Nope...blowjob.

What shocking news!

If you live in the 1970's....

The Straight Dope doesn't allow hot-linking, so:

http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mpsychicfed.html

Wow Subby, you're right! I do want steak!

/and a blowjob.
//and your sister.
///already had your mother.
/V Doesn't everyone want steak?
V Except vegetarians. They eat crap.
V/ We should outlaw vegetables.
V// But where would we get our fiber?
V/// Does beer have fiber?
/X That's what I want: steak, beer, and blowjobs.
X ...and not in that order.

Bildo: X/ beer, steak, blowjobs, and a Mrs Fields cookie...

X// all of the above, plus BACON

Project Name: Echo Mirage.

A message left with the Army was not immediately returned Friday.

Of course not, they knew what the message said in advance.

Art Bell just came out of retirement again.

Oh good. Another useless military program that is doomed to failure from the moment someone said "Hey, how about..."

Christ, they might as well have Egon Spengler as a defense contractor.

You want steak

Nope. I want this amazingly delicious BLC (bacon, lettuce, cheese - on toast) sandwich I just made. I was skeptical at first, but *my god* this thing is amazing.

/om nom no-owww my heart

This thread discovered the way to any man's heart. (pay attention to this women and please for the love of all that is holy put down the cosmo!) BEER BLOWJOB STEAK

I am the government, and I am seeing big money in my future.

/no whammy's
//and stop!

The Men who Stare at goats.

It's all about this type of thing, only with an emphasis on their goat staring programs.

/i am serious

Well, it worked for Starship Troopers.

Would you like to know more?

I'm getting something...it's coming through.

/rubs temples
//concentrates

It's a form. No, it's numbers...a 10..a 4..and a 0. Yes, 1040. Federal Form 1040. It's clear now. I can see it. Our tax dollars are being wasted.

Bildo: Wow Subby, you're right! I do want steak!

/and a blowjob.
//and your sister.
///already had your mother.
/V Doesn't everyone want steak?
V Except vegetarians. They eat crap.
V/ We should outlaw vegetables.
V// But where would we get our fiber?
V/// Does beer have fiber?
/X That's what I want: steak, beer, and blowjobs.
X ...and not in that order.

winner.

Bildo: X/ beer, steak, blowjobs, and a Mrs Fields cookie...


Agreed. Only minus the blowjob, but only because I'm a girl. Though there are alternatives. ;)

strangeguitar: Art Bell just came out of retirement again.

Came here for Art Bell reference, did not leave disappointed.

/Maj. Ed Dames FTW!

Xena WP:

DIBS!!!

Oh, and for the record, I knew you were all going to post what you posted ahead of time.

Just saying...

Bildo: X/ beer, steak, blowjobs, and a Mrs Fields cookie...

All at once? That's decadence!

"The hope is that the research could someday lead to a gadget capable of translating the thoughts of soldiers who suffered brain injuries in combat or even stroke patients in hospitals."

It's like their press secretary isn't even trying anymore. At least make it semi-believable.

Duke_Phillips: King Something: Bildo: X/ beer, steak, blowjobs, and a Mrs Fields cookie...

X// all of the above, plus BACON

Mmmm, bacon wrapped Mrs Fields cookie

Sweet, delicious heart attack.

/Actually, I want a bacon burger
//But a steak would be nice
///With a side of grilled veggies and mashed potatoes with gravy
////And a guiness. Oh, and a blowjob. Yeah, that would be nice

FTA: Armed with a $4 million grant from the Army, scientists are studying brain signals to try to decipher what a person is thinking and to whom the person wants to direct the message.

Sounds applicable to human-machine interface work.

Where's the psychic"would you like to know more pic?"

"old news is so exciting" is conspicuously absent!

Army also funded remote viewing. If you put in any stock in that, we're all psychic!

Well, then they know what I think of the program.

/see you in GITMO

Even if our own government only uses mind-reading for benevolent purposes (yeah, right) what happens if the Russians or the Chinese get a hold of this technology and start to use it to find political dissidents?

