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(Daily Mail) Unlikely Britain planning Lady Margaret Thatcher's funeral. FARK: She's not dead yet, Jim   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 129
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jaylectricity [TotalFark] 2008-07-12 11:45:01 PM  
Where does Jim Carrey fit into this equation?

 
gimmedaloot 2008-07-13 01:06:30 AM  
They do this a lot. It's also interesting to know that all major news outlets have obits written for almost every celeb. In one of my news writing classes, one assignment was to write a future obit for a celeb. I picked Sean Connery.

 
Aar1012 [TotalFark] 2008-07-13 03:00:10 AM  
And in other news, Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead

 
Githerax 2008-07-13 03:01:32 AM  
28 days later...

 
bartink 2008-07-13 03:05:14 AM  
They are preparing to whack her.

 
Vorpal 2008-07-13 03:05:15 AM  
pages.prodigy.net

She was delicious

 
spleendingo 2008-07-13 03:07:12 AM  
Oh, man, I have to find a way to marry her so she'll put me in her will. Don't die yet my Lady Thatcher, don't die yet....

 
thenewflesh 2008-07-13 03:12:47 AM  
I'm sure there's still plenty of people who'd be willing to change that...

But yeah, gimmedaloot's right, it's standard practice to have obits pre-written for major figures so they can go straight to press when they croak without having to wait for facts to be researched.

 
Fibber McLiarson 2008-07-13 03:15:42 AM  
Shouldn't that be Baroness Margaret Thatcher?

 
_ 2008-07-13 03:16:42 AM  
www.synthscribe.com

Fine, beat me to it, already.

 
H_is_for_Heretic 2008-07-13 03:18:55 AM  
Aren't we all supposed to consider the time immediately after our death? I mean, it's usually financial concerns, but most people buy a plot years before the die. I imagine it gets more complex when you're a public figure.
What I'm saving up for-
i163.photobucket.com
Seriously, spending money on a box in which to rot? Over my...dead...wait

 
Larva Lump 2008-07-13 03:19:14 AM  
Wot with the high cost of transport these days it's vitally important to make reservations for space on the cart.

See you on Thursday.

 
zilch365 2008-07-13 03:20:23 AM  
mmmmmm... Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day *fap fap fap fap*

 
Jim_Callahan 2008-07-13 03:20:34 AM  
Isn't this standard?

Also standard -- planning your own funeral. Honestly, after you're retired you have plenty of free time, and as the most directly involved party you should consider saving everyone else the trouble.

//Gonna do it the minute I turn 65... well, probably 75 since they'll have to reset the retirement age to the average lifespan again at some point to keep the program running.
//Yes, that's actually the reason why it was set at 65 originally.

 
Larva Lump 2008-07-13 03:21:59 AM  
Aar1012

And in other news, Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead

Does this mean we can stop praying for him?

 
Farxist Marxist 2008-07-13 03:22:04 AM  
Is someone writing one for Elvis? I mean, just in case?

 
yeolcoatl 2008-07-13 03:22:28 AM  
SubbyBritain planning Lady Margaret Thatcher's funeral. FARK: She's not dead yet, Jim

Of course they're planning it. If she were dead, they'd be holding it, not planning
/DRTFA

 
Andross01 2008-07-13 03:22:56 AM  
i142.photobucket.com

 
crazywisdom_uk 2008-07-13 03:28:20 AM  
They do this with all of them. The Queen Mother's had been planned for 20 years by the time she kicked it.

/Or, it could be wishful thinking.

 
PAID_NETVOCATE 2008-07-13 03:32:08 AM  
if only she had died 50 years ago

 
thisispete [TotalFark] 2008-07-13 03:38:20 AM  
Does it include installing a combination dance floor/urinal over her grave? I know a few Brits who would be okay with that.

 
ComicBookGuy 2008-07-13 03:42:21 AM  
http://youtube.com/watch?v=XOEq-ImGWJ0

Copy & paste, as my linking privileges are missing.

Should be played at her funeral, won't be.

And here's a little soundtrack for her afterlife:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=NOErZuzZpS8

 
Haoie 2008-07-13 03:46:00 AM  
Some things you can never plan too early.

