FTFA: More boozers are also opting to replace old-fashioned signs with more modern artwork such as The Victoria in St Werburghs, Bristol, which swapped its image of Queen Victoria with Spice Girl Victoria Beckham, 34, in 2002.

More solid evidence that the decline British culture is directly traceable to the Spice Girls.

/This pub thing is kind of sad, though
//I blame the smoking ban

TFA disturbs me - corporate pubs? Have we in the States taught you nothing by our mistakes?

I'm surprised this isn't the Daily Mail.

Sounds like a marketing opportunity to me.

British pubs are quickly getting corporatised. I worked at one in college (actually on a break from college) in Barnet, north London, and it was owned by Bass. The company crams so much gaudy advertising in their pubs that you can't even see the walls sometimes. They force all their pubs to carry the same beers, the same crap alcopops, the same liquor.

Then they have surprise inspections as well as mystery shoppers. The mystery shoppers were the worst, as they'd rate you on your friendliness above anything else, and if your pub gets too many low ratings the pub owner doesn't get a fat bonus check from corporate. Not only do they not get a bonus check, the physical description of the offending barkeep was included in the rating. The owner of my pub told us that if you were the one with the bad rating, you were instantly sacked.

The worst part is that you work for minimum wage, and nobody tips. It was like working at McDonalds, only you had to deal with drunk assholes all day and had to serve it up with a smile in case they were a mystery shopper. Since these pubs have very little character or class, they only attract chavs and other assorted scumbags. We had to hire Russian security guys on the weekends.

/rant off

Don't worry Britain, they can never take away your yellow teeth, crappy weather, third-rate athletes, or the stiff upper lip that thinly veils your sniveling malaise.

Danielsan: The worst part is that you work for minimum wage, and nobody tips. It was like working at McDonalds, only you had to deal with drunk assholes all day and had to serve it up with a smile in case they were a mystery shopper. Since these pubs have very little character or class, they only attract chavs and other assorted scumbags. We had to hire Russian security guys on the weekends.

how many peices of flair did you wear? the minimum of 15 or more?

FTFA:
"The inn sign is classless and central to British culture."

Feltonl, lol

Danielsan: The worst part is that you work for minimum wage, and nobody tips. It was like working at McDonalds, only you had to deal with drunk assholes all day and had to serve it up with a smile in case they were a mystery shopper. Since these pubs have very little character or class, they only attract chavs and other assorted scumbags. We had to hire Russian security guys on the weekends.

-Outside of a few smaller pubs, I found the service in British establishments to be generally terrible. The service staff never seemed a give a damn about much of anything, beyond possibly hitting on some of the female customers.

Danielsan:....
The worst part is that you work for minimum wage, and nobody tips. It was like working at McDonalds, only you had to deal with drunk assholes all day and had to serve it up with a smile in case they were a mystery shopper. Since these pubs have very little character or class, they only attract chavs and other assorted scumbags. We had to hire Russian security guys on the weekends.

/rant off

On the flip side, when you're a drunk American used to tipping a buck or two per drink, and especially when you're no longer quite sure exactly what all those coins mean, you can get pretty good service fairly quickly...

2 Daily Star articles in a row? I mean, fark has sunk to some pretty depressing depths in the past, but this is probably the darkest moment in fark history.

JesterGirl: Ye Olde Fighting Cocks

You bring up a valid point. Words are made more olde tymey by adding E to the end and whatnot, right? How does this work with the word "pub?"

what are morris men and what are gay vicars ?

Morris Men dance on top of very small cars.

Gay vicars are, uh, vicars that are gay.

wtf is a vicar?

too lazy to google.

Sir Charles: wtf is a vicar?

too lazy to google.

British Anglican Priest i believe

Bagelox-99: Morris Men dance on top of very small cars.

Gay vicars are, uh, vicars that are gay.

And they all dance to THIS. (new window)

/oh ee oh ee oh!

