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(Daily Mail) Amusing Polish immigrants to the UK given welcome packs with advice about fitting in: "Complain about the rain", "Boil all your food to a soggy pulp", and "Stop going to the dentist"   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 79
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Malinki 2008-07-20 03:53:41 PM  
Don't even bother with light bulbs, ask a neighbor.

 
Merkin For The Weekend 2008-07-20 03:58:01 PM  
Pro tip for Poles in the UK: Leave your Polish Cavalry sabres in Poland. They might be mistaken for cheap Katanas.

 
i'm driving my life away 2008-07-20 04:00:04 PM  
haha i can just imagine a foreign guy coming up to me and complaining about the weather in a heavy accent and shiat. it would be hilarious

 
LemSkroob 2008-07-20 04:02:29 PM  
Jesus, they have a problem with waves of immigrants from Poland, into England? With the amount that are arriving into parts of NYC right now, i didn't think they were leaving any behind back in Europe.

 
BuyTheTicketTakeTheRide 2008-07-20 04:03:27 PM  
My great grandparents were Polish immigrants to America, so I'm getting a kick out of the fact that the family left behind is currently taking over Europe. Learn to love the kielbasa...

 
lotustuned 2008-07-20 04:03:42 PM  
Merkin For The Weekend: Pro tip for Poles in the UK: Leave your Polish Cavalry sabres in Poland. They might be mistaken for cheap Katanas.

Also, there are no Germans in the UK, please leave your world war 2 weaponry back at home.

 
Crosshair [TotalFark] 2008-07-20 04:05:06 PM  
I've never seen anyone buy a British cookbook.

 
Jakevol2 2008-07-20 04:05:20 PM  
Q: What happens when a Pollock imigrates to England?

A: It raises the IQ of both countries.


OMGROFLMAO!!!!

 
Tillmaster 2008-07-20 04:05:28 PM  
I do not want this record. It is scratched.

 
Two Dogs Farking [TotalFark] 2008-07-20 04:06:52 PM  
Tillmaster: I do not want this record. It is scratched.

This is a tobacconist's.

 
Chach 2008-07-20 04:08:28 PM  
Meanwhile, Muslim immigrants to the UK are given welcome packs with advice about not fitting in, not learning the language, greeting opposition to their views with violence, a bunch of money from the government to breed mini-terrorists, and being professional victims in front of cameras.

 
antron 2008-07-20 04:10:29 PM  
Tillmaster: I do not want this record. It is scratched.

My hovercraft is full of eels.

 
mark12A 2008-07-20 04:11:25 PM  
Mmmmmmm, kielbasa and chips....

 
xtimx 2008-07-20 04:12:39 PM  
Two Cats One Bowl: Boiling meat excessively in my experience makes it tough and rubbery, not soggy or pulpy.

what about beating your meat? mine is soggy now from years of beating.

 
johnny_vegas [TotalFark] 2008-07-20 04:16:17 PM  
BuyTheTicketTakeTheRide: Learn to love the kielbasa...

Is that a euphemism?

/NTTAWWT

 
Feldspar Q. Walrustitty 2008-07-20 04:19:43 PM  
Of course the UK welcomes the Poles.

They're as white as real brits.


/gotta keep the pastiness level up.

 
The Ravaging Ungulate 2008-07-20 04:22:17 PM  
People from Eastern Europe are prone to biatching-- this offers some good advice. I've known a few and if you ask about how life is treating them, you hear about it-- every ache and pain since they last saw you! We need to pass these pamphlets out in the US.

 
Jakevol2 2008-07-20 04:27:27 PM  
EliteAnalyst: Jakevol2: Q: What happens when a Pollock imigrates to England?

A: It raises the IQ of both countries.


OMGROFLMAO!!!!

Heh, that's nearly true. UK is #15 on the list of nations ranked according to IQ, at 100, and Poland is surprisingly close at #17 with an IQ of 99.