 
Gordon Bennett 2008-07-13 03:55:49 AM  
I can't see why we can't simply throw the milk-stealing biatch into an open sewer and save time and money.

Best of all, with this plan we don't need to wait for her to die. We could do this tomorrow.

 
nhkenn 2008-07-13 04:00:53 AM  
This is not news. Planning and drill for funerals of current and former heads of state is common practice. If Bush died tomorrow, everything for his funeral is already set up. the casket is waiting, the pallbearers have already been selected etc etc.

 
pjc51 2008-07-13 04:29:13 AM  
Gordon Bennett:I can't see why we can't simply throw the milk-stealing biatch into an open sewer and save time and money.

Best of all, with this plan we don't need to wait for her to die. We could do this tomorrow.


Yep - then we could go right back to the socialist paradise of inflation, wage controls and industrial action she did away with.

 
mordantkitten [TotalFark] 2008-07-13 04:31:14 AM  
crazywisdom_uk:They do this with all of them. The Queen Mother's had been planned for 20 years by the time she kicked it.

True. This was why they were able to whip up a huge funeral for Diana so quickly. They grabbed the plans for the Queen Mother's funeral and used those. If she'd stayed married to Charles they'd have made her own plans when she got older.

Those who care might wish to rent The Queen and watch it with the bonus commentary given by a royal historian. This is just one of the things he explains.

 
pjc51 2008-07-13 04:33:42 AM  
nhkenn:This is not news. Planning and drill for funerals of current and former heads of state is common practice. If Bush died tomorrow, everything for his funeral is already set up. the casket is waiting, the pallbearers have already been selected etc etc.

Except Thatcher wasn't the head of state - she was the head of the government, who wouldn't automatically get a state funeral.

 
gwowen 2008-07-13 04:34:51 AM  
I've been planning it for years too.
Fortunately, the champagne I bought only improves with age.

 
Trik 2008-07-13 04:37:17 AM  
So she doesn't want to go on the cart?

 
Rootbzzr 2008-07-13 04:39:11 AM  
FTFA: "It has not yet been decided whether the 82-year-old former Conservative leader will lie in state in Westminster Hall. To date the only Prime Minister in the 20th and 21st centuries to be given this honour was Churchill."

That's surprising. You'd have thunk it would have made the news that they had exhumed Churchill and had him lie in state in the 21st century.

 
Joce678 2008-07-13 04:46:58 AM  
....spending money on a box in which to rot?

Did you know that most coffins are crushed when they fill in the hole...? Face full of coffin splinters, brass handles penetrating the liver.

 
JonnyBGoode 2008-07-13 04:47:09 AM  
She's feeling better...

 
Ghastly [TotalFark] 2008-07-13 05:00:32 AM  
gimmedaloot:They do this a lot. It's also interesting to know that all major news outlets have obits written for almost every celeb. In one of my news writing classes, one assignment was to write a future obit for a celeb. I picked Sean Connery.

And yet every news outlet was caught with their pants down when Abe Vigoda died.

 
Gyrfalcon [TotalFark] 2008-07-13 05:01:40 AM  
Joce678:....spending money on a box in which to rot?

Did you know that most coffins are crushed when they fill in the hole...? Face full of coffin splinters, brass handles penetrating the liver.


I hope you mean "penetrating the body" because if it was penetrating the liver, that would mean they buried the poor bastard alive, which is pretty gruesome.

And isn't that why bottom feeding lampreys funeral directors also want to sell you the vault when you go in to buy the casket or coffin? To keep it from being crushed?

 
Warren G Harding 2008-07-13 05:08:37 AM  
Where's Abe Vigoda's Ghost when you need him?

 
meekychuppet 2008-07-13 05:19:41 AM  
I love Thatcher haters, bitter little men who hate the fact that a woman stepped in to their world and told them what to do.

You farking losers.

 
La Fee Verte 2008-07-13 05:20:47 AM  
Will they bring back Spitting Image?
img.thesun.co.uk
image.guardian.co.uk

 
JesusIsNowBlind 2008-07-13 05:34:00 AM  
thisispete:Does it include installing a combination dance floor/urinal over her grave? I know a few Brits who would be okay with that.

