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(NW Florida Daily News) Florida 32-year old man arrested for beer battering 16-year old shrimp   (nwfdailynews.com) divider line 55
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18314 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Feb 2009 at 9:27 PM   |  Make this a Fark FavoriteFavorite    |   share: Share on OMGTWITTER WEB2.0share on StumbleUponshare on Facebook  more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!

55 Comments   (+0 »)


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PenguinTheRed [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 09:19:39 PM  
Am I a pervert for assuming this article was going to be about a drunk guy, um, spackling a minor?

 
medius [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 09:30:09 PM  
you're among friends, PervertTheRed

 
The English Major [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 09:30:10 PM  
PenguinTheRed
Am I a pervert for assuming this article was going to be about a drunk guy, um, spackling a minor?

No. I really don't know what it says about us, but I clicked on the article expecting just that.

 
a17rwk 2009-02-08 09:31:42 PM  
Nice to meet you, Pervmedius

 
Ryankenny 2009-02-08 09:32:21 PM  
Same here -- assumed the bloke threw his shrimp onto barbie.

 
Gyrfalcon [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 09:34:52 PM  
It says you guys are a bunch of pervs who need locking up, your heads probed with Black & Decker drills, and your rectums probed by, well, drills.

 
berylman 2009-02-08 09:35:27 PM  
I, for one, actually thought it was about a 16 years ancient crustacean, like a restaurant mascot, captured and eaten.

 
Proud2B_American 2009-02-08 09:37:08 PM  
Not what I expected, but clever headline.

 
boobsrgood [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 09:38:16 PM  
berylman: I, for one, actually thought it was about a 16 years ancient crustacean, like a restaurant mascot, captured and eaten.



i242.photobucket.com

Agreed

 
Mr_Master2 2009-02-08 09:39:04 PM  
Subby +1
Great headline

 
Fark Me To Tears [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 09:39:06 PM  
Ahhh... Crestview, FL...

I don't know if it's still there, but a few years back there was a Ku Klux Klan website that declared Crestview, FL was the location of the national HQ for the KKK.

This beer can story seems to fit into the Crestview ambiance very nicely.

 
thereadlines [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 09:39:52 PM  
Gyrfalcon: It says you guys are a bunch of pervs who need locking up, your heads probed with Black & Decker drills, and your rectums probed by, well, drills.

You said drills twice.

 
Deathfrogg 2009-02-08 09:41:25 PM  
Beer battery?

It doesn't say in the article at all about what kind of beer it was. Dark? Ale? Animal can beer?

Too much information left out of the story to make a judgment here.

 
TeddyRooseveltsMustache [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 09:42:41 PM  
Textbook headline. +1

 
Pumpernickel bread 2009-02-08 09:43:50 PM  
FTA: "The boy balled himself into a fetal position to protect himself from the attack."

That's a manly man there.

 
WFern 2009-02-08 09:46:52 PM  
...The man punched him in the face, yelled, "the (name deleted) brothers are back," and left the home...

www.jgmurphy.org

 
Telephone Sanitizer Second Class 2009-02-08 09:47:53 PM  
FTA:The man punched him in the face, yelled, "the (name deleted) brothers are back," and left the home.

Wanted for questioning:
www.jfkmontreal.com

/not gonna let em catch me

 
WFern 2009-02-08 09:48:52 PM  
berylman: I, for one, actually thought it was about a 16 years ancient crustacean, like a restaurant mascot, captured and eaten.

I actually imagined a man had assaulted a teen with scalding oil.

 
Dull Cow Eyes 2009-02-08 09:49:17 PM  
Before RTFA, I thought the headline was about cops arresting a restaurant chef for boozing up rancid shrimp and getting patrons sick and/or minors drunk.

 
Relatively Obscure [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 09:49:55 PM  
blogs.smh.com.au

+1finity

 
tortilla burger 2009-02-08 09:50:20 PM  
PenguinTheRed: Am I a pervert for assuming this article was going to be about a drunk guy, um, spackling a minor?

