meh. it's no Tuscan milk (new window)

Not even close.

/Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.

Yeah, that was a rather pathetic attempt. It's definitely no Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz or even The Best of David Hasselhoff in wittiness.

elvisaintdead: meh. it's no Tuscan milk (new window)

Wow. Now that is epic. It looks like Amazon even took the reviews down at one point then put them back up. Good on them.

lol wut

Ender's: B. Woolley
Doesn't anybody at Amazon look at these reviews before their posted?

C. B. Fuzy
Yes, and they probably got as good a laugh as I did.

Yeah, that was some good stuff there.

I'm going to the gym in 26 minutes, ill miss the next one

If you like that, check out the Uranium Ore.

I mean this, with all sincerity, when I say

Just when I get down with the future of mankind, and I feel like we're too far down the rabbithole of hate and divisiveness, I read stuff like that, and bask in the true GENIUS of people sneaking in humor at places like this.

Kudos to you, o humor geniuses.

LOL that was a good one.

Mankind shall surly benefit from the wisdom bestowed by this humble amazon.com reviewer!

BAH! Its no Oozinator (FF to 3:00)

Pump it and blast your friends with bio-ooze!

When reviews start getting reviewed, we have crossed over a line someplace.

Anyone note the URL has a referral ID on it? Whomever submit this is trying to get a referral fee off anybody that buys from amazon today as I believe that cookie is good for 24 hours.

/I have a referral account too, for one site I run.
//shun the submitter.

Out yourself subby...we know it's you that did it.

Behold the win. And bask in its glory.

/+1 GET!

The three reviews for Tuscan Milk are amazing - the lamentations of a jilted housewife, the pretentious allusions to the Italian countryside, and then capped with, "You guys know you can pour this over dry cereal? AWESOME!"

So...

It comes with crack cocaine or the high drugs?

carnifex2005: Yeah, that was a rather pathetic attempt. It's definitely no Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz or even The Best of David Hasselhoff in wittiness.

Man! That really had me laughing.

The song "Hot Shot City" is particularly good by the way.

The best fake Amazon reviews were written by J.E. Swearingen.

Check this out (I especially like the pillow review):

Swearingen's Amazon Reviews

"Has anyone else tried pouring this stuff over dry cereal? A-W-E-S-O-M-E! "


That was the funniest Tuscan milk review. The others were good, but the humor density on this one was A-W-E-S-O-M-E!

My wife bought me the same product for xmas last year. She was tired of me using duct tape and paper towels as my Band Aid. She still hasn't found a substitute for my use of super glue on cuts/scratches so far though.

Anyone else read that in their minds in the voice of James Lipton?

wow. just what i needed.... i wonder if the feds will visit me now......

Uranium Ore (new window)

infidelmatt: Anyone note the URL has a referral ID on it? Whomever submit this is trying to get a referral fee off anybody that buys from amazon today as I believe that cookie is good for 24 hours.

Noticed that too. fark you, subby.

I still think the industrial concrete vibrator had the best reviews. Yes, they took them down.

If you like stuff like this, check out the personals in the London Review of books.

ceejayoz: infidelmatt: Anyone note the URL has a referral ID on it? Whomever submit this is trying to get a referral fee off anybody that buys from amazon today as I believe that cookie is good for 24 hours.

Noticed that too. fark you, subby.

What about the admin that greened it?

This one has a good review.

Link

Snatch Bandergrip: The three reviews for Tuscan Milk are amazing - the lamentations of a jilted housewife, the pretentious allusions to the Italian countryside, and then capped with, "You guys know you can pour this over dry cereal? AWESOME!"

actually, the one that reads... "sometimes I drink Tuscan milk cold, sometimes I pour it over my boyfriend's chiseled torso for dramatic sexual effect" is much better

/wish I had a chiseled torse

there used to be some good reviews of the math books that were just tables of random numbers, can't seem to find them anymore.

ceejayoz: infidelmatt: Anyone note the URL has a referral ID on it? Whomever submit this is trying to get a referral fee off anybody that buys from amazon today as I believe that cookie is good for 24 hours.

Noticed that too. fark you, subby.

And this offends you how, again?

/not subby
//doesn't give a fark about the referral ID
///Suck my balls

Just came in to see Subby congratulated and castigated. Leaving satisfied.


/grats on the Christmas bonus in February, Subby.

