Why on EARTH would I care about some dead writer's pron collection?

bronyaur1

Why on EARTH would I care about some dead writer's pron collection?

Because when you wake up one morning and find you have been transformed into a giant cockroach, you will wish you had looked at more pr0n.

I found an excerpt of one of the porn stories he wrote on another site...they all seem to follow a pretty similar stylistic approach. Interesting stuff:

One morning, as Geri Splaywide was waking up from erotic dreams, she discovered that in bed her dildo had been changed into a sleeping Rhesus Monkey. The monkey lay on his auburn back and his skin was coated in soft, auburn fur. From where she lay on the bed, Geri could see that the monkey was about to slide off completely, that he could hardly stay in place. His legs, fleshy and abundant with muscle, moved forward and back, forward and back, possibly in response to some dream.

"What's happening here," Geri thought. It was no dream. Her room, a proper room for a middle-priced call girl, only somewhat too malodorous with the scent of day-old sperm, lay quietly between the four well-known walls. Above the table, on which an unpacked collection of condoms and various lubes was spread out (Geri only practiced safe sex), hung the picture which she had cut out of a Playgirl magazine a little while ago and set in a pretty gilt frame. It was a picture of a man with an enormous penis and a fur boa. He stood erect there, lifting up in the direction of the viewer a solid mushroom head atop nine inches of mansteel, with a width like that of her forearm.

Geri's glance returned to the monkey. The dreary weather (the rain drops were falling audibly down on the metal window ledge) made her quite melancholy. "Why don't I keep diddling myself for a little while longer and forget all this foolishness," she thought. But this was entirely impractical, for she was used to diddling herself on the right side of the bed, and with the monkey lying there she could not now get the full spread. No matter how hard she tried to concentrate, she just couldn't do it. She must have tried it a hundred times and was starting to feel a bit dry and sore, when she felt the soft touch of what she thought was the sleeping Rhesus Monkey's leg against her. But when she looked, it was not his leg.

"O God," she thought. "What a demanding job I've chosen!" But she still felt a slight itching between her thighs. She pulled herself back against the bed post and stared at the now-awake Rhesus Monkey's swollen member. She wanted to feel it, and reached for it, but he pulled it away immediately, chattering in his weird monkey tongue.

More like chapters from a sexual self-help booklet.

Clam Lappers Vol. 1-40?

oldebayer: bronyaur1

Why on EARTH would I care about some dead writer's pron collection?

Because when you wake up one morning and find you have been transformed into a giant cockroach, you will wish you had looked at more pr0n.

I came here to say I bet that it was all furry porn but I see I've been beat to the punch.

Nice Final Fanmitter.

"....girl-on-girl action... It's quite unpleasant."

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. I'll let the straight farkers comment here.

OK.

What WAS his Fark handle?

Surrealistic Clam?

"One day Gregor Samsa awoke to discover his blanket had transformed into a giant tent."

*chortle*

Roaches in fishnet stockings?

OH NOES GIRL ON GIRL ACTION!!! IT'S BAD STUFF!!11

oldebayer: bronyaur1

Why on EARTH would I care about some dead writer's pron collection?

Because when you wake up one morning and find you have been transformed into a giant cockroach, you will wish you had looked at more pr0n.

Damnit. Really? Two posts in? Really?

/No chance

KEFKA

it's good to know that geniuses jack off too

Pocket Ninja: I found an excerpt of one of the porn stories he wrote on another site...they all seem to follow a pretty similar stylistic approach. Interesting stuff:

One morning, as Geri Splaywide was waking up from erotic dreams, she discovered that in bed her dildo had been changed into a sleeping Rhesus Monkey. The monkey lay on his auburn back and his skin was coated in soft, auburn fur. From where she lay on the bed, Geri could see that the monkey was about to slide off completely, that he could hardly stay in place. His legs, fleshy and abundant with muscle, moved forward and back, forward and back, possibly in response to some dream.

"What's happening here," Geri thought. It was no dream. Her room, a proper room for a middle-priced call girl, only somewhat too malodorous with the scent of day-old sperm, lay quietly between the four well-known walls. Above the table, on which an unpacked collection of condoms and various lubes was spread out (Geri only practiced safe sex), hung the picture which she had cut out of a Playgirl magazine a little while ago and set in a pretty gilt frame. It was a picture of a man with an enormous penis and a fur boa. He stood erect there, lifting up in the direction of the viewer a solid mushroom head atop nine inches of mansteel, with a width like that of her forearm.