Well you're not the only one takin a seat over there

 
mike4287 2009-02-08 09:52:07 PM  
Ryankenny: Same here -- assumed the bloke threw his shrimp ontointo barbie.

FTFY

 
JimmyCarter'sSecondTerm 2009-02-08 09:52:31 PM  
Is this your homework yes or no?
content.ytmnd.com

Have you ever heard of Vietnam?

 
Proud2B_American 2009-02-08 09:52:44 PM  
Gyrfalcon: It says you guys are a bunch of pervs who need locking up, your heads probed with Black & Decker drills, and your rectums probed by, well, drills.

I didn't see where anyone said that's what they wanted to see, only that's what they expected to see, this is, after all, Fark.

 
PenguinTheRed [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 09:54:05 PM  
thereadlines: Gyrfalcon: It says you guys are a bunch of pervs who need locking up, your heads probed with Black & Decker drills, and your rectums probed by, well, drills.

You said drills twice.


He likes drills.

 
The English Major [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 09:55:54 PM  
PenguinTheRed
thereadlines: Gyrfalcon: It says you guys are a bunch of pervs who need locking up, your heads probed with Black & Decker drills, and your rectums probed by, well, drills.

You said drills twice.

He likes drills.


That's what he gets for hangin' 'round Blueberry Hill.

 
That coward David Lopan 2009-02-08 10:00:41 PM  
FTA:The man punched him in the face, yelled, "the (name deleted) brothers are back," and left the home.

I'm thinking this was the oldest Hanson bringing the smackdown on one of the Jonas bros, in an attempt to let them know their return to the Billboard charts is eminent (spell check?).

 
BuddyLuv 2009-02-08 10:01:18 PM  
www.thisshirtrocks.com

 
Bucky Katt [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 10:02:56 PM  
berylman: I, for one, actually thought it was about a 16 years ancient crustacean, like a restaurant mascot, captured and eaten.

i thought it was about a crustacean that was sitting in the back of some freezer for 16 years

 
Man On Pink Corner [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 10:03:17 PM  
"Beer battering"?

Oh, fark.

 
bugmn99 2009-02-08 10:04:06 PM  
One night when I was a teenager, a few friends and I were driving around and saw this drunk dude trying to carry a case of beer (bottles) down the street. We got this idea to run up on him and take his beer, but when we were about 20 feet behind him, he spun around, dropped his case and started winging bottles at our heads. He missed all of us except my boy Frankie, who ended up needing stitches across his forehead. The guy left his beer, but cops were coming so we bagged ass.

This story has no point, but my wife gets mad as hell when I tell it at parties.

/It's like, my favorite story though :(

 
Thisbymaster 2009-02-08 10:06:08 PM  
They were black right?

 
overlord 2009-02-08 10:07:31 PM  
The man punched him in the face, yelled, "the (name deleted) brothers are back," and left the home.

Blues?
Corsican?
Marx?
Warner?
Band of?

 
Proud2B_American 2009-02-08 10:09:16 PM  
That coward David Lopan: FTA:The man punched him in the face, yelled, "the (name deleted) brothers are back," and left the home.

I'm thinking this was the oldest Hanson bringing the smackdown on one of the Jonas bros, in an attempt to let them know their return to the Billboard charts is eminent (spell check?).


Not being young, These are the Hanson's I first thought of
images.morris.com

 
robinmi [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 10:14:39 PM  
overlord:
Blues?
Corsican?
Marx?
Warner?
Band of?


I think it was the Festrunk brothers.

 
The Gunslinger Roland 2009-02-08 10:15:13 PM  
"Man attacks teen with beer can"

I read this and thought, the kid shouldn't have a damn beer can. I would attack him also to get at that delicious beer.

 
MrGronk 2009-02-08 10:15:19 PM  
Overlord: The man punched him in the face, yelled, "the (name deleted) brothers are back," and left the home.

