Heh, that poor schmuck didn't even know what hit him.

Hilarious!

I actually had a similar reaction when I heard that this schmo was gonna be *at* the RNC. I can just imagine the look on his face when he heard about Palin being picked--and then heard the public announcement about Bristol-Myers (or whatever the hell her name is) being preggers.

You just know the guy was like, "Holy shiat--I just wanted to get laid, and now I gotta get married at the friggin' White House with a billion people watching???"

I'm no fan of Obama/Biden, but the more I found out about Palin the more stunned I am that McCain actually chose her. I can only think he must have done it out of spite since he couldn't have Joe Lieberman.

This is why I always stick to knocking up drifters, runaways, porn stars, and other women with no personal bonds.

I hope she had the best vag ever, dude. I'm betting she didn't.

O cool. I need a new pair of jeans.

I hope they match my bar towel.

BlueDjinn: Bristol-Myers (or whatever the hell her name is)

And you know, "Squibb" would be a perfect name for the baby. Track, Trig, Squibb.

Churchill2004--

I'm an Obama guy, so this is obviously biased, but think about it this way:

Four Presidents have been assassinated while in office; another four have died of natural causes during their term. Add in Ford taking command when Nixon resigned and that's 9 VP's out of 43 who have been called upon to take over the Presidency on short notice.

9 out of 43. Historically, there's a 21% chance of either Biden or Palin becoming President of the United States on *zero* notice sometime in the next 4-8 years (depending on a 2012, of course).

In addition, both John McCain and Barack Obama face higher-than-average odds of dying while in office: McCain due to his advanced age and horrible health; Obama due to the increased risk of neo-Nazi nutcases. It's horrible to say, but my guess is that the odds in this situation are more like 25%.

Both McCain and Obama know the risks. One of the most important decisions that a President can make--and the first really important one for them as a nominee--is who their VP will be.

You said you aren't a Biden fan, but regardless of his positions, I'm sure you'd agree that he'd be prepared to step in on short notice in the middle of a national crisis if something happened to Obama, yes?

Assuming you agree on that, then think about the type of judgment that Barack Obama had in his first Really Important Decision.

Then think about the judgment that McCain had with the same decision, knowing how high the stakes and how risky the odds are for him.

I'm sure they're paying him a shiat-ton of money to marry her and STFU. I don't feel sorry for him at all.

BlueDjinn: One of the most important decisions that a President can make--and the first really important one for them as a nominee--is who their VP will be ... think about the type of judgment that Barack Obama had in his first Really Important Decision. Then think about the judgment that McCain had with the same decision

Excellent point. It really shows reckless self-interest on McCain's part, and forward-thinking deliberation from Obama. I know which I prefer in a President.

bobbette: I'm sure they're paying him a shiat-ton of money to marry her and STFU. I don't feel sorry for him at all.

Why should they pay him a dime? With the Chenylike tendencies, I wouldn't be surprised if Sarah and/or Best Dude sat him down for a nice, quiet, quick conversation and said, "Listen: We have the Secret Service now. When we disappear people, they'll stay disappeared."

Dallymo: BlueDjinn: Bristol-Myers (or whatever the hell her name is)

And you know, "Squibb" would be a perfect name for the baby. Track, Trig, Squibb.

How about naming the baby Strauss.

BlueDjinn: In addition, both John McCain and Barack Obama face higher-than-average odds of dying while in office: McCain due to his advanced age and horrible health; Obama due to the increased risk of neo-Nazi nutcases. It's horrible to say, but my guess is that the odds in this situation are more like 25%.

I can grant McCain's health, but I think the racist assassin risk to Obama is overblown. Modern Presidents all have their nuts trying to kill them, and there's not nearly enough to date to draw any firm conclusion on just how big the risk it is, much less how it varies from President to President.

BlueDjinn: Both McCain and Obama know the risks. One of the most important decisions that a President can make--and the first really important one for them as a nominee--is who their VP will be.

You said you aren't a Biden fan, but regardless of his positions, I'm sure you'd agree that he'd be prepared to step in on short notice in the middle of a national crisis if something happened to Obama, yes?

Assuming you agree on that, then think about the type of judgment that Barack Obama had in his first Really Important Decision

I don't base my political decisions based on scenarios from 24. The possibility that the VP candidates, or the Presidential candidates for that matter, would suddenly be making crisis decisions is much less important to me than the actual policies they're going to push and/or implement. And on that score I think both McCain and Obama are positively horrible.

