If only someone would write a book about American journalism...

Zoinks!: If only someone would write a book about American journalism...

What kind of beer-swilling Kentuckian would do that?

submitter: From the first shark sightings in May until the hurricanes roll in

Since when am I supposed to care about sharks and hurricanes? I live 2000 miles from the ocean.

It's already getting below 45F at night here... summer is short and fleeting.

Hmm....well, according to my calendar it's clearly 'mad cow disease' weekend. Labor day is 'global warming' and much of september is dedicated to 'teh liburl socialist mooslem terrorists'. October is still undecided, but reserved for a McCain media panic blitz.

Beware September, the month of exploding scrotum syndrome!

DrySocket: Beware September, the month of exploding scrotum syndrome!

All kidding aside, I expect to see an upswing in the weirdness on the politics threads as we get closer to the election.

DrySocket: Beware September, the month of exploding scrotum syndrome!

Remember, remember the month of September
The perilous plague of crotch rot
I know of no reason why sac-bursting season
Should be ever forgot

FuturePastNow: submitter: From the first shark sightings in May until the hurricanes roll in

Since when am I supposed to care about sharks and hurricanes? I live 2000 miles from the ocean.

I'm sorry.

/the hurricanes suck, but it's a price I've been willing to pay so far
//Floridian (please, go ahead and laugh, Florida has an awesome amount of weirdness)

Well at least it's better than being fed feet-first into a wood chipper.

shark sighting

Don't forget El Nino session is just around the corner!

DrySocket: Beware September, the month of exploding scrotum syndrome!

No, September is "Back To School Where Your Kid Can and Will Die Of Bacterial Meningitis" blitz.

Phone_Answering_Monkey: DrySocket: Beware September, the month of exploding scrotum syndrome!

No, September is "Back To School Where Your Kid Can and Will Die Of Bacterial Meningitis" blitz.

Followed by October is Headlice Awareness Month

Don't forget the upcoming slew of articles and news reports about "Dangerously high winter oil prices! Will you freeze your arse off this winter?"

/The answer is yes... yes you will.

zetawill: Don't forget El Nino session is just around the corner!

I hope this coming winter isn't so balls to the wall cold as the last one.

All this talk about exploding scrotums has made me anxious.

Chariset: Phone_Answering_Monkey: DrySocket: Beware September, the month of exploding scrotum syndrome!

No, September is "Back To School Where Your Kid Can and Will Die Of Bacterial Meningitis" blitz.

Followed by October is Headlice Awareness Month

"Don't be a HAM, Check Your HEAD"

/cq?
//Thought October was 'Your neighbors will try to kill you with arsenic in your Snickers' month

zetawill: Don't forget El Nino session is just around the corner!

In English El Nino means The Nino

/TMYK

..and your local chapter of the GOP would like to remind you that the threat of terrorism in the form of a 9/11 style attack on american soil using suicide bombers not unlike the attacks of 9/11 against 9/11 type civilian targets is very VERY real.

Weaver95: DrySocket: Beware September, the month of exploding scrotum syndrome!

All kidding aside, I expect to see an upswing in the weirdness on the politics threads as we get closer to the election.


You mean it could get worse? They already contain mass quantities of fail.

Living in America is like watching a B horror movie with really cheesy suspense scenes and bad music.

/They may try to scare you, but in the end you laugh your ass off at the ridiculousness.

Chariset:
DrySocket: Beware September, the month of exploding scrotum syndrome!

Remember, remember the month of September
The perilous plague of crotch rot
I know of no reason why sac-bursting season
Should be ever forgot

glad I'm not a guy!

Why am I painting the living room?


/obscure?

I don't know if someone could verify this but most of these scare stories are formed in the neurotic frenzied panicked mental processes of female journalists and then travel outward, further abetted by other female journalists till we are surrounded by these ******* IS DANGEROUS FOR YOU kind of stupidity.


/just saying

I haven't done my quota of panic lately. Actually I haven't been panicking before, during, and after 9/11. Does this make me an anarchist communist terrorist? Should I turn myself in or do I wait for the SWAT team?

Duck and cover, baby.

I thought October was "You're putting your kids into Cosplay for pedos" month.

Or it's "You forgot to tell your kids to stay out of the street didn't you?" month.

Freschel: I haven't done my quota of panic lately. Actually I haven't been panicking before, during, and after 9/11. Does this make me a terrorist?

Panic was only mandatory for those living in large cities. The appropriate response for those living elsewhere was to give blood, call everyone in your address book to make sure they're all right, and fellate the nearest fireman and/or police officer.

