Order it from Full.Cavity.Search.com

Have you seen security's sense of humor?
It is removed in training, eliminated in hiring by MMPI testing, and well, non-existant.
Enjoy your probe.

thats a lot of effort just to piss off people who have the ability to make your travel experience a living hell

Wanted to post something along the lines of putting one of those in your luggage will move you to the head of the strip/cavity search line, but I see that's been covered already.

If you're going to get the cavity search, at least make the message on the plate worth it. Something like: TSA Sucks Cock. Or Airport Security is a Joke, Terrorist in Training, JIHAD Motherfarkers!!
I mean, do it right, you know?

Meh. I'd rather take a bag of metal shoehorns with me through inspection and see what they make of that.

Actually, I did that without thinking about it. I was coming back from a trade show and one of the presenters had a lot of ... oh well. Back to the story ...

It took five screeners half an hour to determine that my bag was indeed full of metal shoehorns, and nothing more sinister than that. I was given a very stern, yet completely vague, warning, though ;)

Messing with the baggage inspectors? That's a waterboarding.

SpinStopper: It took five screeners half an hour to determine that my bag was indeed full of metal shoehorns, and nothing more sinister than that. I was given a very stern, yet completely vague, warning, though ;)

Last time I flew from Billings to Denver, one of my asshole coworkers slipped a cell phone with a 3x5 index card that said "Praise Allah" on it, and some wires leading into a ham. Security was not amused. I spent 4 hours in Logan airport in Billings while they lectured me about the seriousness of the terrorist threat.

SpinStopper: Meh. I'd rather take a bag of metal shoehorns with me through inspection and see what they make of that.

Actually, I did that without thinking about it. I was coming back from a trade show and one of the presenters had a lot of ... oh well. Back to the story ...

It took five screeners half an hour to determine that my bag was indeed full of metal shoehorns, and nothing more sinister than that. I was given a very stern, yet completely vague, warning, though ;)

I had to break the 1-1/4" nail file off of the Revlon nail clippers I had in my carry-on or I would've had to surrender the entire utensil. I seriously asked the guy (in German) if he was worried that I'd file somebody to death. He chuckled, but insisted it was regulations and made me break the farker.

They should make thin ones in the shape of a handgun. Imagine the hilarity that would ensue should you slip it inside the lining of a "friend's" carry-on. X-ray shows a pistol. Examination shows nothing. Rinse. Repeat. Waterboard.

Now that I think about it, I could make these with layers of aluminum foil and achieve shading by varying the numbers of layers, You could do greyscale art.

I mentioned this in another thread, but still...

If I ever wanted to hijack a plane, I would simply head on into the restroom, remove the mirror from its frame, prop it up against the toilet and step on it, reducing it to a couple of nice plexi-glass knife blades and then create a grip wrapping one end in strips torn from my clothes. Then proceed to take someone from cabin crew or one of the nice old ladies in one of the first rows hostage.

I don't need no bottle of water to carry out this stunt.

Watchman: They should make thin ones in the shape of a handgun. Imagine the hilarity that would ensue should you slip it inside the lining of a "friend's" carry-on. X-ray shows a pistol. Examination shows nothing. Rinse. Repeat. Waterboard.

How about a line of luggage with invisible metallic images of a gun printed on the inside of the fabric?

As 10's of thousands pass through the X-ray scanners it would total chaos.

I find it amusing- over the past year I've traveled via airplane 15 times round trip NONE of those times was my bag scrutinized the way it was when I tried to enter the Empire State Building.

Funny part is ALL of those times I have my full size Leatherman and a mini-leatherman in my carry on backpack.

So... that means that the Security staff at the Empire State Building is better than those at major airports all over the United States AND Canada.

For those unfamiliar with what a Leatherman is...

MsterScary: For those unfamiliar with what a Leatherman is...

When I was coming back from South Korea I accidentally left my Swiss Army knife in my carry on. It was buried in a tangle of usb cables and shiat but they still pulled me out after the metal detector, went straight into my bag to get the knife and made me throw it away. I miss my knife.

There's this one guy that comes through our checkpoint fairly regularly.... he's a pretty frequent flier, and he has these lead beads that are arranged in a smiley face. I've seen it several times, but still... every time I see it, I can't help but smile.

TSA. Protecting us from threats seen and unseen for seven years now.

