At least they didn't win ONE MILLION punches in the face.

Don't have a chance to walk on sidewalks much. But my pet peeve are the people who clog an aisle in a grocery store while they take their sweet time looking for the perfect whatever. Move your cart dumbass. Also on my list are the people who congregate in lanes of travel in stores to yap to their friends that they met in the store. MOVE!!

/sure if I used sidewalks I'd have sidewalk-blocker at the top of my list too.

I've found that it's the tourist families that slowly walk 5 across that make me homicidal. Rarely can one person block the sidewalk in Mid-town and when it does happen people start yelling.

Here in the suburbs of "fly-over country" we have our own people who need a face full of fist:

1) Drive in the left lane at 55 mph guy
2) Park across 3 spaces so-as not to ding his doors guy
3) Insists on writing a check at the grocery that practically requires a DNA sample for checks lady (always a woman)
4) Drives down the middle of the road when it snows, white knuckles visible from miles away, forcing you into a ditch woman.
5) Oblivious to her screaming kid in a public place lady
6) The "this is NOT how we did it in New York" guy -

I think full volume headphone guy needs to be punched in the testicles. Buy some better farking headphones.

I never understand the hate for the bluethooth hate.

I've long had a theory that intelligence is proportional to the speed at which you walk. It's not fool-proof--walking slow on a beach is different.

/Another theory I have is that intelligence is inversely proportional to the number of bumper stickers on your car. This theory is iron-clad.

Can I add:

- Guy who stops dead at the top of the escalator. What did you think would happen?

- Woman paying for a $2.00 coffee with her debit card, holding up the whole line.

betona: I've long had a theory that intelligence is proportional to the speed at which you walk. It's not fool-proof--walking slow on a beach is different.

/Another theory I have is that intelligence is inversely proportional to the number of bumper stickers on your car. This theory is iron-clad.

I don't know about the walk-speed one (although I do walk very fast) - I have noticed that most African-Americans walk at a speed somewhere between slow and tortoise-like and I believe most of them actually slow down a bit more in a cross-walk - its almost like the gaping maw of hell is on the other side and they are understandably reticent to make the crossing.

betona: I've long had a theory that intelligence is proportional to the speed at which you walk. It's not fool-proof--walking slow on a beach is different.

/Another theory I have is that intelligence is inversely proportional to the number of bumper stickers on your car. This theory is iron-clad.

I thought it was the price of the car that was inversely proportional to how many bumper stickers were on it...

I've been doing it wrong the whole time!

in orlando, where no sane local would ever walk around for any reason, we have these:

1. minivan
2. fat
3. z88.3 sticker
4. buick

combine the first three for the trifarkta. this person drives in the left hand lane, blocks sidewalks with her mewling cabbage-headed vag droppings, cheats express lines, leaves carts in the parking lot to roll into your car, and buys things mostly according to 'sassiness', which explains the lime-green tube top and hunter-orange crocs.

number four is mostly just a very old person looking for a farmer's market to annihilate.

FTFA-"You make us late and irritable."


Ah, sorry the simple state of existence makes New Yorkers irritable no outsiders needed.

Christ, I hate the people in NYC with giant golf umbrellas. God forbid a single drop of rain falls on you. It's even better when they've got them up and it's barely raining. If you can walk into a place and the people can't tell it's raining just by looking at you, you don't need the umbrella.

I'd throw in over-the-line parking lot parker guy for the suburbs.

wickedg: I've found that it's the tourist families that slowly walk 5 across that make me homicidal.

In Annapolis Maryland joggers frequently jog two abreast, but I have seen it as high as 5 abreast IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET! Yes it makes me momentarily insane.

betona: I have is that intelligence is inversely proportional to the number of bumper stickers on your car.

Sounds about right but only if a "Jesus Fish" counts as about 1000 normal stickers. The fish also shows a drastic reduction in driving skill have never once been behind a person with one that had a clue how to drive. Political stickers on a car more then 3 months after the election also count at a rate of 4X(months past election)^2(number of years after the election)

Fizpez: 3) Insists on writing a check at the grocery that practically requires a DNA sample for checks lady (always a woman)

Yes...the grocery store...the absolute pit of human detritus.

The worst: The moran that blocks half the aisle with his/her cart and the other half with his/her fat ass, then glares at you like you're King of the Assholes when you say "excuse me" to get past...

I hate old lady in chinese buffet line trying to figure out if she wants to eat the strange and exotic general tsao, and after five minutes of squinting doubtfully at it, finally scoops up a single piece.

fat people are good about buffets. they just pile it up and move on.

There are many types who deserve a good punching for there antics but to me, nothing beats mr. "I'm too important to wait in this line of cars, I'll just pass everyone up thats patiently waiting and force myself in at the very front of the line" guy.

