Jennifer Lopez has vowed to crawl across the finish line in her upcoming triathlon, prompting race organisers to question whether she understands the swim, cycle, run format of the event news site to author misleading headline

FTFY

Want to make a triathlon extra-lulzy? Reverse the order of the stages.

As long as I can watch from behind.

I like Tyler's version of this story better.

The Nautica Malibu Triathlon presented by Toyota course on Sunday, September 14th features a half-mile ocean swim, an 18 mile out-and-back bike course, and a 4-mile out-and-back run course.

Oh please. A non-athlete could get up off the couch and knock a race like this out in a bit over 2 hours. The swimming is the hardest part for most people, and half a mile is 34 lengths in a typical pool (less than 17 lengths of the pool you've been seeing at the Olympics). Even in the open ocean, with a nice bouyant wetsuit on, you could breaststroke and dog paddle your way through that in half an hour, maybe 40 minutes.

For the bike, a leisurely ride on a cruiser bike will be in the neighborhood of 13-15 mph. Assuming she's on even a basic road bike, maintaining 17-18 mph on flat ground requires relatively little effort, so let's call that an hour.

For the run, a brisk walk is 4 mph, and anybody with the least bit of training can get to the point where they can do a few 10-11 minute miles in a row. Even taking a painfully slow 45 minutes for the run, you're talking about a 2:15 finish that would barely require breaking a sweat.

If she was doing an Ironman, sure, she'd be crawling across the finish line 15 hours later. But on a little sprint tri? Thousands of first-timers do that same distance in Tris for the Cure every year, without all the drama-queen bullshiat.

Did I get here in time for the Fark Athletic Club to disparage and marginalize a celebrity's attempt at accomplishing something?

CarnySaur: Did I get here in time for the Fark Athletic Club to disparage and marginalize a celebrity's attempt at accomplishing something?

you fool celebrities aren't real people.

This chick is as hot as she is dumb. I've seen her on several interviews and let me tell you, the girl is DUMB....

I think she is totally awesome for doing that. More power to her.

Lopez, who appeared on "Good Morning America" Aug. 18 to discuss her preparations for the Malibu Triathlon, was overheard saying after the segment that she "couldn't understand why everyone is talking about that swimmer," according to a GMA source. "She couldn't come up with (eight-time gold-medal winner Michael) Phelps' name, and then she yammered on about how she was the one training for a triathlon just six months after giving birth, and how that was the big story right now, not 'the swimmer.' "

-- MSNBC

I've done six of similar lengths, and I'm in no way as skinny as Jennifer Lopez. It's a lot of fun and I'm sure she'll enjoy it, but she's not curing cancer. And six months after having a baby? That's really rather a long time, especially given the fact that she has an army of helpers taking care of the little bundle of joy. This is news? Not so much.

And, I agree. Reversing the order of the stages would make a tri infinitely harder!

autonoe: I've done six of similar lengths, and I'm in no way as skinny as Jennifer Lopez. It's a lot of fun and I'm sure she'll enjoy it, but she's not curing cancer. And six months after having a baby? That's really rather a long time, especially given the fact that she has an army of helpers taking care of the little bundle of joy. This is news? Not so much.

And, I agree. Reversing the order of the stages would make a tri infinitely harder!

the new Triathalon run, bike, drown!

Uzzah: The Nautica Malibu Triathlon presented by Toyota course on Sunday, September 14th features a half-mile ocean swim, an 18 mile out-and-back bike course, and a 4-mile out-and-back run course.

Oh please. A non-athlete could get up off the couch and knock a race like this out in a bit over 2 hours. The swimming is the hardest part for most people, and half a mile is 34 lengths in a typical pool (less than 17 lengths of the pool you've been seeing at the Olympics). Even in the open ocean, with a nice bouyant wetsuit on, you could breaststroke and dog paddle your way through that in half an hour, maybe 40 minutes.

For the bike, a leisurely ride on a cruiser bike will be in the neighborhood of 13-15 mph. Assuming she's on even a basic road bike, maintaining 17-18 mph on flat ground requires relatively little effort, so let's call that an hour.

For the run, a brisk walk is 4 mph, and anybody with the least bit of training can get to the point where they can do a few 10-11 minute miles in a row. Even taking a painfully slow 45 minutes for the run, you're talking about a 2:15 finish that would barely require breaking a sweat.

If she was doing an Ironman, sure, she'd be crawling across the finish line 15 hours later. But on a little sprint tri? Thousands of first-timers do that same distance in Tris for the Cure every year, without all the drama-queen bullshiat.


maybe you should get your azz off of the couch and try it once.