I'd hit it.

"What are you a farking park ranger now, submitter?

I like turtles.

Vivaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Viagra!

Turtle Turtle

Maybe they could try a little rhino horn... Oops, my bad.

if they're too stupid to fark they should die.

The problem with eating Chinese turtles is thirty minutes later you are hungry agian

Job Description:

Turtle Pimp

/snicker

anarchy_x: if they're too stupid to fark they should die.

This's how I think about my dating life.
/Ah, shovels, god's erasers.

Come on, these are chinamen. They probably ate the damn eggs and then made something up.

80 and 100 is nothing in turtle years. they should be shagging like teenagers on prom night.

Not that it matters...

anarchy_x: if they're too stupid to fark they should die.

They did fark, the eggs just didn't hatch.

"I hate to call this a desperation move, but it really was," Rick Hudson, co-chair of the turtle alliance

Turtle Power!

anarchy_x: if they're too stupid to fark they should die.

If they're too stupid to read the article they should die. Oh. Wait.

A couple years ago, by secret Executive Order, there was a classified effort led by the CIA and the Department of Homeland Security to breed Lynn Cheney with the cryogenically-preserved genetic material left behind by Richard Nixon.

The most "viable outcome" they were able to achieve turned out to be a younger, more paranoid, fly-fishing, negro-hating version of Richard Simmons.

What the hell ever happened to Mitt Romney?

I remember watching this video about different animals' breeding habits in Biology one time. The giant tortoises make really loud, hilarious moaning noises while getting it on. The noises combined with the slow motion doggie style (turtle style) action made it all pretty hilarious. I'll never be able to get it out of my head! Every time I see a turtle I think of that.

In their defense, though, she is 80 and he is 100

they're just kids. Let it ride a few centuries.

$5 to the first farker who photo shops a You're gonna get raped Michelangelo.
/just a FTW for the other farkers.

#1. Only one male and one female left? Isn't that to little genetic material for a species to proliferate? We are in the garden of eden, here.

#2. Surely we have the technology to inseminate the female without relying upon some ritual that involves the male?

SU: #1. Only one male and one female left? Isn't that to little genetic material for a species to proliferate? We are* in the garden of eden, here.


aren't.

SU: #1. Only one male and one female left? Isn't that to little genetic material for a species to proliferate? We are in the garden of eden, here.

#2. Surely we have the technology to inseminate the female without relying upon some ritual that involves the male?

reading the article first probable would help with #2

SU: #2. Surely we have the technology to inseminate the female without relying upon some ritual that involves the male?

This.

Artificial insemination... do it.

So there's 3 known males and 1 known female...

Let's say they have a successful batch of baby turtles next year, than what? Do they just let them die out peacefully so the species can survive another hundred years? Or would they promote inbreeding?

Doesn't China have the same ratio problem with their human population as well?

Hmm, seems that given time, they will breed themselves into extinction as well.

Turtle sex is hot.

RyanWillia: $5 to the first farker who photo shops a You're gonna get raped Michelangelo.
/just a FTW for the other farkers.

Ask and ye shall receive

This will end well.

If only there were some other workable, albeit experimental, technique for producing viable embryos from male and female DNA, and then implanting them into healthy animals to gestate.

someguy456: So there's 3 known males and 1 known female...

Let's say they have a successful batch of baby turtles next year, than what? Do they just let them die out peacefully so the species can survive another hundred years? Or would they promote inbreeding?

Unless the two other turtles are from the same parents as the currently mating pair, no inbreeding, at least for a few more generations (likely a good 300-500 years). By that time, science should have developed enough that they can take care of any genetic defects from inbreeding.

plus isnt 80 and 100 like 13 and 20 in turtle years?

someguy456: So there's 3 known males and 1 known female...

Let's say they have a successful batch of baby turtles next year, than what? Do they just let them die out peacefully so the species can survive another hundred years? Or would they promote inbreeding?

This species is never leaving the zoo system again. When the turtle eggs hatch, each of the other males will be bred with as many of the females as possible before they also die. Inbreeding and it's genetic nightmares will show up eventually but I don't see how they have any other choice.

vgss: Come on, these are chinamen. They probably ate the damn eggs and then made something up.

Maybe if chinese men stopped paying Big Bucks for ancient quacklore snake-oil made from parts of rare species, and paid attention to how much damned lead was was in the environment, they would need cures for droopy penis. (Not that the West is better, just a couple decades ahead on the curve, as usual.)

was the sad tag too busy being all emo in the corner??

What a shame. Turtle soup is delicious.

FTFA: Breathless scientists watched as they successfully mated.

Was it good for them too?

Attempt to breed an endangered turtle's last known female with China's last known male has failed.

What are you talking about? 'China's last known male'? Last I heard China had a billion people, how can they be down to one 100 year-old dude?

And what gave him the turtle idea?

Where's the sad tag?

Jarhead_h: someguy456: So there's 3 known males and 1 known female...

Let's say they have a successful batch of baby turtles next year, than what? Do they just let them die out peacefully so the species can survive another hundred years? Or would they promote inbreeding?

This species is never leaving the zoo system again. When the turtle eggs hatch, each of the other males will be bred with as many of the females as possible before they also die. Inbreeding and it's genetic nightmares will show up eventually but I don't see how they have any other choice.

Reptiles are much more tolerant of inbreeding than mammals. It takes A LOT of inbreeding to cause significant defects. Hundreds (if not more) of "designer" reptile morphs have been created through inbreeding.

Where is the fail tag?

Isn't this why cloning was invented? Why are we making more sheep and dogs, and not helping some of these species on the verge of extinction?

And on the other hand, don't these scientists believe in evolution? That's the natural order of the world: survival of the fittest. Why the big deal when a species goes extinct? They're supposed to and have been doing it since the beginning of time.

That is a cool looking turtle.

o4tuna: Not that it matters...

We don't even care whether or not we care...

I'm so lonely
Mr.Lonely
I ain't got nonody
For my own. OOOOOOHHHHH.
I'm so lonely
Mr.Lonely
Ain't got nobody
for my own. OOOOOOOHHHHHHH.


I'm so lonely.......

> Surely we have the technology to inseminate the female without relying upon some ritual that involves the male?

It's possible there isn't, or at least the procedure requires more than just a turkey baster. The first example that comes to mind is felines. The feline penis has sharp barbs pointing backwards, and when he pulls out it's more than a little painful for the female. But as it turns out, it is exactly this anatomical arrangement that stimulates ovulation.

Vets have devices to allow them to fake this when it comes to cats. But if we don't happen to know all the ins and outs of turtle reproduction (thank you, I'll be here all night!), they're pretty much dead. Frankly, when you're down to only 4 living members, IMHO it's already Dead Species Walking.

Dyolf_Knip: > Surely we have the technology to inseminate the female without relying upon some ritual that involves the male?

It's possible there isn't, or at least the procedure requires more than just a turkey baster. The first example that comes to mind is felines. The feline penis has sharp barbs pointing backwards, and when he pulls out it's more than a little painful for the female. But as it turns out, it is exactly this anatomical arrangement that stimulates ovulation.

Vets have devices to allow them to fake this when it comes to cats. But if we don't happen to know all the ins and outs of turtle reproduction (thank you, I'll be here all night!), they're pretty much dead. Frankly, when you're down to only 4 living members, IMHO it's already Dead Species Walking.

Oh god...... MY EYES!

Chinchillazilla: anarchy_x: if they're too stupid to fark they should die.

If they're too stupid to read the article they should die. Oh. Wait.

It wasn't even the turtles fault either, it was a bad diet, low in calcium that caused the eggs to not be viable. (: