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(Cracked) Silly Five presidential elections even dumber than this one (somehow)   (cracked.com) divider line 45
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4561 clicks; posted to Politics » on 10 Oct 2008 at 11:54 AM   |  Make this a Fark FavoriteFavorite    |   share: Share on OMGTWITTER WEB2.0share on StumbleUponshare on Facebook  more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!

45 Comments   (+0 »)


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Cornwell [TotalFark] 2008-10-10 09:20:02 AM  
So the five campaigns were dumber than this one, because each one of them employed one single tactic of what's being employed today?

It's still October, plenty of time for accusations of high treason, doubtful citizenships, absurds rumors to be spread by email, trash talk with no substance whatsoever, quotes taken out of context etc.

 
Jamespoon [TotalFark] 2008-10-10 09:45:46 AM  
That writer really did his research.

 
emocomputerjock 2008-10-10 09:59:46 AM  
Cornwell: So the five campaigns were dumber than this one, because each one of them employed one single tactic of what's being employed today?

It's still October, plenty of time for accusations of high treason, doubtful citizenships, absurds rumors to be spread by email, trash talk with no substance whatsoever, quotes taken out of context etc.


I heard McCain beat up elderly Puerto Rican women while gambling.

 
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat [TotalFark] 2008-10-10 10:08:38 AM  
Al Smith is a terrorist Muslim Catholic Papist.

 
dletter [TotalFark] 2008-10-10 10:22:44 AM  
Good article. Just goes to show that campaigns weren't any more classier 200 years ago than they are today. There just wasn't any CNN and Fox News to make sure everyone knew about it.

 
UNC_Samurai [TotalFark] 2008-10-10 10:42:51 AM  
dletter: Good article. Just goes to show that campaigns weren't any more classier 200 years ago than they are today. There just wasn't any CNN and Fox News to make sure everyone knew about it.

I'm not sure about the Indiana state archives, but I did some research on the 1844 election for the history museum here in NC. The North Carolina archives have an excellent collection of newspapers, ALL of which were blatantly partisan, and I mean blatantly. We complain about Fox News and MSNBC, but my God these people were vicious. A county's main source of news - in some respects their only media source - was violently partisan. Newspapers like the North Carolina Democrat were literally printed talking points.

As best I can tell, the idea of noble, unbiased journalism emerges after World War I, and lasts until the cable news era, when mass media realizes they can make a profit using the news as an ad vehicle.

 
Kyndig [TotalFark] 2008-10-10 10:54:14 AM  
This has been greenlit,what, 4 times now?

 
Adjective Bird Whiskey [TotalFark] 2008-10-10 11:05:16 AM  
Andrew Jackson's mother was a COMMON PROSTITUTE.

 
chipspastic 2008-10-10 12:01:00 PM  
Palin = Tyler

hehe

 
Drakin020 2008-10-10 12:06:11 PM  
FTA: someone stood up and said "How about we just make up shiat about the other guy?" A revolutionary idea was born, and it changed American politics forever.

I LOL'ed

 
Drakin020 2008-10-10 12:08:18 PM  
FTA: or how Sarah Palin's functional retardation makes her more relatable.

ahahaha.

I love cracked.

 
mistrmind 2008-10-10 12:09:54 PM  
Adjective Bird Whiskey: Andrew Jackson's mother was a COMMON PROSTITUTE.

Ah, more slander from the Whig party.

 
moothemagiccow 2008-10-10 12:10:13 PM  
I don't think it's dumber or nastier than any election. You guys just haven't been paying attention, or have bad memories

 
snarltron 2008-10-10 12:15:29 PM  
Great article - every election, sooner or later everyone starts chirping about how "this is the ugliest election ever" and I think, "not even close". This shiat's been going on for centuries, and until Obama calls McCain's mother A COMMON PROSTITUTE this campaign's not gonna come even close to the past. At least today they dance around the harshest accusations instead of coming straight out with them.

 
NeuroticRocker [recently expired TotalFark] 2008-10-10 12:15:59 PM  
i very seldom look at the source of a submitted link. i go on to read it if the headline interests me or makes me laugh.

cracked headlines are always interesting, but then i realize they are from CRACKED and have to remember not to read articles from them

 
BioGuy741 2008-10-10 12:17:06 PM  
I laughed my ass of at this article. I dunno why, but the line about log cabin-shaped whisky flasks cracked me the fark up.

 
Calvin Coolidge 2008-10-10 12:18:00 PM  
They left out the best parts of the election of 1800. Jefferson accused Adams of having a "hideous hermaphroditical character, which has neither the force and firmness of a man, nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman."

