My people prefer the "holiday stand."

I stole a Christmas tree base so I'm getting a kick....

Oh Christmastreestand, oh Christmastreestand....

For years growing up this "Christmas tree stand" you speak of consisted of a 5-gallon bucket with bricks jammed into it. Toss a green cloth around it and voila, instant standing tree. Why, yes, fishing line and hooks in the wall were needed.

Where do Farkers stand on the artificial tree vs. real tree issue?

/Never had Christmas trees - Hebraic immunity, as David Rakoff put it.

Several years ago I got one of those fancy jobs that has the holder cup for the tree that 'floats' in the surrounding base so you can swivel it around and get it just right before locking it in place - best christmas decoration money I've ever spent.

/er... holiday decoration money

and I much prefer the real tree over the green pipe cleaners.

I hid little incendiary charges with a long delay in a few dozen Christmas trees so I'm getting a kick out of this.

/You're a strange one
//Mr. Grinch

Growing up we had a steel monstrosity of a tree stand that looked more like a bear trap than anything else.

Every year putting that thing on someone wound up making a blood sacrifice, so the pagan part of the holiday was satisfied.

HoyaSaxa: For years growing up this "Christmas tree stand" you speak of consisted of a 5-gallon bucket with bricks jammed into it. Toss a green cloth around it and voila, instant standing tree. Why, yes, fishing line and hooks in the wall were needed.

We had a Sears model Xmas tree stand that wouldn't hold up a branch; and always needed the string & eyebolts in the walls, due to various cats over the years who had a pressing need to climb the indoor tree their humans so thoughtfully provided.

Nogale: Where do Farkers stand on the artificial tree vs. real tree issue?

I never saw the reason for a real tree except if you're nostalgic about having one as a kid.

HAHAH. My tree stand just fell over with my dad now cussing up a storm and the dog taking a piss on it. Oh how i love living at home during the Holidays.

"A welder friend fabricated the stand out of green metal. I didn't see him make it, but I love to imagine him using his glowing tradesman flame love-truncheon to make the holder me wet."

Fixed!

Fake tree? GFY.

Nogale: Where do Farkers stand on the artificial tree vs. real tree issue?

/Never had Christmas trees - Hebraic immunity, as David Rakoff put it.

I can't put presents under a fake tree. 'Guys, the tree's fake, the decorations aren't even gold plated, it's just paint, oh and yes, Santa is not real.'

Mugato: Nogale: Where do Farkers stand on the artificial tree vs. real tree issue?

I never saw the reason for a real tree except if you're nostalgic about having one as a kid.

Well they smell ok. I will give them that but that's about it. Too much of a pain in the ass to clean up and maintain and whatever else. That and why would you pay for a tree when you can get a free one a few days after Christmas? I see them all over just laying on the side of the road!

""I wonder what Billy is doing this holiday?" one of us will ask. "He sure did us a favor," we always agree when the three stages of our tree triple-ender slip securely into place."

Fixed again!

We do real, I thought in homage to my dh's childhood, where they always had real. Turns out that was okay for a few years, but every year he does less to get that flammable tower of yuletide joy up and decorated and gazes in a way that I suspect is deep longing at the prelit jobbers you can just, I dunno, cover up and keep decorated? My parents just got one that spins...because it was prelit with colored lights (no racism intended). I said if you could make it spin enough to put an eye out with an ornament, then go for it!

So, apparently I felt deprived as a child (ours was always as fake as a celebrity tit) and I keep up this stupid insanity for me. And yes, we did it again this year. And I'm allergic to them, so I spend days after lighting the dumb thing, even with gloves on, with raw arms and hands and popping benadryl.

Still not going fake, but wow is it tempting. And our tree stand also swivels and it's awesome.

Nogale: Where do Farkers stand on the artificial tree vs. real tree issue?

Every year, the morning after Thanksgiving, my family and I go out to a Christmas tree farm to cut down a real tree (using a handsaw, people using chainsaws are cheaters). Having a different and unique tree every year makes it fun. We can't get a tree unless it has a pine cone still on it, and this year we got extra lucky and found a good one with an abandoned bird's nest in it. It's one of my favorite traditions of the season, especially since I moved out a few years ago.

So long story short: real tree.

Oh, and we "hide the pickle". And we howl with laughter as our kids yell out "I found the pickle, ha ha". Whew, that never gets old.

/38 going on 12 most of the time

The pinnacle of christian science:

Lexar: The pinnacle of christian science:

I lol'd!

Such subtle metaphor in that article!

$40 and worth double that:

http://www.amazon.com/Pivot-Point-Christmas-Tree-Stand/dp/B000KKSEF8

Nogale: Where do Farkers stand on the artificial tree vs. real tree issue?

Real. No question.
There is a tree farm near here where we get ours. $6/ft, cut off fresh.

Last year, ours lasted so long (no major needles falling off) that we considered decorating it for Valentines Day.

Mr. Mudbug: $40 and worth double that:

http://www.amazon.com/Pivot-Point-Christmas-Tree-Stand/dp/B000KKSEF8

Ye s, that's the one. ooooh, that makes me all Christmasy hot.

