Yeah, but if you're ever stranded somewhere, beef jerky may very well save your life. Nickleback wont even do that for you.

I guess Portugal doesn't want to rock...

Meh. Nickelback isn't all that bad.

And an hour or so after hearing them, you burp and hear them all over again.

/that and spending an hour picking them from your teeth

I was driving with a friend someplace when some new Nickelback song came on the radio. My friend turned up the volume, prompting to me let him know what a horrible band it was.

To prove this I began to sing along to the song, making up bullshiat lyrics about the band as I went. As I sang, I reached over to the volume control and slowly turned it all the way down.

I continued to sing. I sang through the stoplight, and for the next block.

As we reached the end of the second block I began to turn the volume back up. I was still singing along to the song exactly as I had left it.

I was able to do this because every Nickelback song is the same.

Ya know what's worse than Nickelback? Hipster douchenozzles who claim to only like bands "ironically".

Nickleback has a few good covers. Though I got so sick of hearing that farking Rockstar song on the radio though that I can't stand to hear it any more.

Funny thing, that does actually pretty closely resemble the story of my relationship with beef jerky, too.

whenever I need a cheer up, I just play this video of rocks thrown at them in Portugal (new window)
and it does the trick

ninjakirby: I was able to do this because every Nickelback song is the same.

Nickelback is the AC/DC of music...

Wait, wha?

Look at this photograph:



Every time I do, it makes me laugh.

Oh, and that's a poor metaphor--Nickelback is the musical equivalent of American cheese. You see it everywhere you go, in every grocery store. It's not even cheese, really. It's just a bunch of prepackaged, emulsified goop that sorta tastes like cheese. Kids love it, will eat it by the handful because they don't know any better. And I can't remember the last time I met an adult (without children) who bought it.

Well that's incredibly generous.

awfulperson: Look at this photograph:



Every time I do, it makes me laugh.

He does look like a guy who would fellate himself (new window)
indeed

Wanna know why Nickleback rocks? They've figured out the chord changes that make people get emotional and attentive. It's nothing new... they are just doing the same crap that Mozart does.

Let them do it so they will distract the rubes from the real music. I hate lineups to real concerts and drinking gigs.

Also, open bars rock. Beyond anything, they are the awesome that runs my life and everything that deals with me.

Subby has obviously never enjoyed home-made beef jerky.

I have another analogy:
Nickelback is like a steaming sack of feces... They are steaming feces stuffed into a sack.

queezyweezel: Yeah, but if you're ever stranded somewhere, beef jerky may very well save your life. Nickleback wont even do that for you.

That, and they contain MSG. No thanks.

Why must he malign beef jerky like this?

Did beef jerky run over his dog in the driveway?

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Why must he malign beef jerky like this?

Did beef jerky run over his dog in the driveway?

QFT

I hate Nickelback as much as the next guy but having said that, the author really IS a douchebag snob despite his assertions to the contrary.

Yeah, the beef-jerky analogy is pretty spot on, except that I probably hate beef-jerky more than the writer does. I just had a quick listen to the song embedded in the article, and is it just me or does it suck a lot more than their earlier stuff, like 'How you remind me', which was good until it got destroyed through overplay?

The writer did himself no favors with that defensive whine. And this is coming from a guy who won't be your friend if you like Nickelback.

Safe, sentimental, often 'inspirational', generic-poppy and overproduced.

Rather like modern country.

Nickleback is ok I guess. It's like the PBR of the rock world. Not the first thing I would order at the bar, but if there's a $5 bucket special or nothing else to drink, sure, why not.

PBR is much better than Nickleback.

STRYPERSWINE: I hate Nickelback as much as the next guy but having said that, the author really IS a douchebag snob despite his assertions to the contrary.

The guy writes for Spin - being a douche is a prerequisite.

They aren't any better or any worse than the hundreds of other radio alternative bands that are out there. They aren't any different than Vertical Horizon, Filter or Incubus. They just seem to represent what everyone despises about the alternative rock radio genre. It's genericness gets old after a while. After you've heard the same bunch of twenty year olds pounding out the same chord changes with the same type of mopey lyrics, yawnilarity ensues.

I'd rather eat stale beef jerky.

Nickelback is one of the bands that i'll 'grab the remote and change the station' bands.

I'd rather drink muddy water, sleep in a hollow log.

El Freak: Ya know what's worse than Nickelback? Hipster douchenozzles who claim to only like bands "ironically".

Not me. I hate them "literally".

Nickleback is just one of those bands that proves the rule that bands are only great if you're the only one that has heard of them.

I downloaded the new album and promptly deleted it.

Frow: Nickleback is just one of those bands that proves the rule that bands are only great if you're the only one that has heard of them.

What? They are a terrible, unoriginal band. THEY SUCK THEY HAVE ALWAYS SUCKED THEY SUCK THEY SUCK.

That being said, beef jerky is one of my favorite things, so fark this author. Also read SA's review. It's pretty amusing: Link (new window)

fark you, David Marchese. Beef Jerky is delicious and the chosen food stuff of men everywhere. It is TWENTY times better than Nickelback, and any other shiatty band that you like, David.

El Freak: Ya know what's worse than Nickelback? Hipster douchenozzles who claim to only like bands "ironically".

I couldn't agree more.

I'd rather poke myself in the balls with a fork for a solid hour than listen to a Nickelback CD.

thats insulting to jerky

If I paid 5 cents for one of their albums I would ask for my Nickelback....But seriously I hate them.

galactus5000: STRYPERSWINE: I hate Nickelback as much as the next guy but having said that, the author really IS a douchebag snob despite his assertions to the contrary.

The guy writes for Spin - being a douche is a prerequisite.

The guy is a music critic for a living. There's no getting around being a douche no matter what magazine he writes for.

I can't decide who's a worse writer, Kroeger or the guy who wrote this article. Who the f*ck listens to music "ironically"?

Hey asshole, when you and your friends are singing along to Don't Stop Believing, it's not ironic if you're actually rocking out to the song. Oh wait, you have on a porkpie hat and your grandaddy's checkered blazer? Very hipster of you, very hipster.

Now that's just being mean to the jerky. The American cheese analogy above is much better.

Author needs to shut their whore mouth about jerky.

Glad to see jerky being defended so well.

if you arent a halfcountry/halfcraprock band whos singer is overdubbed 5 times to make up for his horrible voice step forward. Not so fast Nickelback. NO YOU CANNOT HAVE JERKY