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(Some Guy) Dumbass "Sleep is the New Sex" writes author who must think marriage is something new   (momlogic.com) divider line 132
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132 Comments   (+0 »)


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UNC_Samurai [TotalFark] 2008-09-06 10:18:39 AM  
So Rohypnol is the new staple of a romantic dinner?

 
Earguy [TotalFark] 2008-09-06 10:50:44 AM  
I caught up with a friend on the phone (both our children started kindergarten this week) after making dinner and feeding everyone, then walked my 13-month-old around the block 10 times to get him to sleep and came home and sat on the couch.

I think we found the problem here.

Did our parents do this? I know mine didn't. I was put in the crib, told it was sleep time, and the door was closed. I'm sure I cried a few times, but soon enough I learned that it was sleep time.

Then my parents had sex, I'm sure.

 
damageddude [TotalFark] 2008-09-06 11:33:12 AM  
I heard this a year or two ago. I'm surprised this wasn't written by Ric Romero.

/2 young children
//sleep over sex in the evening - and that's with us in bed before 10
///set the alarm for before the children get up

 
Green Discharge 2008-09-06 11:53:24 AM  
Surely you jest that sleep is more important than SEX!

/I sleep a lot
//unfortunately
///*cries*

 
Freakpower [TotalFark] 2008-09-06 11:59:23 AM  
With roofies you can have it both ways.

 
Benevolent Misanthrope [TotalFark] 2008-09-06 12:23:51 PM  
Actually, I've always thought waking up together was far more intimate than having sex. But that's just me.

 
tonesskin [TotalFark] 2008-09-06 01:13:43 PM  
Benevolent Misanthrope: Actually, I've always thought waking up together was far more intimate than having sex. But that's just me.

I thought that said wanking, and was about to agree.

 
2_glass_eyes 2008-09-06 01:54:29 PM  
Too bad it's not the other way around, I get sleep every night. . .

 
daveydave 2008-09-06 01:54:35 PM  
FTFA: My husband refuses to take advantage of me when I'm not awake, so no sex was had.

That uncaring bastard!

 
vaconex 2008-09-06 01:54:52 PM  
Benevolent Misanthrope: Actually, I've always thought waking up together was far more intimate than having sex. But that's just me.

No. It's nice but not more intimate. Perhaps if you were able to keep one from leaving right away and not having to pay it'd be intimate.

 
I Like Bread 2008-09-06 01:55:41 PM  
The husband doesn't want to wake her up with sex? Don't be such a damn prude. What good is a marriage if you can't release your inner pervert?

 
AppleOptionEsc 2008-09-06 01:56:55 PM  
Benevolent Misanthrope: Actually, I've always thought waking up together was far more intimate than having sex. But that's just me.

If by waking up together, you mean I wake up to the the alarm, and I have to roll her out of bed, with the tv and radio on 11, then I have no clue what you're talking about.

/unless you mean the wake her up with sex
//she is a very awesome girl

 
Stickdeath 2008-09-06 01:57:14 PM  
When you are asleep, you'll never know when you get tea-bagged.

 
cksewell [TotalFark] 2008-09-06 01:59:41 PM  
While I sleep my husband has sex. He gets home about 4AM and sneaks back into bed.

 
HappyLittleTree 2008-09-06 02:00:36 PM  
cksewell: While I sleep my husband has sex. He gets home about 4AM and sneaks back into bed.

Stray pubes always give it away.

 
tomhath 2008-09-06 02:00:51 PM  
I guess my husband was sharing this painful reality with a female co-worker who has two small children

I guess her husband is looking to get some action on the side.

 
Arthur Figgis 2008-09-06 02:01:39 PM  
vaconex: No. It's nice but not more intimate. Perhaps if you were able to keep one from leaving right away and not having to pay it'd be intimate.

I don't know if "intimate" is the right word for it, but the wake-up can certainly be a viscerally uncomfortable experience.

"Morning! Wow, that sun is bright. Ah - well, I've just - is that my sock over there? Can you pass it to me? Yeah, I slept well, it was great. No, that's okay, I really don't eat breakfast very often. I know they say you should, though. It makes you... less hungry. Uh - well, I'll give you a call sometime, okay? Yeah, it was - yeah. Have fun. Bye."

