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(Argus Leader) Cool Chainsaw massacres not really as messy as in movies, says the best research paper you'll see this year: "Blood and Tissue Spatter Associated With Chainsaw Dismemberment"   (argusleader.com) divider line 69
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ZAZ [TotalFark] 2009-01-11 07:48:27 AM  
The test was on a dead pig. What if the person is alive?

And more importantly, perhaps, was that scene in Fargo realistic?

 
RabidDog [TotalFark] 2009-01-11 07:57:22 AM  
But an unusual experiment involving the carcass of a pig helped explain the scene

mmmmmm, sliced up pig.

 
snuff3r [TotalFark] 2009-01-11 08:45:25 AM  
www.pastdeadline.com

Did he write the research paper?

/DNRTA

 
opiumpoopy 2009-01-11 08:46:03 AM  
It's why I always use a vat of acid.

/ Errm.. I mean: my friend always uses a vat of acid.

// I mean: a guy I once met told me that his friend always uses a vat of acid...

 
SouthernManDunWrong [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-01-11 08:47:26 AM  
very interesting article. Thanks for the post subby!

 
Winktologist [TotalFark] 2009-01-11 08:53:53 AM  
Came for the Dexter references, left satisfied.

Thanks, snuff3r.

 
LonMead 2009-01-11 10:39:15 AM  
McCulloch does not recommend you use their chainsaws in this fashion.

Husqvarna apparently has no problems with this.

Poulan is also good.

 
The_Time_Master 2009-01-11 10:42:01 AM  
ZAZ: And more importantly, perhaps, was that scene in Fargo realistic?

You mean the scene with the two hookers?Yeah, that does happen.

 
AlwaysRightBoy [TotalFark] 2009-01-11 10:42:33 AM  
If you use one of these, you will have better results.

i294.photobucket.com

 
AliasUndercover 2009-01-11 10:42:59 AM  
Science!!!

 
Mugato [TotalFark] 2009-01-11 10:43:02 AM  
If Beavis and Butthead became doctors of forensics...

 
TheOther [TotalFark] 2009-01-11 10:45:07 AM  
Pretty irresponsible article; at least the Mythbusters do a 'Don't Try This At Home' psa before every episode.

 
Johnny Chicago 2009-01-11 10:45:40 AM  
www.reverseshot.com
Does NOT approve

texana.texascooking.com
Preferred a knife, anyway

 
presently 2009-01-11 10:47:12 AM  
sub2change.com

 
turtle-tracks 2009-01-11 10:51:26 AM  
ZAZ
The test was on a dead pig. What if the person is alive?
And more importantly, perhaps, was that scene in Fargo realistic?



There was a call a few years ago where a lady cut off her own leg with a chain saw (the reasons are even weirder). Anyway, there was blood but she didn't "bleed out" that fast. Some vessels tend to "retract" off when there's a "clean cut." If she has ripped off her own leg it would have been completely different. There was alot of blood, but not as much as you would think.

 
Its_A_Tarp 2009-01-11 10:52:49 AM  
AliasUndercover: Science!!!

Here it comes??

 
Sir Digby 2009-01-11 10:53:47 AM  
snuff3r: Did he write the research paper?

/DNRTA


Came looking for Dexter, only took 3 posts. Well done

 
IsaacBoda 2009-01-11 10:55:40 AM  
i44.photobucket.com

Not available for comments....

Out proving you wrong :P

 
bmihura 2009-01-11 10:58:48 AM  
I suppose the most realistic way to study the effects of chainsaw dismemberment on a live human would be to use a live human.

Any volunteers?

 
rekoil [TotalFark] 2009-01-11 11:00:07 AM  
Came for the Dexter reference, left satisfied.

 
some_wild-eyed_8-foot_tall_maniac 2009-01-11 11:00:39 AM  
turtle-tracks: ZAZ
The test was on a dead pig. What if the person is alive?
And more importantly, perhaps, was that scene in Fargo realistic?


There was a call a few years ago where a lady cut off her own leg with a chain saw (the reasons are even weirder). Anyway, there was blood but she didn't "bleed out" that fast. Some vessels tend to "retract" off when there's a "clean cut." If she has ripped off her own leg it would have been completely different. There was alot of blood, but not as much as you would think.


If she lived, guess would be that it was between 1 and 4 pints.

 
GavinTheAlmighty 2009-01-11 11:02:25 AM  
The thing about using a dead pig is that the blood isn't circulating and pumping. Using a live human allows you the benefit of the heart pumping blood at a high rate through the arteries. While this is indeed interesting, I suspect that their are flaws in their study that they can't iron out unless they buy a poor Guatemalan child and have at it with a Mastercraft.

