Orly?

Reminds me of the time a friend's parrot was talking to the plumber when he yelled upstairs from their basement.

/you tell 'em Fred
//Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

As someone who has grown up in Minnesota (first the hinterlands, then the city), I like New Jersey.

My fiancee is from Demarest, which is a sigh on the fart of a dragon.

I've wandered the streets of Hackensack. I've smelled the power of Newark*.

I actually LIKE New Jersey for what it is. Beautiful coming in from I-80E...cementy and syringy on the Hackensack side.

I've been to many little towns in NJ and the fringes of NY (Sufferin...really? You chose that?).

* = Newark really needs to vent the slag heaps. One can smell the stench on arrival.

By the way, people from New Jersey seem much more informed and intelligent than anyone from New York. Maybe the lack of navel-gazing has something to do with it.

That's a goofy thing to teach a bird that is prone to talking

"help me!"

I guess it's better than the thing whistling the Enzyte commercial non stop

now I wonder what caused that parrot to imitate a cry for help.

N and ?

jmsvrsn: I wasn't lookin' at his neck

Damn you!!! That's what I was going to post!!!

fappomatic: Reminds me of the time a friend's parrot was talking to the plumber when he yelled upstairs from their basement.

It's the plumber, I've come to fix the sink (new window)

ftfa: Nobody answered the front door, and with seconds ticking away, and a dog barking inside the house, a sergeant ordered officers to kick in the door...

...and they didn't shoot the dog? I thought that was rule number one.

An oldie but a goodie;

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you."

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot, "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the rottweiller Jesus."

Now there's a new excuse for covering up a botched police raid!

Why, oh 6 pound, 8 ounce Baby Jesus, why were there two pages to that article? Was that really necessary?

jaderaven: now I wonder what caused that parrot to imitate a cry for help.

When my GF was teaching our Eclectus to say "I love you" she would hold him close to her face and repeat it over and over again. And, occasionally the bird would playfully nip at her nose.

Now the bird says "I love you ... owww!"

Try explaining that one when the folks come to visit.

The bird was obviously craving attention. These are very social birds.

I think caging anything is cruel.

Humans consider it punishment.

Danger Avoid Death: jaderaven: now I wonder what caused that parrot to imitate a cry for help.

When my GF was teaching our Eclectus to say "I love you" she would hold him close to her face and repeat it over and over again. And, occasionally the bird would playfully nip at her nose.

Now the bird says "I love you ... owww!"

Try explaining that one when the folks come to visit.

My military macaw says "Shut up" a lot.

/Adopted Charlie from National Parrot rescue Foundation
//He's biatching at me to let him out now

Glass Joe: The bird was obviously craving attention. These are very social birds.
I think caging anything is cruel.
Humans consider it punishment.

I think you're giving this bird credit for a lot more brainpower than it actually has. Somebody had to teach it to say "Help Me." Somebody stupid.

If that bird has learned how to express itself without being taught....well, either we're all in big trouble, or I'd like to buy that bird.

By the police handbook, the bird, dog, and any other lifeforms that could "flee" should have been terminated with extreme prejudice.

cryinoutloud: I think you're giving this bird credit for a lot more brainpower than it actually has. Somebody had to teach it to say "Help Me." Somebody stupid.

If that bird has learned how to express itself without being taught....well, either we're all in big trouble, or I'd like to buy that bird.

"Years ago, the DeLeons came home from a weekend in Atlantic City and Luna was sitting on a rocking chair, watching television. She had somehow managed to turn on the TV."

No one had to go out of their way to teach these folks bird anything. It may have overheard it once, either from television or just an innocent 'hey, come help me with this...' during housework.

Our African Gray was brilliant in his ability to mimic voices. If he heard a sound or phrase he liked he only had to hear it once.

Though ours never stepped on the remote control while it was wandering the house uncaged, I can't even count the number of times we picked up the phone because the bird was ringing. And then he'd laugh at us when we answer.

"Briiing. Briiing. Heh heh heh heh heh." (No doubt mimicing one of us laughing at each after being tricked into picking up the damned phone again... but the bird made it even funnier.)

cryinoutloud:I think you're giving this bird credit for a lot more brainpower than it actually has. Somebody had to teach it to say "Help Me." Somebody stupid.

I think the bird's favorite movie is "The Fly".

cryinoutloud: I think you're giving this bird credit for a lot more brainpower than it actually has.

Several of the more common parrots are considered to have intellects comparable to young children.

/also has a way of making them really farking annoying.

"Wanna get high? Wanna get high?"

Parrots find all sorts of ways to amuse themselves and messing with their owners heads is one of them.

I'm just glad my Grey hasn't picked up anything like that. She prefers the telephone. She will ring, beep like me picking up the cordless, answer, have a short conversation with herself (telling the caller "good girl..." and the like), say "okay I love you bye", and then beep to turn off the cordless.