I'm glad we all believe in the best available science here at Fark, such as that found in IQ And The Wealth of Nations. After all, you'd have to be a very, very stupid person to not believe in genetic determinism.

For example, "flyover" America has a much higher IQ than the coastal cities, contrary to popular belief, due to the genetic stock of the middle American, which is primarily German, and lack of latinos and blacks, who, beyond any reasonable doubt, have significantly lower IQs.

Science. It works, biatches.


Dude it was a joke.

 
FarkinNortherner [recently expired TotalFark] 2008-07-20 04:27:40 PM  
EliteAnalyst: the best available science...such as that found in IQ And The Wealth of Nations.

Hehe, nicely done.

You were joking, right ?

 
FlyingJ 2008-07-20 04:27:43 PM  
LemSkroob that's the price for living in Greenpoint...oh, & the Russians gave them grief on the North as well...

Chach, here ya go;Link (new window)

 
ScrappyFoo 2008-07-20 04:32:35 PM  
Haha. It says "The guide suggests that sparking up a CONSERVATION by complaining about the rain is a polite way to make friends.
Personally I like to conserve my conversations.

 
cabritosaurio 2008-07-20 04:41:14 PM  
GOD-DAMMIT, I CAN'T BELIEVE FARK IS SLIPPING!!!

POLISH GIRLS DAMMIT!!!

www.feelsky.co.uk


Join the good fight!

 
Any Pie Left 2008-07-20 04:46:44 PM  
jak się masz , sweetie?:-)

 
kroonermanblack 2008-07-20 04:50:07 PM  
lotustuned: Merkin For The Weekend: Pro tip for Poles in the UK: Leave your Polish Cavalry sabres in Poland. They might be mistaken for cheap Katanas.

Also, there are no Germans in the UK, please leave your world war 2 weaponry back at home.


Ok, I laughed, a lot. Thanks.

 
StreetlightInTheGhetto 2008-07-20 04:52:00 PM  
Any Pie Left: jak się masz , sweetie?:-)

That was awesome.

/bardzo dobry
//third generation

 
helsdottir 2008-07-20 04:54:18 PM  
cabritosaurio, is the one on the far right pregnant or just fat?

Whatever she is, she needs to cover her chub. That's not a muffin top anymore. It's the whole damn bakery.

 
re-elect_jimmy_carter 2008-07-20 04:55:39 PM  
Malinki: Don't even bother with light bulbs, ask a neighbor.

replace any bug-resistant mesh doors on exterior bulkheads in any below surface naval vessels with something less likely to leak.

 
aerojockey [TotalFark] 2008-07-20 04:57:24 PM  
Today, America decided that this was a good idea and began handing packets to Mexican immigrants with the following advice on blending in with Americans:

"Buy a car three times a big and four times as powerful as one you actually need, move to a community at least 30 miles from where you work, and then complain incessantly about the price of gasoline."

"Decide on one of the following names for carbonated beverages: soda, pop, or coke. Defend whatever name you choose up to the point where it comes to blows. While you're at it, stop drinking so much of it. God, even Americans think it's disgusting how much of that stuff you drink."

"Understand that fulbol is a sport played by throwing and carrying an oblong ball, not a game where you everyone tries to kick a round ball into a net. What you formerly called fulbol must be forgotten forever (unless you are 14 years old or younger, or are parent of such a child)."

"If you learned any geography, forget most of it. Here are the countries you are allowed to know about:

Canada
Mexico
England
France
Italy
China
Japan
Vietnam

Learn the names of all fifty states and how to identify thirty of them on a map. Learn the state capital of your own state only. Learn that Alaska is found to the southwest of California in the Pacific Ocean."

 
re-elect_jimmy_carter 2008-07-20 04:58:07 PM  
EliteAnalyst: What's that? You want some more science? OK, I'll give you some science, but don't cry:



Notice the remarkably strong (nearly 0.8) positive correlation between intelligence and GDP per capita. I sure am glad we can talk about bad teeth and low IQs here at Fark without people becoming hysterical and going on about "isms" and such.