"Now we're even for the dog biscuits."


I know, different scene, different character, but try finding a picture of the black dude in that movie.

The EFF Or the ACLU has your rights written on a metal card. Guaranteed to beep with the metal detector.

/It is not law enforcement, when you can't take the law enforcement people, to be locked up in jail, for their crimes against the people.
//And yes. The patriot act is 100% illegal.

FREAKING AWES0ME!

The one that WASN"T George Clinton.

Cornwell: I mentioned this in another thread, but still...

If I ever wanted to hijack a plane, I would simply head on into the restroom, remove the mirror from its frame, prop it up against the toilet and step on it, reducing it to a couple of nice plexi-glass knife blades and then create a grip wrapping one end in strips torn from my clothes. Then proceed to take someone from cabin crew or one of the nice old ladies in one of the first rows hostage.

I don't need no bottle of water to carry out this stunt.

You could also do this with a CD, a CD jewel case, one of the wine glasses from first class, etc.

The patriot act is 100% illegal

No, it's a 100% in force. But it is Not 100% legal.
It's 100% horseshiat.

michaeld5: TSA. Protecting us from threats seen and unseen for seven years now.

When the radical Islamofascists start sending wave after wave of elderly suicide bombers in booby trapped Hooveround scooters you'll be glad TSA was on the job.

ChuckyV: michaeld5: TSA. Protecting us from threats seen and unseen for seven years now.

When the radical Islamofascists start sending wave after wave of elderly suicide bombers in booby trapped Hooveround scooters you'll be glad TSA was on the job.

there's a word i could do without ever hearing/reading again.

but i know you were being cheeky...

FilmBELOH20: Cornwell: I mentioned this in another thread, but still...

If I ever wanted to hijack a plane, I would simply head on into the restroom, remove the mirror from its frame, prop it up against the toilet and step on it, reducing it to a couple of nice plexi-glass knife blades and then create a grip wrapping one end in strips torn from my clothes. Then proceed to take someone from cabin crew or one of the nice old ladies in one of the first rows hostage.

I don't need no bottle of water to carry out this stunt.

You could also do this with a CD, a CD jewel case, one of the wine glasses from first class, etc.

I'm not sure that you could make a weapon capable of endangering someone's life from a CD or CD case.

I'd also not be surprised if the mirrors were either made the same way as car windshields so the bits stick together when they shatter, or designed to break into uselessly small pieces.

Am I the only one who thought the metal plate would be inside someone's head?

FilmBELOH20: Cornwell: I mentioned this in another thread, but still...

If I ever wanted to hijack a plane, I would simply head on into the restroom, remove the mirror from its frame, prop it up against the toilet and step on it, reducing it to a couple of nice plexi-glass knife blades and then create a grip wrapping one end in strips torn from my clothes. Then proceed to take someone from cabin crew or one of the nice old ladies in one of the first rows hostage.

I don't need no bottle of water to carry out this stunt.

You could also do this with a CD, a CD jewel case, one of the wine glasses from first class, etc.



"you mean like a attractive and successful African-American knife?"

pjc51: FilmBELOH20: Cornwell: I mentioned this in another thread, but still...

If I ever wanted to hijack a plane, I would simply head on into the restroom, remove the mirror from its frame, prop it up against the toilet and step on it, reducing it to a couple of nice plexi-glass knife blades and then create a grip wrapping one end in strips torn from my clothes. Then proceed to take someone from cabin crew or one of the nice old ladies in one of the first rows hostage.

I don't need no bottle of water to carry out this stunt.

You could also do this with a CD, a CD jewel case, one of the wine glasses from first class, etc.

I'm not sure that you could make a weapon capable of endangering someone's life from a CD or CD case.

I'd also not be surprised if the mirrors were either made the same way as car windshields so the bits stick together when they shatter, or designed to break into uselessly small pieces.

Snap a CD in half and see what you get. You could easily stick the corner from the break through jugular.

pjc51: I'd also not be surprised if the mirrors were either made the same way as car windshields so the bits stick together when they shatter, or designed to break into uselessly small pieces.

They probably aren't but will be the second the NSA gets around to reading his thread.