Lexar
The pinnacle of christian science:

Very, very good.

is it "a homage" or "an homage"?

just asking.

HoyaSaxa: For years growing up this "Christmas tree stand" you speak of consisted of a 5-gallon bucket with bricks jammed into it. Toss a green cloth around it and voila, instant standing tree.

This. Gets the job done nicely.

Real tree, fake tree? Real boobies, fake boobies?

I likes them all!!!

Nogale: Where do Farkers stand on the artificial tree vs. real tree issue?

Real trees are better as they boost the local forestry industry, suck CO2 out of the air and make nice compost afterwards. Plastic tree will save you money though.

Do you care about the planet or your wallet?! Think of the children!!!

Someone brought up "hiding the pickle". There is nothing more fun than your kids asking you over and over again if Mom and Dad are going to hide the pickle after they go to bed.

/we hid the pickle that night
//twice

An homage.

An homage.

An homage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, rip me for being the grammar and spelling police, but it makes you look illiterate to miss things like that.

/"Greater Internet Dickwad Theory" FTW!

kagemaru026: is it "a homage" or "an homage"?

just asking.

I don't know, but I rewrote it several times. Too lazy to look it up.

Steve_pss: good times, good times.

NoSkaOnTheRadio: An homage.

An homage.

An homage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, rip me for being the grammar and spelling police, but it makes you look illiterate to miss things like that.

/"Greater Internet Dickwad Theory" FTW!

I guess as long as I just look illiterate but can still manage to actually be literate, I don't much care. Impressing farkers isn't exactly the pinnacle of my daily existence...

I came for Stephen King references, left disappointed.

Fake trees are for communists.

LuvsMeFirefly - good times indeed!

Sorry the english majors giving you a hassle. This is as close to being published as most of them will get, so they tend to be a bit pissy about things. Eventually they'll get a job, have kids, google themselves, and realize what a d*ck they were.

I have an older version of this one. It cost about $75 (1998ish), but it totally kicks ass. A good thing about the older model is it has a cam-lock for the retention screws, so it is much easier to lock the trunk to the "receptacle". I also think the older model was made of heavier/ thicker material. I laugh at any other design.



Rule 34?


Amazon (new window)

My entire life we've used this monstrosity of a fake tree. And you know what? It works every time.

lol!

In Maine the most a very nice tree will cost you is 20 dollars. Most folks pay between 10 and 15 dollars for a good six footer but finding a tree stand is not all that easy. Ran into a friend last night at Walmart who was looking for a stand, they where all sold out so over to Lowes he was headed.

Last Christmas, we were searching everywhere for a stand, to no avail. The local holiday supply place was going out of business, and they were out of stands.

Finally, we found one at Target. And it was good!

mrvaevictus: lol!

hey, you gotta point, they might have melamine.

"Most fake X-Mas trees come from China."

Everything comes from China.

dervish16108: Last Christmas, we were searching everywhere for a stand, to no avail. The local holiday supply place was going out of business, and they were out of stands.

Finally, we found one at Target. And it was good!

And your tree was happy that it was once again able to stand erect and show off its sexy self.

Zoo elephants agree: real and without tinsel


OM NOM NOM NOM

So..... If you had the money, what else can make something stand erect for such a period and not make a fuss about it?

2 tree stands at the same time.

Nogale: Where do Farkers stand on the artificial tree vs. real tree issue?

Artificial trees. No question about it. Cleaner, easier to set-up and it's a one time fee. I've already paid for my fakie several times over.

Sure, I love the real deal, but they are a pain in the arse with the constant watering, falling needles, risk of drying out and the fact we're chopping down a healthy living tree for the sake of 30 days of holiday cheer and then turning it into woodchips.

hng: I have an older version of this one. It cost about $75 (1998ish), but it totally kicks ass. A good thing about the older model is it has a cam-lock for the retention screws, so it is much easier to lock the trunk to the "receptacle". I also think the older model was made of heavier/ thicker material. I laugh at any other design.

I'd pay for that gratefully. A sucky stand just isn't worth the broken ornaments when the thing tips over.

One problem, though, is that pine/spruce wood is pretty soft. The screws sometimes dig into the wood until the tree tips and then, falls.

I've found that putting a bottle cap or two between the screw and the tree works great.

Rule 34?

Definitely.

Espertron: Nogale: Where do Farkers stand on the artificial tree vs. real tree issue?

Artificial trees. No question about it. Cleaner, easier to set-up and it's a one time fee. I've already paid for my fakie several times over.

Sure, I love the real deal, but they are a pain in the arse with the constant watering, falling needles, risk of drying out and the fact we're chopping down a healthy living tree for the sake of 30 days of holiday cheer and then turning it into woodchips.

You should come to Maine. I see them growing all the time. From little little spurts to full grown ones. The amount of tree farms in Maine is unreal. Sometimes I don't drive by one for a say two months and within that two months that little spurt has become two feet tall. They grow quickly.

As soon as they chop them down they plant a new one but I've always wondered if birds have figured out to not make those trees their home because they are going to get kicked out in due time.