My brother was killed when a roman candle took the top of his head off.
Thanks a lot submitter



/not really

Laughing at the number of times I hear "Born in the USA" when it's not a patriotic song at all.

I was at a family nudist camp about 12 years ago and they had a fireworks display that went wrong. In front of my were some children on bikes and a morter came across the park right at them. It seemed to be in slow motion as they jumped into the air with a large ball of sparks exploding behind them in the night(they were fine). I stood there with my girlfriend and thought "This is what the USA is all about, being naked and watching kids explode"

Once, aliens arrived just before the fourth. They had in mind to parody War of the Worlds in a B movie style. They began exterminating the people of the world (America) but fortunately A Black guy, a really tall Jew and a completely unconvincing young president joined forces by using a terrible plot twist involving computer viruses, a speech that makes your balls clench and a crashed alien spacecraft.

It was awesome. They freed the world (America) but not before several countries were portrayed in a laughably stereotypical way.

All the aliens died in the crash - NONE OF THEM SURVIVED, NOT ONE. Then there were fireworks and the first lady died and was reincarnated in Battlestar Galactica.

the eidolon:Laughing at the number of times I hear "Born in the USA" when it's not a patriotic song at all.

It is a patriotic song in that it is distinct political commentary about the US. It criticizes the US government. Which I think is rather patriotic. After all, the July 4th holiday is all about some dudes writing some major criticism of their government.

You might mean that it isn't a chauvinistic/jingoistic God Bless Amerikuh-type of song, which many people seem to think it is.

Most people can't understand Springsteen when he sings anyway.

They all involve hallucinogenic drugs and fireworks.

Sun God:Most people can't understand Springsteen when he sings anyway.

That happens a lot

Joe Cocker : An epileptic seizure semi-directed at a microphone.

Fourth of July, 1976. Washington DC. I95 North into the city came to a complete gridlock. Everyone just got out of their cars and partied on the highway. I was stuck on at Van Dorn. Me and my buddies climbed the exit sign and watched the fireworks over DC from the top of that sign.

Me, four buddies and copious amounts of reefer. It was the best 4th I've ever had.

The first 4th of July I was 21, I was on beer duty and decided to forgo the usual Bud Light/community-type beers and try something different, so I bought a whole bunch of different beers, and somewhere in the mix was Sam Adam's Cream Stout.

I was the first to try the Sam Adams, and it was most foul - so horrible that every one of us (six in all) had to taste it to see just how horrible it was. Then we had a dilemma: none of us liked the stuff, but we had 5 bottles of it left. What were we going to do with it? The logical choice was to use one of those tube mortars to blow them all up.

One of my buddies took the remaining five bottles and duct-taped them around one of the mortar shells. Then he sat the thing down in his driveway and lit it. We all ran and ducked; I was maybe 30 feet from it and behind my car when I saw it jump... and do nothing else.

"Great", I thought, "he had to use the dud." So I get out from my hiding spot and begin walking towards the bottles to possibly set up another explosion attempt. It didn't dawn on me at the time that was I had witnessed was the "jump" the shell uses to get out of the tube.

The shell was very much active. I was about 10 feet away from it when I got showered with beer and purple sparks. Amazingly none of the glass hit me - at least, not that I was ever aware of. We never did find any remains of the bottles except for a piece of duct tape with a couple of shards on it.

Welp, happy 4th!!!

Guess my 4th's are just boring. I just do my families traditional murder spree.

that's my dad after he blew up a coffee can full of gun powder. blasted his wedding band right off his finger.


/men
//sheesh

That would be when we had M-80s and my dad tossed one into the street, right in front of a cop car as it rounded the corner with its lights off.

It was so funny watching my dad get a Stern Talking To from Officer Killjoy.

There was this one time where I lit a firework and watch it go boom, that was pretty cool

all I got was a sticky bum.

In Canada. No fireworks for me. :(

When I was maybe 7 I went to my grandparents house in Latrobe PA for the 4th and Mr. Rogers was the "Grand Marshall" of the parade. After the parade I got to shake his hand.

That is all.

Every year I read the Declaration of Independence to my boys.

careful, Youtube is handing over all the usernames and IPs to Viacom.

July 4, 1976- Took the train into Philadelphia to watch the fireworks off of Penn's Landing. Good times!

We were camping and couldn't get the campfire to light. My Mom, who was normally a rational intelligent person, decides a little gasoline will do the trick...she used A LOT. I'd never seen anyone with sever Rhuematoid Arthritis run like hell, hurdling logs trying escape the blast. Yelling, 'OOOOO OO ooo OMG! OH SHIAT!' the whole way. She was fine, btw, winded and embarrassed, but fine. We all laughed are arses off.