Geri's glance returned to the monkey. The dreary weather (the rain drops were falling audibly down on the metal window ledge) made her quite melancholy. "Why don't I keep diddling myself for a little while longer and forget all this foolishness," she thought. But this was entirely impractical, for she was used to diddling herself on the right side of the bed, and with the monkey lying there she could not now get the full spread. No matter how hard she tried to concentrate, she just couldn't do it. She must have tried it a hundred times and was starting to feel a bit dry and sore, when she felt the soft touch of what she thought was the sleeping Rhesus Monkey's leg against her. But when she looked, it was not his leg.

"O God," she thought. "What a demanding job I've chosen!" But she still felt a slight itching between her thighs. She pulled herself back against the bed post and stared at the now-awake Rhesus Monkey's swollen member. She wanted to feel it, and reached for it, but he pulled it away immediately, chattering in his weird monkey tongue.

I don't know if you're crazy or a genius. Possibly both.

Colonel Gentleman's List of Hollywood Actresses Who Need A Smack In The Mouth (pops)

Life's too short for softcore.

Veserius: Nice Final Fanmitter.

So i'm not the only one who thought they were going to see some 16-bit pr0n?

I'm not sure which is worse: the Final Fantasy reference in a greenlit Fark headline, or the fact that I'm not the only one who got it.

You know who else had a hardcore pornography collection and a list of people he hate hate hate hate hate hate hated?
/Can't believe no one asked yet

Pocket Ninja: I found an excerpt of one of the porn stories he wrote on another site...they all seem to follow a pretty similar stylistic approach. Interesting stuff:

One morning, as Geri Splaywide was waking up from erotic dreams, she discovered that in bed her dildo had been changed into a sleeping Rhesus Monkey. The monkey lay on his auburn back and his skin was coated in soft, auburn fur. From where she lay on the bed, Geri could see that the monkey was about to slide off completely, that he could hardly stay in place. His legs, fleshy and abundant with muscle, moved forward and back, forward and back, possibly in response to some dream.

"What's happening here," Geri thought. It was no dream. Her room, a proper room for a middle-priced call girl, only somewhat too malodorous with the scent of day-old sperm, lay quietly between the four well-known walls. Above the table, on which an unpacked collection of condoms and various lubes was spread out (Geri only practiced safe sex), hung the picture which she had cut out of a Playgirl magazine a little while ago and set in a pretty gilt frame. It was a picture of a man with an enormous penis and a fur boa. He stood erect there, lifting up in the direction of the viewer a solid mushroom head atop nine inches of mansteel, with a width like that of her forearm.

Geri's glance returned to the monkey. The dreary weather (the rain drops were falling audibly down on the metal window ledge) made her quite melancholy. "Why don't I keep diddling myself for a little while longer and forget all this foolishness," she thought. But this was entirely impractical, for she was used to diddling herself on the right side of the bed, and with the monkey lying there she could not now get the full spread. No matter how hard she tried to concentrate, she just couldn't do it. She must have tried it a hundred times and was starting to feel a bit dry and sore, when she felt the soft touch of what she thought was the sleeping Rhesus Monkey's leg against her. But when she looked, it was not his leg.

"O God," she thought. "What a demanding job I've chosen!" But she still felt a slight itching between her thighs. She pulled herself back against the bed post and stared at the now-awake Rhesus Monkey's swollen member. She wanted to feel it, and reached for it, but he pulled it away immediately, chattering in his weird monkey tongue.

Win. Fark.

Website over

Pocket Ninja: A winner is you.

...and maybe Solzhenitsyn had a BDSM collection?

/just askin'

Pics or he didn't have it...

Please, no meat touching ma'am?

MtLebanonBalogna: ...and maybe Solzhenitsyn had a BDSM collection?

/just askin'

I see what you did there

+1

Pocket Ninja
I feel you should receive some sort of an award for this.

Byno: MtLebanonBalogna: ...and maybe Solzhenitsyn had a BDSM collection?

/just askin'

I see what you did there

+1

Thanks, but you might be a loner... ;o) (Does that worry you?)

