Hospital staff prepared the man, who was unidentified, by wrapping the skin and sliding a lubricated tongue depressor between the pipe and the man's penis

Wait, wait...slow down...fapfapfap

Don't all those mean the same thing?

They swore they wouldn't tell!

It took a "wizzer saw" to make sure he could take a whiz again.

Authorities said the pipe was apparently an erotic aid, but did not elaborate.

What makes a guy want to fark a piece of pipe?

Unavailable for questioning

"The wizzer saw is an automotive tool, powered with air bottles and adopted by emergency responders who frequently deal with car crashes. Firefighters use it more commonly to saw off mufflers."

firefighters are stealing mufflers? those car washes not doing the trick anymore?

ewwwwwwww

People, please make sure your cock rings have some sort of flexibility or a release mechanism. Tie a shoe string around it if you have to, but STOP using STEEL to force an erection.

well did he come or what?


hotlinked

I'm not gonna pass judgement until I see how sexy the piece of pipe was..

Joker you diabolical...: "SANCTUARY!!!"

"PARLAY!"



The Islamic tank log keeper and translator, Samad, teaches Koverchenko the Afghan word for sanctuary in which Islam demands that even if a man be an enemy, under sanctuary or "Nanawatai" (pronounced na-na-wah-teh) he must be "fed, clothed and protect[ed]".

If you can't blend at a nude beach ...
/gn
//Oops! Jacked thread 3971973

BlueCalx: well did he come or what?

"Jesus man, some things you don't talk about in public!"

Joe the Plumber Gone Wild!

Did you see what that pipe was wearing? It was asking for it, the little slut.

/who among us hasn't had this exact same experience?

in other news, you can be a total dumbass and still somehow live to the age of 73.

"The pipe was an inch long, an inch in diameter and made of quarter-inch-thick steel." Clearly, not all men are created equally.

Mega Steve: Authorities said the pipe was apparently an erotic aid, but did not elaborate.

What makes a guy want to fark a piece of pipe?

/hotlinked

Hopefully his friends will discreetly send him a 'get well' gift: lube, pocket pussy, cock rings... and the address of a good sex toy shop or two.

Phineas: People, please make sure your cock rings have some sort of flexibility or a release mechanism. Tie a shoe string around it if you have to, but STOP using STEEL to force an erection.

hmmmm, an erection "strong as steel" or "strong as string"???
I'll take the steel for 100,Trebeck.

/hard decision
//need a stiff drink

Phineas: People, please make sure your cock rings have some sort of flexibility or a release mechanism. Tie a shoe string around it if you have to, but STOP using STEEL to force an erection.

Those are the exact words my grandmother said to me on my wedding day.

That sounds like a sick opening for an Iron Photoshop lineup.

/DNRTFA
//Chop
///Chop

Sounds like McCain needs to up his medication.

This is wrong in so many ways, cockring?

I have heard it said that someone laid some pipe , BUT OMG.

saomai: "The pipe was an inch long, an inch in diameter and made of quarter-inch-thick steel." Clearly, not all men are created equally.

Putting your pipe in the pipe no man can cut asunder. Thus do you channel the hardness and strength of the manpipe.

/HURRRRR HURRRRR MAN MAN

What an enormous dickhead. 1 inch ∅ indeed.

New Chinese version of a Fleshlight using lead pipe?

Once again, another victum of ...


aw forget it.

"pneumatic saw", "steel pipe" and "73-year-old man's penis" show up in the very first line

In other news, Palin does more than just throw McCain under a bus...

FormlessOne: "pneumatic saw", "steel pipe" and "73-year-old man's penis" show up in the very first line

In other news, Palin does more than just throw McCain under a bus...

She puts him in the nursing home instead.

The man's penis had swollen and turned purple

i'm a chick and i couldn't read any further than that without cringing at the image.

Why didn't they just make the pipe cold or immerse it in water? I'm sure the shrinkage would have done the trick. George Costanza could have told you that!

Newburgh: once again, the undisputed Florida tag of New York.

I'm pretty sure if that happened to me I'd figure, I'm 73. I can check out now with a modicum of dignity or I can let someone know about this and live the next 10 or so years in shame. BAM!

If the poor man could get his dick in something one inch in diameter some invisible sky wizard really jerked this guy off when they handed out dicks.

Past a certain point a person's penis license should just be revoked.

"I'm sorry sir, we have an order to confiscate that; the courts have ruled that you have demonstrated a complete (and baffling) inability to maintain and use the equipment in a responsible manner."

Isildur: Past a certain point a person's penis license should just be revoked.