This whole ridiculous level of expectation from President stems directly from the perverse idea, embraced by both Obama and McCain, that the President is not a mere constitutional officer but a bizzare combination of National Pastor, Santa Claus, CEO of the Economy, and Supreme Warlord of the Earth. In this context where the powers being entrusted are so widespread, over pretty much all aspects of human society, it becomes impossible for people to make informed, rational decisions about the candidates. So instead we get abstract sound-bite debates about personality traits like "good decision maker", "good leader", "honest", that can't honestly be evaluated by any one who doesn't have close personal contact with the candidates on a regular basis and which have little to no bearing on the important questions of policy.

I wonder how long it took for that kid to be informed of his impending marriage.

See? This is why I'm writing in Fred Thompson

Churchill2004: I'm no fan of Obama/Biden, but the more I found out about Palin the more stunned I am that McCain actually chose her. I can only think he must have done it out of spite since he couldn't have Joe Lieberman.

Someone posted a link to polls in another thread regarding Congressmen/women, that showed all around significant leads for the (D)'s there.

I have come to the conclusion that the one and only reason Palin was picked was so the base comes out to vote for these Congressional/Senate seats (because they will pull a straight (R) ticket) and therefore stem the tide of losses for the GOP in local, state and the national election.

I don't think the GOP believes they had a snowballs chance in hell to win the WH for 2008, but getting those voters out will help them to retain some seats in the Houses of Congress.

It really is the only logical conclusion for picking Palin, as the GOP base hates McCain.

I'm putting my money on the kid being named "Walker".

You got your George W., you got your Chuck Norris. It's inevitable.

moar funny pictures

/if they dont, i'll set a monk on fire
//not really

Churchill2004: This whole ridiculous level of expectation from President stems directly from the perverse idea, embraced by both Obama and McCain, that the President is not a mere constitutional officer but a bizzare combination of National Pastor, Santa Claus, CEO of the Economy, and Supreme Warlord of the Earth.

I think I'm gonna need a bigger business card.

Names?:
Sasquatch
BigFoot Johnson
Torpedo Johnson

Steely Dan Johnson

Spliff Johnson
Hi-Stick Johnson
Bouncer
Bruiser
BamBam
Pemican
BeefJerky Johnson
HardTack Johnson
Palin Compareto Johnson
Whatever Johnson

Skoal Johnson

DrD'isInfotainment: Names?:
Sasquatch
BigFoot Johnson
Torpedo Johnson

Steely Dan Johnson

Spliff Johnson
Hi-Stick Johnson
Bouncer
Bruiser
BamBam
Pemican
BeefJerky Johnson
HardTack Johnson
Palin Compareto Johnson
Whatever Johnson

Tack Hardbody!
Thick McRunfast!
Bob Johnson! Wait...

White privilege is when you can call yourself a "farkin' redneck," like Bristol Palin's boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you'll "kick their farkin' ass," and talk about how you like to "shoot shiat" for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug. (new window)

Not new, but bears repeating.

You just know after this election, he is outta there.

He must be getting some money to go through with this.

Oh Shiat! I forgot
Girls names!:
CariBou Johnson
MethAnn Phedamina Johnson
Cokie Johnson
Crackie Johnson
Oxicond Ann Johnson
Princess WilliamSoundia Johnson
Exxon Valdezia Johnson
PipeLinea Johnson
HockeyPuck Johnson

I kow, the last one doesn't sound like a girls name...but it's freakin Alaska!

Churchill2004: This whole ridiculous level of expectation from President stems directly from the perverse idea, embraced by both Obama and McCain, that the President is not a mere constitutional officer but a bizzare combination of National Pastor, Santa Claus, CEO of the Economy, and Supreme Warlord of the Earth.

Granted, the president doesn't have all those powers, but when you consider the power of those he appoints, he wields a lot more power than just a "constitutional officer".

The possibility that the VP candidates, or the Presidential candidates for that matter, would suddenly be making crisis decisions is much less important to me than the actual policies they're going to push and/or implement.

Consider the crises that some of Bush's appointees have had to deal with: 9/11, Katrina, this week's stock market meltdown. Can you imagine the chaos if Bush had appointed someone with "heckofajob Brownie"'s qualifications to run the Fed or Treasury? So Palin and Biden are McCain's and Obama's first cabinet-level appointments. They give us some idea of what their cabinets might look like. Given that, who would you rather have picking the next Treasury secretary (given that Paulson is stepping down next year)?

Churchill2004: I'm no fan of Obama/Biden, but the more I found out about Palin the more stunned I am that McCain actually chose her. I can only think he must have done it out of spite since he couldn't have Joe Lieberman.

Snark aside, I think she was forced upon him. He's terribly dependent on the cash coming from the party and they clearly hold alot of sway over his campaign. He has to be pissed about not getting to choose Lieberman, but even worse must be having Palin forced on him. I volunteered a great deal for McCain in 2000 and I just can't see that 2k version of McCain EVER signing up with someone like Palin.