Isn't science awesome, biatches?


i submit that your data is racist, sir.

 
re-elect_jimmy_carter 2008-07-20 04:59:06 PM  
cabritosaurio: GOD-DAMMIT, I CAN'T BELIEVE FARK IS SLIPPING!!!

POLISH GIRLS DAMMIT!!!

Join the good fight!


after 6 months in krakow, i can say undoubtedly that they have the hottie factory going there.

 
StreetlightInTheGhetto 2008-07-20 04:59:24 PM  
EliteAnalyst: What's that? You want some more science? OK, I'll give you some science, but don't cry:



Notice the remarkably strong (nearly 0.8) positive correlation between intelligence and GDP per capita. I sure am glad we can talk about bad teeth and low IQs here at Fark without people becoming hysterical and going on about "isms" and such.

Isn't science awesome, biatches?


Not the soft sciences. biatch.

IQ tests are tricky motherfarkers.

/Never believe any cited stat as 100% truth without seeing the methodology behind the numbers. Even then.
//My ex-Marine high school statistics teacher taught me surprisingly well

 
johnny_vegas [TotalFark] 2008-07-20 04:59:33 PM  
EliteAnalyst: science

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means...

 
re-elect_jimmy_carter 2008-07-20 05:01:19 PM  
StreetlightInTheGhetto:
//My ex-Marine high school statistics teacher taught me surprisingly well


www.mtv.com

 
msimon8 2008-07-20 05:02:31 PM  
EliteAnalyst: What's that? You want some more science? OK, I'll give you some science, but don't cry:



Notice the remarkably strong (nearly 0.8) positive correlation between intelligence and GDP per capita. I sure am glad we can talk about bad teeth and low IQs here at Fark without people becoming hysterical and going on about "isms" and such.

Isn't science awesome, biatches?


What kind of shiatty list doesn't include the US?

 
Evilmogwai 2008-07-20 05:02:58 PM  
EliteAnalyst: What's that? You want some more science? OK, I'll give you some science, but don't cry:



Notice the remarkably strong (nearly 0.8) positive correlation between intelligence and GDP per capita. I sure am glad we can talk about bad teeth and low IQs here at Fark without people becoming hysterical and going on about "isms" and such.

Isn't science awesome, biatches?


Also seems to be a correlation between the amount of education the countries that got in the 70's can provide (since most of them do not have a national school system and spend more time trying to feed their citizens) and the fact they've got lower scores.

If I'm over simplifying then apologies.

 
RubberFootMan 2008-07-20 05:03:00 PM  
Crosshair: I've never seen anyone buy a British cookbook.

Well, it is possible (new window)

Who knew?

 
StreetlightInTheGhetto 2008-07-20 05:05:23 PM  
Wait... is it ironic that EliteAnalyst posted such crap?

Eh, probably not. Still, pretty funny.

Aside from the racism, and unavoidable problems in uniformity when translating between the languages, I'm feeling a bit of "correlation does not equal causation" with his statement up there.

But hell, at least it seems like the only person who's buying it so far is the original poster him/herself.

 
One-Armed Badger 2008-07-20 05:05:28 PM  
EliteAnalystWhat's that? You want some more science? OK, I'll give you some science, but don't cry:

Americans don't have an IQ?

 
artvandelay22 2008-07-20 05:06:04 PM  
Trust me, no one is going to have to convince them to stop going to the dentist - that's a practice long ago established in Poland.

/lived there for several years
//love the kielbasa
///and the kapusta, the golabki, and all the fajne zupy
////as for the dziewczyny - GIGGITY-SKI!

 
RubberFootMan 2008-07-20 05:08:06 PM  
artvandelay22: Trust me, no one is going to have to convince them to stop going to the dentist - that's a practice long ago established in Poland.

