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(Fox News) Interesting Search on for missing pages of the Bible. They include Jesus' lesser-known sermons such as, "Don't use me as an excuse to be a douchebag" and "Seriously, what part of live and let live don't you people get?"   (foxnews.com) divider line 247
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SilentStrider [TotalFark] 2008-09-27 06:06:29 PM  
If those pages existed, the Christian right of this country would denounce them the way they denounce evolution.

 
phaedrusiszen [TotalFark] 2008-09-27 06:07:45 PM  
SilentStrider: If those pages existed, the Christian right of this country would denounce them the way they denounce evolution.

Or just ignore them like they do for any other part of the Bible that's not convenient for them.

 
TaiFong 2008-09-27 06:21:14 PM  
I suspect this to be a good religious flamewar. Unfortunately, my microwave cannot make popcorn. :(

 
mrapier [TotalFark] 2008-09-27 06:22:52 PM  
your headline is not funny

/sorry
//-1

 
kalvyn 2008-09-27 06:23:08 PM  
phaedrusiszen: SilentStrider: If those pages existed, the Christian right of this country would denounce them the way they denounce evolution.

Or just ignore them like they do for any other part of the Bible that's not convenient for them.


I don't believe they've actually ever read it, personally...

/just sayin' is all!

 
Daanon 2008-09-27 06:23:12 PM  
Best topic heading I have seen in a while! Any "Christian" who says Jesus would approve of this war is NOT a Christian, and has no earthy clue what the "word of god" means.

 
coachwdb 2008-09-27 06:23:24 PM  
Which of the 40 or so authors of the bible are these pages from?

 
Zamboro [recently expired TotalFark] 2008-09-27 06:23:52 PM  
phaedrusiszen: "Or just ignore them like they do for any other part of the Bible that's not convenient for them."

Then again, moderates are more guilty of this by far. The quantity they must ignore to maintain their position is considerably greater than the quantity which fundamentalists ignore to maintain theirs. Of the two, fundamentalists discard the least.

 
gtv42 2008-09-27 06:24:16 PM  
I remember stuff like that from my church-sponsored Bible Study group...which directly resulted in my losing my religion, so to speak.

/Disciples of Christ ftw
//atheism! w00t!

 
Son of Thunder 2008-09-27 06:24:26 PM  
TFA: A quest is under way on four continents to find the missing pages of one of the world's most important holy texts, the 1,000-year-old Hebrew Bible known as the Crown of Aleppo.

A great big img1.fark.net tag for subby for thinking that this would contain ANY of Jesus' sermons.

 
wydok 2008-09-27 06:24:43 PM  
Subby fails. Jesus wasn't in the Old Testament.

/Well, actually, he was, sort of, I guess

 
Persnickety 2008-09-27 06:24:51 PM  
It's Old Testament only, subby
-1

 
Kublai Khan [TotalFark] 2008-09-27 06:25:33 PM  
Red Dwarf did this better:

Archeologists near mount Sinai have discovered what is believed to be a missing page from the Bible. The page is currently being carbon dated in Bonn. If genuine it belongs at the beginning of the Bible and is believed to read "To my darling Candy. All characters portrayed within this book are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental." The page has been universally condemned by church leaders.

 
ultraholland 2008-09-27 06:25:40 PM  
The missing pages are sitting next to my toilet just waiting to be covered with even more shiat.

 
MikeMc 2008-09-27 06:26:20 PM  
I hope they find the Miracle of the Pool Hustlers wherein Jesus takes 'em for everything they have and gives it to the poor

i113.photobucket.com

/Never try to hustle the Son of God

 
CygnusDarius [TotalFark] 2008-09-27 06:26:45 PM  
phaedrusiszen: SilentStrider: If those pages existed, the Christian right of this country would denounce them the way they denounce evolution.

Or just ignore them like they do for any other part of the Bible that's not convenient for them.


This. I mean, it's not like "If someone strike your left cheek, show them the right" is something obscure and odd.

 
Dog Welder 2008-09-27 06:26:46 PM  
Also missing:

"Don't shiat where you eat."

"The world really isn't 4000 years old. That was what we call an 'allegory.' There were no dinosaurs on Noah's Ark, dumbass."