 
Astra 2009-01-11 11:05:46 AM  
GavinTheAlmighty: The thing about using a dead pig is that the blood isn't circulating and pumping. Using a live human allows you the benefit of the heart pumping blood at a high rate through the arteries. While this is indeed interesting, I suspect that their are flaws in their study that they can't iron out unless they buy a poor Guatemalan child and have at it with a Mastercraft.

Except that they don't think the woman was murdered with the chainsaw, just dismembered. Most chainsaw dismemberments, outside of horror movies anyway, are done to make disposing of a dead body easy, not to do the actual killing. It's just impractical.

 
mr. Belvedere 2009-01-11 11:09:48 AM  
The article didn't say whether the woman was alive or dead at the time of dismemberment.

 
GavinTheAlmighty 2009-01-11 11:09:59 AM  
Astra: Except that they don't think the woman was murdered with the chainsaw, just dismembered. Most chainsaw dismemberments, outside of horror movies anyway, are done to make disposing of a dead body easy, not to do the actual killing. It's just impractical.

That's what I get for not RTFA.

 
baercat 2009-01-11 11:11:19 AM  
Any kind of dead animal will not prove the same blood/tissue splatter as a living animal. Living tissue is softer and will "stick" (like to a wall) better. Same as blood, it travels through your blood vessels when alive. So if dead, little blood is flowing so little splatter, and harder,dead tissue won't "stick" so less of a mess that way too.

tell the guy to kill a living pig "in the name of science" and re-write the article.

 
Four Horsemen of the Domestic Dispute 2009-01-11 11:11:47 AM  
i194.photobucket.com

intrigued

 
Quantumbunny 2009-01-11 11:14:56 AM  
LonMead: Hus

Feels left out:

 
Mr. Potatoass 2009-01-11 11:15:03 AM  
www.woodburysawandmower.com

Amateurs

 
turtle-tracks 2009-01-11 11:15:10 AM  
some_wild-eyed_8-foot_tall_maniac
If she lived, guess would be that it was between 1 and 4 pints...

She lived. Remember the average human adult body who is between 150 to 160 pounds, can hold approx 4.7 and 5 liters of blood. I like to look at it this way visually with maybe another coke thrown in:

www.duopack.com

 
Priapic 2009-01-11 11:16:11 AM  
If you're really angry at the person a chainsaw can be cathartic but if you're just trying to take care of business, it's best to use a very sharp knife to cut down to bone then use a hacksaw to cut the bone. In other words, butcher the body. This separates the limbs and head for easy transport. If the torso is too big or heavy, gut it. That removes a lot of weight. Then bone-saw up the ribcage and sternum to collapse the remaining volume.

You need to think these things through. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

 
turtle-tracks 2009-01-11 11:16:26 AM  
Mr. Potatoass
I LOL'd

/Now I feel bad because I was thinking of that woman :(
//damn you!!

 
drewsclues 2009-01-11 11:18:19 AM  
mr. Belvedere: The article didn't say whether the woman was alive or dead at the time of dismemberment.

She was dead. A dead, deaf lesbian. For real. The killer was just a deaf lesbian. It was an interesting trial to follow, if you lived in SD. Cost the State a fortune to go to trial, every last sound in the courtroom needed to be interpreted to the defendant via sign language, and captioning. Terribly gruesome for a domestic spat turned into murder.

 
RogermcAllen 2009-01-11 11:18:52 AM  
www.jdmfilmreviews.com

Am I really first?

 
turtle-tracks 2009-01-11 11:23:53 AM  
Clarification..
/Now I feel bad because I was thinking of that woman :(
//damn you!!


The woman from my story not from drewsclues

/gaaaa...now I feel even worse :(
//this is what I get for coming to Fark

 
Astra 2009-01-11 11:24:39 AM  
mr. Belvedere: The article didn't say whether the woman was alive or dead at the time of dismemberment.

Like I said, murders are RARELY performed with a chainsaw, it's more of a clean-up device. This story and others indicate she was killed, then dismembered.

baercat: Any kind of dead animal will not prove the same blood/tissue splatter as a living animal. Living tissue is softer and will "stick" (like to a wall) better. Same as blood, it travels through your blood vessels when alive. So if dead, little blood is flowing so little splatter, and harder,dead tissue won't "stick" so less of a mess that way too.

tell the guy to kill a living pig "in the name of science" and re-write the article.


There won't be much difference in consistency between a living victim and one who had been dead for a few hours in most conditions. Most blood spatter in the case of a chainsaw is going to be caused by the blade acting on the victim, not arterial spurts anyway.

 
alienofamerica [TotalFark] 2009-01-11 11:29:13 AM  
RabidDog: mmmmmm, sliced up pig.