That is because all the polish dentists came to the UK. It may be hard to get a dentist in the UK - but it is impossible to get one that isn't Polish.

 
re-elect_jimmy_carter 2008-07-20 05:12:41 PM  
artvandelay22: Trust me, no one is going to have to convince them to stop going to the dentist - that's a practice long ago established in Poland.

/lived there for several years
//love the kielbasa
///and the kapusta, the golabki, and all the fajne zupy
////as for the dziewczyny - GIGGITY-SKI!


the ones in the above posted image would be considered the ugly ones from my experiences.

 
Rakishi 2008-07-20 05:15:50 PM  
EliteAnalyst: Notice the remarkably strong (nearly 0.8) positive correlation between intelligence and GDP per capita. I sure am glad we can talk about bad teeth and low IQs here at Fark without people becoming hysterical and going on about "isms" and such.

Isn't science awesome, biatches?


Average population IQ also goes up I think 3 points a decade. Any measure that claims to be "unbiased" but increases with each generation simply isn't.

 
artvandelay22 2008-07-20 05:16:17 PM  
re-elect_jimmy_carter: artvandelay22: Trust me, no one is going to have to convince them to stop going to the dentist - that's a practice long ago established in Poland.

/lived there for several years
//love the kielbasa
///and the kapusta, the golabki, and all the fajne zupy
////as for the dziewczyny - GIGGITY-SKI!

the ones in the above posted image would be considered the ugly ones from my experiences.


Mine too.

 
artvandelay22 2008-07-20 05:19:52 PM  
RubberFootMan: artvandelay22: Trust me, no one is going to have to convince them to stop going to the dentist - that's a practice long ago established in Poland.

That is because all the polish dentists came to the UK. It may be hard to get a dentist in the UK - but it is impossible to get one that isn't Polish.


Out of curiosity, are they relatively young (say, under 40)?

I had one unfortunate dental experience in Poland (12 years ago) that I'm still trying to forget. Maybe the schools have been producing better dentists since then, and those are the ones you're dealing with in the UK today?

 
cabritosaurio 2008-07-20 05:37:46 PM  
re-elect_jimmy_carter: cabritosaurio: GOD-DAMMIT, I CAN'T BELIEVE FARK IS SLIPPING!!!

POLISH GIRLS DAMMIT!!!

Join the good fight!

after 6 months in krakow, i can say undoubtedly that they have the hottie factory going there.


After being in Krakow for a couple of weeks ago, I totally AGREE

 
Tunney 2008-07-20 05:38:57 PM  
"Boil all your food to a soggy pulp"

Have you ever been to Poland? Last time I went, that's exactly what the food consisted of.

 
cpx4 2008-07-20 05:47:03 PM  
Here in Ireland, we have a huge influx of Polish immigrants. My other half was one of the first to move here, and now 4 years later, in my city with a population of 160k (Cork), there are almost 20 Polish foodstores, and the general concensus is that it's a great thing for the economy, and for the city as a whole. There are good looking, well mannered people everywhere you look, and the next few generations of Irish/Polish crotchdroppings should be at least a little better looking that the existing Irish trolls - myself included.

This book is a great idea, I'm going to suggest it to my local county council, and hope they fly with it.

/I also love Pirogi/Kielbasa/Golabki/Miseria
//Speaks Polish
///Visits Zakopane a few times a year
////Loves the slashies!

 
re-elect_jimmy_carter 2008-07-20 05:52:42 PM  
Tunney: "Boil all your food to a soggy pulp"

Have you ever been to Poland? Last time I went, that's exactly what the food consisted of.


polish food is awesome...and cheap.

 
Arthur the Sandwich Maker 2008-07-20 05:53:50 PM  
Crosshair: I've never seen anyone buy a British cookbook.

ecx.images-amazon.com

Here y'go.
You're welcome.

 
johnny_vegas [TotalFark] 2008-07-20 06:01:38 PM  
re-elect_jimmy_carter:
polish food is awesome...and cheap.


I believe you, just please don't try and post any images of it!

 
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