One thing that stands out to me is how by many accounts McCain has a personal dislike for Obama, specifically his popularity and the fact McCain doesn't think he's earned it. How must it chap his ass that this gal gets chosen for him and is now upstaging him at every event. I can't imagine what's going through his mind as he watches people walk out of his events after she's done speaking and while he's in the middle of his speech.

Video (new window) NSFW Language

Churchill2004: I'm no fan of Obama/Biden, but the more I found out about Palin the more stunned I am that McCain actually chose her. I can only think he must have done it out of spite since he couldn't have Joe Lieberman.

the scuttlebutt is that mccain wanted lieberman, and the party basically said, "no farking way," so they came up with palin at the last second (her acceptance speech was written for a man and had to be changed, for example). she was chosen as a hail mary - she wasn't vetted, and mccain had only even met her once - but this hail mary looks like it'll be intercepted.

the palin pick shows two things: mccain is weak and can be manipulated by his party bosses, and that he shows incredibly poor judgement - a sort of, "fark it; let's go for it" mentality (this is the same reason the WSJ ripped him a new one on his economic policies of late).

Johnson Johnson!

The Dreaded Rear Admiral: DrD'isInfotainment: Names?:
Sasquatch
BigFoot Johnson
Torpedo Johnson

Steely Dan Johnson

Spliff Johnson
Hi-Stick Johnson
Bouncer
Bruiser
BamBam
Pemican
BeefJerky Johnson
HardTack Johnson
Palin Compareto Johnson
Whatever Johnson

Tack Hardbody!
Thick McRunfast!
Bob Johnson! Wait...

Biff Hardcheese!

bullied into a wedding so that his future mother-in-law wouldn't look like a hypocrite.

And yet, Fark Independents still can't admit that this shiat is completely insane

groupthink

howard johnson is right!

Aw, c'mon. Doesn't anyone put country first any longer? I realize McCain didn't in picking Sarah Palin, but surely Levi should put all his stoner plans aside cuz it will his fetus' grandmother all successful and stuff.

bobbette: I'm sure they're paying him a shiat-ton of money to marry her and STFU. I don't feel sorry for him at all.

They'll only get married if Palin / McCain win, and even then, I'm betting it's going to be a really long engagement.

FlashHarry: Churchill2004: I'm no fan of Obama/Biden, but the more I found out about Palin the more stunned I am that McCain actually chose her. I can only think he must have done it out of spite since he couldn't have Joe Lieberman.

the scuttlebutt is that mccain wanted lieberman, and the party basically said, "no farking way," so they came up with palin at the last second (her acceptance speech was written for a man and had to be changed, for example). she was chosen as a hail mary - she wasn't vetted, and mccain had only even met her once - but this hail mary looks like it'll be intercepted.

the palin pick shows two things: mccain is weak and can be manipulated by his party bosses, and that he shows incredibly poor judgement - a sort of, "fark it; let's go for it" mentality (this is the same reason the WSJ ripped him a new one on his economic policies of late).

I'm getting more and more convinced that the Palin pick - McCain's whole campaign, in fact - was designed to throw the election and let the Dems attempt to straighten out the unfixible bleak days ahead and 2012 is going to make 2008 look like a cakewalk.

Sarah Palin is being vetted now - to the American Public. She'll run again in 2012 and all the idiots who forgot that Republicans got us into this mess will vote for her and blame Obama.

KwameKilstrawberry: FlashHarry: Churchill2004: I'm no fan of Obama/Biden, but the more I found out about Palin the more stunned I am that McCain actually chose her. I can only think he must have done it out of spite since he couldn't have Joe Lieberman.

the scuttlebutt is that mccain wanted lieberman, and the party basically said, "no farking way," so they came up with palin at the last second (her acceptance speech was written for a man and had to be changed, for example). she was chosen as a hail mary - she wasn't vetted, and mccain had only even met her once - but this hail mary looks like it'll be intercepted.

the palin pick shows two things: mccain is weak and can be manipulated by his party bosses, and that he shows incredibly poor judgement - a sort of, "fark it; let's go for it" mentality (this is the same reason the WSJ ripped him a new one on his economic policies of late).

I'm getting more and more convinced that the Palin pick - McCain's whole campaign, in fact - was designed to throw the election and let the Dems attempt to straighten out the unfixible bleak days ahead and 2012 is going to make 2008 look like a cakewalk.

Sarah Palin is being vetted now - to the American Public. She'll run again in 2012 and all the idiots who forgot that Republicans got us into this mess will vote for her and blame Obama.