ThatGuyOverThere: JesterGirl: Ye Olde Fighting Cocks

You bring up a valid point. Words are made more olde tymey by adding E to the end and whatnot, right? How does this work with the word "pub?"



/why ask questions to which you already know the answer?

Moonk: Sir Charles: wtf is a vicar?

too lazy to google.

British Anglican Priest i believe

Yup. And it's what we Missouri Synod Lutherans refer to seminarians who serve their internship in a parish.

/they do not wear tutus, either (new window)

MadTheologian: Moonk: Sir Charles: wtf is a vicar?

too lazy to google.

British Anglican Priest i believe

Yup. And it's what we Missouri Synod Lutherans refer to seminarians who serve their internship in a parish.

/they do not wear tutus, either (new window)

But ya CAN tell if he is Anglican or Catholic by the tatoo right? Oh right, thats Bishops.

Traditional British pub signs die out. Millions fear Morris Men and gay vicars may be next

Yes, if Bhangra Man has anything to say about it!

Link (new window)

Danielsan: The worst part is that you work for minimum wage, and nobody tips.

I never knew that. I always tipped when I was in the UK (England and then wales) and got really really over-appreciative responses.

Persepolis: Danielsan: The worst part is that you work for minimum wage, and nobody tips.

I never knew that. I always tipped when I was in the UK (England and then wales) and got really really over-appreciative responses.

I tipped once at a corporate pub in Folkestone and the tip was pushed back at me with a grunt. That made me feel good. I *like* coarse service. Beats the hell out of the plastic-smiley retards behind every counter in the US.

CitizenTed: I tipped once at a corporate pub in Folkestone and the tip was pushed back at me with a grunt

In England, most took it with no issues, just really grateful. The one in Wales was funny. The bartender was like, "What's this for, then? You still haven't finished the one you've got!"

I explain that its a tip. She just looked at me really weird like a just put a guitar pick or something random on the bar, shrugs her shoulders and takes it.

CitizenTed: Persepolis: Danielsan: The worst part is that you work for minimum wage, and nobody tips.

I never knew that. I always tipped when I was in the UK (England and then wales) and got really really over-appreciative responses.

I tipped once at a corporate pub in Folkestone and the tip was pushed back at me with a grunt. That made me feel good. I *like* coarse service. Beats the hell out of the plastic-smiley retards behind every counter in the US.

"And one for yourself." I've never had that turned down.

disagree

Persepolis: Danielsan: The worst part is that you work for minimum wage, and nobody tips.

I never knew that. I always tipped when I was in the UK (England and then wales) and got really really over-appreciative responses.

Some pubs don't even allow their barkeeps to take tips.

Many pubs have free living quarters upstairs, so that's the trade off for some folks. Free room for crap wages.

The Morris dance is common to all inhabited worlds in the multiverse.

It is danced under blue skies to celebrate the quickening of the soil and under bare stars because it's springtime and with any luck the carbon dioxide will unfreeze again. The imperative is felt by deep-sea beings who have never seen the sun and urban humans whose only connection with the cycles of nature is that their Volvo once ran over a sheep.

It is danced innocently by raggedy-bearded young mathematicians to an inexpert accordion rendering of "Mrs Widgery's Lodger" and ruthlessly by such as the Ninja Morris Men of New Ankh, who can do strange and terrible things with a simple handkerchief and a bell.

And it is never danced properly.

Except on the Discworld, which is flat and supported on the backs of four elephants which travel through space on the shell of Great A'Tuin, the world turtle.

And even there, only in one place have they got it right. It's a small village high in the Ramtop Mountains, where the big and simple secret is handed down across the generations.

There, the men dance on the first day of spring, backwards and forwards, bells tied under their knees, white shirts flapping. People come and watch. There's an ox roast afterwards, and it's generally considered a nice day out for all the family.

But that isn't the secret.

The secret is the other dance.

And that won't happen for a while yet.

If I owned a bar, you can be sure it would have some odd name derived from a funny but true story. The pub tradition of the locally derived name and unique sign is a marketing strategy that works. Hell it's been done for centuries, there must be a reason for it, other than being quaint. Unique name and sign, so it's easy to remember and identify to your friends.

