Damn, that's just full of win.

Wow, a columnist trying to be amusing that actually made me smile.
"Essentially, there are but two questions: "How old are you?" and "Is that your sister?" Hell, you could pass this test just by guessing." LOL

"But if you're really serious about putting a stop to gay sex, let them get married. "

You can't argue with logic like this.

Silly wabbit, twinks aren't for kids!

If this story is true, and I have little doubt that it is, the LDS need to start coughing up some income tax.

Eugenics FTW

Especially choice that he's saying this in a SLC paper.

I sent him an email - pretty funny.

That article is full of wit and win.

The only serious concern I have about gays getting married is that they'll register someplace pricey.

Heh.

As I understand it, the California ballot item would prevent the domestication of homosexuals.

Well everyone knows that free range homosexuals is where its at these days.

Snowflake Tubbybottom: As I understand it, the California ballot item would prevent the domestication of homosexuals.

Well everyone knows that free range homosexuals is where its at these days.

It depends. Sometimes you've got to crate-train your homosexuals or else they never learn bladder control. I know it's hard listening to them scratch and whine, but it's the only way they learn.

Chariset: Snowflake Tubbybottom: As I understand it, the California ballot item would prevent the domestication of homosexuals.

Well everyone knows that free range homosexuals is where its at these days.

It depends. Sometimes you've got to crate-train your homosexuals or else they never learn bladder control. I know it's hard listening to them scratch and whine, but it's the only way they learn.

Buddy Cole in Meet your new male slave!

from the comments to the article:


- In the case of men, homosexual intercourse causes physical injury to both parties. In the case of women, it's not even possible. Something's not right here!


Something's not right here, definitely.

I dare say that's the best article written by a Mormon I've read all year.

So go ahead and propose a law to stop dumb people from having kids, but I bet it won't pass.

TheKnownUniverse: from the comments to the article:


- In the case of men, homosexual intercourse causes physical injury to both parties. In the case of women, it's not even possible. Something's not right here!


Something's not right here, definitely.

It sounds like either her girlfriend won't put out or his boyfriend is really mean.

ZAZ: So go ahead and propose a law to stop dumb people from having kids, but I bet it won't pass.

True that. It's my understanding that nearly half the people in the world are below average intelligence.

Brittney, I'm gona' need you to "hold real still"

I like it when they hold real still !

the article is awesome. kudos to the guy

If Britney Spears didn't destroy the sanctity of marriage with her 24 hour Vegas marriage, two gay people aren't going to "destroy" it either.

My $.02

TheKnownUniverse: from the comments to the article:


- In the case of men, homosexual intercourse causes physical injury to both parties. In the case of women, it's not even possible. Something's not right here!


Something's not right here, definitely.

I think they've been raised to believe that garments will protect them from penis giaganticus.

C.

(tried to find whiskey-tango woman saying, "Aw, shiat! I'm pregnant again" but could only find a small thumbnail...)

Because gay people can't spew out Armageddon Warriors to save this generation from physical death via the return of Jesus in the clouds.

/Don't kid yourself. Lots of women in this country are doing this right now.

Scooped by TappingTheVein! :-)

I feel bad for this guy: He's going to have a lot of hate mail to screen.

ninjakirby: Were you listening in church when the letter was read from the First Presidency about supporting proposition eight?" R.Y., e-mail.

(3) Corporations, and any community chest, fund, or foundation, organized and operated exclusively for religious, charitable, scientific, testing for public safety, literary, or educational purposes, or to foster national or international amateur sports competition (but only if no part of its activities involve the provision of athletic facilities or equipment), or for the prevention of cruelty to children or animals, no part of the net earnings of which inures to the benefit of any private shareholder or individual, no substantial part of the activities of which is carrying on propaganda, or otherwise attempting, to influence legislation (except as otherwise provided in subsection (h)), and which does not participate in, or intervene in (including the publishing or distributing of statements), any political campaign on behalf of (or in opposition to) any candidate for public office.

Hmmmmm.

Yeah, sure. Read 26 USC 501(h), then go over to 26 USC 4911, and get back to me. I seriously doubt that the expenditure for the anti-Prop 8 letter read out in church exceeds the minimums.

/exmormon
//Californian
///voted AGAINST Prop 8

Now I've RTFA, and this guy is full of awesome...

Not only do I not care if gays get married, it is none of my business. As a flaming heterosexual, it's a full-time job for me just to keep my thoughts clean in church. I don't have the energy to fret about somebody else's libido.

I'd like to see him land a better job in the world of journalism just based on this passage! Well done, sir...

Gays aren't allowed to be idiots? I'm not following here.

Ow My Balls: Now I've RTFA, and this guy is full of awesome...

Not only do I not care if gays get married, it is none of my business. As a flaming heterosexual, it's a full-time job for me just to keep my thoughts clean in church. I don't have the energy to fret about somebody else's libido.



It's not fretting if they don't touch.

Milling About Smartly: Wow, a columnist trying to be amusing that actually made me smile.