If it was a quid a pop the national debt would be paid off in ...three weeks?

/maybe two quid to defecate
//I'd pay it

 
Wizard Drongo 2008-07-13 05:35:36 AM  
thisispete:Does it include installing a combination dance floor/urinal over her grave? I know a few Brits who would be okay with that.


Good call!!

I hear that there's a miners Working Man's Club in South Wales that had a fund started for a party when the evil old wench finally croaks.

Apparently, thanks to wise investment, interest and everyone shoving in a shiatload of cash, it's up into the tens of thousands, and must get spent on the Party. That's gonna be one awesome party. Could last weeks.

/ Only the good die young.
// But the evil seems to live forever...

 
Kant Lavar [TotalFark] 2008-07-13 05:37:20 AM  
r1niceboy:Just make sure you have this ready when she does eventually croak.

http://www.jergym.hiedu.cz/~canovm/vybusnin/PXD/IMAGES/semtex.jpg

Bah. Claymore mines. Explosions and plenty o' shrapnel.

 
meekychuppet 2008-07-13 05:48:32 AM  
Wizard Drongo:I hear that there's a miners Working Man's Club in South Wales that had a fund started for a party when the evil old wench finally croaks.

Apparently, thanks to wise investment, interest and everyone shoving in a shiatload of cash, it's up into the tens of thousands, and must get spent on the Party. That's gonna be one awesome party. Could last weeks.


Ad I bet every day that goes by their cocks shrink a little.

 
Commander Lysdexic 2008-07-13 05:50:35 AM  
Best Prime Minister since Churchill.

 
Wizard Drongo 2008-07-13 05:50:56 AM  
meekychuppet:I love Thatcher haters, bitter little men who hate the fact that a woman stepped in to their world and told them what to do.

You farking losers.


Actually, most Thatcher haters, certainly here in Scotland, and in South Wales, hate the biatch because her governments brought down manufacturing and heavy industry, destroyed South Wales' mining communities, and the Clyde ship-building ones too. They had an official policy of denying money to Glasgow, for instance, deliberately making sure no Government contracts went to the Clyde shipbuilders, because they didn't want the "2nd city of the Empire" being so any more. They also hid the amount of money the UK Govt. got from Scottish oil in order to stop the SNP getting power and demanding a fair share, or worse independence. The "economic boom" of the 1980's was bankrolled by that Scottish Oil. And it all went to London, thanks to Maggie. Walk around the rough parts of Glasgow, the parts like Glasgow East (the by-election that could well bring down Brown is being held there next week) where the average life expectancy is less than Bangladesh and Afghanistan; the place where 35% of the adult population are more likely to die than ever hold a job. Walk around Maryhill and Easterhouse, or Drumchapel or Govan. Areas that have the some of the worst squalor in western Europe, that's in the largest city in the biggest oil producer in Europe. Then tell me those people that had their lives, communities and country ruined by the London-centric "fark Scotland" Maggie hate her because she was a woman.

Try opening your eyes and learning a bit about the part of the UK that paid for the Millennium Dome, that bankrolled Canary Wharf. And you tell me why Scotland is the only country in the history of the world to have discovered oil in it's borders and to be poorer afterwards than it was before. Strange, 'cause London's richer.

Of course, not all of this was Maggie's fault; the official "screw Glasgow" policy has been shown (by previously secret papers recently released) to have dated back to the '60's. Maggie just intensified it.
But she was by far the worst of the lot. She brought "poll-tax" to Scotland; people in England got all upset and protested it. People in Scotland had it 2 years before them. They were the guinea-pigs of Maggie; after all, there were no Scottish MP's in the Tory party at all, so what had they to lose? The entire country voted for the "other guy", and so in effect had no representation at all.

But no, the hatred in Scotland for Maggie, the fact that the Tory party, previously taking in around 45% of the vote on average prior to Maggie that now takes in around 7-10%, in effect a 'dead' party in Scotland, all of that is 'cause Maggie had a vajay-jay.
Yeah.
Sure.



