"I'm a shark!
I'm a shaaaark!!!
Suck my DIOWWWWWWWWCHIEEEE MY EYE MY EYE MY EYE!!"

What would you prefer? Man beats off shark?

labman: What would you prefer? Man beats off shark?

At least that's a little more hardcore than poking its eye.

/better hope its a gay shark.

Let's get this out of the way.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

I don't know, Subby...poking a shark in the eye is pretty hardcore in my book.

"The shark has ahold of you, and you punch it in the nose. What's it gonna do, let go and be like 'ALRIGHT!'. You better get some with a story like that."

There is not enough money anywhere to make me swim in those places in Australia. If there isn't some big ass shark, there's a big ass croc waiting to make a meal out of you. No sir...

I definitely swam on that beach...and am getting kick out of these replies.

Better than shark pokes man in the eye...

The Dogs of War: "The shark has ahold of you, and you punch it in the nose. What's it gonna do, let go and be like 'ALRIGHT!'. You better get some with a story like that."

lol definitely came here to say that.

This is an old story, it was on the news here ages ago.

/Works with crocodiles too.

Let's just get this one out of the way:



/hawtlinky
//obligatory
///that is all.

What are all the other sharks saying? "Pussy, it was only your eye!"

Must've ricocheted. Dude must've been to Lady's Night at the Gun Club.

/Obscure?
//Nah.

No need to fight it off when you can jump right over it.

labman: What would you prefer? Man beats off shark?

"Stunning Adonis kicks the living shiat out of monstrous shark"

just when you thought you were safe...

HowAboutNo: Let's just get this one out of the way:



/hawtlinky
//obligatory
///that is all.

Batman looks like hes fighting off a giant gray penis, rather than a shark.

/hopes she never encounters a gray penis
//ever

Just hope that if you fight off a shark you get a better headline then than "Man pokes shark in eye"

FTFY


/Grammar Nazi

bim1154: If there isn't some big ass shark, there's a big ass croc waiting to make a meal out of you. No sir...

In the water you still have sea snakes and the box jellyfish. So you stay on land which has poisonous platypus, spiders, lizards, and half the snakes (I've never seen as many snakes as I have in Oz) will kill you deader than can believe.

"Ok I'll escape to the island idyll of Tasmania." 'Cept that every single snake that island is highly venomous. If you manage to avoid all the hazards, you still have have to deal with a killer sunburn (highest skin cancer rate in the world. Stay in the water, it's safer.

And yet people still keep swimming in the ocean.

You know folks, we have this wonderful thing called a swimming pool. I can say with 98% confidence that it has no sharks.

A percentage of urine perhaps, but is that really any worse than an ocean FULL of the largest biosphere worth of bodily waste?

And for those who say sharks don't hunt people, that shark exhibited classic "drag and drown" behavior. And according to his testimony, it made a beeline for him.

Sailors have known for centuries that sharks will eat you. Who are you going to believe? Centuries of grizzled sailors, or a few generations of pointy headed biologists who insist it simply must be otherwise.

If you must have a gaping wound I'd think that swimming with it in the middle of an ocean of SALT WATER can't be too pleasant

Scifientologist:
Sailors have known for centuries that sharks will eat you. Who are you going to believe? Centuries of grizzled sailors, or a few generations of pointy headed biologists who insist it simply must be otherwise.

Since I read Fark, I know that sharks and bears will eat you. God help us if they ever join forces, because they will certainly eat us all.

What is it with you Aussies:

Cull swam about 80m off the popular Middleton beach in Western Australia

What a crazy SOB, swimming almost 250 yards off shore in waters known to have big, hungry white sharks.

Even more impressive:

Joanne Lucas, 50, heard Cull's cries for help as she arrived at the beach and immediately dived in to rescue him.

How big are the cajones on that chick? Some guy you don't know is being attacked by one of nature's most efficient hunting machines EVER, and you decide to just jump in anyway.

Man, you Aussies are some wacky folks.

Keep it up, otherwise Fark would be just a little less interesting.

Would someone please explain the origins of the "singing shark", specifically the 4-picture image always shown?

dahmers love zombie: "I'm a shark!
I'm a shaaaark!!!
Suck my DIOWWWWWWWWCHIEEEE MY EYE MY EYE MY EYE!!"

I'm still laughing. Now I have the hiccups. You bastard!

btfoom: What is it with you Aussies:

Cull swam about 80m off the popular Middleton beach in Western Australia

What a crazy SOB, swimming almost 250 yards off shore in waters known to have big, hungry white sharks.




Not quite.

I believe this may be more than the 2% chance you gave it:

Sydney - A shark was found in a swimming pool at one of Sydney's most popular beaches on Friday, apparently swept into the baths by a freak wave.

The one-metre shark turned up in a rock pool situated next to the open ocean at Cronulla beach.

Cronulla Surf Lifesaving Club spokesperson Robyn Cole said fisheries officers netted the shark and released it back into the sea unharmed shortly after members of the public reported its presence in the pool on Friday morning.

"It was quite calm, just swimming happily up and down at one end of the pool," she told AFP.

"It's funny, though, because we have swimmers who come here at 06:00 every morning to do laps. It's still dark then and they mustn't have even noticed it was there."

Scifientologist: Centuries of grizzled sailors



/available for comment

btfoom: I believe this may be more than the 2% chance you gave it:

Sydney - A shark was found in a swimming pool at one of Sydney's most popular beaches on Friday, apparently swept into the baths by a freak wave.