I've debated driving my 3 month old car into idiots like this. I tailgate the hell out of the car in front of me in lines so there's no way in hell I will let them in. I feel bad in the rare situations that someone may have just missed their turn and made an honest mistake but you know what? Go up a block and make a u-turn.

JerseyTim: Christ, I hate the people in NYC with giant golf umbrellas. God forbid a single drop of rain falls on you. It's even better when they've got them up and it's barely raining. If you can walk into a place and the people can't tell it's raining just by looking at you, you don't need the umbrella.

I'd throw in over-the-line parking lot parker guy for the suburbs.

I frequently stiff-arm peoples umbrellas. If it's within a forearms length of my eyes it's too damn close and I'm going to make sure you know it.

ethernet76: I never understand the hate for the bluethooth hate.

It's because you look like a tool.

I'm probably going to get shot for this one day, but I no longer grin and bear it when pokey-mon is doing ten under in the fast lane; I honk, flip the lights and generally make it appear as if I'm going to give them a first class ticket to hell courtesy of my ride.

Some of the people are just inconsiderate assholes, but I've concluded that at least as many just don't know better and/or are unaware that they're doing it. I believe this because: 1) I've ridden with friends whom I've gently suggested riding in the slow lane to, only to have them snap out of what appeared to be a dense fog ala Awakenings, and; 2) most of the people who get horn/lights/bumper tend to jerk the car over at the soonest opportunity, suggesting they weren't aware they were breaking the law (where I live, it's a ticket to ride slowly in the fast lane. Of course, I'm not holding my breath waiting to see said law enforced).

cardex:
betona: I have is that intelligence is inversely proportional to the number of bumper stickers on your car.

Sounds about right but only if a "Jesus Fish" counts as about 1000 normal stickers.

Yeah, there's no way a "Support the Troops for Jesus" sticker is equivalent to "Honk if You Understand Punctuated Equilibrium" (actually saw this one recently).

ethernet76: I never understand the hate for the bluethooth hate.

The same reason I hate standing next to a schizophrenic babbling to himself.

Back in the old days phone booths had doors because they thought people would like to keep their conversations private.

There are some who call me Tim: "I'm too important to wait in this line of cars, I'll just pass everyone up thats patiently waiting and force myself in at the very front of the line" guy.

Oh hell yes. The people who cut to the front of long toll lines should have their tires popped. "I'm going to take the EZ-Pass. I'm going to take the EZ-Pass. I'm going to take the EZ-Pass. NO I'M NOT!!" Damn you!

Janky_McGank: in orlando, where no sane local would ever walk around for any reason, we have these:

1. minivan
2. fat
3. z88.3 sticker
4. buick

combine the first three for the trifarkta. this person drives in the left hand lane, blocks sidewalks with her mewling cabbage-headed vag droppings, cheats express lines, leaves carts in the parking lot to roll into your car, and buys things mostly according to 'sassiness', which explains the lime-green tube top and hunter-orange crocs.

number four is mostly just a very old person looking for a farmer's market to annihilate.

We dont have express lanes in Orlando.

You are just one of those rage drivers who thinks anyone going less than 75mph on I4 is holding things up.

There are some who call me Tim: There are many types who deserve a good punching for there antics but to me, nothing beats mr. "I'm too important to wait in this line of cars, I'll just pass everyone up thats patiently waiting and force myself in at the very front of the line" guy.

I've debated driving my 3 month old car into idiots like this. I tailgate the hell out of the car in front of me in lines so there's no way in hell I will let them in. I feel bad in the rare situations that someone may have just missed their turn and made an honest mistake but you know what? Go up a block and make a u-turn.

THIS, mang.

We have a few intersections 'round these parts that are well known for those antics. You can tell who lives around here because they drive six inches off each others bumpers and pretend not to notice all the line-jumpers as they attempt to wrestle into a spot.

It's epic, every day after work.

Alright, I tried looking it up, but my Google-fu must be weak. Someone explain it to us suburbanites - wtf is a "runaround cabby"?

euthanasia.

No Such Agency: "Honk if You Understand Punctuated Equilibrium" (actually saw this one recently).

did you honk, or go back to reading about "intelligent design" ?

BlorfMaster: Janky_McGank: in orlando, where no sane local would ever walk around for any reason, we have these:

1. minivan
2. fat
3. z88.3 sticker
4. buick

combine the first three for the trifarkta. this person drives in the left hand lane, blocks sidewalks with her mewling cabbage-headed vag droppings, cheats express lines, leaves carts in the parking lot to roll into your car, and buys things mostly according to 'sassiness', which explains the lime-green tube top and hunter-orange crocs.

number four is mostly just a very old person looking for a farmer's market to annihilate.