/Miss ya Mom...good times

Back in the mid to late 80s I was living in East Aurora, NY. On the 5th of July, one of the kids who lived near the park where they did the fireworks found an unexploded shell. He took it home, blew up his kitchen and took off his left hand. Was about 15 years before the town was allowed to have fireworks again, and the kid was forever to be known as "Billy-blew-his-hand-off"

We lived across the street from a football stadium, and we got home just as the annual fireworks show started. We stopped in the front parking lot of our apartment complex and got out of the car to watch. One of the shells went sideways and exploded about ten feet off the ground, right next to us. The kids thought it was great.

I have 2 neighbors who do the fireworks thing. Last year one of 'em was drunk (nightly event) and was aiming the shells up over my house. I asked him to re-aim and after a heated argument he did. Ended up landing one in the bed of his truck, which ignited the load. Pretty funny, it trashed the bed of his truck.

The other one is a meth mom with 2 kids of different dads. The 11yo boy was out aiming bottle rockets at cars. Got me once, I got out and biatch slapped him. He went inside, waited a while, then came out for more. The next salvo hit a vehicle owned by the agency leasing them the house. That guy goes off on the mom and her crotch fruit the leaves. The guy storms off....and the cops come. The kid fired a salvo at him, too. They're not living there anymore.

One year, we found out that if we take a piece of Kahn's hot dog and shove a firecracker in it, it makes a neat starbusrt effect of beef, chicken, and pork in mid-air.

I miss sending frogs to the moon.

Back in my neighborhoods' hayday, we'd throw a huge block party. There was always that one neighbor that wouldn't come, but call the cops every year. We would have massively illegal fireworks (smokebombs and snakes are only things legal inside city limits), underage drinking, drug use, and a welding torch lighting sparklers.

The cop wouldn't even get out of his car, just told us to keep it down after midnight.

And my wife said hers was when they launched a bottle rocket in the back yard and it hit one house, hit the house next door, rebounded back to the first house and into the upstairs bedroom window. They were gone by the time the cops showed up.

Dammit! Stop typing stories and start blowing shiat up already!
*sits back down in his lawn chair & waits for the mayhem*

Going to start this story out with a caveat to protect you: do not--under any circumstances--try this at home.

When I was a kid, my buddy Jason showed me a trick that he learned from god-knows-where: if one drills into the end of a Ground Bloom Flower firework, then later when lit it would actually come up off the ground a few feet. Jason's father had these cool manual woodworking tools, including a hand-crank drill that we used on a couple packs of them. It was fun.

Fast forward two years when I'm hanging out with a different buddy and relay this information to him, and he wants to see it for himself. We buy a few packs of the fireworks and go into the garage. So I'm holding the Ground Bloom Flower with a pair of pliers while he uses a power drill on it, but I'm not steady enough, so he puts the GBF in the vise and tightens it up. Also, we didn't have any cool old-timey woodworking tools, so we made do. With a power drill.

The resulting explosion rattled dishes in the sink of the house and caused a huge cloud of smoke to billow out of the garage once we figured out where the hell the garage door opener was. Neither of us were hurt, but for the next two hours, Fourth of July sounded like NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Luckily, all of our friends witnessed the two of us staggering out of the garage looking deaf and extremely surprised, and they've never let us live it down (they remind us every year that we're lucky neither of us lost a finger or two each), which is good.

3 years ago we had a lot of fireworks, including some 3-inch mortars (the kinds illegal by FEDERAL law, never mind that the rest are illegal in Chicago and all of Illinois). Somehow we got the bright idea to shoot the 3 inch shells from the street, so we tried that one first.

The thing only went up about 20 feet maximum, then just floated there. You instantly heard about 20 people scream "oh shiat!" while standing there (not really anywhere to run) and then...BOOM. The neighbors down both sides of the street weren't too happy that flaming balls were shot at them. It was funny seeing all the stars hitting the roofs and cars though, as well as my dad going to all the neighbors explaining "that's not supposed to happen, that was a bad one".

Needless to say, that got us to go blow them up in the park after all.

/And that kiddies, is why you stay sober when lighting fireworks
//I actually was, the decision to do them in the street was a majority decision in which I was the lone dissent

Tequila (too much). Shrooms (way too much). Lost in the woods of the rural south (no dueling banjos, squealing or non-consensual sodomy). Lying naked and vomiting half-in half-out of a leaky pup-tent during a hellacious thunderstorm.

/get the picture?
//good times!

The best ones were when I was a kid and dad would dig a big pit, throw some grates over it, and cook a big pig on it all day. Add to that a huge can of baked beans and corn on the cob cooked on the grill, some bootleg fireworks, and swimming in the creek, and those were some of the best days ever.

Oh yes, I am a redneck.

I was like mid-single digit years old, holding a sparkler that had a really short wire handle and it fused my thumb and forefinger together.