All you gotta say is: "Yeah, it's the bar with the cow's arse on the side of the building." and you know they'll find it.

(I heard some pub in Scotland has a cow's bum on the side of the building)

The corporate morons that don't understand that will find their chains floundering, and wondering why new local private outfits, or small time corporate chain players starting back with the old traditions, and stealing their customers.

This is a symptom of the reign of the MBA degree holders. They think they know everything, but have no real world experience, and so they fark up in big ways like this because they have no concept of real business.

The MBA is tantamount to a certificate of stupidity in my experience, and companies should hire them with skepticism.

This is a symptom of the reign of the MBA degree holders. They think they know everything, but have no real world experience, and so they fark up in big ways like this because they have no concept of real business.

The MBA is tantamount to a certificate of stupidity in my experience, and companies should hire them with skepticism.

Well, okay. But do you a) have a degree better than an MBA? b) have better experience? c) own a company or bar? I am going to go ahead and guess "no" on all three.

Mind you, I think MBA graduates are a bunch of self-inflated parroting idiots destined for middle-management. But I also think they are a bit smarter and have a little bit wider experience than the communications majors and marketing majors that most universities are churning out, not to mention the kids coming out of the University of Phoenix (or other paper mills).

Having said all that-- I would ask for some supporting documentation on your conjecture that the age of the chain-pub will eventually die and things will return to the local flavor. Frankly, I see all macroeconomic signs pointed in the other direction for the UK:
1. Society has become more transient there-- as the working class continues to decline (has ever since 1977), labor is untied to the land and untied to factories-- people work in offices which are moved around, or concentrated in an urban environment. People don't stay in the same place
2. UK population has seen its 3rd great wave of immigration over the last 5 years: Eastern Europeans, proceeded by South Asians in the 80s and Caribbeans in the 60s before that. Immigrants don't give a shiat about the 400 year old story behind the Goose on the sign outside. Quite the opposite-- they go for a recognised symbol.
3. The MBAs may be jerk-offs, but of 10 MBA jerk-offs, there is usually one smart one amongst them, and he/she will get promoted. The insidious nature of a corporation is that it only takes one good idea, and the entire corporation can benefit (if the number of bad ideas can be kept under control so they don't cancel out). As such, the entire corporate chain can benefit, while if that same genius were in a local pub, her idea wouldn't spread very far.
4. Economies of scale: similar to point #3, a chain of pubs can pool their marketing, spread out losses, and spread out core fixed costs (payroll, operations, finance, etc.), so the margin should be slightly better. Moreover, a large chain would have a better negotiating position with the vendors (Guinness, Teasdale, etc), further widening their margins.

Of course, you'd know all this if you had an MBA, and paid attention in class.

/not an MBA
//wants to return to the UK
///misses the local pub in Surrey

Ikahoshi: (I heard some pub in Scotland has a cow's bum on the side of the building)

Makes me think of this:

Aw man. I still want to see a pub sign with a rooster and a pair of croquet balls on it.

Blue Summer Union: Don't worry Britain, they can never take away your yellow teeth, crappy weather, third-rate athletes, or the stiff upper lip that thinly veils your sniveling malaise.

Snivelling mayonaise ?
Damn straight they wont take it. That's our mayonaise damnit.

Two controversial pub signs near me:

"The Turk's Head" - said to date back to the crusades.

"The George and Dragon" - where George is a bloke in a flat cap, and the Dragon is his wife in a headscarf brandishing a rolling pin.

permaculture: Heh, I've got a Turks Head near me, and I've never thought about it like that til you just mentioned it.
Now I think about it the sign is one of those Moorish hat/turban type things that Morgan Freeman wore in Robin Hood.
We've got a Cock Inn too, and they had topless barmaids at one point.
My favorite pub in the whole world is probably The Black Boy in Winchester. Not terribly PC but a heck of an old boozer.