strangeguitar ....a mere 15 seconds!

johnny_vegas: strangeguitar ....a mere 15 seconds!

At least we chose different pics.
/Cheers!

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a bourbon. The bartender says "I'm sorry we don't serve food here".

ba dump bump.

.submitter: Revealed: Britain's worst joke. (It's not Glasgow)

That's a stabbing!

Glasgowsfinest: .submitter: Revealed: Britain's worst joke. (It's not Glasgow)

That's a stabbing!

I was born there. I can say about it what I want.

/ subby
// say hello to Arundel Drive next time you're near there

Doctor: Hi there, how can I help you today? Patient: I think I'm a moth. Doctor: You don't need to see a doctor, you need to see a psychiatrist! Patient: I know, but I was passing and your light was on.

That one's pretty witty.

SANDY, SUFFOLK
Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A Carrot.

Awesome.

Tonto and the Lone ranger were tracking down some bad guys....

Lone Ranger: "Tonto do you hear that? What is that?"

Tonto gets down off his horse and puts his ear to the ground.

Tonto: "Hm, buffalo come"

Lone Ranger: "You Indians are incredible, how can you tell that?"

Tonto gets up, wipes his face and says "Hm..sticky face"

A baby seal walks into a club.

Oh wow. That was a bad joke. I usually laugh my ass off at puns, but that one just made me groan.

Did they mention the war?

I don't get it.

I summon "Two Dogs Farking".

/Why do you ask?

A priest, rabbi, cowboy and indian walk into a bar.
The bartender says "What, is this some kind of joke?"

/rimshot

Britain's WORST joke

What's brown, and sounds like a bell?

DUNG!

What do you call a black guy who flies planes?

A pilot, you f*cking racist.

strangeguitar [TotalFark] Quote 2008-09-13 07:33:04 PM

Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.

Where do generals put their armies?

...

In their sleevies!

If they really wanted bad jokes, they could have read through the LHC-joke thread.

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. 'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.'

So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the
party run to the pool to see what has happened.

In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.

The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, 'I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?' the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the microphone and says, 'Why don't we start with the name of the bastard that pushed me in!'

FTFA: Q: How do archeologists tell the sex of the skeletons they dig up?
A: All the women have their mouths open.

I liked that one.

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

Up his sleevies.

...


Did you know Lincoln invented the vest?

He abolished sleevery.

He used the 2nd Amendment, the right to bare arms.

What's brown and hides in the attic?
The Diarrhea Of Anne Frank

One time I was on my way home from work. It was a really long day--I work outside and it happened to be the hottest day of the year. The stress of the day coupled with the traffic of rush hour, I was definitely ready to be home. However, once I got off the highway about 20 minutes from my house, I get stuck behind this old woman. She's driving about 15 MPH in a 40, and I am getting furious. I soon notice that I'm almost out of gas so about 5 minutes from my house I pull into this gas station.

Well what do you know? She pulls into the same gas station. I'm trying to hurry and fill my car up, but I happen to notice that the old lady is having a lot of trouble with the pump, she's getting gas everywhere. It's on her arm, dress, side of the car...everywhere. I finish, but I guess she gave up at the pump and she ended up in front of me again as we were leaving. Just as I'm about to pull into my neighborhood, I see her roll down her window to light a cigarette and I'm screaming at her, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!" and all of a sudden her arm lights up...She's waving it frantically and she pulls over. All of a sudden a cop pulls up behind her and instead of helping, he writes her a ticket!! For possession of an illegal firearm.

Q: What do you do if you see a spaceman?
A: Park in it, man.

Too good.

Zwei peanuts were walking down der Strauss, und one was assaulted...

...peanut.

These are all Fark headline quality.

+1

Soup, a collie, fridge, elastic, expo, halitosis.

Johnny Mash: Soup, a collie, fridge, elastic, expo, halitosis.




/hell yes it's hotlinked

Does this bus go to Duluth?
No. It goes beep beep.

JesterGirl: Britain's WORST joke



/I keed

Laughing at all of these painfully reminds me of why I'm beating the ladies off with sticks.

12.fl.oz...i lolz.

what pants do ghosts wear?
B00! jeans..

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

/got less than nothing.

cabritosaurio: Laughing at all of these painfully reminds me of why I'm beating the ladies off with sticks.


pls, do not alter this statement, I know what's wrong with it.

Two democrats were digging a ditch. One turns to the other and says "Why are we digging a ditch in the hot sun when that Republican is up there sitting in the shade of a tree just relaxing?" The second one says "I don't know but I'm going to find out." and he gets out of the ditch and heads up to the talk to the Republican.

He asks the Republican "Why are we down there working hard in the hot sun while you're up here sitting in the shade?"
The Republican replied "It's because you're stupid."
"What do you mean we're stupid?" asked the democrat.
"Let me demonstrate" replied the Republican. With that he stands up and holds his hand up against the tree and says "Hit my hand as hard as you can."
The democrat seeing an opportunity to exact revenge rears back and swings as hard as he can at the Republicans hand. The Republican, expecting this outcome, yanks his hand out of the way at the last second causing the democrat to bloody his knuckles on the bark.

The second democrat, sucking on his hand, heads back to the ditch, picks up his shovel and begins digging again. After a couple of minutes of work the first democrat can't take it any more and demands "What did he say?"
The second democrat replies "Well, he says it's because we're stupid."
"What do you mean we're stupid?" asked the first democrat.
The second democrat says "Let me demonstrate" and holds his hand up to his face.

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsshh

...in Africa.
...and 5,999,999 in the ash tray.
...one if you hit him right
...chunk
...a good start

YorkshireFark: Q: What do you do if you see a spaceman?
A: Park in it, man.

Too good.

I came here to say that, and also, in the 2nd page:

How many ears has Dr. Spock got? Three. A left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear.

I LOL'd!

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heard of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't never seed nobody do it!'

Johnny Mash: Soup, a collie, fridge, elastic, expo, halitosis.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back to you?

A: A stick

A fish walks into a bar, bartender says what'll ya have? Fish says waaaaaaater

Dental care?

/Why exactly isn't voting enabled? This thread is full of win!