She will also answer herself with "k, I'll be right down" which she knows from Pizza deliveries. Or with "Hi mama!" from when my mother calls.

She's gotten me on many occasions to run from the rear of the apartment to the phone - particularly my cell phone which she learned after hearing it ring ONCE.

Glass Joe: The bird was obviously craving attention. These are very social birds.

I think caging anything is cruel.

Humans consider it punishment.

If you want any part of your house to remain in a shape larger than a toothpick, you'll cage a cockatoo before leaving the house. They are 2' tall termites with feathers and will chew on anything and everything. Moulding, doorframes, windowframes, furniture, electrical cords, houseplants, kitchen appliances, plumbing, the fireplace, the garage, Cleveland ...

Okay, maybe not Cleveland, but you get the point.

Cockatoos are the clowns of the bird world. Some people I know used to own a pet store, and they specialized in birds, especially cockatoos. They took one in once from some owners who couldn't keep it any more. The darn bird would sit there all day and say "ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, help, ouch, ouch, ouch, help,...." It made us really wonder what was happening in that house.

My favorite cockatoo was the one who stuck a foot out as I walked by, grabbed me and said "What does a puppy say? Woof!" That one had a legal sheet full of stuff he said.

Talkatoo says she was just practicing for the big play.

My friends quaker parrot will yell "run it's the cops" when someone knocks, it also will call out your name if it sees you and wants attention, but for some reason whenever it sees me it yells out "asshole, aaaasssssssshhhhhooolllleee"

Danger Avoid Death:If you want any part of your house to remain in a shape larger than a toothpick, you'll cage a cockatoo before leaving the house. They are 2' tall termites with feathers and will chew on anything and everything. Moulding, doorframes, windowframes, furniture, electrical cords, houseplants, kitchen appliances, plumbing, the fireplace, the garage, Cleveland ...

Okay, maybe not Cleveland, but you get the point.



"Thank you, Mr. Cockatoo for not mistaking me for a blender".

cksewell: cryinoutloud:I think you're giving this bird credit for a lot more brainpower than it actually has. Somebody had to teach it to say "Help Me." Somebody stupid.

I think the bird's favorite movie is "The Fly".

Win.

Hey Chief, can I hold my gun sideways like this? It looks so cool.

ultraholland: Hey Chief, can I hold my gun sideways like this? It looks so cool.

Sure, whatever you want, birthday boy

Just to be safe, police shot the bird.

/It looked at them the wrong way/

Danger Avoid Death: Glass Joe: The bird was obviously craving attention. These are very social birds.

I think caging anything is cruel.

Humans consider it punishment.

If you want any part of your house to remain in a shape larger than a toothpick, you'll cage a cockatoo before leaving the house. They are 2' tall termites with feathers and will chew on anything and everything. Moulding, doorframes, windowframes, furniture, electrical cords, houseplants, kitchen appliances, plumbing, the fireplace, the garage, Cleveland ...

Okay, maybe not Cleveland, but you get the point.

How about just NOT holding a bird captive. Birds were not meant to be captives. The concept of a captive pet is a very antiquated one and needs to be rejected, IMHO.

cryinoutloud: Glass Joe: The bird was obviously craving attention. These are very social birds.
I think caging anything is cruel.
Humans consider it punishment.

I think you're giving this bird credit for a lot more brainpower than it actually has. Somebody had to teach it to say "Help Me." Somebody stupid.

If that bird has learned how to express itself without being taught....well, either we're all in big trouble, or I'd like to buy that bird.

I'm not saying the bird wasn't taught, but I'm thinking that it's plausible that it picked it up while watching TV and seeing the reaction it garnered. Birds are perfectly capable of producing a distress call, and in this case possibly associating the learned one with the instinctual. Perhaps the bird wasn't in distress, per se, but most likely craving attention, being a wild and social being.

1123...5! eureka!

Have you ever heard peacocks calling? At a distance, they sound exactly like a woman screaming HELP! Seriously...it will freak you the fark out.

Here's some YouTube action. (Kapop!)

He should've been taught to say, "Don't taze me, bro'!"

zez: fappomatic: Reminds me of the time a friend's parrot was talking to the plumber when he yelled upstairs from their basement.

It's the plumber, I've come to fix the sink (new window)

Thanks for that little excursion down memory lane.

carmody: Have you ever heard peacocks calling? At a distance, they sound exactly like a woman screaming HELP! Seriously...it will freak you the fark out.

First time I ever heard a peacock call, I was at a grocery store next to a plant nursery that had peacocks running around loose on the property. I thought for all the world there was a woman being raped in the store's parking lot in broad daylight.

Then I saw the bird and watched as it called out again. Very freaky indeed.

