"I'm trying to get out of Kitsap County as fast as possible and you, Officer, are holding me up!"

/The Florida of Washington

You were fallowing me too closely so I wanted to put some more distance between us.

my sister used this one once.

the 'unmarked' crown vic had been tailgating her on the freeway for 10 minutes.

when she told them this, they said they were following her because her vehicle 'matched a description'.

yeah, she got a ticket.

The smart thing to do in that situation is to call the police and tell them that an officer is driving dangerously.

i flew past a cop taking radar in upstate new york once many years ago. as soon as i saw him pull out and turn on his lights, i took evasive measures... i made a sharp turn onto a side road right after i crested a hill, hoping the cop wouldn't see me. sure enough, he kept going straight

also sure enough, he realized where i had gone at about the same time i realized i was on a dead-end road. ultimate fail on my part

when he asked me why i tried to evade him, i told him it was just to see if i could (which was completely honest). he laughed at me and let me go with a warning

here's a lesson i learned long ago - if you're in the military, always... ALWAYS hand the nice officer your military id along with your driver's license

Asa Phelps:You were fallowing me too closely so I wanted to put some more distance between us.

my sister used this one once.

the 'unmarked' crown vic had been tailgating her on the freeway for 10 minutes.

when she told them this, they said they were following her because her vehicle 'matched a description'.

yeah, she got a ticket.

The smart thing to do in that situation is to call the police and tell them that an officer is driving dangerously.


The Officers response to "driving dangerously":


/I've heard he can be a little annoying
//It's definitely no small feat to get out of a ticket
///Apparently he wasn't short on time if he bothered writing a ticket
////...and I'm spent.

Here are the craziest excuses...

"And Chip said to the cop, 'I didn't know I couldn't do that.'"

"Nobody races through Atlanta that fast, son."

"General Sherman did, officer."

"My wife and I are trying to concieve a baby, and I wanted to be there for that."

I was checking myself for ticks and my foot slipped.

"My wife ran off with a police officer a couple of weeks ago and I thought you were trying to bring her back."

The fastest I have ever driven, was my motorcycle on the way to teach Sunday school. I cut 15 min off of a drive that is usually half an hour.

/half of it was highway
//Jebus protected me
///lane splitting ftw

The one that pissed me off the most:

I had just 1 month earlier gotten a ticket for speeding on a completely empty road. Because of that ticket, I was being extremely careful everywhere I went to go spot-on the speed limit.

I went with two of my friends down to Dallas (from Tulsa). On the way back, I was still driving very carefully, around 10pm, and my friends kept begging me to drive faster. A corvette sped around us doing at least 15 over, so I decided to get behind it and let it catch any cops that might be coming by. I continued on like that for a few minutes, when all of a sudden the vette moved into the other lane, slowed down, got behind me, and flipped on its lights.

Yup, a farkin highway patrol corvette.

And since it was 200 miles from home, I decided it would be better to just pay the ticket than try to fight it.

"Where's the fire?" asked the officer, pulling out his ticket book.

"In your eyes," the man replied.

The officer backed away slowly until he reached his car and pulled off into traffic.

"I am a regional quality control officer for Acme Radar Guns, Inc. I am here to make sure that all of our products are working efficiently. Since yours is working well, my job here is done. Goodbye."

Wow, we're this far into the thread and none of the law-and-order hardons have shown up to blow the cops yet.

AnnoyingKidNextDoor:"I am a regional quality control officer for Acme Radar Guns, Inc. I am here to make sure that all of our products are working efficiently. Since yours is working well, my job here is done. Goodbye."

I have a "friend" that would like to speak with you regarding the safety ratings of several of your transportation, tacvtical and entrapment products.

Just got pulled over for speeding last week. The cops, it seems are targeting one specific area of Ridge Pike outside of Philadelphia to tell people to slow down. (35mph when it should be 45+ going downhill)

Anyway, my wife is chuckling, and myself? Just candid, honest and respectful with the cop, no bullshiat. Bottom line, told me to keep it within 10 mph over the speed limit.

Redneckian:AnnoyingKidNextDoor:"I am a regional quality control officer for Acme Radar Guns, Inc. I am here to make sure that all of our products are working efficiently. Since yours is working well, my job here is done. Goodbye."