We dont have express lanes in Orlando.

You are just one of those rage drivers who thinks anyone going less than 75mph on I4 is holding things up.


sorry, bud. i don't take I-4 since I learned how to get around the back-roads about 10 years ago. if i HAVE TO, i stay to the right/middle.

but that doesn't mean i don't notice someone holding up traffic for virtue of stupidity.

/Wymore FTW.
//or 417.

The study is incomplete. It misses the commonest case with women who are walking with boyfriend/friends and without indication, they simply stop.

Apparently, this is used as a weird form of emphasis; they show that they are utterly surprised.

moearnings: At least they didn't win ONE MILLION punches in the face.

I'm waiting in the bushes!

Janky_McGank: in orlando, where no sane local would ever walk around for any reason, we have these:

1. minivan
2. fat
3. z88.3 sticker
4. buick

5. Graphic representation of family (stick figures or flip-flops) on back window of van - bonus if they have a sticker for the dog
6. DMV, Golf, or Choose Life license plates
7. Rooftop cargo carrier

In Melbourne, we've started seeing Catholic Radio stickers in addition to the Z88.3 (safe for the little ears!) stickers. Why don't religious people know how to use the gas pedal? I have a feeling that those new plates where they put In God We Trust instead of the county name will be on this list soon.

/By me, the absolute worst, most inattentive driver ever is the African-American Female Talking on a Cell Phone

Atheist_Republican: Alright, I tried looking it up, but my Google-fu must be weak. Someone explain it to us suburbanites - wtf is a "runaround cabby"?

Here.

cardex:
No Such Agency: "Honk if You Understand Punctuated Equilibrium" (actually saw this one recently).

did you honk, or go back to reading about "intelligent design" ?

I was biking home from the lab, so I just waved at the cute driver.

I nominate this guy who came through on Saturday night and paid for 2 Adult movie tickets ($17) in dimes and nickels in a little plastic baggy.

Especially when he accidentally flashed the $20 he had in his other hand. And grinned like a cat as he did it.

Seriously, I almost punched him in the face through the little hole in the box office glass.

Byno: I'm probably going to get shot for this one day, but I no longer grin and bear it when pokey-mon is doing ten under in the fast lane; I honk, flip the lights and generally make it appear as if I'm going to give them a first class ticket to hell courtesy of my ride.

Some of the people are just inconsiderate assholes, but I've concluded that at least as many just don't know better and/or are unaware that they're doing it. I believe this because: 1) I've ridden with friends whom I've gently suggested riding in the slow lane to, only to have them snap out of what appeared to be a dense fog ala Awakenings, and; 2) most of the people who get horn/lights/bumper tend to jerk the car over at the soonest opportunity, suggesting they weren't aware they were breaking the law (where I live, it's a ticket to ride slowly in the fast lane. Of course, I'm not holding my breath waiting to see said law enforced).

Good for you. People need to understand the fast lane isn't there for the 'cool speed demons,' but for making sure cars aren't passing constantly on the right as people are merging to the left. When there is some slow jerk in the fast lane, you have an endless stream of people passing into the right, just asking for a car accident as people merge into the left.

You sir have saved lives with your honking and high-beams!

People who must die in no particular order

Fat Slow walking tourists walking side by side

Stupid lady who stands staring off into space until the streetcar pulls up then plunks her purse down on top of the fare box to start routing through it for change/token/metropass

stupid people who breed then willfully turn a blind eye/ear to their monsters as they rein destruction where ever they are , malls /store/restaurants

rubberneckers and gawkers , yes its an accident scene , be thankful it's not you and keep moving . ( some old guy dropped dead in a store last week , a bunch of harpies circled around the corps like one of their "stories" was on )

Political dimwits that repeat what ever their "guy" spout like they thought it up them selves and will defend it to the death but don't even understand what the slogan means

Slow sidewalk walkers is one thing, but here in Ottawa, my biggest pet peeve are the people walking two abreast in the opposite direction as I am and DON'T MOVE TO SINGLE FILE TO LET ME PASS forcing me to scale a mountain of snow lest I'm body checked into said snowbank.

The problem is compounded when we all have enough layers to look like the Michelin man, severely limiting our maneuverability.

realjd: Why don't religious people know how to use the gas pedal? I have a feeling that those new plates where they put In God We Trust instead of the county name will be on this list soon

True story: One time I got cut off in an intersection and flipped off by a woman with a "Smile, Jesus loves you!" bumper sticker.