I don't care how appallingly geeky it is, that headline is just full of WIN.

/Still can't forgive Franz for killing General Leo.

Now I have that Kefka music stuck in my head. Great job.

"...girl-on-girl action... It's quite unpleasant."

fapfapfap

"Perhaps Kafka's biographers simply don't like the idea that their literary idol was helped out in this... way in the vital early stages of his career.

Precious bodily fluids and all that?

animals committing fellatio and girl-on-girl action... It's quite unpleasant.

See, this is what we've been saying all along, if we let humans get married to their dogs and their horses, then what's next? Lesbians?!?!

Pocket Ninja

That is so win. I was hoping for some sort of pr0n related parody but that went beyond my expectations.

MtLebanonBalogna: Byno: MtLebanonBalogna: ...and maybe Solzhenitsyn had a BDSM collection?

/just askin'

I see what you did there

+1

Thanks, but you might be a loner... ;o) (Does that worry you?)

MtLebanonBalogna: Thanks, but you might be a loner... ;o) (Does that worry you?)

Not so much. Let's just say the safety word is 'Изгнание'

Honestly, I'm starting to check threads just for the Pocket Ninja comments.

Oh, PocketNinja, you delight me!

Terra + Shadow?

What did he think of "North"?

Well-read Baron: I'm not sure which is worse: the Final Fantasy reference in a greenlit Fark headline, or the fact that I'm not the only one who got it.

A_bomb37: Please, no meat touching ma'am?

I came here to say this. +1

DigitalBurnOut: Terra + Shadow?

I was hoping for Terra + Celes.

/FF6 = all time favorite game

Amidoinitrite

/underrated character, that ultross.

with animals committing fellatio and girl-on-girl action... It's quite unpleasant."

Wow, my porn collection would never feature such things. Give me a farking break. If I believed in hell, my 7 terabyte collection would earn me the title of Hell's President.

I just wanted to say, that livin' like a bug ain't easy.


/Obscure?

Veserius: Nice Final Fanmitter.

Best RPG EVAR!
//end threadjack

Yay for FF6 references!

I don't why hearing about what a dead writer's into is such a big deal. Nothing compared to what I've seen on Fark.

Pocket Ninja: I found an excerpt of one of the porn stories he wrote on another site...they all seem to follow a pretty similar stylistic approach. Interesting stuff:

One morning, as Geri Splaywide was waking up from erotic dreams, she discovered that in bed her dildo had been changed into a sleeping Rhesus Monkey. The monkey lay on his auburn back and his skin was coated in soft, auburn fur. From where she lay on the bed, Geri could see that the monkey was about to slide off completely, that he could hardly stay in place. His legs, fleshy and abundant with muscle, moved forward and back, forward and back, possibly in response to some dream.

"What's happening here," Geri thought. It was no dream. Her room, a proper room for a middle-priced call girl, only somewhat too malodorous with the scent of day-old sperm, lay quietly between the four well-known walls. Above the table, on which an unpacked collection of condoms and various lubes was spread out (Geri only practiced safe sex), hung the picture which she had cut out of a Playgirl magazine a little while ago and set in a pretty gilt frame. It was a picture of a man with an enormous penis and a fur boa. He stood erect there, lifting up in the direction of the viewer a solid mushroom head atop nine inches of mansteel, with a width like that of her forearm.

Geri's glance returned to the monkey. The dreary weather (the rain drops were falling audibly down on the metal window ledge) made her quite melancholy. "Why don't I keep diddling myself for a little while longer and forget all this foolishness," she thought. But this was entirely impractical, for she was used to diddling herself on the right side of the bed, and with the monkey lying there she could not now get the full spread. No matter how hard she tried to concentrate, she just couldn't do it. She must have tried it a hundred times and was starting to feel a bit dry and sore, when she felt the soft touch of what she thought was the sleeping Rhesus Monkey's leg against her. But when she looked, it was not his leg.

"O God," she thought. "What a demanding job I've chosen!" But she still felt a slight itching between her thighs. She pulled herself back against the bed post and stared at the now-awake Rhesus Monkey's swollen member. She wanted to feel it, and reached for it, but he pulled it away immediately, chattering in his weird monkey tongue.

goddammit don't you dare turn this into another furry thread!