I certainly hope you did all that, citizen

For at least decades now, lazy reporters have kept reusable annual calendars of seasonal crapola to write about. They just dust off last year's article. This explains a LOT of the Ric Romero "news" out there.

The same reporters who insist you call them "journalists" because they got a nonsense degree from Enormous State University in "journalism", which was a LOT easier than nonsense degrees in either English Literature or Elementary Education.

It also explains why much of the media is dying. They pay way too much to gumshoe reporters. If they were to fire all their Frat boys and hire a bunch of minimum wage high school graduates, they would still be in business, and newspapers would still be popular.

A newspaper needs *one* "journalist", but he's too busy to keep a journal, as he is the editor. Who is supposed to be editing, not keeping a diary.

bolzy: I don't know if someone could verify this but most of these scare stories are formed in the neurotic frenzied panicked mental processes of female journalists and then travel outward, further abetted by other female journalists till we are surrounded by these ******* IS DANGEROUS FOR YOU kind of stupidity.


/just saying

Wow, I'm not even going to touch this. I suggest everyone does the same.

anal encephalitis; it's more likely than you think.

Scrotum-exploding season? I must have missed this one last fall...

FuturePastNow: Since when am I supposed to care about sharks and hurricanes? I live 2000 miles from the ocean.

Hurricanes can throw sharks over 2000 miles in any direction.

/it's a fact.

NutWrench: All this talk about exploding scrotums has made me anxious.

Whatever you do, don't GIS for "scrotal inflation".

Phone_Answering_Monkey: No, September is "Back To School Where Your Kid Can and Will Die Of Bacterial Meningitis" blitz.

I just saw a television ad for a meningitis vaccine. There were lots of shots of happy children drinking water from a shared bottle while an ominous voice intones, "They can catch it from a mere sip!!!!!"

Chariset: Freschel: I haven't done my quota of panic lately. Actually I haven't been panicking before, during, and after 9/11. Does this make me a terrorist?

Panic was only mandatory for those living in large cities. The appropriate response for those living elsewhere was to give blood, call everyone in your address book to make sure they're all right, and fellate the nearest fireman and/or police officer.

I certainly hope you did all that, citizen

Oh oh. I was listening to a Cat Stevens album at that time. Am I in trouble?

It's almost time for "Our kid's backpack is too heavy!" Give it about 2 weeks.

FuturePastNow: submitter: From the first shark sightings in May until the hurricanes roll in

Since when am I supposed to care about sharks and hurricanes? I live 2000 miles from the ocean.

Are you around Denver? Aren't you going to get inundated with National Democratic Convention BS for a while?

hey i had encephalitus when i was 4...

Freschel: Oh oh. I was listening to a Cat Stevens album at that time. Am I in trouble?

You need to report to the nearest Homeland Security office, citizen.

Antidamascus: It's almost time for "Our kid's backpack is too heavy!" Give it about 2 weeks.

Kid's Backpack is too heavy!!!
Various contagious diseases !!!
School water supply quality !!!
KId's eating too much sugary stuff !!!
School cafeteria can make your child sick !!!
Who is driving your kid to school - the menace of poorly trained school bus drivers !!!
School yard Bullies !!!
Are our kids too active - sports, karate, homework, TV, Friends!!!!
Our kids are not active enough - too much TV, internet, video games !!!

bolzy: Antidamascus: It's almost time for "Our kid's backpack is too heavy!" Give it about 2 weeks.

Kid's Backpack is too heavy!!!
Various contagious diseases !!!
School water supply quality !!!
KId's eating too much sugary stuff !!!
School cafeteria can make your child sick !!!
Who is driving your kid to school - the menace of poorly trained school bus drivers !!!
School yard Bullies !!!
Are our kids too active - sports, karate, homework, TV, Friends!!!!
Our kids are not active enough - too much TV, internet, video games !!!


I've already seen the Backpack too Heavy and the Meningitis stuff this season. It's not all over the news yet, but the previews are there.

I thought it said Elephantitis. I was worried for a bit. I'm OK now.

This is for next summer:

Hooray, hooray, it's the first of may. Outdoor farking starts today.

Thi article should have just been titled "Everybody Panic"

Does stories like this end up with the SCARY tag, or the DUMBASS tag?.

Would this summer's theme music be Hell March?



/Obscure?

A Likely Story: Would this summer's theme music be Hell March?



/Obscure?

Thank you, I came in this thread expecting to see more such references. I was mostly disappointed.

Seikima: A Likely Story: Would this summer's theme music be Hell March?



/Obscure?

Thank you, I came in this thread expecting to see more such references. I was mostly disappointed.

Thanks guys.

/SHAKE IT BABY!