I don't get it.

In other news, I was first!! First time ever, I think.

This headline is making me thirsty

BiffDangler: I don't get it.

No soup for you!

Wow. Two whole "paragraphs" are dedicated to the nuts being $100,000.

Slow news day?

In other news, how the hell does an alarm go off, and you have time to waltz out with ten PALLETS worth of nuts? Anyone getting the feeling this is a realy crack group of crooks just doing a dress rehearsal for something...much....bigger?

Wanted for questioning:

The Chin family weeps

Say everybody, have you seen my balls nuts?
They're big and salty and brown.
If you ever need a quick pick-me-up
Just stick my balls nuts in your mouth.

Smeggy Smurf: The Chin family weeps

I want to ask you one question. If I had some nuts, hanging on the wall, what would I have honey? I said, "Darlin, you'd have some walnuts!" She said, "Well, Daddy, if I had some nuts on my chest would those be chestnuts?" I said "Hell yeah." She said, "Well, Daddy, if I had some nuts on my chin would those be chin nuts?" I said "Hell no biatch, you'd have a dick in your
mouth! mouth! mouth!"

Infinite Monkeys In Front Of A Computer: This headline is making me thirsty

Hahahah yes. Thank you.

In a statement released to the media, police chief says, "Whoever you are, wherever you are, we're gonna cashew."

soupbone: That's a lot of nuts!

Came here for a Kung Pow reference and left happy...

soupbone: That's a lot of nuts!

LOL - Thanks for that.

Cashews are a seed, not a nut!

Fans of Jericho looking shifty..

oregoncat: Wanted for questioning:

I came here for the Ice Age reference and can now leave satisfied but thirsty.

Oh, cashews.

I was worried there for a moment.

Bad enough that chocolate has increased in price so much that they've downsized the boxes to half a pound but if nuts become hard to get, we're in real trouble. Baked goods have been hard hit by the ethanol/food crisis and without chocolate and nuts, I may have to buy fruitcake.

The cashew grows at the base of the cashew apple. The shells are poisonous, which is why no consumer has ever seen a cashew in the shell.

Almonds are semi-poisonous also, which is why they put them in shells which are impossible to open without crushing the almond.

You should not feed almonds to your pets or babies as there is enough cyanide in almonds to poison small critters. You should also be careful giving them pretzels, beer nuts, cold cuts, pickled onions, jerky, and gin. Remember what the Child Welfare people said about that.

The getaway car:

So is there a black market for cashews? What the hell can anyone do with that many. I love them but a small can, mebbe, in a sitting...or two.

cksewell: So is there a black market for cashews? What the hell can anyone do with that many. I love them but a small can, mebbe, in a sitting...or two.

Oil.

WordsnCollision: The getaway car:

Boy...that's subtle.

Livenews tend to have pretty short stories - They are partly a breaking news/wire service, so thats why some of the articles are short.

Theological Farker: Wow. Two whole "paragraphs" are dedicated to the nuts being $100,000.

Slow news day?

In other news, how the hell does an alarm go off, and you have time to waltz out with ten PALLETS worth of nuts? Anyone getting the feeling this is a realy crack group of crooks just doing a dress rehearsal for something...much....bigger?

Beer Nuts! The Official Disease of Milwaukee!

A story about nuts and this is the direction we take it? Really?
Wow.

/DRTFA

$100,000 of cashews?
That's a lot of geshundheits.

brantgoose: Oh, cashews.

I was worried there for a moment.

Bad enough that chocolate has increased in price so much that they've downsized the boxes to half a pound but if nuts become hard to get, we're in real trouble. Baked goods have been hard hit by the ethanol/food crisis and without chocolate and nuts, I may have to buy fruitcake.

The cashew grows at the base of the cashew apple. The shells are poisonous, which is why no consumer has ever seen a cashew in the shell.

Almonds are semi-poisonous also, which is why they put them in shells which are impossible to open without crushing the almond.

You should not feed almonds to your pets or babies as there is enough cyanide in almonds to poison small critters. You should also be careful giving them pretzels, beer nuts, cold cuts, pickled onions, jerky, and gin. Remember what the Child Welfare people said about that.

Almost:

The cashew 'apple' is covered with urushiol (poison oak and ivy oil):

The seed is surrounded by a double shell containing a dermatogenic phenolic resin, urushiol, a potent skin irritant toxin also found in the related poison ivy. Some people are allergic to cashew nuts, but cashews are a less frequent allergen than nuts or peanuts.

Link (new window)


and wild almonds are poisonous, but domesticated ones are not.

Link (new window)

/As a bonus, why are almonds pronouced 'ah-monds'?

on a slightly serious note.. some nuts fetch a decent price.. my folks had 20 pecan trees, almost no work ( the pecan guys came and did the harvest for us, the only hard part involved ). just that many trees would easily pay the property tax on their 10 acre place for the year. i can see how you could get 100 grand in nuts pretty easily.. if you had a good size truck.

Pfft, if every sperm is sacred, Kleenex steals trillions of dollars worth of nuts every day from me.

brantgoose: The cashew grows at the base of the cashew apple. The shells are poisonous, which is why no consumer has ever seen a cashew in the shell.

I have.

/The cashew apple is tasty ... when ripe. I made the mistake of nomming a green one off the bush. Yuck!

+1 to subby for avoiding the obvious joke and still coming up with a good one.

I thought this was referring to 100K of nuts/bolts sort of nuts and the headlines was a play on words. I was thinking "How do you haul away 100K of nuts & what do you do with them.

Actually, I'm thinking the same thing about cashews.

it was moose and squiral

So were the nuts really worth $100K, or did the cops use their handy "street value" calculator to come up with that total? If so, that means the nuts were worth about a buck-ninety-five and they left in someone's back pocket.

Or the front of someone's pants.

electrik mayhem: A story about nuts and this is the direction we take it? Really?

Oh, all right. Ahem.

Hey! I got your hundred thousand worth of nuts... RIGHT HERE!

I got whatchya need, see?

yup

MasonL87: WordsnCollision: The getaway car:

Boy...that's subtleambiguous.

FTFY.

So, how long before the dicks in blue are able to bust a nut thief? And will they do a good job, or will the thief get off?

cksewell: So is there a black market for cashews? What the hell can anyone do with that many. I love them but a small can, mebbe, in a sitting...or two.

Around here people steal almonds. Thieves just wait until they're loaded on a semi-trailer and steal the whole farking truck. Happens a couple times a year during harvest season. I assume they get sold to the distributors just like the farmers would do. Almonds (and cashews, I'll bet) don't come with serial numbers.

WordsnCollision: The getaway car:
Win,
WordsnCollision: Wanted for questioning:
winner,
oregoncat: Wanted for questioning:
winnest.

Thank you and good night.