 
Don't Tase Me Bro 2008-09-06 02:02:12 PM  
...then Ambien is the new Viagra!

/I have both in the medicine cabinet
//I don't really need either
///but they're both fun

 
AbbeySomeone 2008-09-06 02:02:12 PM  
I have always been a fan of morning wood.

 
bicentennialman 2008-09-06 02:04:04 PM  
Earguy: I caught up with a friend on the phone (both our children started kindergarten this week) after making dinner and feeding everyone, then walked my 13-month-old around the block 10 times to get him to sleep and came home and sat on the couch.

I think we found the problem here.

Did our parents do this? I know mine didn't. I was put in the crib, told it was sleep time, and the door was closed. I'm sure I cried a few times, but soon enough I learned that it was sleep time.

Then my parents had sex, I'm sure.


My parents didn't do that either. They had a similar food policy, as I recall.

"What's for dinner?"
"Food. Try it, you'll like it."
"What if I don't?"
"Then you don't have to eat."

 
Jerseysteve22 2008-09-06 02:04:20 PM  
AbbeySomeone: I have always been a fan of morning wood.

I usually cuts 10 minutes off my morning routine!

 
DeRosso 2008-09-06 02:04:38 PM  
Earguy: I was put in the crib, told it was sleep time, and the door was closed. I'm sure I cried a few times, but soon enough I learned that it was sleep time.

Then my parents had sex, I'm sure.


Well, my parent never had sex


NEVER!!


/lalalalalalalalalalala!!!

 
LegacyDL 2008-09-06 02:06:00 PM  
Don't husbands try to have sex with their wives while they're sleeping?

I mean when she wakes up and sees what's going on it's not like she's gonna say "Wtf!?"

 
Bacontastesgood 2008-09-06 02:06:05 PM  
Anyone who says "_____ is the new _____" is wasting our oxygen.

 
enjoyduff 2008-09-06 02:07:51 PM  
LegacyDL: Don't husbands try to have sex with their wives while they're sleeping?

I mean when she wakes up and sees what's going on it's not like she's gonna say "Wtf!?"


No, "WTF" is exactly what they say.

 
phlegmmo 2008-09-06 02:08:04 PM  
"As long as we are being chic in our waning intimacy, we really can't complain are shallow douchebags."

 
Smeggy Smurf 2008-09-06 02:10:34 PM  
I just tore one off with my girlfriend so I'm getting a kick, etc.

/it's her birthday tomorrow
//got an early start on the fun

 
Fark Me with a Chainsaw 2008-09-06 02:11:51 PM  
Ladies, you can have a low libido, or a faithful relationship.

Never both.

 
st.theresa 2008-09-06 02:20:09 PM  
Fark Me with a Chainsaw: Ladies, you can have a low libido, or a faithful relationship.

Never both.


Or, ya know, neither.

 
kidsizedcoffin 2008-09-06 02:20:58 PM  
Shhh shhh, just go back to sleep, I didn't mean to wake you.

 
t3knomanser 2008-09-06 02:21:14 PM  
Smeggy Smurf: tore one off

Who the hell talks like that? Are you smoking the ecstasy? Shooting cocaine? Or whatever it is your your drug addled hippy lingo?

 
kidsizedcoffin 2008-09-06 02:22:34 PM  
t3knomanser: Smeggy Smurf: tore one off

Who the hell talks like that? Are you smoking the ecstasy? Shooting cocaine? Or whatever it is your your drug addled hippy lingo?


I think he means he fired off some knuckle children.

 
Fark Me with a Chainsaw 2008-09-06 02:23:57 PM  
st.theresa: Fark Me with a Chainsaw: Ladies, you can have a low libido, or a faithful relationship.

Never both.

Or, ya know, neither.


true, forgot that one

 
Smeggy Smurf 2008-09-06 02:24:43 PM  
t3knomanser: Smeggy Smurf: tore one off

Who the hell talks like that? Are you smoking the ecstasy? Shooting cocaine? Or whatever it is your your drug addled hippy lingo?