There's a BBC Radio sitcom called 'Cabin Pressure' about a small, mis-managed airline. In one trip, they visit America and have to go through the baggage screening. The captain points out that confiscating his nose hair trimmer will do nothing since a) they actually have an axe on the flight deck and b) he's flying the plane. If he wants to crash it, all he has to do is push the yoke forward.

That's when he gets jumped.

Link to BBC Radio (new window)

yes but where can i get one of these plates?

I'm an x-ray tech (getting a kick out of these replies) and I had an idea to take my resume and make the letters out of metal, x-ray it, and trim the film to 8.5 x 11. Then I thought about how long that would take just to draw attention to the fact that I had little work experience.

<b><a>queezyweezel</a>:</b> <i>Last time I flew from Billings to Denver, one of my asshole coworkers slipped a cell phone with a 3x5 index card that said "Praise Allah" on it, and some wires leading into a ham. Security was not amused. I spent 4 hours in Logan airport in Billings while they lectured me about the seriousness of the terrorist threat.</i>


So what you're saying is that your bags weren't in your posession 100% of the time, and a person unknown to you slipped something in there. Was the lecture about knowing where your bag was?

I prefer these ones. This way, when you're going through the metal detector you can say something to the TSA employee like, "Oh, of course you can have my rights. Here ya go." They don't get it, but it's great fun for you and your family.

Etch this

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."

earth: The patriot act is 100% illegal

No, it's a 100% in force. But it is Not 100% legal.
It's 100% horseshiat.

I think you missed something there...

This could be a sweet addition to photoshopia.

DarthBrooks:Order it from Full.Cavity.Search.com

So in my brain turned into freecreditreport.com, which in turn dredged up the jingle... but I can't be mad at you, because:

"Full Cavity Search dot Com, (yee-ha), I shoulda seen this comin' at me like an atom bomb..."

Made me laugh out loud, and made my work-mates question my sanity.

/They'll monitor your anus and send you email alerts...

Pre 9-11, when my best friend's brother was leaving for his honeymoon, I placed an 18" dildo in his suitcase with a lead pipe shoved inside it. He had a great time at security.

Two Dogs Farking: I had to break the 1-1/4" nail file off of the Revlon nail clippers I had in my carry-on or I would've had to surrender the entire utensil. I seriously asked the guy (in German) if he was worried that I'd file somebody to death. He chuckled, but insisted it was regulations and made me break the farker.

Lucky! I had to surrender my nail clippers, cause...uh...you know...I could...uh...Clip somebodies nails or give them a nasty cuticle cut???

Cornwell: I mentioned this in another thread, but still... If I ever wanted to hijack a plane, I would simply head on into the restroom, remove the mirror from its frame, prop it up against the toilet and step on it, reducing it to a couple of nice plexi-glass knife blades and then create a grip wrapping one end in strips torn from my clothes. Then proceed to take someone from cabin crew or one of the nice old ladies in one of the first rows hostage. I don't need no bottle of water to carry out this stunt.

You would never be successful. No matter what you did or what you tried, you would be killed by the mob. Nobody is going to let anyone hijack their plane anymore in America, air marshal on board or not. People assume and will continue to assume that remaining passive during a hijacking is a death sentence for everyone unless the hijackers are killed first.

People please!
We don't need this shiat.
More people are hassled by the TSA screeners here in the US than anywhere else in the world, and you people are trying out new methods to help get us arrested?
It might be fun to think about it, but I'm not so sure that any one of you actually wants the headache that comes with it.
You actually want to sit in a locked room under armed guard for several hours?
How about them booking you and then YOU having to call an attorney?
We've already failed in the attempt to stop terrorism, and the terrorists know this.
You really want to stop this kind of stuff?
I have a simple solution.
STOP FLYING.
Everywhere.
Shut down the airports, close the International airports down.
No traffic, no people, no PROBLEM.

nrw: People assume and will continue to assume that remaining passive during a hijacking is a death sentence for everyone unless the hijackers are killed first.

That's just what "they" want you to think.

/ What do you mean "you people!?"

Treetop1000: I have a simple solution.
STOP FLYING.
Everywhere.
Shut down the airports, close the International airports down.
No traffic, no people, no PROBLEM.

Brilliant...Tell me how to get from San Fransisco to New York in less than 8 hours without flying again...

Boot20

What do YOU mean, "you people?"

Whatthefark: Etch this

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."

Private company?

Private?

/trolling, but no one will care about this line