Blues?
Corsican?
Marx?
Warner?
Band of?


Chemical?

 
Gyrfalcon [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 10:17:43 PM  
MrGronk: Overlord: The man punched him in the face, yelled, "the (name deleted) brothers are back," and left the home.

Blues?
Corsican?
Marx?
Warner?
Band of?

Chemical?


Big?
Nelson?
Jonas?

 
mediablitz [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 10:18:15 PM  
"A 32-year-old man was arrested for battery after he attacked a 16-year-old with a beer can."

Well of course he was mad. Was was a 16 year old doing with a beer can?

 
mediablitz [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 10:30:16 PM  
mediablitz: "A 32-year-old man was arrested for battery after he attacked a 16-year-old with a beer can."

Well of course he was mad. Was was a 16 year old doing with a beer can?


Er, "What" was

/always great to fark up when you are complaining about poor grammar.

 
bighasbeen [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 10:31:35 PM  
BuddyLuv beat me to it.

 
wiredtolain 2009-02-08 10:36:11 PM  
Once he had identified the kid, he struck him in the face with the can. The boy balled himself into a fetal position to protect himself from the attack.

this should require a pussy tag

 
TSD [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 10:36:11 PM  
i41.photobucket.com

 
Bucky Katt [TotalFark] 2009-02-08 10:44:48 PM  
wiredtolain: Once he had identified the kid, he struck him in the face with the can. The boy balled himself into a fetal position to protect himself from the attack.

this should require a pussy tag


ok, tough guy. what would you do after getting cold cocked with a beer can?

 
WhiteNGold546 2009-02-08 10:52:15 PM  
It's better that he beer battered a 16 year old than baby battered a 16 year old...

/Alliteration
//Yummy

 
BuddyLuv 2009-02-08 10:54:39 PM  
www.blogcdn.com

 
WFern 2009-02-08 10:55:46 PM  
bugmn99: One night when I was a teenager, a few friends and I were driving around and saw this drunk dude trying to carry a case of beer (bottles) down the street. We got this idea to run up on him and take his beer, but when we were about 20 feet behind him, he spun around, dropped his case and started winging bottles at our heads. He missed all of us except my boy Frankie, who ended up needing stitches across his forehead. The guy left his beer, but cops were coming so we bagged ass.

This story has no point, but my wife gets mad as hell when I tell it at parties.

/It's like, my favorite story though :(


All due respect, it sounds like you all got what you deserved.

Still funny.

 
The Martintuckian 2009-02-08 10:59:25 PM  
MMM, love 'em battered.

 
Ikahoshi 2009-02-08 11:57:51 PM  
chef_riggy: /Steve Irwin special
/Oh Crikey! Shhh! It's a native Northwest Florida Redneck in his natural 'abitat! 'E's stomping out of 'his pickup truck and over to that trailer, an' carryin' a beer--but wait a second, 'e's not drinkin' it! What's up there? "Old on, 'e's smashin' on the screen door, talkin' ta somebody--'ere comes a smaller one..WHOA! 'E used the beer as a missile! I never seen that one coming...


Then Steve would wrestle him down, and try to put his finger in the old fella's cloaca.

Ahh good times... good times.

 
Deathfrogg 2009-02-09 12:01:58 AM  
Ikahoshi: chef_riggy: /Steve Irwin special
/Oh Crikey! Shhh! It's a native Northwest Florida Redneck in his natural 'abitat! 'E's stomping out of 'his pickup truck and over to that trailer, an' carryin' a beer--but wait a second, 'e's not drinkin' it! What's up there? "Old on, 'e's smashin' on the screen door, talkin' ta somebody--'ere comes a smaller one..WHOA! 'E used the beer as a missile! I never seen that one coming...

Then Steve would wrestle him down, and try to put his finger in the old fella's cloaca.

Ahh good times... good times.


Its the only way to sex them accuratly.

 
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