So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

My guess would be 2 bottles of Boone's Farm and a tub of vaseline.

TFA: He eventually put it in a bag he was carrying, purchased something else and left the store, she told a deputy. When the clerk stopped him, he initially denied having the sex kit, but quickly admitted he tried to steal it.

He could've just said he had put it in the bag so it would be easier to carry, then had forgotten about it; they might've believed him and just let him pay for it. But no, he had to admit he was trying to steal it. Dumbass.

/ stealing's not cool; don't try this
// except "stealing" music

Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

My guess would be 2 bottles of Boone's Farm and a tub of vaseline.

I'm thinking a few condoms, and some lube. And probably a handbook. With diagrams.

Ridicule?

I say, Go!, boy, go! ;)

Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

A muscle magazine and an enema.

haha?

-1, so the kid wants to improve his game. Dont we all?

My money's on a can of Miller, AXE^TM chapstick, and half a condom.

saintwrathchild: My money's on a can of Miller, AXETM chapstick, and half a condom.

A half of a condom?

This thread reminds me of a very disturbing but funny condom story I heard tonight.

And why isn't this VE????

hollahollaholz: saintwrathchild: My money's on a can of Miller, AXETM chapstick, and half a condom.

A half of a condom?

This thread reminds me of a very disturbing but funny condom story I heard tonight.

Do tell...

Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

A DNC Superdelegate pin, and a
"let me show you my O face" bumpersticker.

The happened as Spencer's at some mall. You can imagine that crap the kit contained.

zealot_45: hollahollaholz: saintwrathchild: My money's on a can of Miller, AXETM chapstick, and half a condom.

A half of a condom?

This thread reminds me of a very disturbing but funny condom story I heard tonight.

Do tell...

My friend Rob did some plumbing work and he cleaned out the septic tank (with a few other guys) for a beach house. It was a normal sized septic tank, and the whole top layer was condoms. He said there was at least five hundred.

he should try it again tomorrow and use the getaway bus

lot of theft stories tonight...

/gots nadda
//hope to use great sex kit tonight
///prob not, *tear*

So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

One large rubber forearm with fist.

Well, if there is only HALF of a condom, it had better come with a WHOLE bottle of Penicillin.

hollahollaholz:

My friend Rob did some plumbing work and he cleaned out the septic tank (with a few other guys) for a beach house. It was a normal sized septic tank, and the whole top layer was condoms. He said there was at least five hundred.

[fail]

Tell him they did a great job. Really, and fairly priced.

[/fail]

Anyway... I worked at a Spencer's when I was in school. People stole goofy shiat all the time, and when we 'busted' someone it never made the news, let alone the local news website.

The author must be goin' for the lulz.

Spencer's is so easy to steal from. I knew several people in high school who stole from them all the time.

Or did I?

If he gets Jailtime he's headed for some free surprise buttsecks

/not sure how "great" it'd be

What's his Fark handle?

One Rohypnol, a doorknob, a gym sock, two cucumbers, a CD with just the theme to Welcome Back Kotter, and a can of Mr. Pibb.

Now that's a "Great Sex Kit".

Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

My guess would be 2 bottles of Boone's Farm and a tub of vaseline.

rope and a knife

Hell, every girl from New Jersey's myspace page is a sex kit. No $7.95 needed.

kentriccubed: If he gets Jailtime he's headed for some free surprise buttsecks

/not sure how "great" it'd be

like the saying goes...You get what you pay for.

I really enjoyed the other stories linked on that page:

" Sister kicks brother in genitals "

" 'Pot Head' arrested in drug deal; baby present "

" Mom, daughter pull hair after 'ho' insult "


Florida. The Trailer Park State.

Michael McDonald's Greatest Hits CD, Duct Tape, and a Badminton Racket

//maybe I grabbed the wrong kit?

Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

a condom, paper bag for her head, instructions on how to perform a donkey punch and some wet wipes.

When I was 17, my "Great Sex Kit" was a bottle of Jergen's and a copy of Hustler.