Well yeah, thats the cycle lately. Get in office, fark the crap out of everything, get a Dem in who fixes everything, then wash rinse repeat.

KwameKilstrawberry:
I'm getting more and more convinced that the Palin pick - McCain's whole campaign, in fact - was designed to throw the election and let the Dems attempt to straighten out the unfixible bleak days ahead and 2012 is going to make 2008 look like a cakewalk.

Sarah Palin is being vetted now - to the American Public. She'll run again in 2012 and all the idiots who forgot that Republicans got us into this mess will vote for her and blame Obama.

sadly, you may be right.

but there's a danger in that plan - what if obama's elected and actually does a good job?

FlashHarry: KwameKilstrawberry:
I'm getting more and more convinced that the Palin pick - McCain's whole campaign, in fact - was designed to throw the election and let the Dems attempt to straighten out the unfixible bleak days ahead and 2012 is going to make 2008 look like a cakewalk.

Sarah Palin is being vetted now - to the American Public. She'll run again in 2012 and all the idiots who forgot that Republicans got us into this mess will vote for her and blame Obama.

sadly, you may be right.

but there's a danger in that plan - what if obama's elected and actually does a good job?

Well, that's when he gets impeached for having ties to domestic turrists and preachers, of course.

FlashHarry:
but there's a danger in that plan - what if obama's elected and actually does a good job?

Except that's just the thing--Bush has farked things up SO badly that Obama could literally BE the Messiah that the GOP seems to think that we think he is (which we don't), with all of God's powers, and it'll *still* take a good 5-10 years to clean up his messes.

In other words, no matter how brilliantly Obama & Co. performs, things will just be starting to turn around right around 2012.

I remember watching some McCain advisor saying on CNN something to the effect 'they'll get married, and he'll get a good paying job. There's no issue here.' Well, except that this seems so staged. 'He'll get a good paying job?' So he doesn't even have a job yet? Is he even out of high school? What about college?

Name the kid Pubert Johnson.

/SNAP! SNAP!

chipspastic:

Best part of that article: White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God's punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you're just a good church-going Christian, but if you're black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you're an extremist who probably hates America.

They WILL bring out Rev. Wright again, maybe two weeks before the election. Heavy rotation of an "angry" black preacher saying "God DAMN America!" with Obama's picture next to it. Corporate ownership of the media doesn't want a liberal in the white house.

moralpanic: I remember watching some McCain advisor saying on CNN something to the effect 'they'll get married, and he'll get a good paying job. There's no issue here.' Well, except that this seems so staged. 'He'll get a good paying job?' So he doesn't even have a job yet? Is he even out of high school? What about college?

I read your comment, and immediately, this song started playing in my head:

With apologies to The Boss:


I come from down in the valley
where mister when you're young
They bring you up to do it like your daddy done
Me and Bristol we met in high school
when she was just seventeen
We'd ride out of this valley down to where the fields were green

We'd go down to the river
And into the river we'd dive
Oh down to the river we'd ride

Then I got Bristol pregnant
and man that was all she wrote
And for my nineteenth birthday I got a voting card and a wedding coat
We went down to the convention
and McCain put it all to rest
No more Matanuska Thunderfark no more Magnums .500
No more moose to field dress

That night we went down to the river
And into the river we'd dive
Oh down to the river we did ride

I got a job working as a page for the United States Congress
But lately I've grown tired of old white men grabbing for my ass
Now all them things that seemed so important
Well mister they vanished right into the air
Now I just act like I don't remember
Bristol acts like she don't care

But I remember when I was the Wasilla High hockey star
And nailed cheerleaders at the reservoir
At night on them banks we'd fark like bunnies
And do other shiat that would shock the fundies
I cut my hair, and cleaned up real nice
Now I'm a poster boy for family values
For the abstinence-only, anti-choice
Religious neo-con right
It sends me down to the river
though I know the river is dry
It sends me down to the river tonight
Down to the river
my childhood and I

bobbette: I'm sure they're paying him a shiat-ton of money to marry her and STFU. I don't feel sorry for him at all.

He's going to get a cushy administration job somewhere in the department of fish and wildlife with a corner office and a government-paid pickup truck where all he'll have to do is show up a couple times a month. Or maybe he'll get assigned as a cultural atache to the ambassador to Kenya or something. Either way, he's set for life.

FREE BILL AND HILLARY more realistic.

Farker Johnson

no wait!

Fark Johnson

Republicans are doing a good job on keeping Levi out of sight. I was really hoping to see more of him. He's my odds-on favorite for dropping the N bomb on live television.

totally tame (Fark contains pussies)