"I'm sorry sir, we have an order to confiscate that; the courts have ruled that you have demonstrated a complete (and baffling) inability to maintain and use the equipment in a responsible manner."

The statute should then be broadened to include automatic transmission drivers, single kitteh owners, direction askers, 40-Year-Old Virgins, and anyone who doesn't fall asleep immediately after copulation.

Phineas: People, please make sure your cock rings have some sort of flexibility or a release mechanism. Tie a shoe string around it if you have to, but STOP using STEEL to force an erection.

My husband uses a steel one, and it's fine. From the dimensions in TFA it sounds like this one wasn't sized right or being used properly though. A proper cock ring goes around the balls, to constrict blood flow out of the penile tissues after the base widens. Which means for a non-flexible one the balls need to go through first. So even if you can't get it off while hard, it shouldn't be dangerously constrictive, only slightly so.

Supposedly neoprene is the best material, or leather for those into that kinda thing. Personally I can't find one that fits me properly and the reasons why aren't something I want to go into on fark right now.

P.S. The glass dildoes I see in shops scare me way more.

He should have asked Fark for advice about how to free himself.

Aschenputtel: He should have asked Fark for advice about how to free himself.

Hey it worked for that guy with his balls stuck in a chair. ;)

I don't think any of us who were there that day will soon forget it. Good times.

Gldm: Phineas: People, please make sure your cock rings have some sort of flexibility or a release mechanism. Tie a shoe string around it if you have to, but STOP using STEEL to force an erection.

My husband uses a steel one, and it's fine. From the dimensions in TFA it sounds like this one wasn't sized right or being used properly though. A proper cock ring goes around the balls, to constrict blood flow out of the penile tissues after the base widens. Which means for a non-flexible one the balls need to go through first. So even if you can't get it off while hard, it shouldn't be dangerously constrictive, only slightly so.

Supposedly neoprene is the best material, or leather for those into that kinda thing. Personally I can't find one that fits me properly and the reasons why aren't something I want to go into on fark right now.

P.S. The glass dildoes I see in shops scare me way more.

FAG

Muttin' Dagger, Old Blind Bob, Hanging Johnny, Fishing Rod, Tallywhacker, Pocket Rocket, One-eyed Trouser, Trout.

Ding Dong, Ankle-Spanker, Pork Sword, Engine Cranker, Hairy Hot Dog, Davey Crockett, Let them all hang out!

Pet Names for genitalia. You know the girls think of them, and you gotta love 'em. Pet Names for genitalia. There's always something silly, about little Willie!

Wang, Wazzu, Weenie, Whacker, Pecker, Peepee, Kidney Cracker, Heat-Seeking-Moisture-Missile, Gigglestick, Love Whistle, Tube Steak, Uncle Dick. This is getting really sick. I'm not through, there's one more, PURPLE HELMET WARRIOR!

Pet Names for genitalia. You know the girls think of them, and you gotta love them. Pet Names for genitalia. There's always something silly, about little Willie!

Pet Names for genitalia. You know the girls think of them, and you gotta love them. Pet Names for genitalia.

solobarik: Gldm: My husband uses a steel one, (etc...)

FAG

Do you really think that you are going to hurt anyones feelings? Go back to the schoolyard, and get off of Fark. I'm sure 4chan misses you.

what's the advantage of this said penile ring?

Gabby teenage cheerleaders driving too fast in the dark on a foggy night die in a car crash.

This is not shocking.

No one had a Dremel® tool handy? A diamond or carbide saw blade would have done the trick with much better control and less chance of loss of limb.


/I swear by my Dremel®
//Have never needed to use it for that purpose
///Not that there's anything wrong with that

Lee451: No one had a Dremel® tool handy? A diamond or carbide saw blade would have done the trick with much better control and less chance of loss of limb.

Limb?!

You give the man far too much credit.

Gldm: Phineas: People, please make sure your cock rings have some sort of flexibility or a release mechanism. Tie a shoe string around it if you have to, but STOP using STEEL to force an erection.

My husband uses a steel one, and it's fine. From the dimensions in TFA it sounds like this one wasn't sized right or being used properly though. A proper cock ring goes around the balls, to constrict blood flow out of the penile tissues after the base widens. Which means for a non-flexible one the balls need to go through first. So even if you can't get it off while hard, it shouldn't be dangerously constrictive, only slightly so.

Supposedly neoprene is the best material, or leather for those into that kinda thing. Personally I can't find one that fits me properly and the reasons why aren't something I want to go into on fark right now.

Thank you for maintaining an appropriate level of reserve and decorum. Ahem.

/didn't realize SA had legalized SS marriage
//good job

Wizzer saw...

AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!

/all issues aside, that is funny