Good lord, there's some badassery in there.

Some bad muthafarkas in that list.

Yeah, you read stuff like this and realize that you farking suck in comparison. +1 despite that depressing realization though.

Wow, that's an impressive list of badasses.

White Death: ..for about a week. In spite of having come down with a nasty case of shot-in-the-face syndrome, he was still very much alive, and regained consciousness on March 13, the very day the war ended.

They didn't want anymore of him.

I'd add in the entire Maori Battalion:

Link (new window)

And the "Go For Broke" Nisei.

Link (new window)

jaylectricity: White Death: ..for about a week. In spite of having come down with a nasty case of shot-in-the-face syndrome, he was still very much alive, and regained consciousness on March 13, the very day the war ended.

They didn't want anymore of him.

This. I'm all for Murphy, but that due (and the Indian guy) should be tied for first.

Bring on the links to Victoria Crosses, Medals of Honor and the like. I can only dream I'd react to pressure one hundredth as well as these gentlemen.

I just had a wargasm reading this.

Cracked is quickly regaining the credibility it worked so hard to lose over the years with its crappy magazine.

"White Death" indeed!

Tr0mBoNe

THANK YOU! I've been laughing from that pic for five minutes already! That pic is full of well... awesome! :)

This article blatantly plagiarizes Badassoftheweek.com

This is not the first time that cracked writers have stolen material.

pops (new window)

Enough killing in there to give any Neo Conservative a wet crotch. Awesome stories, I only knew about Alvin York, I think my favorite is the White Death though.

Medal of Fark Honour for Badass Writing for that Cracked article.

/salute

FTFA:

And we imagine the medal looks like two, brass testicles

That is so full of win

What about Jessica Lynch? I was told she killed 37 Iraqis barehanded while she was shot 14 times. It has to be true. The government told me so.

What would happen if I ever encountered one of these gentlemen.

I forget the exact details of the story, but this is one of the most badass war stories I've ever heard:

World War Two in the Pacific theater. A squad of Allied soldiers had a couple machine guns set up defending a position. During an attack by the Japanese, everyone in the Allied squad was killed or injured except for this one soldier who kept firing until so many bodies piled up in front of his machine gun he had to move it. Keep in mind these things take two people to operate and by now would be incredibly hot.

So he moved it by himself and kept shooting until he was out of ammo. Then he killed the remaining Japanese soldiers with his standard issue handgun.

He was picked up a day later by a couple of Allied soldiers after killing three more enemies with a machete


/Really wish I could remember his name

crab66: What would happen if I ever encountered one of these gentlemen.

If you where the enemy, you be farked.

fernandez: I forget the exact details of the story, but this is one of the most badass war stories I've ever heard:

World War Two in the Pacific theater. A squad of Allied soldiers had a couple machine guns set up defending a position. During an attack by the Japanese, everyone in the Allied squad was killed or injured except for this one soldier who kept firing until so many bodies piled up in front of his machine gun he had to move it. Keep in mind these things take two people to operate and by now would be incredibly hot.

So he moved it by himself and kept shooting until he was out of ammo. Then he killed the remaining Japanese soldiers with his standard issue handgun.

He was picked up a day later by a couple of Allied soldiers after killing three more enemies with a machete


/Really wish I could remember his name

I think his name was Uncle Phil, and the punchline is that the moral of the story is that you don't piss him off when he's drunk.

I DID have an extra entry, but these five beat my one.

My entry would be Edouard Izac (United States, WW1, later served in Congress, D-CA).

Ernest "Smokey" Smith (new window)

The only Private I've ever heard of winning a Victoria Cross, though that might just be in Canada. They tried desperately to promote him, but he was busted back down from Corporal nine times in total. Oh, and he killed Nazis with a club covered in nails. We had a helluva wake for him here in Vancouver; the turnout for his procession on Burrard was amazing.

I'd suggest starting here and reading onwards. (pops)

Does not approve of this list.

Nothing about Bobby Shaftoe and the giant lizard?

Just great. I just got done working out and started feeling good about myself before I read that. Now I realize that I have the cajones of a 9 year old boy compared to these guys. Thanks for destroying my fragile ego. I think I'm going to curl up in my wife's snugee and eat ice cream until the shame goes away.

fernandez: I forget the exact details of the story, but this is one of the most badass war stories I've ever heard.