Glass Joe: How about just NOT holding a bird captive. Birds were not meant to be captives. The concept of a captive pet is a very antiquated one and needs to be rejected, IMHO.

I've seen the light! I'll just go open the aviary door and let the dozen or so fly off to die of starvation on the streets of L.A..

Farking PETArd.

Glass Joe: How about just NOT holding a bird captive. Birds were not meant to be captives. The concept of a captive pet is a very antiquated one and needs to be rejected, IMHO.

Yeah, because feeding an animal, giving it shelter and affection, and protecting it from predators and accidental harm is just SOOOO cruel.

When I was little, my sister's bird used to be plagued by my cat. My sister was forever yelling at the cat because it would perch on-top of the birdcage.

I'd call the cat while it was getting yelled at and it would bounce into the room.

Eventually, the cat got the idea and stayed away for the most part. Then she got in the habit of doing it again and we figured out why the cat was doing that.

Bird: "Cmon kitty! want some 'din-din'?" in a perfect imitation of my mom's voice. The bird would repeat that till it saw the cat.

Bird: "Here kitty kitty kitty" in my voice, until the cat got on the cage.

Bird: "Stupid Freakin' cat! Get the f*ck away from the goddamn bird! Go on! OUT! OUT!" in my sister's voice

Up until then, the bird had made louds noises, but nothing we thought was actual speech.

Bird (later that same week, in whispered tones that sounded remarkably like mine) "CJ (my sister's nickname), you're just a whiny biatch!" among other juicy morsels that got me into lots of trouble.

"Mom! Mike's teaching the bird stupid crap again!"

Mom heard and would yell at me.. "NOW what did you teach it?!" and I'm like.. CJ's not even home mom, it's the bird yelling. (she WAS home, but my mom fell for it).

There didn't seem like a rhyme or reason for the bird to pick up stuff most of the time. Sometimes it was a single phrase that it would pull out of a one-time sentence, and repeat back to you the next day. It was infuriating though.. I'd be in there whispering sweet little nothings over and over and over again, and the damn thing would end up only remembering that I said "ok, bird, do your thing" at the end.

Tassach: Glass Joe: How about just NOT holding a bird captive. Birds were not meant to be captives. The concept of a captive pet is a very antiquated one and needs to be rejected, IMHO.

Yeah, because feeding an animal, giving it shelter and affection, and protecting it from predators and accidental harm is just SOOOO cruel.

Thanks for showing me a kinder, gentler sarcasm that's also perfectly spot-on. If my GF's gray-cheeked conure weren't busy trying to take the mole of my neck, she'd thank you too.

Danger Avoid Death: Tassach: Glass Joe: How about just NOT holding a bird captive. Birds were not meant to be captives. The concept of a captive pet is a very antiquated one and needs to be rejected, IMHO.

Yeah, because feeding an animal, giving it shelter and affection, and protecting it from predators and accidental harm is just SOOOO cruel.

Thanks for showing me a kinder, gentler sarcasm that's also perfectly spot-on. If my GF's gray-cheeked conure weren't busy trying to take the mole of my neck, she'd thank you too.

Shouldn't that mole be set free. It is cruel to keep moles caged on your neck.

cksewell: Danger Avoid Death: Tassach: Glass Joe: How about just NOT holding a bird captive. Birds were not meant to be captives. The concept of a captive pet is a very antiquated one and needs to be rejected, IMHO.

Yeah, because feeding an animal, giving it shelter and affection, and protecting it from predators and accidental harm is just SOOOO cruel.

Thanks for showing me a kinder, gentler sarcasm that's also perfectly spot-on. If my GF's gray-cheeked conure weren't busy trying to take the mole of my neck, she'd thank you too.

Shouldn't that mole be set free. It is cruel to keep moles caged on your neck.

The conure is a closet animal rights terrorist. Ouch!

Its the butcher
Jesus is watching you
Pining for the fjords
So many parrot jokes

Ha ha, yeah bird owners are doing the bird a SERVICE. No, actually where, I live i L.A. there are tons of wild parrots flying around - former pets.

Good one.

Glass Joe: Ha ha, yeah bird owners are doing the bird a SERVICE. No, actually where, I live i L.A. there are tons of wild parrots flying around - former pets.

Good one.

Likely not former pets but just the annual parrot migration passing through heading for Alaska.

Glass Joe: Ha ha, yeah bird owners are doing the bird a SERVICE. No, actually where, I live i L.A. there are tons of wild parrots flying around - former pets.

Good one.

The Mexican redheaded parrots flying around L.A. are a reintroduced native species, PETArd. There are countless other species of parrots which will not and do not survive here in the wild. Former pets quickly become formerly alive. Let me know if you see any flocks of umbrella cockatoos flying around. Not that you'd know what one looks like.