold hands, warm heart

vaconex: Typhoid: Seriously though, WHY didn't the women search for the rings THEMSELVES?!

Someone's single.

What, guys don't like women who don't make them dig in garbage and poop? The horror!

Once I found it I would have stuck it up her a-s. What a dope!

I read the headline and thought it was a story about a man who happened to be rummaging through a dumpster when he accidentally found his wife's wedding ring... which she had purposely thrown away.

Call me a die hard romantic.

The best girlfriends get tickets to sold out Puscifer concerts.

The monetary value of a ring is directly proportional to the amount of love you feel for your partner and your social status.

Discuss.

There is something... unnerving about that child's eyes.

She peers deep into my soul with malice. I find myself pinned beneath her gaze, squirming mirthlessly like an itchy bear cub.

Dang that kid is cute. I'd steal her if it was legal.

Stray Slacker: kirby528: I told you it was a love story.

I'd have punched her.

I would have punched myself.

I would have punched her and then myself.

I'll punch you all if you keep quoting the entire story.

THIS. And seriously, who could love that fat ugly hog that much anyway?

Did he find that baby in there, too?

Leelu84: Stray Slacker: kirby528: I told you it was a love story.

I'd have punched her.

I would have punched myself.

I would have punched her and then myself.

I'll punch you all if you keep quoting the entire story.

THIS. And seriously, who could love that fat ugly hog that much anyway?

That crapper tank would have been especially nasty, considering how they were at the rib cook-off. Egad.

chemical_angel: I told you it was a love story.

I'd have punched her.

I'd say every Saturday is Steak and a BJ day.

Control_this: Dang that kid is cute. I'd steal her if it was legal.

judging by his wife, it doesn't look like he would've needed them

Just like a typical woman, expecting the man to clean up her fark ups.

Stupid biatch should have dove in herself or if she was really upset buy herself another one.

She's from Millville. That explains a whole helluva lot....

\Millville=one half of hell on earth with Blackstone
\\lying cheating mutherfarking bastards they are....

Betcha now he'll get insurance so he doesn't have to do that again

WTF who cares. My wife lost hers and I made her dive for it herself. Should we have put our pictures in the paper?

Kindalike the headline in the local paper when I got married...

Wife rummages through contents of Dumpster to find husband, wedding ring.

Now that's true love!

No that's $10,000 worth of gold and diamonds you stupid ditz! Now get your lazy ass back in the kitchen, make me a sandwich, and blow me while I eat it!!