I have a "friend" that would like to speak with you regarding the safety ratings of several of your transportation, tacvtical and entrapment products.

Winner!

/Uncle's a county sherrif in Michigan.
//Kicks out of these replies.
///I has them.
////Slashies.

sherrif = sherriff

/Typos.
//I has them too.

dofus..."My wife ran off with a police officer a couple of weeks ago and I thought you were trying to bring her back."

comedy gold!

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. The guy eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.

The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day. If you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."

The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

"I don't feel bound by the laws set forth in this country."

Speeding tickets are merely another form of taxation. If this weren't the case they would be enforced all of the time. Instead cops rarely pull people over going 5-10 mph over the speed limit. This causes people to become complacent so when they need to crank up the revenue machine all they have to do is start picking those people off. Happens in my community all the time.

Got pulled over while my cousin was driving. The officer claimed that we were going 80 MPH in a 60 zone.

I called shenanigans and asked where he clocked us at. I went to court with my cousin and we proved that unless the officer was traveling in excess of 120 MPH to catch up with us, it would have been impossible to be traveling that fast.

Case dismissed

Call your lawyer.

Cops like to bluff all the time. Nothing says, "Don't screw with me", like handing the phone to him.

smokinfoo
Speeding tickets are merely another form of taxation.
Even if this were the case, I wouldn't mind. They count as income on budgets, and if speeding tickets stopped existing, the state government would try to balance their budget some other way with less focussed taxes.

But paying the speeding tax is voluntary - you speed, and have to pay extra tax for the "privilege". Voluntary taxes, very libertarian, yes? ;-)

I've only had a few ales...

Redneckian:AnnoyingKidNextDoor:"I am a regional quality control officer for Acme Radar Guns, Inc. I am here to make sure that all of our products are working efficiently. Since yours is working well, my job here is done. Goodbye."

I have a "friend" that would like to speak with you regarding the safety ratings of several of your transportation, tacvtical and entrapment products.

We imported those to Pakistan. You'll have to speak to the Director of Human Resources, Mr. Seymour Buttz.

Being young, living in a Nazi-like city, ( Sacramento Sheriffs with SS pins on their collar, I swear) and driving a GT mustang, I was pulled over on a regular basis. Sometimes justified, sometimes not.
In the ten years or so that I lived there, lets say I was pulled over 30 times. I got out of a ticket probably 20-23 of those times. This is my advice.


1. pull over as soon as it is possible, if you cannot pull over right away, acknowledge the officer to let him know that YOU know he's got his lights on.

2. Pull over as far off the road as you can. Give the guy a buffer zone between your car and the traffic whizzing by.

3. TURN OFF THE CAR. This is a no brainer, but I'd imagine there are people that have to be asked to do this. I go a step further and remove the keys from the ignition and place them on my lap. I like to think that this is one extra step to try and put the officers mind at ease, and take some of the edge off. Also, both hands on the wheel at ten and two is very important.

4. Don't start digging for your license and registration as he's walking up to the car. Some people will tell you to have it ready, I don't like that. It can make you look like you are doing something else. Like stashing dope or going for a weapon. Wait for him/her to ask you for it.

5. Show respect. Sir or Ma'am is appropriate in most cases, however I don't find it to be necessary. In fact if you don't have honest respect behind it, it may sound phony and kiss-assy.
Make eye contact if possible.

6. BE HONEST. I can't stress that one enough. This includes when he asks you how much you've had to drink. If you can pass the roadside sobriety test, most of the time the breathalyser won't even be called out. How fast were you going? If you don't know, you don't know. But if you know, he will appreciate your honesty. Trust me, he already knows how fast you were going.


Follow these rules and you will very likely get out of two-thirds of all tickets. This is from experience.

what? you mean no one's ever tried the "bat Country " excuse?

Link (new window)

Bees! Bees! OMG they're everywhere!

... I'm allergic to bees.

Cop on an empty freeway in ND: I've been waiting all day for you.

Fellow USAF officer: Well sir, I got here as fast as I could...

(Still got a ticket)

Cop on an empty freeway in West Texas: Son, do you know how fast you were going?