And Adams said that Jefferson was "a mean-spirited, low-lived fellow, the son of a half-breed Indian squaw, sired by a Virginia mulatto father."

It doesn't get much dirtier than that.

 
orrinbloquy 2008-10-10 12:19:23 PM  
When the fark did Cracked turn this awesome?

 
whizbang [TotalFark] 2008-10-10 12:24:59 PM  
GOP checklist:
5. Hooker churches
4. Kill innocent people in New Orleans
3. Install a douche in the White House
2. Trash Florida votes

Dem checklist:
1. Campaign in the rain

 
KeatingFive 2008-10-10 12:27:38 PM  
orrinbloquy: When the fark did Cracked turn this awesome?

They been this way for a few months now, but yeah, I just remember them as a Mad (TM) ripoff

 
pixistick 2008-10-10 12:31:07 PM  
Calvin Coolidge: They left out the best parts of the election of 1800. Jefferson accused Adams of having a "hideous hermaphroditical character, which has neither the force and firmness of a man, nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman."

And Adams said that Jefferson was "a mean-spirited, low-lived fellow, the son of a half-breed Indian squaw, sired by a Virginia mulatto father."

It doesn't get much dirtier than that.


Did you see the HBO version of John Adams? Very funny watching Adams and his wife read that while sitting on the couch.

 
Rev. Skarekroe [TotalFark] 2008-10-10 12:31:21 PM  
and that his father was "a MULATTO MAN."

Ha!
I'd like to go back in time and show these guys a picture of the current frontrunner.

 
wpmulligan 2008-10-10 12:32:20 PM  
emocomputerjock: I heard McCain beat up elderly Puerto Rican women while gambling.

Who among us hasn't done that? Let's be fair.

 
Zombie Hitler 2008-10-10 12:34:08 PM  
http://www.cracked.com/article_15895_5-most-badass-presidents-all-time.html

Just as good a read.

Never knew anything like that about Jackson.

 
whizbang [TotalFark] 2008-10-10 12:35:11 PM  
wpmulligan: emocomputerjock: I heard McCain beat up elderly Puerto Rican women while gambling.

Who among us hasn't done that? Let's be fair.


She was asking for it, her wheelchair was rolling right at him.

 
emocomputerjock 2008-10-10 12:39:24 PM  
wpmulligan: emocomputerjock: I heard McCain beat up elderly Puerto Rican women while gambling.

Who among us hasn't done that? Let's be fair.


Hey, give me some credit, I stick to Brazillian ladyboys.

 
bionicjoe 2008-10-10 12:43:20 PM  
Every time I see a Cracked article I sigh for another stupid countdown list. Then Cracked delivers a funny, well-researched article. Good show.

FTFA
Had "I keep my shiat real" been a relevant expression at the time, Harrison would've been widely acknowledged for the extreme realness with which he kept his shiat.

I always knew Van Buren was a dick.
cdn-www.cracked.com
/hot linking elitist

 
bionicjoe 2008-10-10 12:44:17 PM  
Also FTFA
Republican agents were mobilized to make sure everyone voted in those states, with most of the agents armed with hundreds of thousands of dollars to make sure everyone voted correctly. Some votes in favor of Tilden were disputed, and by "disputed" we mean they were thrown in the trash (in Key West, Florida, for example, an entire box of votes that had Tilden ahead of Hayes 401-59 were tossed).

Anyone else find this amusing/familiar/scary/FLORIDA tag ready?

 
Friedrich Nietzsche 2008-10-10 12:45:40 PM  
From the article: "the 5 most badass presidents of all time"

"After another tough battle where Washington was miraculously not wounded, he wrote a letter to his brother detailing his experiences. He described being surrounded by bullets and death and concluded by saying "I heard the bullets whistle and, believe me, there is something charming to the sound of bullets." When he caught news of this, King George III reportedly remarked that Washington's attitude would change if he'd heard a few more. But King George III didn't win the war, so fark him. "

Too funny.

 
JollyMagistrate 2008-10-10 12:48:51 PM  
bionicjoe: I always knew Van Buren was a dick.

/hot linking elitist


I would personally prefer the politician that admits he is an elitist over the one who demeans me by pretending he is "one of us."

 
impaler [TotalFark] 2008-10-10 12:51:43 PM  
or how Sarah Palin's functional retardation makes her more relatable

LOL, it's funny cause it's true.