Some ice and crocodile tears later they came apart. Little did I know that in 10 years they would be like that all the time.

Last year I went up to a lake with my friend's redneck friends. It was surprisingly fun. One of them has a pontoon boat; there was much grilling and drinking...

/doing it again this year
//leaving in 20 minutes
///happy Independence Day you Farkers!

Finally, you americans pronounce your date right.

4th of July... NOT JULY 4TH.

4/7/08, farkers.



Next stop: metric system.

Remember if you are at a cookout and your cousin says "Hey watch this!" if you are close stop him and you are not close run like hell.

For the third straight year, I'm stuck at work.

I'm beginning to forget what this holiday is like.

drewblank:We lived across the street from a football stadium, and we got home just as the annual fireworks show started. We stopped in the front parking lot of our apartment complex and got out of the car to watch. One of the shells went sideways and exploded about ten feet off the ground, right next to us. The kids thought it was great.

Randolph AFB in Texas one year, they had a nice big professional fireworks show where the entire city of San Antonio and surrounding areas were welcome to attend.. One of those huge starbursts only got about 50 feet off the ground when it went off. BIGGEST. EXPLOSION. EVAR. People were running for their lives and screaming like they were dying. It was incredible to watch those parts of the firework streaking towards the ground like a meteor shower. No one got hurt and we all had a good laugh afterwards.

Good times, good times...

BearToy:My brother was killed when a roman candle took the top of his head off.
Thanks a lot submitter



/not really

I don't even think a RC has anywhere near enough power to be able to do that, too weak. Guess it's safe to say he wouldn't have gone out with a bang. Mortars on the other hand =D (and given we're talking fireworks, that IS a pun).

CaptainJim:I was at a family nudist camp about 12 years ago and they had a fireworks display that went wrong. In front of my were some children on bikes and a morter came across the park right at them. It seemed to be in slow motion as they jumped into the air with a large ball of sparks exploding behind them in the night(they were fine). I stood there with my girlfriend and thought "This is what the USA is all about, being naked and watching kids explode"

I believe The Joker would like to have a word with you.

"Shoot the kids and drown the neighbors! We've got a winner!"

Eh? The date is written like the word MonDaY (month, day, year). Are you retarded Punistan?

Last 4th of july we shot roman candles at the muslims here in Detroit.

/city slickers can be rednecks too

Don't you just love that end of the world feeling when a damn firecracker goes off in your hand??
/I know I didn't

I'm on vacation in NYC. On our first day here, we wanted to go out and see the Statue of Liberty...

We had to nearly strip naked (hats, belts, coats, bags, etc) to ride on a ship named "Freedom" to see a lady named "Liberty".

By allowing this to happen to our country, we prove that we deserve neither.

Independence Day 1976, I was in Williamsport, PA. In the Sun Gazette, the morning of the 5th; the emergency room/ fire dept. report stated that a guy was treated and released for injuries to his mouth; he had been riding in a car, lighting fire crackers with a cigarette, tossing them out the window, and got confused...

You couldn't make up something like this.

1976. I was at scout camp for the nation's "200th Birthday". It was very dry in Wimpsconsin and the scout directors decided it was too dangerous and wasteful to blow off a few skyrockets over the pristine Sister Lakes. Most of the guys were pissed, but we kept hearing all week about a "giant banana split" they would serve after lunch on the 4th. On that scorching afternoon, a couple of counselors strolled into the mess hall with a yellow fiberglass canoe lined with a plastic sheet and filled with about 100 gallons of ice cream. We swarmed over it like locusts, and that afternoon there were some 150 boys either groaning with a stomache ache or sleeping off a sugar crash. That evening most of my troop pulled our bunks out of the tents and slept under the stars. They played "God Bless America" over the PA system instead of taps and I heard the second verse for the first time I can remember; I didn't even know there was more than one verse. I drifted off contemplating that the fireworks were kind of a violent celebration of the violent birth of the USA.

I'm sure it sounds boring, but it was significant moment in my adolescence and probably what made me a pacifist.

FSM Bless America, and EVERYPLACE else!

The best memories are all rednecky and/or Lysergic-ey. Now it's sparklers and snap-pops before it even gets dark.

error4829st 4th of july we shot roman candles at the muslims here in Detroit.

/city slickers can be rednecks too

Ahhhh, America. Ignorance, hatred, sadism, and pride all rolled up together.

/ tear

(2006) Me and 3 friends had the windows down in my car, and we threw firecrackers and other small fireworks out the window while driving down the road going 40mph

we also blew up fence with firecrackers.

then we rented TEAM AMERICA

/FARK YEA!!

1976. We thought it was going to be an epic holiday because the bicentennial had been hyped for years. But I spent the entire day serving rude tourists at my first job. That night I was too tired to watch the fireworks, which is saying something for a teenager. Meh.