 
Lincey 2008-09-27 06:26:58 PM  
TaiFong: I suspect this to be a good religious flamewar. Unfortunately, my microwave cannot make popcorn. :(

You can come over and use mine

 
Jedi_Templar 2008-09-27 06:27:06 PM  
Hell, they've found missing Gospels, why wouldn't they find missing pages of the existing books? Especially when there's been ~500 years of Roman oppression and ~1500 years of Catholic dogma and virtual theocracy, and ~400 years of Protestant Reformation, there must be much of the original message that has been altered or just plain lost to the sands of time.

/Christian, but not of the biblical inerrant kind

 
wydok 2008-09-27 06:27:09 PM  
ultraholland: The missing pages are sitting next to my toilet just waiting to be covered with even more shiat.

Ah, yes, I just love the mature level of intellectual discourse brought about by a religious thread.

 
KungFuAfroNinja 2008-09-27 06:27:25 PM  
kalvyn: phaedrusiszen: SilentStrider: If those pages existed, the Christian right of this country would denounce them the way they denounce evolution.

Or just ignore them like they do for any other part of the Bible that's not convenient for them.

I don't believe they've actually ever read it, personally...

/just sayin' is all!


I have yet to meet more than 2-3 that are not pastors that have actually read the damn thing. I read the thing two times from back to front, then denounced my faith. I had to go to counseling sessions with the pastor. He started citing verses that he used to justify wanting to imprison every Muslim and non-believer in Christ until they converted. I was like, "k dude bye" and never went back.

 
Zamboro [recently expired TotalFark] 2008-09-27 06:27:44 PM  
If the Torah is "the ancient Bible", then isn't the Bible "The ancient Book of Mormon" or "The ancient Qur'an", depending on who you ask?

 
wydok 2008-09-27 06:28:03 PM  
Jedi_Templar: Hell, they've found missing Gospels, why wouldn't they find missing pages of the existing books?

I take it you didn't actually read the article.

 
ultraholland 2008-09-27 06:28:04 PM  
Dog Welder: "The world really isn't 4000 years old. That was what we call an 'allegory.' There were was no dinosaurs on Noah's Ark, dumbass."

 
Huskadoodle 2008-09-27 06:28:09 PM  
I think I might buy a touring scooter, maybe a Honda Silver Wing

 
Lincey 2008-09-27 06:29:07 PM  
Huskadoodle: I think I might buy a touring scooter, maybe a Honda Silver Wing

img513.imageshack.us

 
LindyJohn 2008-09-27 06:29:09 PM  
Did Subby RTFA?

Or does Subby just not understand Christianity or the Bible?

 
ultraholland 2008-09-27 06:29:11 PM  
wydok: ultraholland: The missing pages are sitting next to my toilet just waiting to be covered with even more shiat.

Ah, yes, I just love the mature level of intellectual discourse brought about by a religious thread.


You going to say something useful or just point out how immature I am?

 
HowlingFrog [TotalFark] 2008-09-27 06:29:16 PM  
I can't believe that nobody's posted an Indiana Jones reference yet. Slackers.

 
Selector 2008-09-27 06:29:57 PM  
I'm not sure why the search is so hurried, given that Christians largely ignore anything else in the Old Testament, except the parts which "give them free rein" to denounce certain groups of people.

 
Meepzoid 2008-09-27 06:30:03 PM  
While it's true that subby blew that whole New Testament/Old Testament thingie, I did get a giggle from the headline, and I'm sending a Golf Clap out on the Intartubes.

 
strapp3r 2008-09-27 06:30:28 PM  
cannot wait for the enlightenment

/my breath
//hol-ding-it

 
mainstreet62 [TotalFark] 2008-09-27 06:30:32 PM  
i291.photobucket.com

 
ManThatHurts [TotalFark] 2008-09-27 06:30:47 PM  
You know, here's what I think...Oh wait,my popcorn is done...

 
Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo 2008-09-27 06:30:52 PM  
It doesn't take any "missing" pages to show that most Christians are hypocrits. If Jesus came back today he'd be ignored and best and arrested at worst. Damn long haired hippie.

 
MikeMc 2008-09-27 06:31:03 PM  
phaedrusiszen: SilentStrider: If those pages existed, the Christian right of this country would denounce them the way they denounce evolution.

Or just ignore them like they do for any other part of the Bible that's not convenient for them.


i113.photobucket.com

 
Zamboro [recently expired TotalFark] 2008-09-27 06:31:29 PM  
Dog Welder: "The world really isn't 4000 years old. That was what we call an 'allegory.'"