 
TheGreyPiper 2008-10-10 12:59:04 PM  
I heard Jackson was crazy from lead poisoning, due to bullet fragments lodged deep in. OK, musket balls, whatever, some chunk o' lead.

 
TheSuperFunk 2008-10-10 01:04:03 PM  
Cornwell: So the five campaigns were dumber than this one, because each one of them employed one single tactic of what's being employed today?

It's still October, plenty of time for accusations of high treason, doubtful citizenships, absurds rumors to be spread by email, trash talk with no substance whatsoever, quotes taken out of context etc.


Yes, but they took that 1 tactic TO THE MAX.

Though, I guess accusing a candidate for killing 6 soldiers for no reason back then wasn't even as absurd of a notion as accusing Obama of being a terrorist.

Yep, people have been farking stupid always.

 
TheGreyPiper 2008-10-10 01:07:22 PM  
Somebody else mentioned the 5 Most Badass Presidents article linkied up with this, so I'll just say--check it out. A lot funnier and more inspiring than this one.

/Always liked TR. Glad to see he made the top of that list.

 
blindy the pirate 2008-10-10 01:35:01 PM  
bionicjoe: Also FTFA
Republican agents were mobilized to make sure everyone voted in those states, with most of the agents armed with hundreds of thousands of dollars to make sure everyone voted correctly. Some votes in favor of Tilden were disputed, and by "disputed" we mean they were thrown in the trash (in Key West, Florida, for example, an entire box of votes that had Tilden ahead of Hayes 401-59 were tossed).

Anyone else find this amusing/familiar/scary/FLORIDA tag ready?


To be fair, there is a lot of water between Key West and the mainland. Maybe the boat was sinking and extra weight had to be thrown overboard. They could have ran out of toilet paper. Maybe it was cold and needed the paper to start a fire.

 
martin55 2008-10-10 01:37:53 PM  
Am I the only one who read the description of the Harrison election and said "John McCain?"

Old wealthy dude who tries to claim the "Joe Sixpack" mantle while painting his opponent as elitist, dies shortly after election, and gets succeeded by a disastrous moron?

What's the saw about history and not learning from it?

 
Bergyd 2008-10-10 01:40:04 PM  
I always enjoy a good cracked article.

 
What's a Internet Nubian 2008-10-10 02:04:50 PM  
whizbang: GOP checklist:
5. Hooker churches
4. Kill innocent people in New Orleans
3. Install a douche in the White House
2. Trash Florida votes

Dem checklist:
1. Campaign in the rain


except the modern Dem/Rep aren't the same as old Dem/Rep on political stances, opposite infact.


i wonder what would sean connery's campaign attack would be if he runs against alex trebek.

 
Frittermywig 2008-10-10 02:12:20 PM  
Certainly this is not the dirtiest election ever and these are not the worst candidates ever. The scary problem is they will have more power over our lives than ever because the government they are running is bigger, more intrusive and sucks down more of the wealth we produce than ever.

Technology has changed everything in the last 100 years except the way we select our government because they got their hands on the spigot and you aren't going to pry them off easily.

 
mksmith 2008-10-10 02:28:09 PM  
The Election of 1888 between Cleveland and Blaine has always been one of my favorites.

Cleveland crowd: "Blaine, Blaine, James G. Blaine, continental liar from the state of Maine!"

Blaine crowd: "Maw, maw, where's my paw? Gone to the White House, hah, hah, hah!"

And yes, I'm still pis*ed off about Tilden.

 
JimmyFartpants 2008-10-10 02:54:33 PM  
Cracked is the best written site anywhere.

 
ereiv [TotalFark] 2008-10-10 03:17:50 PM  
orrinbloquy: When the fark did Cracked turn this awesome?

Right around the time they published this Batman List

 
suggestive_eye_movement 2008-10-10 03:44:37 PM  
I heart Cracked.

 
SpaceLord 2008-10-10 05:26:33 PM  
It actually makes me feel good to know this stuff ain't new.

 
DedParrot 2008-10-10 06:03:55 PM  
mksmith: The Election of 1888 between Cleveland and Blaine has always been one of my favorites.

Cleveland crowd: "Blaine, Blaine, James G. Blaine, continental liar from the state of Maine!"

Blaine crowd: "Maw, maw, where's my paw? Gone to the White House, hah, hah, hah!"

And yes, I'm still pis*ed off about Tilden.


Actually, the Blaine crowd would have chanted, "Ma, Ma, where's my Pa?" It was only after Cleveland won that his own party added as a retort "Gone to the White House, ha ha ha".

 
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