/that's pretty much it now

Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

The Great Sex Kit for Lovers includes a miniature version of The Lover's Guide to Kama Sutra, a delicious strawberry body dust and a tickling feather. Elevate your sexuality-from foreplay to afterglow - with love toys, tantalizing techniques, and passionate positions. - GIYF

Who has great sex at 17? If you are, you must have started practicing way before everyone else...

faux fur lined plastic handcuffs, a glow in the dark condom with attached french tickler, hot cinnamon flavored lube, and a 2" square booklet with diagrams of sexual positions

/partner not included
//batteries not included
///key not included

Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

A bottle of chloroform and a rag?

hollahollaholz: My friend Rob did some plumbing work and he cleaned out the septic tank (with a few other guys) for a beach house. It was a normal sized septic tank, and the whole top layer was condoms. He said there was at least five hundred.

Septic guys usually have some good stories on those. The classic is the guy who politely showed this sort of situation to the homeowner, explained to the guy that latex didn't break down, was bad for septic systems, shouldn't be flushed... and the homeowner says very quietly, "My wife's on the pill. I don't use condoms."

NYZooMan: Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

A bottle of chloroform and a rag?

That will get you a sizable bottle, that stuff is cheap.

/dont ask how i know that

Spazgirl: Who has great sex at 17? If you are, you must have started practicing way before everyone else.

i did but gay sex is always great....

hollahollaholz: My friend Rob did some plumbing work and he cleaned out the septic tank (with a few other guys) for a beach house. It was a normal sized septic tank, and the whole top layer was condoms. He said there was at least five hundred.

That's either an urban legend or it happens all the time, because I've heard that too.

So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

A ball gag and directions to your mom's house?

motor oil and a claw hammer

/plastic bag obligatory

abb3w: Septic guys usually have some good stories on those. The classic is the guy who politely showed this sort of situation to the homeowner, explained to the guy that latex didn't break down, was bad for septic systems, shouldn't be flushed... and the homeowner says very quietly, "My wife's on the pill. I don't use condoms."

This is the beach house all the teenagers in the family would sneak into with their girls at night, so I know this one is a true story.

I think, if I was a father, I'd die if that happened to me.

smilingjrt: motor oil and a claw hammer

/plastic bag obligatory

Why don't you keep your hands where I can see them.

/freak

Magnanimous_J: That's either an urban legend or it happens all the time, because I've heard that too.
They don't break down, and they're lighter than the other... things in there. So they float to the top, or get pushed there.

Florida sex kit for $7.95 = pay a 14 year old buddy to watch the door so you can do it with your teacher in the classroom!

This reminds me of the time a bandmate and I were looking for some PA equipment in another bandmate's basement and ran across his "how to be a better lover" DVD collection.

Come on dude, why would you leave that shiat in a tote that looks like the one with the mics?

Charlie Freak: This reminds me of the time a bandmate and I were looking for some PA equipment in another bandmate's basement and ran across his "how to be a better lover" DVD collection.

Did much mocking proceed?

I don't know about "great" sex kit.

"Good" maybe, not great.

/dissatisfied customer

hollahollaholz: abb3w: Septic guys usually have some good stories on those. The classic is the guy who politely showed this sort of situation to the homeowner, explained to the guy that latex didn't break down, was bad for septic systems, shouldn't be flushed... and the homeowner says very quietly, "My wife's on the pill. I don't use condoms."

This is the beach house all the teenagers in the family would sneak into with their girls at night, so I know this one is a true story.

I think, if I was a father, I'd die if that happened to me.

Don't forget to kill the wife!

/What's a box of 5.56x45 go for?

awww... give the kid a break, he lives in a town named for a nun.

Magnanimous_J: Charlie Freak: This reminds me of the time a bandmate and I were looking for some PA equipment in another bandmate's basement and ran across his "how to be a better lover" DVD collection.

Did much mocking proceed?


I bet they borrowed the whole collection for their own personal reference. And the other guy never saw them ever again.

Bradog: So what does everyone think a $7.95 sex kit contains?

A box cutter, duct tape and a clown mask.