i could make a a "parting the red sea" joke here, but i'll behave.

Hey baby, wanna get nailed?

Christians let people learn things?

If you Cain, I'm Able.

Hey baby, I promise this bush isn't burning.
Don't worry girl, my dick's like Jesus; he'll rise again.

I'm sure I can think of worse.

Silly Christians, why don't you just rape the woman and pay the fine? Seems pretty simple to me.

That sounded over the top doesn't it? Oh well, you'll live.

ninjakirby: Silly Christians, why don't you just rape the woman and pay the fine? Seems pretty simple to me.

Well he'd then have to marry her with no chance of divorce. Deuteronomy is farked up... not as bad as Exodus but not even in the same league as Genesis. They're great reads with a skeptical mind.

If I stick it in your ass, you're still a virgin.

I'd like to be your original sin.

I'm disease free. Whenever I hook up I wear a raincoat of many colors.

I'll be Sodom if you'll be Gomorrah.

I can't bring about the rapture, but I can sure take you to heaven naked.

Is that Jesus in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

So, what's a fundamentalist Christian nutjob like you doing in a place like this? [lighten up, Francis...I'm just kidding]

Doesn't anyone realize that "You float my ark" = "You will make it rain for forty days and forty nights?"

oldebayer: Doesn't anyone realize that "You float my ark" = "You will make it rain for forty days and forty nights?"

It also means "I'd hit it, Like the fist of an angry god!"

Tr0mBoNe: ninjakirby: Silly Christians, why don't you just rape the woman and pay the fine? Seems pretty simple to me.

Well he'd then have to marry her with no chance of divorce.

But only if you are discovered. The key is keeping your raping of virgins secret.

"Hey, I hate blacks and gays, too! Lets get married!".

Sounds like intelligent dating to me.

"I hear your mom's gonna be VP. Wanna Fark?"

"You had me at 'have you accepted'..."

eqtworld: The vast majority of Christians choose to totally ignore the teachings of Jesus regarding marriage/sexual morality/divorce. Can you imagine if 80%+ of the population either would not have sex before marriage, or would repent and try not to do it again if they did?

Yeah, but then most Christians would have to act Christian, and the vast majority seem to not have much of a clue about what Jesus really taught.

"Hey baby...know how me and Jesus are alike? We're both well-hung!"

I'm going to start using those pick-up lines now.
Those are awesome.

"If you Deuteronomy, I'll Deuteronomoyou."

"You, your sister, and me,
we can make a sexy trinity!"

"I am your father,
I am your husband,
and I am your grandfather."

Let's get right to it: I measure two full cubits.

"Uhhh, baby you're not on your period are you? 'cause I ain't Moses. I don't part the red sea"

"Help me! There's a demon in my penis, a white demon. cast it out with your mouth!"

'I like to arrange the substantial Christian section of my bookshelf into alphabetical order. Coffee? wanna f*ck?"

That just might work.

Accept Jesus into your heart and you will go to heaven.

Accept me into your panties and I can take you there for three hours.

So, you pray here often?

"Murderous rage welling..."

I guess it is pretty murderous getting poop stains out of the laundry.

"There has been a sharp rise in the number of worshippers signing up to internet dating sites, but clergy are concerned that they are losing personal skills, such as flirting and reading signals."

If they took the time to read a few Studman threads on Fark, they'd realize their parishioners aren't the only ones with that problem.

Baby, you're so fine I'd throw myself to the lions!

Wow. Those lines are worse than most Christian music. How the hell can these people be so horrible at everything? Don't they have God on their side?

So... What's your sign of the next coming?

Your manger or mine?

Well to be honest growing up nearly all of my sexual exploits took place during some church event.

I waited all summer for the youth "retreat". Which was the woodstock of my summers. Its where i informed one of my weekend girlfriends....

"...you don't actually 'blow'."

Hi babe! I know where that wimple would look really good...
.
.
.
...on my bedroom floor!

"Say, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

/works every time
//window seat

As someone who is trying to get the family ready for another fun filled morning of Sunday school, I am really not supposed to be laughing right now. This is not funny, really, I have a hair in my nose. Snort, snort. Go away now, Mommy needs to get ready.

Is that a pillar of salt in your pocket, or are you just please to see me?

"Hey baby, if we go to my car we can be like the wise men and both come on one accord"

I'd like to throw my Shadrach into your burning furnace"...?

Baby, you can have my love offering whenever you want.

WWJD? Who would Jesus do? You!

Since you already took one rib from me, you want another bone to go with it?

Why don't you come over and we'll practice speaking in tongues...

"So, you're used to getting down on your knees, right?"

"I'm a heathen, but you can make me scream 'Oh, God!'"

"When I spank you, will you remeber to be a good christian and turn the other cheek?"

If you want to see something really really hillarious, go to a christian dance party. Talk about a lack of rhythm...

You're a Christian? Well I'm a lion!

Let us kneel down and pray. You first!

I'll hit it so hard whoever pulls me out will be declared the King of England!!!

"I'm not from around here, I'm from up north. But I can hammer you like Thor."

"the beams of our house are cedar, our rafters are pine"

/not mine
//it's in the Bible

"I'd Sodom-ize you. I don't have Gamorra-ea, promise!"

Woman lines (to be given to men): 1) How's your Jesus Christ been hanging? 2) Lay your Book on my chest, Feel the Word, 3) give me love, peace, and a hard c*ck! (all from Tori Amos)

I don't use pickup lines, and I'm not christian... :P