Different fellow USAF officer: No sir.

Cop: Well, why not?

Driver: Because sir, the speedometer only goes to 85.

Cop laughed, said that was the best excuse he'd heard all day, and gave him a warning.

Magorn:what? you mean no one's ever tried the "bat Country " excuse?




"Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. A normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow. But he won't know what to make of your blinker signal that says you are about to turn right. This is to let him know you're pulling off for a proper place to talk. It will take him a moment to realize that he's about to make a 180 degree turn at speed, but you will be ready for it. Brace for the g's, and fast heel-toe work"

Your wife and I are trying to conceive and I wanted to be there for that.

Many years ago, I was a volunteer with the fire dept of my city. I was responding to a fire at O dark thirty. I came to a red light at a major intersection, no cars, so I blew the light. About 15 blocks later I got pulled over.
First thing the officer asked as he approached the window was "Wheres the fire", so I told him.
Drive safe now son....

Kant Lavar:sherrif = sherriff

/Typos.
//I has them too.

Third time's a charm, I hear...

"I'm late for church and I'm the pastor."

Since he had 12 miles to go and 10 minutes before church started, and the speed was limit was 45 in the area - the cop let him go.

Oakland A's FTW!
I got out of a ticket probably 20-23 of those times.


Didn't see that 'out of' part. Was about to rip you a new one and register myself as the Master Fail for this thread.


/thank FSM for preview post

JonEdangerousli:MajorityWhip:Call your lawyer.

Cops like to bluff all the time. Nothing says, "Don't screw with me", I really want you to f*ck with me like handing the phone to him.

FTFY

I know it sounds ridiculous, but this tactic has gotten me out of numerous jams. The Police do not want to go up against an attorney if they can help it.

Also, if you are about to be arrested, there isn't anything wrong with calling your lawyer to give him/her a heads up.

I think the point is that most people don't have lawyers until they need one. The police count on this and get nervous if they are challenged in a legal way. The call to the lawyer makes them think about the situation with a bit more gravity.

/has attorney on retainer
//someone has to clean up the messes I create

/can't believe no one said it before
//"Do you know why we pulled you over *meow*?"
///hilarity
\/\/\is it forward slashies or backward slashies?

My great-grandfather's excuse was that he was chasing a cute blonde in another car- and he got away with using it.

most shocking excuse i have heard that worked was from my buddy getting pulled over for 95 in a 65. Cop asked why he was going so fast, he calmly said, well you have to when you have a car like this. the cop laughed and gave him a warning. My jaw hit the floor from disbelief.
\\friend owns a 350 Z.
\\\If i tried that with my 2008 civic the cop would laugh for how full of shiat i was. lol

MajorityWhip:

A$$h4T

When I was in the Navy, I dressed up as Santa for a party my submarine had put on for the children of the families of our crew.

I was a bit late, and was speeding to get to the party, dressed in a full santa costume.

When the cop pulled me over, and saw I was dressed like Santa, and explained what I was doing, he looked sort of guilty, and said: "I can't ticket Santa!"

He gave me a warning, and I wore that santa costume for the next 6 months whenever I had to drive.

ARagingRebel:\\friend owns a 350 Z.

Z cars. Is there anything they can't do?

Oakland A's FTW!:Follow these rules and you will very likely get out of two-thirds of all tickets. This is from experience.

I find that not being black and not speeding works 100% of the time

My mom had a light tan car when we lived in the desert. Well she has always had a lead foot and flew past a cop on the high way. He turned on his lights just as she crested the hill and she pulled over and stopped. Guess he couldn't see a sand colored car pulled off on the side of the road cause he kept going. Zipped right passed her with light blazing.

MajorityWhip:Call your lawyer.

Cops like to bluff all the time. Nothing says, "Don't screw with me", like handing the phone to him.

That would crack me up if someone tried to get out of a ticket by handing me a phone with their lawyer on it. The only thing that would do is make sure that I ticketed the person for every little offense instead of the normal one or two I write and make me excited to show up for court.

SnarfVader:"I'm trying to get out of Kitsap County as fast as possible and you, Officer, are holding me up!"

/The Florida of Washington

As a CK grad, I completely agree.