Ozzy's was the best, I think.

"He's my farkin' midget and I'll farkin' do what I want with him!"

Orginally printed in Guitar World, July 2005.

I thought this looked familiar. Worth reading again though. +1

RocketRod: Hello, Cleveland!

Hi!

I gotta vote for Ron Wood, and "the Police are here!" That's the hardest I've laughed in days.

Peaceboy: I gotta vote for Ron Wood, and "the Police are here!" That's the hardest I've laughed in days.

Same here. Hilarious!

i knew Gallagher was a gaywad

They called up some agency and the word came back: "We can get you a lame dog by noon. Which leg would you want missing?" These people were prepared to maim a dog for the sake of a farkin' video. I tell you, man, L.A. is one sick town.

Yeah, it's not like they'd have multiple dogs with different legs missing or anything. Sickos.

My first band was playing at the officers' club at Selfridge A. N. G. Base. Thank you, Mr. Agent.

Anyway, we were bearing up well until plane-talk started coming through my wireless in through my amp.

We laughed, the officers laughed, and then we did a really really bad rendition of Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight ... We just sang the first verse over and over, but honestly - the guitar break and chorus are all anyone really cares about.


/P. S. Sang "Stonehenge" with an old hippie and his son inside the circle of Stonehenge, too. That was a blast.

Oasis is gay, nothing new there.

/Stonehenge tis a magic place where the moon doth rise with a dragons face.

Having never read Guitar World before I went on a little exploration of the site and discovered Girls of Guitar World. The photos are as expected, scantily clad ladies with guitars but the comments are golden

"the girl is hot,but the guitar could be better.maybe a dean"

What?! Surely you ain't meant to be looking at the guitar?!!!

/It's such a fine line between stupid and clever

O/T but just tried to contact one of my endorsers and sadly discovered that
Jazz artist Ronald Muldrow has died.

R.I.P.

Wow, Ozzy is my new personal hero.
Just in case anyone is wondering, if you post an ad on Craigslist for a "party dwarf" and say that they have to wear green clothes and be willing to wear green makeup head to toe, even if you make it clear and in no way cloudy that it is not a sexual thing at all, your ad will be flagged as inappropriate and removed. Repeatedly.
\why's it so freakin' hard to find a green midget?!?!?!?!?! you can't even rent one in this town1!!!!!!

CheddarPants: Orginally printed in Guitar World, July 2005.

I thought this looked familiar. Worth reading again though. +1

I'm glad I wasn't the only one like "Huh?".

/stow-away midget was my personal fav.

I did what?

BILLY CORGAN of Smashing Pumpkins

When Mellon Collie came out [1995], we played a concert in Chicago that was broadcast directly across the world. We had 10,000 people at the show, including the world press, and millions were listening in.

I WAS AWESOME!! PEOPLE LOVED ME!

squishbukit: i knew Gallagher was a gaywad

Another fine moment was in the early Eighties. We were doing drugs in the dressing room when suddenly the tour manager stuck his head around the door and said, "The police are here!" Holy shiat! We all panicked and threw our drugs in the toilet. And then Sting, Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland walked in.

Thats funny.

FTFA: The one midget actor who could free himself for an eight-month tour turned out to be an alcoholic. He showed up late; he was drunk... It got to me after a while. So one night when he wanted to get on the tour bus, I threw him into the luggage compartment.

Win.

I wonder if the interviewer could keep a straight face when he said that.

Why not fake the execution of a midget onstage?

And this is how I know this article will kick arse. Be back later.

Didn't Steven Tyler say that Aerosmith once actually got lost on its way to the stage? I read somewhere that the first time he saw it he couldn't find it funny because it hit too close to home.

I enjoyed that. I also enjoy Spinal Tap. It's a good day.

That was awesome. Ozzy, Keith Moon and the Police story are my faves. I'm sending this to my pops. He'll love it if he didn't read it back in '05

tiny bread.

I remember seeing John Waite (Missing You) on MTV in the eighties and he said that the first time he saw Spinal Tap he was on a tour bus and nobody laughed. There was just a lot of gasps of recognition. That was the point where my hatred of him started to dissipate.

/Artie Fufkin is a member of the synagogue where my daughter went to Hebrew school.

I'd vomit too if I sang like Robert Smith.

I've been involved in a 'why is your girlfriend in the farking studio' argument...

Tommy Lee: To get back at them, I put a turd on a room-service tray and placed it in a ventilator shaft, then turned the heat up. I imagine it took them a while before they'd discovered the source of that lingering smell.


Bullshiat. How the hell would he get access to a "ventilation shaft"?

bottsicus:

Bullshiat. How the hell would he get access to a "ventilation shaft"?

Tommy Lee? Shaft?

/penis

bottsicus:

Bullshiat. How the hell would he get access to a "ventilation shaft"?

The same way that people who work on ventilation shafts get access. Usually it is only about 4 screws to the shaft.....

I like that Billy Corgan apparently thinks he has ever had a dick.

I disliked the cartoon next to the story about The Police.

That article could have been funnier if they had 11 examples, not 10.

/loved it anyway, thanks Subby.

Bottsicus: More important - just how did Tommy Lee happen to find a turd?

if you farkers like this kind of stuff, i recommend you pick up a book called "rock stars do the dumbest things" Moser and Crawford.
full of neato stuff.

Genesis, last show of the Lamb tour, early '75 - Rael dummy replaced by naked roadie.

Gulper Eel: Genesis, last show of the Lamb tour, early '75 - Rael dummy replaced by drunk naked roadie.

FTFY

KingKauff: FTFY

Isn't "drunk naked roadie" being redundant?

TheSilverOne: Didn't Steven Tyler say that Aerosmith once actually got lost on its way to the stage? I read somewhere that the first time he saw it he couldn't find it funny because it hit too close to home.

Happened a lot! The Spinal Tap incident is based on Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, I think

In a Spinal tap doc, Dee Snyder told it that many mid-tier municipal theaters would host multiple stages (main stage, amphitheater, children's stage) but share the same backstage area, so getting lost would happen often.

Dee told a hilarious story how he heard the screaming audience & his band on cue, jumped onstage to an empty theater. Completely disoriented until a roadie pulled him backstage onto the real stage.

irockalot: BILLY CORGAN of Smashing Pumpkins

When Mellon Collie came out [1995], we played a concert in Chicago that was broadcast directly across the world. We had 10,000 people at the show, including the world press, and millions were listening in.

I WAS AWESOME!! PEOPLE LOVED ME!

I wonder if he did this to remind people of when they were popular or if he honestly believes they still are.

Oh, and they should have closed with Ozzie and not Kieth.

feta: Having never read Guitar World before I went on a little exploration of the site and discovered Girls of Guitar World. The photos are as expected, scantily clad ladies with guitars but the comments are golden

"the girl is hot,but the guitar could be better.maybe a dean"

What?! Surely you ain't meant to be looking at the guitar?!!!

/It's such a fine line between stupid and clever

Here (new window)
NSFW