The one-metre shark turned up in a rock pool situated next to the open ocean at Cronulla beach.

Cronulla Surf Lifesaving Club spokesperson Robyn Cole said fisheries officers netted the shark and released it back into the sea unharmed shortly after members of the public reported its presence in the pool on Friday morning.

"It was quite calm, just swimming happily up and down at one end of the pool," she told AFP.

"It's funny, though, because we have swimmers who come here at 06:00 every morning to do laps. It's still dark then and they mustn't have even noticed it was there."

OK...I concede the point.

/sharks in my swimming pool? It's more likely than I think.

Killerclaw
-Really bad conversion-
Not quite.

OK, OK, OK, maybe I need to check my math skills again.

80 m x 3.2 feet/m = 250 FEET

Still, 80m out in shark water is pretty ballsy.

Just hope that if you fight off a shark you get a better headline then "Man pokes shark in brown eye"

FTFY

Scibientologist

How would you like to find out later that you did 20 or so laps with a shark in your pool? Or even worse, have it introduce itself to you on lap 12??? Some crazy stuff (this is why I love Fark).

What you're saying is that he beat off the shark? (new window for audio)

/hotlinked like a biatch

OMG A SIMPSONS REFERENCE HOW CLEVER

btfoom: Scibientologist

How would you like to find out later that you did 20 or so laps with a shark in your pool? Or even worse, have it introduce itself to you on lap 12??? Some crazy stuff (this is why I love Fark).

I'd probably swear off of swimming and take only showers for the rest of my life.

Nice headline, subby. I laughed.

Scifientologist: And yet people still keep swimming in the ocean.

You know folks, we have this wonderful thing called a swimming pool. I can say with 98% confidence that it has no sharks.



As of today you would be 100% wrong about that.

Also, swimming pools are sadly devoid of sunken shipwrecks. A think I always enjoy in a major body of water.

Hey, sharks, now on sale:



I can get you special deal.

Scifientologist: And yet people still keep swimming in the ocean.

You know folks, we have this wonderful thing called a swimming pool. I can say with 98% confidence that it has no sharks.

A percentage of urine perhaps, but is that really any worse than an ocean FULL of the largest biosphere worth of bodily waste?

And for those who say sharks don't hunt people, that shark exhibited classic "drag and drown" behavior. And according to his testimony, it made a beeline for him.

Sailors have known for centuries that sharks will eat you. Who are you going to believe? Centuries of grizzled sailors, or a few generations of pointy headed biologists who insist it simply must be otherwise.

Um, unless I'm wrong, just earlier tonight there was an instance of a pool shark... just sayin'...

Poking a shark in the eye is exactly how you're supposed to fight off a shark attack. If that's your headline after the fight, it means you survived.

T.M.S.: Scifientologist: And yet people still keep swimming in the ocean.

You know folks, we have this wonderful thing called a swimming pool. I can say with 98% confidence that it has no sharks.



As of today you would be 100% wrong about that.

Also, swimming pools are sadly devoid of sunken shipwrecks. A think I always enjoy in a major body of water.

Somehow I get the distinct feeling you missed something...

btfoom: I believe this may be more than the 2% chance you gave it:

Sydney - A shark was found in a swimming pool at one of Sydney's most popular beaches on Friday, apparently swept into the baths by a freak wave.

The one-metre shark turned up in a rock pool situated next to the open ocean at Cronulla beach.

Cronulla Surf Lifesaving Club spokesperson Robyn Cole said fisheries officers netted the shark and released it back into the sea unharmed shortly after members of the public reported its presence in the pool on Friday morning.

"It was quite calm, just swimming happily up and down at one end of the pool," she told AFP.

"It's funny, though, because we have swimmers who come here at 06:00 every morning to do laps. It's still dark then and they mustn't have even noticed it was there."

OK...I concede the point.

/sharks in my swimming pool? It's more likely than I think.

Better than a poke in the eye with a shark's dick.

The sheer ignorance of the statistical likelyhood of being attacked by a shark in this thread reinforces my disgust with humanity. You people are the smart ones. You can actually read and write. And you are afraid of SHARKS? Jesus H Christ on a crutch.

* Odds (lifetime) of dying in a shark attack: about 1 in 1.8 million
* Odds of dying in a car crash: 1 in 228.
* In a plane (or other powered aircraft) crash: 1 in 6,137.
* From a fall: 1 in 229.
* In a lightning strike: 1 in 56,439.
* In an earthquake: 1 in 120,161.
* In a flood: 1 in 413,887.
* By being shot to death by someone else: 1 in 315.
* From an accidental fireworks discharge: 1 in 744,997.

studebaker hoch: Better than a poke in the eye with a shark's dick.

Good one. Sharks have two, you know.

Anybody notice the date on this article?
12/05/2008 09:41 - (SA)

It's not News, I know, but can we at least try to keep it somewhere close to current??

I'm always amazed at how internet tough guys turn pussy the minute sharks are mentioned

RealFarknMcCoy2: Anybody notice the date on this article?
12/05/2008 09:41 - (SA)

It's not News, I know, but can we at least try to keep it somewhere close to current??

dude, read again...this article is so recent that it hasnt even happened yet.

only on fark would someone b][tch about knowing the future.