Perhaps you read it that way, but it was not meant to be one. What would it be an allegory for, after all? And what of all the ancient illustrations of Biblical cosmology that fit the descriptions given in Genesis? What of all the other cosmologies of the other religious, just allegories too, or is it possible that ancient man really did believe such things in the absence of modern scientific knowledge? Remember, hindsight is 20/20.

 
Dog Welder 2008-09-27 06:32:18 PM  
@ultraholland -- one of those learning channels on cable actually did a show on Noah's Ark. Basically, such a thing DID exist, but again it was an allegory. It was not nearly as big or epic as the Bible portrays it. There's a flood event mentioned in just about every ancient religion from that part of the world, so there's some believability there.

 
Jedi_Templar 2008-09-27 06:33:15 PM  
wydok: Jedi_Templar: Hell, they've found missing Gospels, why wouldn't they find missing pages of the existing books?

I take it you didn't actually read the article.


Nah, it's Fox News, don't want to give them ad revenue if I can help it. But yes, I should have read it before posting.

...

Ah, it's about the Old Testament. Still, my point remains; how much of the original have been lost? And how much would the message change if the missing pieces are found?

 
jaedreth 2008-09-27 06:33:22 PM  
SilentStrider: If those pages existed, the Christian FAR right of this country would denounce them the way they denounce evolution.

Fixed that for you.

Just because someone is christian and republican does NOT mean they are a fundamentalist that believes that faith and science are mutually exclusive.

For example, Presbyterians, like AK Gov Sarah Palin, have a simple faith. They believe. That belief in God and Jesus is enough for them. They don't need to either a) defend their religion from science, or b) push their religion onto you. You have not heard her go preachy on you even once. And she won't. It's not her way.

 
Britney Spear's Speculum 2008-09-27 06:33:29 PM  
Curse of Lilith (pops)


/grabs popcorn

 
ultraholland 2008-09-27 06:34:12 PM  
Dog Welder

Did you just cite the History Channel?

 
Dumb-Ass-Monkey [TotalFark] 2008-09-27 06:34:22 PM  
I learned one thing from TFA -- "Jewry" is a word.

 
Oldiron_79 2008-09-27 06:34:52 PM  
In one of the books that didn't make it into the official canon, telling the creation story that's in Genesis, It said that when ever Gawd kicked Adam and Eve out of the garden when they where born unto the earth of a she-ape.

That sounds a little evolutiony to me.

 
KungFuAfroNinja 2008-09-27 06:35:10 PM  
Dog Welder: @ultraholland -- one of those learning channels on cable actually did a show on Noah's Ark. Basically, such a thing DID exist, but again it was an allegory. It was not nearly as big or epic as the Bible portrays it. There's a flood event mentioned in just about every ancient religion from that part of the world, so there's some believability there.

Yeah, but when you don't travel or have any knowledge of anything outside of a 10-15 mile radius your 'world' is a lot smaller. A flood like the Yangtze river flood would have pretty much been 'a world wide flood.'

Just saying, it's an idea. Some of that stuff is based on fact. I just don't believe the world ever flooded.

 
Schadenfreudianslip [TotalFark] 2008-09-27 06:35:27 PM  
I hope that they find the disclaimer to the whole thing.

 
Dog Welder 2008-09-27 06:35:56 PM  
@ultraholland -- that might have been the one, yes. It wasn't so much of an ark as it was a dumbass and his family on a raft who got swept out to sea in the flood waters. But it was an ark to him. (And to gullible religious scholars.)

 
wydok 2008-09-27 06:37:16 PM  
Jedi_Templar:
Ah, it's about the Old Testament. Still, my point remains; how much of the original have been lost? And how much would the message change if the missing pieces are found?


It's missing pages from a specific Hebrew Bible. As in the book of Exodus fell out in transit. They don't mean that there used to be extra books or pages in the traditional bible that have since been removed. They mean physical pages from one physical copy of a bible.

 
Jedi_Templar 2008-09-27 06:38:32 PM  
wydok: Jedi_Templar:
Ah, it's about the Old Testament. Still, my point remains; how much of the original have been lost? And how much would the message change if the missing pieces are found?

It's missing pages from a specific Hebrew Bible. As in the book of Exodus fell out in transit. They don't mean that there used to be extra books or pages in the traditional bible that have since been removed. They mean physical pages from one physical copy of a bible.


So, other than historical preservation, what's the big deal? Is it just a trollish headline?

 
freakdiablo 2008-09-27 06:39:04 PM  
MikeMc: pic

Jesus would slap some shiat into that mutha

 
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