Check out the one for the concrete vibrator:

Link (new window)

jaylectricity: What about the admin that greened it?

How can I find this referral id in the future? So I don;t get fooled again...

medic2731: Check out the one for the concrete vibrator:

Link (new window)

I like how you can add this item to your wedding registry as well!

I still dig the reviews from one of the Bic Ballpoint Pens. Great stuff.

phatpype: The best fake Amazon reviews were written by J.E. Swearingen.

Check this out (I especially like the pillow review):

Swearingen's Amazon Reviews

That man is a genius

Respectfully submitted

Link (new window)

phatpype: The best fake Amazon reviews were written by J.E. Swearingen.

Check this out (I especially like the pillow review):

Swearingen's Amazon Reviews

Holy crap the pillow one is awesome! Find whoever that is and put them in charge of TV so I never again have to see even a commercial for Two and a Half Men

My all time favorite is The Story about Ping

B. Woolley: Doesn't anybody at Amazon look at these reviews before their posted?

Brigid Fitch: B. Woolley, don't you review your posts before you submit them?

Their = possessive
They're = they are

/Couldn't resist
//Former English teacher--I have a license to be a grammar Nazi!

My favorite is the Cat Genie (new window)

Cat Genie takes the small unpleasantness of daily cleaning the litter and it saves it up and releases that unpleasantness as one big unscheduled, unpleasant inconvenience every week or two. Advanced monitors will ensure that the device failure will occur during the workday, as you prepare for your important meeting with your prospective client. Nothing like cleaning out wet cat poo in your nicest suit. Or, you may be pleasantly awoken in the middle of the night by the repeating three beeps of "there's poo and hair in the hopper." You will become more familiar with your cat's feces every day as the cat genie gently fills your home with the aroma of baking excrement. Plus, you get to pay over $300 for technology that was "designed" and built for less than $2. The "processor" unit was designed in 1967 and allows all the functionality of the most advanced microchip devices of its era. It has both on and off modes. (Note: off mode available only while unplugged.)

Actually, the real reason for the high cost of the device is to cover the costs of all the customer support that they must provide and to cover the costs of all of the returned units. The question is not IF, but WHEN you will find yourself hunched over your cat's feces floating in a pool of fetid water, picking small plastic pellets out of the opaque, pungent water with your fingers so that you can get the device put back together.

And your cats will thank you by depositing their love bundles beside the machine that's half filled with water and beeping away forlornly if you happen to be away when it fails.

We have three cats, they had no trouble adjusting to the machine over about a week. The small plastic pellets getting everywhere in the house is not really any big deal. Roomba takes care of most of them well. We've now had the machine for three months. We received a replacement base last week for a leaky drain hose. We've called their customer service line enough times that we now know the "secret" diagnostic techniques of their experts. We don't know if we're going to keep it or return it. If we keep it, we're definitely going to install an exhaust fan in the laundry room, and set it to a timer to go when the unit is on. For some reason there are little bits of poo that fall between the tines of the hopper, and they get slow baked every time the unit dries itself. The stench is really outstanding. It's hard to describe. I'm a doctor, and I've rarely ever smelled anything so bad.

My recommendation is to wait for the next generation cat sanitation solution. That device will need to be a complete redesign to solve the myriad of problems with this unfortunate device. To say something positive, the customer support line is manned by kind, well-meaning kids who really do feel badly that you're having a hard time with your mechanical poo soup maker.

If you do buy this device, get some thick rubber gloves and a couple of towels that you won't use for anything else. Link (new window)

SwallowTheKnife: ceejayoz: infidelmatt: Anyone note the URL has a referral ID on it? Whomever submit this is trying to get a referral fee off anybody that buys from amazon today as I believe that cookie is good for 24 hours.

Noticed that too. fark you, subby.

And this offends you how, again?

/not subby
//doesn't give a fark about the referral ID
///Suck my balls

Did anybody say they were offended? I'm actually quite impressed.

1) Submit headline with referral link
2) Be greenlit.
3) Profit.

/fark the subby
//I wish I came up with it first
///no sir.

So pocket ninja has an amazon account?

My favorite Amazon reviewer has to be Smith T. Aames: Link (new window)

The JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank reviews are comedy gold.

This item is not eligible for Amazon Prime.

Best reviews ever are still the bic ballpoint pen.

I was crying I was laughing so hard.