I picked it up from Grandpa when he handed down his onion off his belt.

 
kidsizedcoffin 2008-09-06 02:31:24 PM  
img509.imageshack.us

I'm a true romantic.

 
Harry Plopper 2008-09-06 02:33:02 PM  
From the internets:


You think about it all the time.

Every seven seconds? MORE.

You talk about it, brag and make jokes.
"Oh man, you won't even believe how many hours it lasted."
"You're kidding! All I got last night was a five-minute quickie!"

The fact of the matter is, you NEED it.

We all have our "requirements." Our "quotas."

Don't be ashamed.

It's perfectly natural!

And, like it or not, everyone does it.

Our grandparents did it... Oprah does it... In fact, your mom is probably doing it right now.

And if you don't get enough?

You're not alone.

The nights are the worst.

That's when you walk down the halls knowing that EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS GETTIN' SOME.

Sleep: the sex of our generation.
...the nights are the worst...

 
dreadprophet 2008-09-06 02:34:07 PM  
kidsizedcoffin: I'm a true romantic.

Thread over.

 
alfredromeo 2008-09-06 02:37:54 PM  
I am 42. I would easily trade some OK sex for a night of perfect sleep. Not every time, but most of the time.

 
ChaoticLimbs 2008-09-06 02:38:13 PM  
Sex is better than sleep.

I show up for work with bags under my eyes and a shiat-eating grin most days.

fark till nothing but powder comes out, people. It's the secret to happiness.

 
Mrosie 2008-09-06 02:38:56 PM  
You CAN have both!

Nothing says "love" like fumbly half awake sex, where you have to ask in the morning if it was all just a dream. Bonus points for if a participant snores.

 
Barry DinPoen 2008-09-06 02:38:59 PM  
Benevolent Misanthrope: Actually, I've always thought waking up together was far more intimate than having sex. But that's just me.

Whoever you are married to must be PISSED!

/ghey

 
Jules Winnfield 2008-09-06 02:45:40 PM  
So your married guys (fools?), educate us single guys on why we should restrict ourselves to 1 woman for the rest of our lives who's too tried to put out?

Those wives are what keep escort girls in business.

 
Barry DinPoen 2008-09-06 02:48:38 PM  
Fark Me with a Chainsaw: Ladies, you can have a low libido, or a faithful relationship.

Never both.


YES!

+1Trillion-million NEW HIGH SCORE!!!

 
Ed Finnerty 2008-09-06 02:48:56 PM  
www.dtdstudios.com

Sex is my platform!

 
kidsizedcoffin 2008-09-06 02:49:21 PM  
Jules Winnfield: So your married guys (fools?), educate us single guys on why we should restrict ourselves to 1 woman for the rest of our lives who's too tried to put out?

Those wives are what keep escort girls in business.


Raising a pack of potential organ donors? Who knows when I'll need a bit of liver or a spare kidney.

 
t3knomanser 2008-09-06 02:51:53 PM  
Jules Winnfield: So your married guys (fools?), educate us single guys on why we should restrict ourselves to 1 woman for the rest of our lives who's too tried to put out?

It's the difference between freelancing and working for a big company. Freelancing pays way better, but you've gotta work your ass off to make sure you keep landing gigs, and you've generally gotta be willing to travel and do all the businesstard stuff that most people hate doing. Working for a big company is steady, lower paying, but also comes with benefits. Neither one is the right choice for everyone.

 
cryptozoophiliac 2008-09-06 02:51:58 PM  
Single life? Good. Married life? Good if it's the right person.

As for sex, I appreciate the offer but I'm a little tired tonight.

 
Barry DinPoen 2008-09-06 02:52:09 PM  
ChaoticLimbs: Sex is better than sleep.

I show up for work with bags under my eyes and a shiat-eating grin most days.

fark till nothing but powder comes out, people. It's the secret to happiness.



Pap Smear, over here Doc.

 
Je5tEr 2008-09-06 02:55:35 PM  
Sigh, at this point I'm Rip Van farking Winkle, someone shoot me.

Need someone to help me lose a few night's sleep.

 
CastorPimp 2008-09-06 02:56:22 PM  
But how are women going to withhold sleep from you?

 
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