Free bacon for everybody!

 
GavinTheAlmighty 2009-01-11 11:32:28 AM  
Four Horsemen of the Domestic Dispute: intrigued

Two things I don't understand

1. I don't understand what the hell is happening there when Shelly Duvall sees that and runs away

2. I don't understand why that is applicable here. The answer to 1 may answer 2.

 
leegalizit 2009-01-11 11:35:05 AM  
GavinTheAlmighty: Four Horsemen of the Domestic Dispute: intrigued

Two things I don't understand

1. I don't understand what the hell is happening there when Shelly Duvall sees that and runs away

2. I don't understand why that is applicable here. The answer to 1 may answer 2.



I think it was more of a WTF factor than anything else.

 
coordman 2009-01-11 11:35:33 AM  
I think I'll just go ahead and take his word for it.

/yeek

 
Spooners 2009-01-11 11:39:31 AM  
Astra
This story. and others indicate she was killed, then dismembered.


/There's such a thing as news.deafqueer.org?

 
fireclown 2009-01-11 11:43:25 AM  
www.loftcinema.com
Came for the Dexter, stayed for the Linnea Quigley, who still haunts my dreams.

/there weren't even any chainsaws in ancient Egypt?
//But what about the chainsaws of the Gods?

 
qwave54 2009-01-11 11:44:11 AM  
GavinTheAlmighty: Four Horsemen of the Domestic Dispute: intrigued

Two things I don't understand

1. I don't understand what the hell is happening there when Shelly Duvall sees that and runs away

2. I don't understand why that is applicable here. The answer to 1 may answer 2.


The pigface demon is giving head to the lawyer demon, and she interrupted them. How inconsiderate of her....

/no, it has no relevance in a chainsaw murder thread

 
Sue Dunham 2009-01-11 11:50:10 AM  
"You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together."

 
GavinTheAlmighty 2009-01-11 11:54:56 AM  
qwave54: The pigface demon is giving head to the lawyer demon, and she interrupted them. How inconsiderate of her....

/no, it has no relevance in a chainsaw murder thread


Yeah, I figured that's what was going on. I just didn't understand why it was in the movie. Is it really just "OK, she's scared and running and WTF HERE'S A DOG GIVEN HEAD TO A DUDE IN A SUIT. THIS MAKES NO SENSE. RUN YOU UGLY biatch RUN"

 
Astra 2009-01-11 11:56:54 AM  
It was just an excuse to post a furry.

 
billyboyxoxox 2009-01-11 11:57:08 AM  
I cut myself with a chainsaw once just above the left knee. Sure it was a quarter inch wide instant gash about four inches long but surprisingly almost no bleeding from that area. It didn't really hurt all that much either but it was ugly. I got to take my pants off in front of two lovely nurses in the hospital so it wasn't all bad.

 
AngryWhiteMale [TotalFark] 2009-01-11 12:14:28 PM  
Priapic: If you're really angry at the person a chainsaw can be cathartic but if you're just trying to take care of business, it's best to use a very sharp knife to cut down to bone then use a hacksaw to cut the bone. In other words, butcher the body. This separates the limbs and head for easy transport. If the torso is too big or heavy, gut it. That removes a lot of weight. Then bone-saw up the ribcage and sternum to collapse the remaining volume.

You need to think these things through. Revenge is a dish best served cold.


Save yourself time and effort and cut through the joints with a sharp knife. Most can be separated with a little twisting motion as you cut cartilage and ligaments. Same can be done with the spine below the rib cage.

/Yes, I have butchered mammals before.

 
Raging Thespian [TotalFark] 2009-01-11 12:34:32 PM  
Its_A_Tarp: AliasUndercover: Science!!!

Here it comes??


No, she blinded dismembered me with it!

 
itazurakko [TotalFark] 2009-01-11 12:36:24 PM  
Astra: Except that they don't think the woman was murdered with the chainsaw, just dismembered. Most chainsaw dismemberments, outside of horror movies anyway, are done to make disposing of a dead body easy, not to do the actual killing. It's just impractical.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking too.

billyboyxoxox: I cut myself with a chainsaw once just above the left knee. Sure it was a quarter inch wide instant gash about four inches long but surprisingly almost no bleeding from that area.

I'm surprised that the chainsaws are "clean cut" so the vessels would retract or whatever. I've only ever used a chainsaw on a stump, and it seems to rip bits (with sharp teeth, granted) so the cut is wide. I thought maybe for the "it's a clean cut you're lucky it's easier to fix" you needed a good sharp kitchen knife or sword or whatever.

But certainly if someone is planning ahead for easy disposal of the body, looking in a field-dressing guide for large animals is your best bet? Butchering tools!

The more you know...

 
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