Paging Ms. "Too Damn Busy Yapping on Cell Phone to Notice the Order of a 4-Way Stop" to Thread #4181854. Ms. "Too Damn Busy Yapping on Cell Phone to Notice the Order of a 4-Way Stop" to Thread #4181854.

Fizpez: Here in the suburbs of "fly-over country" we have our own people who need a face full of fist:

2) Park across 3 spaces so-as not to ding his doors guy.

Don't forget "I can't drive this enormously huge 50K tank I purchased" morans. Living near ACTUAL farmers and ranchers I see a lot of big vehicles. They can actually drive and park them. Anywhere else there just farking retarded and take up 1 1/2 spots rendering another spot useless. Yes, yes you're cool because you have a giant SUV.

No Such Agency: I was biking home from the lab, so I just waved at the cute driver.

i had 'There's no place like 127.0.0.1' for a while but someone took it off my car now i am looking for something new

people who need a punch in the face:

- people who don't understand who goes when at four way stops.
- people who won't signal a right turn while you're trying to pull out into heavy traffic, thus forcing you to not take advantage of the space in front of them.
- everyone in the damn grocery store. Everyone.
- asshats who ignore the parking spaces at the Metro kiss 'n' ride parking lots and instead pull right up to the curb between the "no standing any time" signs or else just stop in the middle of the traffic lanes and wait for minutes on end for whoever they're picking up, this causing a traffic jam of epic proportions. (those who've been to the Dunn Loring or West Falls Church Metro stations should be familiar with this...)
- 99% of the bicyclists that ride on the roads, usually without lights, jumping on and off sidewalks, and ignoring stop signs/red lights

/there's more, but those are the ones that I see daily

I'll vote for the women who carry monstrously big bags, minimum two at a time, and obliviously swing them around like weapons. I think they're worse than the backpack guy because they'll hit everything with them.

When I was a teenager, I worked as a checker in a small grocery store. We closed at 10 o clock. It never failed that some ghetto mofo would walk in at 9:55 counting their foodstamps ready to go shopping. 10:00 would hit, we would announce we are closing on the intercom, shut off half the lights to the store, but they would still shop for an hour. Then, they would finally come to the check out with twice as many groceries than they had food stamps, and I got to stand their for another 20 minutes while they decided what to put back. After that I had to put those groceries back on the shelf. That shiat happened all the time, almost making me homicidal.

Just yesterday I was exiting the highway and at the bottom of this particular ramp there is a stop sign. I was out with my family in our minivanLambo...Any way As I was coming to a complete stop I notice in my rearview that someone is coming up awful fast behindme. So I pull out and this moron runs the stop sign, jerks out to the left in front of a car and guns it blowing past me. Well the light up ahead was tunign red so as he sat at the light in teh left hand lane I rolled up beside him then managed to roll up 2 more car lengths since there was no traffic ahead of me.

When the light turned green he whipped out to the right and started riding my bumper so I paced the guy beside me and we looked at each other and drove 5 MPH below the speed limit for a few miles as I could see this arse hole behind me melting down.

When he finally turned off I caught a glimpse of him and sure enough he was beet red.

Man that made my day lol

Con_Authority: wickedg: I've found that it's the tourist families that slowly walk 5 across that make me homicidal.

In Annapolis Maryland joggers frequently jog two abreast, but I have seen it as high as 5 abreast IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET! Yes it makes me momentarily insane.

Asphalt sidewalks would do a lot to get rid of this effect. People run/jog in the street because concrete is really hard on the knees and ankles. Now not doing it single file, that is just pure asshattery.

The single dumbest individual I have ever encountered:

I was riding in an area with some pretty heavy bike traffic. I was going up a hill on a narrow, one-way bike path. It's just wide enough for one person biking and one person (on the right) walking their bike, since it being uphill can be difficult for some.

Well, going uphill, there was a woman biking veeery sloooowly on the right. I rang my bell to let her know I was about to pass. What is her reaction?

To stop cold, push her bike diagonally across both lanes, then get off her bike to turn around and see who was ringing at her. I had to come to a screeching halt that nearly caused me to crash.

I'm not a fighting man, and I most definitely would not hit a woman. But, for a split second, it seemed like a highly attractive proposition.

Lionel Mandrake: Fizpez: The worst: The moran that blocks half the aisle with his/her cart and the other half with his/her fat ass, then glares at you like you're King of the Assholes when you say "excuse me" to get past...

Oh, I can go you one better. The two friends/sisters/what-have-you that grocery shop together. They take two carts, walk side-by-side down every aisle, and demand that everyone get out of their way so they can chat.

The pair doing this on Friday night at the grocery store each had maybe two items in their individual carts - walked up and down every aisle, snapping at people who got in *their* way, but not realizing(or probably not caring) about the number of folks stacked up behind them