Twat.

 
meekychuppet 2008-07-13 05:59:59 AM  
Wizard Drongo:Actually, most Thatcher haters, certainly here in Scotland, and in South Wales, hate the biatch because her governments brought down manufacturing and heavy industry, destroyed South Wales' mining communities, and the Clyde ship-building ones too. They had an official policy of denying money to Glasgow, for instance, deliberately making sure no Government contracts went to the Clyde shipbuilders, because they didn't want the "2nd city of the Empire" being so any more. They also hid the amount of money the UK Govt. got from Scottish oil in order to stop the SNP getting power and demanding a fair share, or worse independence. The "economic boom" of the 1980's was bankrolled by that Scottish Oil. And it all went to London, thanks to Maggie. Walk around the rough parts of Glasgow, the parts like Glasgow East (the by-election that could well bring down Brown is being held there next week) where the average life expectancy is less than Bangladesh and Afghanistan; the place where 35% of the adult population are more likely to die than ever hold a job. Walk around Maryhill and Easterhouse, or Drumchapel or Govan. Areas that have the some of the worst squalor in western Europe, that's in the largest city in the biggest oil producer in Europe. Then tell me those people that had their lives, communities and country ruined by the London-centric "fark Scotland" Maggie hate her because she was a woman.

Try opening your eyes and learning a bit about the part of the UK that paid for the Millennium Dome, that bankrolled Canary Wharf. And you tell me why Scotland is the only country in the history of the world to have discovered oil in it's borders and to be poorer afterwards than it was before. Strange, 'cause London's richer.

Of course, not all of this was Maggie's fault; the official "screw Glasgow" policy has been shown (by previously secret papers recently released) to have dated back to the '60's. Maggie just intensified it.
But she was by far the worst of the lot. She brought "poll-tax" to Scotland; people in England got all upset and protested it. People in Scotland had it 2 years before them. They were the guinea-pigs of Maggie; after all, there were no Scottish MP's in the Tory party at all, so what had they to lose? The entire country voted for the "other guy", and so in effect had no representation at all.

But no, the hatred in Scotland for Maggie, the fact that the Tory party, previously taking in around 45% of the vote on average prior to Maggie that now takes in around 7-10%, in effect a 'dead' party in Scotland, all of that is 'cause Maggie had a vajay-jay.
Yeah.
Sure.

Twat.


I am well aware of all of this, but she still was a great achiever and yall are just biatching at a successful woman.

Cry me a farking river you loser. Stop blaming her because your life sucks.

 
MonaSmith 2008-07-13 06:04:18 AM  
It's because a party that awesome takes time to plan!!

/Ding-dong the witch is (nearly) dead :D

 
meekychuppet 2008-07-13 06:06:06 AM  
MonaSmith:It's because a party that awesome takes time to plan!!

/Ding-dong the witch is (nearly) dead :D


The mating call of the loser.

 
MonaSmith 2008-07-13 06:09:53 AM  
meekychuppet:MonaSmith:It's because a party that awesome takes time to plan!!

/Ding-dong the witch is (nearly) dead :D

The mating call of the loser.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,

Sorry huni you aren't my type, thanks for the laugh though, maybe you do have a sense of humour after all :)

 
Wizard Drongo 2008-07-13 06:10:16 AM  
meekychuppet:
I am well aware of all of this, but she still was a great achiever and yall are just biatching at a successful woman.

Cry me a farking river you loser. Stop blaming her because your life sucks.


Yeah, nice troll.
But seriously. My life doesn't suck. The towns and cities in the west of Scotland suck (quite a lot in some areas) because of her.
It's taking decades to reverse the damage she's caused. Millions of people's lives have been adversely affected because of her shiate.
I don't wish anyone ill, not even that old c*nt.
But I will party like a bastard when she dies.

 
meekychuppet 2008-07-13 06:17:30 AM  
Wizard Drongo:Yeah, nice troll.
But seriously. My life doesn't suck. The towns and cities in the west of Scotland suck (quite a lot in some areas) because of her.
It's taking decades to reverse the damage she's caused. Millions of people's lives have been adversely affected because of her shiate.
I don't wish anyone ill, not even that old c*nt.
But I will party like a bastard when she dies.


Bollocks. There are few things more pathetic than losers who blame other people because they're shiat.

 
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