His name was Manilla John Basilone. Link (new window)

Where's Carlos Hathcock? Link (new window)

Or David Stirling? Link (new window)

The White Death was my favorite, even if he wasn't the most bad ass

Before reading the article or comments I'm going to guess Audie Murphy is near or at the top of the list.

USCLaw2010: Before reading the article or comments I'm going to guess Audie Murphy is near or at the top of the list.

He was the winnar.

They missed Zvika Greengold -
In 1973 during the yom kippur war zvika greengold held off 5 syrian tank divisions of t-72 with two british centurion tanks that were manufactured immediately after WWII.

He fought for 30 hours, sometimes having up to 16 tanks in his force but mostly on his own. He delayed the syrian armor basically on his own long enough for israeli reinforcements to get to the golan before the syrians had completely overrun it.

They arent sure how many personal tank kills he has, but he says 20 and the IDF says 60.

There's also Russia's Zinoviy Kolobanov, who led a force of 5 KV-1's against 50 german tanks on August 14, 1941, and destroyed 43 of them, his tank being hit 135 times and still operational.

My ex-father-in-law was from Finland, and I made the mistake of mentioning how there was a Finnish unit in the SS... and he proceeded to tell me the tale of Simo Hayha.

He was a little boy in Finland during the war and over a bottle of Popov vodak, a six of Bud, two packs of Marlboro reds, and many tears... I sat there and was amazed at how detailed the tale ended up being.

It was more than National Pride. It was love.

/I can't read an obit of a MOH awardee without crying.

fernandez: I forget the exact details of the story, but this is one of the most badass war stories I've ever heard:

World War Two in the Pacific theater. A squad of Allied soldiers had a couple machine guns set up defending a position. During an attack by the Japanese, everyone in the Allied squad was killed or injured except for this one soldier who kept firing until so many bodies piled up in front of his machine gun he had to move it. Keep in mind these things take two people to operate and by now would be incredibly hot.

So he moved it by himself and kept shooting until he was out of ammo. Then he killed the remaining Japanese soldiers with his standard issue handgun.

He was picked up a day later by a couple of Allied soldiers after killing three more enemies with a machete


/Really wish I could remember his name

Denied the medal of honor as he was jewish

What creeps me out is that it looks like the White Death guy is wearing one of those creepy baby masks from the movie Brazil in the stock photo. Interesting stuff.

SFC Randall 'Randy' David Shughart and MSG Gary Ivan Gordon deserve a mention.

JesseL: Nothing about Bobby Shaftoe and the giant lizard?

They had some shrinks go over his story and they're of the opinion that the whole giant lizard thing is a classic case of projection.

A guy from Sac died a few years back, MOH awardee from the Korean War, and one of the things he did, other than shoot a bunch of guys and bayonet a couple more, was he conked two guys heads together "like coconuts" as he stormed their position.

I was reading that in the morning paper and just busted out cry/laughing... and my wife looked at me like I was a retard.

/I know what I'd do if I met any of these guys: I'd thank them.

No love for Charles Upham VC & Bar?

All the Kiwis mus be in bed.

And no Vasili Zeitsev? The man practically sniped half the German Army in Stalingrad.

At least give him an honorable mention.

I nominate my green plastic army radio man. shiat, before I took him out of the bag his face was half melted and his hand was mis-shaped. He took the first fire in every battle I ever concocted and always came back for more until that fateful day a bit of lawn mower gas was discovered in the garage. Well let's just say no one made it back that day. Sempre plastis

It should be noted that Simo Hayha didn't use a scope either, he was all about the iron sights baby!

What about Roy Benavidez?

He lay in a body bag, bathed in his own blood. Jerry Cottingham, a friend screamed "That's Benavidez. Get a doc". When the doctor arrived he placed his hand on Roy's chest to feel for a heartbeat. He pronounced him dead. The physician shook his head. "There's nothing I can do for him." As the doctor bent over to zip up the body bag. Benavidez did the only thing he could think of to let the doctor know that he was alive. He spit in the doctor's face. The surprised doctor reversed Roy's condition from dead to "He won't make it, but we'll try".

mildly impressed.

Jack Churchill...

How has Hollywood not made a movie about this guy? He's like a character from Blackadder.

My vote is for White Death, #5 on that list.

Most heroes deeds in the old days were results of either "word of mouth" (not very accurate) or PR propagandas (embellished)!


Now a days with the technology such as cell phone cameras, wireless laptops and the Internets, it is much harder to get away with bullshiats!