Exactly.
I still don't get why so many people get worked up about same sex marriage. Especially considering Jesus was a bisexual.

This guy is full of win. I go for a hero tag for him and a beer!

Ooooo, I like this game! Since blacks commit a disproportionate amount of crime, I think we need to restrict their birthrate, y'know, for the good of society? And since Asians do so awesome at math, they should get top priority for admission into engineering schools. Why waste educational resources on dumb whites and dumber blacks? Hmmmmm?

Just because a human trait is genetically based does not mean it's gets a free ride. Homocidal maniacs also inheirent their traits. Does that mean we let them murder? 'Cause it's in their nature?

Just because gays are born gay doesn't mean we are obligated to turn over to them a human custom thousands of years old.

Civil partnerships for now, and we'll see how it goes...

This article is full of win and the absolute right attitude. Part of the problem is the usage of word marriage by the government and religious institutions. Using the same language while easier has made individuals more prone to react when their religious ideals conflict with the government's interpretation. Let marriage be a religious institution (those churches that would like to recognize gay marriage may do so), but we as a society reset everyone from the government standpoint. If you are recognized as married today by the government, everyone now becomes "civil unionized" for the purposes of government recording. By separating the two, those in the church do not worry (needlessly I might say) about gay people coming into their church and getting married that violate their view of the scriptures, and those who are gay can enjoy the government and civil benefits of marriage today.

France has done this to a certain extent by instituting marriage and civil unions. However, here in the US I do not believe that would ever fly. Language whether we like it or not ultimately defines us as a people. Words are powerful and it is because of this we need to separate what we consider marriage in the eyes of the Lord and the eyes of the government.

Last note, one real smart Farker in a previous thread said we should consider this as a Supreme Court but a Freedom of Religion case. If one church wants to recognize marriage, but another does not in essence is the government picking a side and therefore should drop out. If you are not violating life, liberty, or a pursuit of happiness it should not matter.

I believe there's a Facebook group called "If you don't like gay weddings, don't have one and shut the fark up."

Since when is it the government's place to legeslate morality, anyway?

Does gay marriage impose on your rights? No*? Then shut the fark up.

*If you answered yes, you're an idiot. Please don't breed.

I think I love this columnist.

mark12A: Just because gays are born gay doesn't mean we are obligated to turn over to them a human custom thousands of years old.

gays aren't human?

i'm not following.

mark12A: Ooooo, I like this game! Since blacks commit a disproportionate amount of crime, I think we need to restrict their birthrate, y'know, for the good of society? And since Asians do so awesome at math, they should get top priority for admission into engineering schools. Why waste educational resources on dumb whites and dumber blacks? Hmmmmm?

Just because a human trait is genetically based does not mean it's gets a free ride. Homocidal maniacs also inheirent their traits. Does that mean we let them murder? 'Cause it's in their nature?

Just because gays are born gay doesn't mean we are obligated to turn over to them a human custom thousands of years old.

Civil partnerships for now, and we'll see how it goes...

We can go deeper with Pedophiles.

I do agree marriage is man and woman (and despite arguments of idiots, there are plenty of gay idiots. Heck, my brother is book smart, street dumb). Civil unions nationwide!

mark12A: Ooooo, I like this game! Since blacks commit a disproportionate amount of crime, I think we need to restrict their birthrate, y'know, for the good of society? And since Asians do so awesome at math, they should get top priority for admission into engineering schools. Why waste educational resources on dumb whites and dumber blacks? Hmmmmm?

Just because a human trait is genetically based does not mean it's gets a free ride. Homocidal maniacs also inheirent their traits. Does that mean we let them murder? 'Cause it's in their nature?

Just because gays are born gay doesn't mean we are obligated to turn over to them a human custom thousands of years old.

Civil partnerships for now, and we'll see how it goes...

Sometimes I try to act as stupidly as possible, just for fun, but you can never beat the real thing.

I am very poorly dressed and will inevitably fark up my adoptive idiots.

Cool article though. More power to that guy.

i loved this article. what made it even more entertaining for me was imagining wilford brimley's voice reading the whole thing.

Ilmarinen: considering Jesus was a bisexual.

Plus he rode a dinosaur.

schattenteufel: Since when is it the government's place to legeslate morality, anyway?

Does gay marriage impose on your rights? No*? Then shut the fark up.

*If you answered yes, you're an idiot. Please don't breed.

The goverment has been legislating morality since it's inception. It just depends on your definition of what's moral. If you view this as the first time the government has attempted to do so then you need to take fewer naps, bong hits, etc.

So there are no idiotic homosexuals who adopt and raise more idiots?

Milling About Smartly: Wow, a columnist trying to be amusing that actually made me smile.
"Essentially, there are but two questions: "How old are you?" and "Is that your sister?" Hell, you could pass this test just by guessing." LOL

99% of the time, "is that person of the opposite sex" doesn't even need a guess, which is why it's a prefectly acceptable criteria. Bring your Birth Certificate, and it might even be a lock (no offense to the trans-testicled out there)