But that's irrelevant because this will fizzle out just like the military's remote viewing program did. Maybe they'll have more luck if they give President Bush a tarot card reading?

Maybe they should just go back to basics and start reading goat entrails.

cincoskin: Where's the psychic"would you like to know more pic?"

"old news is so exciting" is conspicuously absent!

Army also funded remote viewing. If you put in any stock in that, we're all psychic!

"Remote viewing"? You mean like television?

I could see sometimes needing an army to settle who gets to hold the clicker.

Bildo
Wow Subby, you're right! I do want steak!

/and a blowjob.
//and your sister.
///already had your mother.
/V Doesn't everyone want steak?
V Except vegetarians. They eat crap.
V/ We should outlaw vegetables.
V// But where would we get our fiber?
V/// Does beer have fiber?
/X That's what I want: steak, beer, and blowjobs.
X ...and not in that order.

Great googley-moogley that is the most amazing use of the slash I have even seen.

I should be left speechless but that needs pointing out, repeatedly.

Didn't Doc Brown invent this on November 5, 1955, or was that just a side project to the flux capacitor?

It's afraid!

Actually, I want some privacy.
kthnx

Hmmmm...these are the same people that tried to invent a "gay bomb" sometime ago too. Not surprised.

TxRabbit: Hmmmm...these are the same people that tried to invent a "gay bomb" sometime ago too. Not surprised.

I heard test results were FAABULOUS!!

/obligatory.

Mind reading computers eh?
I can see it now, in a not so distant future, a land infested with automated, slow moving robots, slowly wiping the face of humanity from the planet. When all is said and done the only thing left will be the muffled moans of the telekinetic computer hoards asking for "Brains......brains......BRAINS"

Apparently only abb3w and I read the article. They're trying to correspond EEG readout patterns to specific varieties of thought, not breed a platoon of Uri Gellers.

embowafa: Didn't Doc Brown invent this on November 5, 1955, or was that just a side project to the flux capacitor?

Yes, yes he did.



/you want to sell me a magazine subscription?

No way in hell EEG has the resolution to read minds. At best you could get it to differentiate between a few different signals within a chunk of brain.

Fluid: No way in hell EEG has the resolution to read minds. At best you could get it to differentiate between a few different signals within a chunk of brain.

We already have a few devices that are operated by human thought, so clearly we have ways of measuring how that works. You know, so we can develop it.

This seems like an extension of that area of research, thats all. Pretty nifty.

The hope is that the research could someday lead to a gadget capable of translating the thoughts of soldiers who suffered brain injuries in combat or even stroke patients in hospitals.

Oh, alright then. Since it will only be used for noble and humanitarian purposes... why do they even bother trying to come up with lame excuses? Nobody buys them.

ninjakirby: We already have a few devices that are operated by human thought, so clearly we have ways of measuring how that works. You know, so we can develop it.

I know that, just getting the idea out of the way that this thing can magically read every thought. Translating single thoughts into electronic signals is technically possible, but grossly impractical for most purposes.

Fluid: No way in hell EEG has the resolution to read minds. At best you could get it to differentiate between a few different signals within a chunk of brain.

Hmmmm. But that's all I've got.

Wow. This thread must say something about conditioning. Press the lever and get the pellet, folks. Click click mmm.

Aarontology: Christ, they might as well have Egon Spengler as a defense contractor.

It would have worked if you hadn't stopped him.

grimnir: Wow. This thread must say something about conditioning. Press the lever and get the pellet, folks. Click click mmm.

How was yours?

Mine tasted like rainbows.

WTF? Have we turned into Germany? Is bush the next hitler? Didn't the germans already research this during World War II?

Jeff73: Apparently only abb3w and I read the article. They're trying to correspond EEG readout patterns to specific varieties of thought, not breed a platoon of Uri Gellers.

One step at a time....

Fluid: Translating single thoughts into electronic signals is technically possible, but grossly impractical for most purposes.

...with the present state of technology. Thus: Research.

Of course, it occurs to me that for the last half century or so, the military has been getting most of its ideas of what to research from Hollywood. This puts a decidedly ominous spin on Hollywood's deficit of creativity.